Advertorial
A friend asked me to go to Clarke Quay one evening, and I saw these two angmohs performing their hearts out. Their songs are really cute, and so I chatted them up, and they told me they used to top the charts in Belgium!!
In exchange I told them about my blog, and thus this little advertorial to introduce this band to you!
Connexion is a duo made out of two angmohs, and they have a one-hit wonder song a long time ago that apparently made them famous (in Belgium that is).
And now, the band is about to make a comeback with their tour in Singapore!
Why Singapore I have no idea - maybe they like our SPGs? Heehee...
And the funniest thing is, they actually starred in a SWEATBAND commerical back in their heyday!
What the ruddy hell is a sweatband?
Is it a sweaty band?
WATCH THE COMMERCIAL (I assure you it is super duper funny)
A sweatband is apparently something you tie on your head to absorb 3 times the sweat... Now I know...
It's super hilarious I tell you, with the mullets and the disco balls, haha! Even includes a blonde chick doing nothing for maximum manliness effect!!
You think the hilarity stops here, but no!
Their one-hit-wonder song will have you humming subconsciously to it while cooking maggi mee, and then slapping yourself for not snapping out of the song after 10 hours.
Introducing...
RING RING
That is as good a MTV as it can get, huh? Ring ring ring ring, why won't you pick up the phone...?
LOL...
Connexion talk show:
They are my new idols leh.
The point of this blog entry? Nothing, I just wanted to show you all Connexion. Ring ring ring ring, why won't you pick up the phone?
Skarly you house phone ring all by itself after you finish reading this... Woo, scary!
P/s: View Connexion's website here!!!
Ring Ring
Girl on Girl
Advertorial
Munkysuperstar (the good people who brought you Girls Out Loud) came up with another reality show, and this time, it's called Girl on Girl!
And it's hosted by Rozzie!!
Before you start thinking how come Mediacorp would agree to boardcast some good old lesbian scenes, get your mind out of the gutter!
Girl on Girl is a reality show where 6 girls compete to do typically male tasks, such as changing tires, daunting physical activities, or I don't know, shaving beards and what's not. (I'm kidding about the shaving, I'm sure it's not very sexy to watch a girl shave her beard on tv)
Hehe...
(Digressing, I think there should be a male version of this show where straight boys are asked to braid hair and wax legs and I dunno, multi-task? Walk in high heels? Would be super entertaining!)
In typical Gillian fashion (Gillian is director of the show), she casted very GIRLY girls to go on the show, and I doubt all of them really knew what they were in for - except that the prize money is $10,000.
Eh, I also told my friend Qihua (or Kaykay, as we call her) to go for the casting, and she got in as well.
She called me after the first task - which was already shown on Channel 5 - and told me about how severely injured she was.
I think I detected a note of hatred from her for introducing her to the show. You might win $10,000 mah, must think about that!!!
Here are some photos of the contestants...
No la joking, the girls are not competing with shampoos, actually it's just that this show is brought to you by Clear Men - the first anti dandruff range for men!
Who can forget the sexy Italian-looking man who used to have a dandruff problem? (On the tv ad la, stupid)
The winner of this show is determined not only be the scores they get during the show, but also largely based on INTERNET VOTING!
Don't want your favourite girl to sob her heart out coz she lost? Go vote for her now! (I don't want to be biased but I'm telling ya, VOTE FOR KAY KAY!!!)
Prizes for voting:
10 weekly prizes each week; Timbre vouchers, Schick hampers, cash vouchers at Storm Hair, 2 years’ free subscription to NewMan and Xbox “Get Connected” packages. The grand prize is $5,000 and BMW Advanced Driver Training for the winner and 2 friends.
All that the guys have to do is vote for their favourite girl and they are immediately eligible for the lucky draws. From 1 – 31 August, they can gain additional 1,000 points with any Clear Men shampoo purchased at selected NTUC Fairprice supermarkets.
There are still two episodes left for tv telecast - the challenge of enduring a million creepy cockroaches in a trapped area, and the grand finale.
The show is on Channel 5 every Thursday, 11.30pm.
