Or maybe you've failed to get the love of your life via matchmaking sites?
Take my online dating advice!
THE SHAN AND ROZZ SHOW
New show alert!
Rozz and Shan check out the Cleo bachelors and makes them strip!
CHICK VS DICK
Kaykay and Paul both try their best at making a chocolate prata!
I totally also have that hearts romper Kaykay is wearing!! We bought it together in Macau! Or was it Langkawi?? Weeeeee!!
Oh by the way Clicknetwork has now (on my advice) decided to let any old person leave comments. So feel free to write about how fat you think I am during which second k!!
On a side note my sun burnt skin has now erupted into a bloody heat rash all over. My skin feels like little pulses of electricity shocking me one pore at a time - over and over again. I really regret using the No-Spf tanning oil... I feel remorse...... Poor me.
Won $30 bucks in Mahjong! Er tong is my official new favourite card.
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Looking at this picture suddenly reminded me of a conversation I had with Mike yesterday night while we were lolling around before bedtime.
I told him that a doctor friend of mine once told me a doctor story (I love doctor stories) of this cancer patient who had colon cancer or something.
Anyway this guy has to have a hole near his stomach area for his shit to pass through lah, basically.
But time and again that hole (shit I must google the correct word for it. It sounds impressive)...
Found it! Hole's called a stoma. I even know the plural lor... Stomata!
As I was saying... Time and again the stoma gets infected. And guess why?
Because that guy kept having his partner (male) fuck his stoma!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IS THAT FUCKING FUNNY OR WHAT!
I mean it's damn disgusting lah, but you gotta give it to this guy - cancer is certainly not enough to deter him from living life to the fullest!
So anyway his partner kept cumming into the stoma (I presume) and causing it to be infected.
I can imagine this conversation between him (cancer patient) and his boyfriend.
CP: I've got something to tell you.
BF: Yeah?
CP: I've got colon cancer.
BF: OMG! Is it because I...
CP: Look, I don't know ok! *distressed* Whatever it is, you can't fuck me there anymore. (Starts sobbing) I... I won't even have an asshole!!!!!!!! What kinda bottom am I???????
BF: Won't have an asshole? Then where would you shit fr...
CP: FROM MY STOMA YOU UNEDUCATED FUCK! I'm going to have a stoma!!!!
CP: (stops sobbing hysterically) Yes... Mouth-like. What are you trying....
BF: CAN I FUCK IT? I mean... I wanna make love to it. We should all be open and try new things, right? Obviously, only if you are alright with it. Cancer shouldn't stop you from having fun...
CP: ....... Well... I might be too weak to resist your mighty dong then. *coy smile*
AHAHAHAHA!!! Weirdos like that really give all gay guys a bad name.
So anyway, the doctor told the guy in all seriousness that he has to stop fucking the stoma.
When I told Mike this story, I was laughing, but he just looked at me in horror and exclaimed that this is super major disgusting and wished I never inflicted that trauma upon him.
He even said that it is the sort of thing Jeffery Dhamar (Ding dong mass murderer) would do.
I told him the analogy is not correct at all since the fucker wasn't trying to HURT the cancer patient... It's just that ALL MEN LIKE TO STICK THEIR PENISES INTO HOLES!
Any sort of hole lah... Apple pies, goats, anuses, mouths, even in between toes... As long as it's somewhat warm and soft. For necrophiles it doesn't even need to be warm. Or soft come to think of it. But at least they like humans... Unless they are into dead animals???? Omg.
Ahem.
What's so bad about fucking a stoma? It's the same naturalness as a blowjob or anal sex if you think about it. All three are not meant by nature to happen. But I mean, stomata are even more gross lah coz it's like a hole in the stomach... And got shit flowing through... But then again so does an asshole. Ok never mind.
He kept saying humans have evolved and we should know by now we shouldn't fuck goats or babies or stomata for that matter.
But tigers fuck lions (Ligers) and zebras fuck donkeys (Zedonkeys) and I've seen loads of photos of dogs fucking cats etc! I even saw a picture of a dog fucking a pig! The pig was completely oblivious and continued chewing on some food thingy.
Turtle fucking a shoe:
He really sounds like he is exerting loads of force into this...
So who is to say it isn't natural for penises to want to fuck anything that moves??
