Motherhood: the biggest pissing contest of them all

As I'm on the brink of becoming a mother, I've come to a startling revelation.

Once you get pregnant, you are faced with many choices you have to make, and rest assured, every single day people will be asking you the same questions:


- Are you going natural or C section?

- Are you going to breastfeed? How long do you intend to breastfeed for?

- Are you going to quit your job?

- Do you want a boy or girl?

- What are you going to do about your hair colour? Dye black?


Sure a lot of people are just asking for fun or out of curiosity... Honestly before I got pregnant I never cared if other pregnant women are planning to breastfeed or not. For the life of me I don't get why that's even interesting to others. All I cared about was whether I can play with their baby once it's out. Maybe for people who aren't in the appropriate age group to discuss parenthood they are simply asking these questions because they are making conversation in a topic they are unfamiliar with. These are the questions everyone patronizes mommies-to-be with.

But if you are talking to fellow mothers, all these questions are loaded, oh yes they aren't as innocuous as they seem. There are politically correct answers to each of them, varying degrees of social acceptance tagged to each of them, and woe betide you if you answer the wrong thing - you will be in for some unsolicited "advice". To be fair, most of these mothers don't mean any harm, it is just that they have been through the same thing and they know better.


And here are the "correct" answers:

1) I'm going to try natural with no epidural, I don't want drugs to harm my baby. It might be painful but I'll endure it.

2) I intend to breastfeed for as long as possible, my baby deserves the best milk nature can give. I cannot take any drugs, caffeine or alcohol for the next few years but that's ok.

 Why not until he is 35?

3) Of course I'm quitting my job, my baby is my first priority. What kind of monster do you think I am?

4) Boy or girl doesn't matter *wan smile* as long as he or she is healthy.

5) I suppose I will go bald for the entirety of motherhood so without having to care for my hair I can better devote time to my baby.

"What is hair when you have the miracle of life in your arms?"

Have you realised a similarity between the politically correct answers?

Yes, they all involve the most amount of pain and sacrifice from the mother. 

And in all the cases, whether or not this pain/sacrifice is necessary or even relevant to the welfare of the child is not important - as long as you suffer as a mother, it makes you a good mother.

Your happiness should never be a priority, your child's should. Even better if your only happiness comes from your child's happiness.


Let's take for example the most asked question of all - how do you intend to birth your baby?

Here are your choices, ranked from Most politically correct/socially accepted/noble... To the least:

1) Natural without epidural (including water birth and other fancy hipster births)

2) Natural with epidural

3) Elective Caesarean Section with epidural (awake, can see baby born)

4) Elective Caesarean Section under general anesthesia (knock out completely)

5) Surrogate

(Emergency C sections not included as they are not a choice)

You will realize I am right: the list also ranks the most painful to the least. People who opt for elective C sections may heal slower from their wounds but during the childbirth process they at least do not suffer 10 hours of labour pains and contractions. Those who choose to completely knock out do not even have to suffer the long and thick epidural needle enter their spine. A surrogate of course means you don't even suffer through 9 months of pregnancy.

A woman who goes through natural birth without epidural is often applauded for her bravery and sacrifice, whereas if a wealthy woman, totally capable of normal birth, chooses a surrogate so she can preserve her youth and not suffer through pregnancy and childbirth, will be judged like crazy.

To me, this sort of ideal where she who suffers most wins, is completely stupid and irrational.

It is a pissing contest between women.

Just like how men make their car engines as loud as possible while buying expensive watches to show they are the most alpha and successful of males, this is the passive aggressive, rather masochist female version of it.

Men base their life's success on their careers and wealth. Most women, I suspect even though I'm not a mother yet, base their success on how their children turn out. (Of course some value careers or other priorities more, I'm saying most)

We may not be able control our children's genes, but with better and more careful nurture than other women, hopefully our kids can turn out stellar human beings, validating all that we went through for them.

But this competition between mothers is not as simple as buying the most expensive flashy car. It is ridden with layers of guilt coming from other "flashy" mothers showing off their sacrifice and judging others who did anything less. It constantly makes you feel inadequate - am I a bad mom? Am I doing enough? Am I allowed to still be pretty?