Alternatively, log on to clearlyformen now. :) You can watch all the episodes you missed there!
Who do you think is the chioest contestant? Read The Full Article
The happiest day of my life
A few days ago I really met the worst cab driver I ever encountered in my entire life.
AND I TELL YOU, I've encountered some really bad ones before!
But this one really karate-kicks the rest to his position of champion of all m******cking cab drivers (got to censor the vulgarities a bit since the advertorial is being run, will revert to normal vulgarities after this... Haha)
Okok, so Eekean invited me to a party at Ridout Road.
I had no idea where Ridout Road is, but I did know I was running late, so I called for a cab.
Before my called cab arrived I got a SMRT cab, thinking, woohoo, I just saved $4, it must be my lucky day!
I cancelled my call, and hopped on, not noticing that the sky turned pewter grey and lightning struck a nearby dove as a subtle ominous foreboding for me.
The Chinese uncle was ancient and raspily asked me, "Going where?"
I replied, "Ridout Road."
Rid-Out Road. I pronounced it this way.
He said "Huh? What?"
Ri-dout Road?
Still he doesn't know what the hell I am talking about.
I spelt it out for him.
By now he was rising his voice at me - apparently he is semi-deaf and can't hear my screams of Ridooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuut ROOOOOOOADDD!!!
I was very frustrated and asked him to give me the street directory and I will show him.
I SWEAR TO GOD THIS F***er must be older than Jesus himself: With all the grace of a slow-motion film, he took 10 whole seconds to reach to the newspaper-wrapped directory sitting innocuously on the dashboard in front of him, and told 10 seconds to pass it to me.
You would think the directory was a delicate endangered species of butterfly that will turn to dust at the slightest touch.
I snatched the book from him (I don't give a toot-toot-toot that he is damn old - I'm in a rush for time and if he can't give good service then I won't pay for the same price for his services, ok! Plus, he is completely unrepentent and rude!), and viciously flipped the pages.
There we go, on blessed page 146, Ridout Road.
I gave him the book with the open page.
I have been cabbing for some time now, and whenever the same situation happens, the cab driver will usually just take the book from me and wait until a traffic stop to read the book, or else some of the more garang ones would just read it while still driving.
To my horror, however, this Ah Gua stopped his car at a bus stop that was JUST BEHIND A RED TRAFFIC LIGHT!
Cannot read the book while the traffic light is red meh? It's not Order of the Phoenix lor, 700 plus pages, need to read so long meh?
"Never mind," I told myself. "People old already, don't be so harsh."
As the meter ticked away, this old geezer took the book from me (once again, slow-motion film style), and put it on the seat next to him.
Then, to my horror, he took another 10 seconds to take out his spectacles from his stupid pocket and another 10 seconds to put on the glasses.
After inspecting this book for around 1 min, he announced irritatedly at me, "I CANNOT SEE LA." and he mumbled something about small words, as if I did a major wrong to him by asking him to read his own directory!
I ALMOST DIED ON THE SPOT CAN!
But by now it was too late to get on another cab coz it was peak hour and there was none!
Really boiling by now, I yelled at him, "THEN HOW WE GO IF YOU CANNOT READ IT?!"
He responded by keeping resolutely quiet.
The bus at the bus stop honked at him to get moving. I told him to get on the PIE first.
I felt a bit guilty after, so I tried to be nicer. I looked at the map, and thought Swettenham Road was a definite no-go, I said, loudly for his deafness,
"Pierce road? PIIIEERCCE Road you know how to go?"
Pierce was simple enough, I thought, vastly wrong.
"Er road?"
"No no, PIERCE."
He kept quiet once again.
CAN'T BE LOR WHERE GOT CAB DRIVER DUNNO WHAT IS PIERCE ROAD?
And how the ruddy hell am I supposed to describe pierce road to him better? I certainly don't know the Chinese name!
I wanted to say Holland Road, but I'm afraid he would bring me along some other way to the Holland Village area or something since Holland Road is so long, so I said Napier Road instead, which was the road that led to Holland Road.