What do you think? Do you know of any guy (or you) who fucked something weird? Have most straight men tried a tranny blowjob because it is rumoured to be the best blowjobs ever??
Mike insists he won't because it is gay no matter how feminine the tranny looks like, and proceeded to give a little shudder. Cheh... It's just a mouth what. Boy mouth and girl mouth, what's the difference??
Not that I want him to get a tranny blowjob lah, but do you think it's gay to do so? Don't think the word is gay cos most gay men won't want a blowjob from a tranny, right??
Yes I am aware that this blog entry has no point. Just share with me your stories anyway!
p/s: Just in case you were wondering what the dolphin picture has to do with all these, it's because I was wondering if the dolphins fuck each other's breathing hole. It seems like it would be about the right size.
p/p/s: Speaking of goats, why is Aberforth Dumbledore so INTO goats?? He fucks them or what? Is that what JK Rowling was trying to say???
UPDATE: Fuck you, whoever told me to google image what a stoma looks like! FUCK YOU!!!!!!!! Ok fuck, now I agree it's fucking disgusting!!!!!!!!! OH MAN!! Whyyyyyyyyyy!! Why you ask me to google???????!!!
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With a title like that you probably think that I dyed my hair red and have yellow skin... But quite the contrary.
I am severely sunburnt and ultra blonde!
Yesterday I went tanning for 2 hours using Banana Boat's NO-SPF-STRICTLY-FOR-PROS tanning oil, and now, Mike said I look like Zoidberg!
That's a lobster from Futurama btw.
I am so red that yesterday, when I went to White sands for dinner, an auntie from a shop commented, in Chinese, "You go sun tanning ah??!"
In a goddamn loud voice.
Trying to be cool and celebrity-like, I merely muttered a grunt and nodded ever so slightly.
She eyeballed me and said "Aiyoh, why tan until like THAT." Then made tsk tsk noises. As if people are not already staring at me!
Hello auntie it is none of your business how lao niang wishes to tan ok! It's my body and I burn it if I want to!
Not that I really want to lah, but I'm just saying!
Anyway the flaming yellow hair and red skin combines to create a really comical effect. I took a picture but I can't be bothered to upload it, so you'd have to wait around for a bit.
Aha! See, I do care about my blog! I tried to make you come back, see!
Anyway back to me being lazy - at least I've got an excuse now. My eyes are all swollen and will not do proper photoshop! AHAHAAHA!
ZOMG!!!!!!!!!
I totally forgot about this and I HAVE to blog it!
I am having the most wondrous I TOLD YOU SO moment, EVER!
613 comments on my blog entry... I presume about 600 are playing the 'nice guy' and harping on how cruel and racist I am.
Again... What now, suckers? Gonna apologize to me and the nice US marine who went to jail for two long years wrongfully???
You know what makes me du lan? I wrote that entry just about before Girls Out Loud was screened. Haters rang up Mediacorp to complain about me after the airing, and one of their complains was that Mediacorp should not be hiring, or endorsing, someone as racist (insert your bad word of choice here) as me.
And this is one of the reasons why Girls Out Loud didn't have a season 2.
WTF right? Turns out I didn't write any wrong at all, did I?
Lil slut... 2 years ago she was so sure she was raped, and said she wanted the death sentence for Smith (From wiki. Go check it if you don't believe me). Can you imagine if she got her wish and he is now dead?? Now suddenly not sure if she was raped!
NABEH NOT SURE DON'T ANYHOW SAY HOR GO AND RUIN PEOPLE'S LIFE!
WTFFFF! Who is going to give back a son to Smith's poor long-suffering mom if he died!?!
She is now appleased coz she got 100,000 pesos from Smith.
I told you already lor... Must be stupid Smith refused to pay her after sex that's why she so du lan go and sue him. Tsk tsk! Whore. Whores have sex with men easily after getting themselves pissed drunk right? Some whores demand money afterwards. Sounds like her.
If I am Smith I will sue her and sue everyone else involved to make sure they pay for their bloody mistake. Nabeh kena jailed for nothing.
Fuck you Nicole. Bloody ruined a little part of my life as well with your dumb attention-seeking lies.
Blah blah blah I am not accepting comments so go and ahead and write insulting ones. They won't be read or published. Woah I am suddenly all riled up and angry.