After I told him "Napier Road", he replied,
"HUH? CHEER ROAD?"
CHEER ROAD LEH! Last thing I feel then was CHEER LOR!
UNCLE, YOU SUPER DUPER DEAF OR WHAT?
This uncle must really go for a spelling bee contest lor, he can be the comedy factor in the show.
Other 7 yr old kids spell N-A-P-I-E-R, he spell C-H-E-R CHEER!
AND WHERE GOT TAXI DRIVER DUNNO WHAT IS NAPIER ROAD ONE?!
As a last ditch attempt before I take over the driving myself (won't be that hard to knock out an old man and figure out how to operate a car), I said, "Dempsey Road, Dempsey road you know how to go?"
"Dimpsey?"
"Yes Dempsey road. You know?"
"Yes," he said, and for one moment he sounded like a helpless old man and I felt really bad for flaring up at him, so I just kept quiet and hoped to myself that he really knows where Dempsey road is.
We arrived at Holland road correctly (bless his wrinkly ass) and before he turned into Dempsey, I said with ample warning time, "Don't turn inside, next one then turn." (See map to understand)
He still attempted to turn into Dempsey, and when I screamed bloody murder, he tsk-tsked at me as if it is my fault leh!
Finally we turned into Pierce road - which was full of super big private houses and was quite dark like all private estate roads are.
Well, this old man obviously didn't know how to navigate himself so I have to navigate him right?
So I told him turn left here (repeated in Chinese too just in case), or turn right there - and increasingly he showed his displeasure by not signaling and turning with the speed of a retarded driving learner.
He lumbered on at 20 km/hr (I am not kidding, I could have gone faster on a bicycle), and when I asked him to turn again, he shouted hoarsely at me,
"YOU DON'T DO THIS TO ME AH, SO DARK, I CANNOT SEE VERY WELL!"
I DO THIS TO HIM?!?!?!?!
Wah I swear I almost whacked him on his head with my tamagotchi can! Next time before I get on cabs I'd go buy a lump of char siew just to whack these horrible cab drivers with. They literally won't know what just hit them.
It took all my willpower to not argue and I had to keep telling myself that I'm reaching my destination very soon and Eekean who was there alone was counting on me to accompany her.
45 wasted minutes of my youthful life later we got there, and my cab fare was 21 bucks (I came from Loyang) - which was surprisingly not as bad as I thought, although most of the credit goes to myself for being able to read a map.
I handed him a 50 dollar bill, which was the only kind I had - but seriously, it's not like I took a bloody $3 cab ride right? $29 in change in not too much to ask for what!
The bugger said, "WHY SO BIG? GOT SMALLER NOT?" in an accusing tone (apparently still petty that I made him drive through a dark area in his semi-blindness), and I told him no.
You have no idea what it took me to not say, "DON'T WANT IS IT, SUA!"
He took 20 seconds to count how much to give me back, so I told him, "You have to give me back $29."
He took out a stack of ample ten dollar notes and took the longest time humanly possible to count 2 ten dollar bills.
As a goodbye gift, he grumbled at me, "NEXT TIME YOU DON'T DO THIS, I CANNOT SEE YOU KNOW!"
And I literally had to bite my tongue to stop from responding, "CANNOT SEE DON'T FUCKING DRIVE LA!"
With a slam on his door I watched him drive off, at the speed of 10 km/hr.
I hope he knocks onto something on his way out.
I took down his license number, but I decided to be nice and let this pass. What do you think, though? Should I write to SMRT? Should I be nice to this old man, or be nice to the thousands of other people who could suffer the same fate as me?
I think I'd let it go, just hope that I don't get this sort of driver again. Seriously dude, so old don't drive la!
Alas! The very next day I got another bad cab experience.
This time, there was a small cockroach happily walking next to my seat and the cabbie gave me a piece of dubious wet cloth, and told me to murder the cockroach myself, if I would wish to.
I told him I was terrified that the roach might fly and flap me in the face, but he assured me baby roaches don't fly.
SO I KILLED IT.