UPDATE: I've decided to publish comments afterall since most are pretty positive. HAHAHA!Read The Full Article
Bah! I have no inspiration to blog lately, don't know why. During droughts like this I often think that my blogging time is up and I will slowly rot into obscurity, but so far something else always pops up and everything goes fine again.
Anyway, I haven't been blogging because nothing much interesting is happening in my life, and so there is nothing to blog about.
The pictures though, have accumulated to a staggering amount - just like my unfolded laundry. Goddamn it. I have USA pics... V day pics... My secondary class's 10 year reunion pics... And a Gmask advertorial!!
The thought of editing all those makes me wanna puke a little.
Anyway that day I went into Body Shop and bought a bronzer. The cashier told me while passing me my product: "Thanks for saving the earth", or something like that... Could be planet instead of Earth.
I wanted to tell her, "Oh, go fuck herself."
How the fuck did I contribute in any way to saving the earth? If I didn't buy that bronzer, it's not like I would have bought another animal-tested (oh wait that's not earth-saving), nuclear-powered bronzer or anything.
I would in fact have not bought any other bronzer at all coz I already have so many. (I liked their brush design)
And excuse me, are Body Shop's factories free of pollution completely? Do they not use plastic on their products? Full of crap man.
All these tree huggers acting all self-righteous piss me off.
All that happened after I bought a product from them was not that I saved the Earth - it was that I gave their company an inflated price for a bronzer.
So, Body Shop should have in fact told me, "Thanks madam, for yet another product bought from our conglomerate."
Why can't stores by more honest?
Gah. I don't care if Body Shop does all that environmental acts they do - just don't involve me in it can? I only buy your products because they smell so nice.
Oh by the way Pumpkin is really into eating her own poop recently.
Once I saw her do it, and I didn't really believe my eyes, so I did the stupidest thing ever: I went to smell her mouth.
You cannot imagine the stench... Although admittedly it is better than the maggoty fragance from my old rotten fridge lah... But still.
WTF MAN. Why is she so gross?
I keep checking on her every 5 minutes after she eats (usually poops after that) but she is so lightning fast man... Poop gone...
I bought some Coprophagia deterrent nonsense (30 bucks ok!!), but that pill really stinks, and yet doesn't seem to improve a thing.
Well... Self-cleaning dog.
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New videos
XIAXUE'S GUIDE TO LIFE
Plucking out all 4 of my wisdom teeth at once!!
CHICK VS DICK
The sex challenge! You've got to watch it: Paul wears a skirt!
UPDATE: OK apparently I was told I saved the Earth because I didn't want a plastic bag. So paiseh... Sorry for maligning you Body Shop!!!
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And also, just a note for all Australian bloggers (you don't have to be of Australian nationality - as long as you stay there), Nuffnang has now opened a new branch in Aussieland!
So go sign up now if you haven't - and get your share of moolah!
Just saw this in the news (dunno if it's old news lah, but anyway...).
I WANT IT AS MY NEW PET!!
Pink bottlenose dolphin... Not the fake pink kind with blotchy grey spots mind you... A chio shade of pink!
The other one looks so ugly in comparison
Come swim to mummy!!
Is it cute or what! Mother nature should make more things this shade of pink! Not the PIG kinda beigey pink... Eww... This kinda pink!
But alas for me, this dolphin is one of its kind... That's right, only one in the world!
And Paris Hilton is probably already on her way to capturing it. That, and that my condo's maintenance probably won't be too happy with me keeping my pet dolphin in the swimming pool...
What? Why should it bother anyone? It's chio and the kids will love it lor...
Geez! What are you lazy scientists doing! It's time to breed more albino peacocks (chioest ever man... Malfoy residence got, hahaha) and real pink dolphins!! Give the nuclear research and cloning a rest man!
I won a 13 yao today!! With an yi wan from kind Timmy...
In other news, Mike was nice enough to bring my entire (pink) cpu to a computer shop for repairs, and they dianoigsed that the RAM is ruined. Fuck you cb ram! This is what I think of your mother!! (shouts incoherent vulgar words)
So now, I'm reinstalling all my programs once again. I hope this time round it doesn't break down, or Imma throw a hissy fit!!!