I also killed a lizard (my tenth, I think). That story for another day. My life as an amazing cab-riding auntie. Read The Full Article
This blog exists to advocate gay justice
Got nothing much to blog about recently in my life (except for new house stuff, which I'm sure most of you aren't interested in - after all, if the blog title had been "Home and Living: Xiaxue's new place!" would you be craning your neck now to read the following promising story?), so I've decided to show you guys some emails that I have received recently.
It seems, every now and then, there would be some fuckers who ask me to use my blog's popularity to help them give some shitass cause more awareness - be it "save the whales", or "don't wear fur", or "give us paedophiles a break, we made our choice and it's our freedom!" - like I really give a shit.
The only cause I care about enough to blog about is perhaps how pink-lovers are often unfairly judged (just because we like pink doesn't mean we are all frivolous and stupid!! *sees a pink feather boa nearby and runs chirpily to it, distracted*), but that's for another day.
A few days ago, my blog was requested to "do the greater good" of helping male gay clients to be aware of horrible gay prostitutes.
That's right, here's the email "Vincent Toni" sent to me... He quoted the entire email exchange he had with NYP (for those of you who aren't Singaporean, it's a polytechnic in Singapore).
His initial email to NYP:
Nike bags very expensive meh? I am guessing this Benny isn't too good-looking else he will ask for LV. :D
I can't believe it, but NYC actually replied to him:
I'm imagining this really strict old lady that looks like McGonagall reading this and shaking her head, not knowing how to civilly reply someone like Vincent. Hahahaha...
And he is at it again:
And NYP never bo chup him leh!!
Haha, they are obviously patronising him.
He is still an unhappy person:
NYP's third and final response:
This made Vincent Toni boil, and thus his plea to me:
Hmmm... I wonder who the victim really is. Is it Benny? Is it the orange-haired sms-harasser? Or is it NYP?
I sent him this reply:
And my email reply to him:
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Vincent very indignant!
I cannot be bothered with him so I didn't reply.
He sent me this:
At the same time, my attention for my inbox was taken away from Vincent by one Connie Jo, who apparently has the same problems as Vincent: vicious gay men who are terrible and must be made known to the public!
Now I've pissed Connie off! Her final reply:
Wooohooo... Angry.
At the same time, I received another email by Vincent Toni!
I was in a good mood and felt like insulting people, so I replied him:
He didn't heed my advice to commit suicide:
Hehe... He admits his dick got cauliflower leh!! So interesting, next time Singapore got garden exhibition again must ask him go and be exhibit.
My reply:
Obviously my insults are invalid because I don't even know how the hell he looks like, but it seems to have hit a raw spot...
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WAH SO HANDSOME ONE THIS VINCENT TONI!!!!
Well, that's the end of the saga!! Go email Vincent and have an email fight with him if you are bored!
p/s: I have nothing against homosexuality and you shouldn't either, so please don't write homophobic comments else they will be deleted. Read The Full Article
Mike, me and two babies
Short post today... Momo just sold our Teban flat (for a vast price advantage since the market is SO crazy now for property) so Momo and Didi are moving out too in a few months!!
I am a bit horrified because this means that if Mike dumps me I'd have like, nowhere to go to for a few months till Momo gets a new place!
So anyway, the point is that I have to go back to Teban to get the remainder of my stuff (which is really so much, I'm dreading it), and find places for it in the princess room!
Remember the Ikea guys who came to my place and found it unoccupied, so I had to pay $30 extra as a penalty?
Well, THEY forgot to come the next day themselves, so I called them and was like, "Where is my furniture? I don't see why I have to pay $30 if you guys make mistakes..." and the phone guy cut in and told me not to worry, I don't have to pay anything extra.
Sweet!! I haven't even used the "I took one day off work you know, who is going to pay for my losses?! HUH?!" tactic. I know I don't work la, but it's a perfect excuse man!
Right. I need to stop being such an auntie. I AM A TRENDY 23 YEAR OLD!
Yesterday, I was looking at a broom outside NTUC. (Don't judge me, everyone needs brooms!)
I've procrastinated buying a broom/mop because all of them are sooooooooo fugly, and I JUST REFUSE to spend money on ugly things! Florescent yellow, green and red bristles on a red handle?! Gross! (Mike: "FOR GOODNESS SAKE IT'S JUST A BROOM WHY DO YOU CARE IF IT'S UGLY?!")
So I was looking at the NTUC broom, blue and grey (quite decent looking), selling for $4.20, when a true blue auntie came to me.
She said, "WAH, you want to buy broom hor, buy from Sheng Siong leh... Cheap there..." and she looks really quite mad, like she haven't spoken to a human for months.
"I bought this handle there," - she holds up the fugly red wooden excuse of a broom handle.
"only $1. And then I go to Shop n' save buy this broom head, also $1... This NTUC hor... " - she looks at NTUC with a wrinkled nose, apparently disgusted by the price disparity, "VERI EXPENSIVE!! Don't buy don't buy."
I stared at her speechless for 2 seconds before replying, "OK", and she walked off.
Completely bonkers. Who the fuck would go to so many supermarkets to save $2.20? Walking there can buy me the time to write 2 advertorials to earn me more than 1,000 times of the saved amount. (Not that I got so many advertorials to write la, but still)
And saving $2.20 to get a ugly broom that everyone will look at and judge you by? (Don't say nobody looks at it hor, what if a guest spills something?!) No thank you!
Anyway, my point about this whole chunk is that an auntie takes me for a fellow penny-wise-dollar-foolish auntie too!
How... how could she? I... I... I have tattoos! I... I'm wearing Havaianas! I'm young and young people don't care about saving two pennies!
HMPF! Very angry. From now on I shall shop for groceries only at Jason's. Or Cold storage Jelita. Ok I need to stop listing supermarkets.
Shuyin came over and bought me a hot pink saucepan! Love!
And as promised, the pictures of our two lovely "pets":
They are bloody cute. Soon they'd grow up to be fat, stupid and annoying pigeons though.
More photos soon. Read The Full Article
Road Trip: Episode 8 - The Ride Home
Stay tuned for more exciting shows coming to you soon on clicknetwork.tv and look out for my brand new show coming to you very soon! Read The Full Article
Super Unlucky!
Today is officially the most unlucky day of my life!! It's only 3pm as
I am writing this, but it's already a clear champion.
OK, I woke up at 1130am when I am supposed to reach munkysuperstar by
12pm. The giant zit on my face has blossomed to it's maximum size (I
swear, 1 cm across) BUT CANNOT BE SQUEEZED.
I tried to squeeze it, so it burst and only some pus-like liquid came
out (I know, I have no sex appeal whatsoever), and the whitehead or
whatever solid thing pimples have when they want to be spiteful just
refused to show, so the zit is still going strong - and plus now its
even more swollen.
It's on the side of my nose, so I wore sunglasses to cover it, and I
swear it even made my sunglasses lop-sided. -_-
Mike and I just moved into the new condo yesterday night, so I had to
spend some time to find my concealer among the mess. (pictures to come
soon)
By 1140am, I was about to step into the shower when I realised that
only Mike has the keys, so it's very likely he locked me in when he
went off to work, and so I went out to check!
VOILA! LOCKED IN.
So I called Mike, who agreed to come home to unlock me from work
(lucky it was lunch hour), but also kindly reminded me that the Ikea
movers were coming at 1pm to send me my pink furniture.
I panicked, because nobody would be home. I completely forgot.
Called 100 and then called Ikea Tampines.
While I undressed to hop into the shower and talk to whoever at the
same time, Ikea's answering machine happily told me that Ikea has
extended shopping hours to 11pm on the following dates: BLAH BLAH BLAH
BLAH --- TOOK THE LONGEST TIME TO TELL ME THE MULTIPLE DATES THEY HAVE
EXTENDED HOURS CAN?!
Finally I got a human, and she told me the truck already dispatched
and that I can't push the time later! She said she'd call me back.
1 min later, the dispatch guy called me (but not on the woman's
instructions, just so happens), and told me they are on their way and
would arrive soon - to a house that has nobody inside!
So I told the guy that I won't be home, and I asked how much I have to
pay as a penalty.
He replied that I have already paid in full.
I rolled my eyes and told him that I won't be home, so how much it is
to deliver it again lah?
HE SHOUTED AT ME LEH!
He was like, "WHAT TALKING YOU YOU OLREADI PAID WHAT!"
As it turns out I have to pay an additional $30 on top of the $40
delivery + $15 fixing charge. $85 - that's even more expensive than my
computer table or chair. CHAO CHEEBYE.
So I rushed to munkysuperstar after this, and the most cliche of all
mishaps - I KENA MY DA YI MA! (I'm not going to explain what that is
if you don't already know).
I had to walk to 7/11 to buy the necessary and then go to This Fashion
for a new pair of shorts. Tried on 4 pairs before 1 fitted, which is
just awesome.
My life is perfect.
On a better note, our condo's windows has a sort of deep trench
outside each window for putting flower pots (cute huh?) and there is a
pigeon that built a nest there!!
AND THERE ARE EGGS INSIDE!
It's fucking cute, yesterday night the pigeon was sitting on the ledge
looking at her eggs, and Mike lit up a tealight and put it a little
way beside the bird to light up the scene (the pigeon did not fly
away) and we just watched her for a long time, and we even had a clear
view of the eggs, which were white and the size of quail eggs.
And this morning, the eggs hatched and little ugly pink pigeonlings
were all struggling for attention and the mama was feeding them!
I'd go take a photo once I can. =) Don't know when I can get internet
connection to post it up though.
Advertorial
Ok, are you between 17-25 and want to win $1,500? Yeah? Awesome.
(Speaking of 17 - 25, I'm going to be out of that age range in 2 years
and I'd be so upset...)
I was informed of a new competition all you bored people at home can join!
It's called... *drumroll*
THE ULTIMATE AIR BAND
CHALLENGE
Where musical knowledge is secondary!!!
The name sounds very funny right?
Air band literally means that you can be a band performing - with air
for instruments!
There is no need for any singing or musical talent, all you need is
some showmanship and maybe a sense of humour! :D
Get a band of 3 or more people and dress up while playing your
favourite song in the background lip-sync to your heart's content
while performing!
(On the site is a demo video clip, you can go and look)
The video has to be 90 secs long and recorded on a Memorex CD.
Besides winning the grand prize of $1,500, the winner also gets to
perform in Cathay Cineleisure. If you have no singing or musical
talent yet you want to be a rock star, here's your chance man!
Hehe... If I join I'd be singing (by singing I mean lip-syncing) Avril
Lavinge's "Girlfriend", for no other reason other than it annoys the
hell out of Mike.
Which is stupid because when I am telling him I don't like his
girlfriend it means I don't like myself. Oh well.
Then I'd walk around punching random people's girlfriends just because
they "should get a new one".
You know what other song is annoying? That Beyonce to the left to the
left song. NOW IT'S STUCK IN YOUR HEAD ALSO RIGHT?!
Someone (was it Weili?) said that Beyonce will fall down if she really
keep going to the left because it is going in very tight circles.
Hehehe... That's a brilliant idea right there! You keep going to your
left in the video then at the end of it you faint and fall!
Or or... You can act like Mr Bean in his movie where he lip-syncs to
the opera tune in a woeful way!!
Or or or... Imitate a heavy metal band by playing the National Anthem!
National Day coming mah!
Man, I am so full of refreshing ideas.
The judging criteria for the top 10 teams are as such:
- 60% based on public voting via the website (the faster you film the
better for votes lar!)
- 10% based on the number of views to the team's video, and
- 30% decision by organisers
There are 10 prizes to be won:
1st prize: $1,500 cash + $500 worth of Memorex products
2nd prize: $200 cash + $100 worth of Memorex products
3rd prize: $100 + $100 Memorex products
7 consolution prizes: $100 for each team
Easy to win lah! Quickly go and ask your friends to come over and
record now! Use handphone or digicam or webcam, any format also can!
Send you entry CD/DVD to:
Ultimate Air Band
59 Oxley Road
S(238644)