We all know that becoming a mum already means sacrificing a lot. With a child we are taking the risk of finding it very hard to find another life partner should the current baby's daddy dump us. Our bodies go out of shape, our nipples are deformed and boobs deflated and defeated-looking. With each child it ages us. Raising a child takes up so much time and energy that could otherwise be dedicated to a better career or our life's dreams.

As it is we are already sacrificing a lot. What I don't get is why these stupid people all around insist that everyone should be inflicted with unnecessary addition pain!

A good mother should be making choices that means the best for their children, right? Not just the worst for her?

So answer me this: how is a natural birth without epidural any better for a baby than an elective C section?!

Fact: Loads of moms insist on doing a natural birth because they think it's the right thing to do.

However, a big percentage are not able to do it due to various common complications, such as the umbilical cord being tangled around baby's neck, or the cervix not being able to dilate enough, the mother's pelvis being too small, or the baby being in breech, meaning it didn't turn to come out head first.

It seems to be that instead of risking all these complications, it seems better for the baby (I'm not discussing what's better for mommy here) to simply do a C section. There has also been debate that natural childbirth is painful and traumatizing for the baby, who can't possibly be feeling that comfortable being pushed through a narrow passage. A difficult delivery can also cause shoulder dystosia, which means the baby's shoulder gets stuck and his arms can be permanently paralysed.



But yet, with all that in mind, a C section remains the unpopular, less noble option. To date, every single person has advised me to go natural, with only 2 saying a C section is better.

Why? Because people automatically assume that what requires the most pain/sacrifice from the mother must be the best option for the baby. What dumb logic.

There are even loads of people saying I should do it without epidural, for really rational reasons like these:

"I think you should try it without epidural 

because why wouldn't you risk pain for your child?"

(OK this was an actual tweet someone tweeted to me but she has since deleted it after I rudely replied her)

Why?? Why must I go through necessary pain that by no means benefit my baby? Would you also like me to stab myself in the eye with a fork so I can show how much I love my child?

Someone once drew a parallel for me. To ask someone to go through childbirth without pain relief is like asking someone to pluck out a rotten tooth with no anesthesia. The technology is there, it has been proven safe with minimal side effects, so why go through the pain?!

It serves absolutely no purpose except to win the pissing contest between mothers with something to prove. Whatever pain you can go through, I can go through more.

No thanks, I'm not playing this stupid game, go ahead and suffer yourselves.

(I know there are people who are terrified of the epidural needle or don't wish for the side effects of epidural, but it remains the mass majority of women who go through this option merely do it for bragging rights and a sense of altruistic pride.)

The same goes for breast feeding. Not as well documented as childbirth horror but perhaps almost as traumatizing I'm sure, is breast feeding. My own mother told me that her breasts got so engorged they were stone hard and it was even more painful than childbirth for her.

I wasn't breastfed, she gave up after 2 days.

I can almost hear the disapproval from other moms who endured their stone hard breasts and persevered, but don't you dare judge my mother - she worked 3 jobs raising my brother and me, nobody can say she is a bad mom. Momo told me that back in her day anyway, formula milk was all the rage and most moms who could afford formula gave formula to their children because formula promised all sorts of extra nutrients that will supposedly make babies prodigies.

Which is better for the baby? Formula or breast feeding? I don't know, but the general consensus, or trend, nowadays anyway, seem to be breast milk.

However, the quality of breast milk every mother produces is different, so who is to say? The milk a drug-addled or unhealthy mom provides can't be that much better than a cow's. Whichever the correct answer is, I'm sure the difference is negligible.

But yet if a mother says she is not going to breast feed for whatever reason - be it to preserve the shape of her breasts, because it's painful or troublesome, or because the baby wouldn't latch on and she gives up, she will get judged like mad once again.

Why?? Why should we care if another mother doesn't breastfeed? If you are so sure breastfeeding is so benefactory to babies, then shouldn't you be glad? Perhaps your sore nipples will cause your child to be far superior to other formula fed children later on in life - isn't that just fantastic?

Not to mention, there are plenty of women who are not able to produce enough milk for their babies... When people keep talking about how breastfeeding is good, how do you think this will make these poor mommies feel? I'd talk more about this later.

Another thing I hate is that somehow people feel that mothers should never be vain. 

It is as if people expect that once you are a mom all your time should be dedicated to your child - any time spent on yourself, especially something as superficial as your looks, must mean you are neglecting your kid.

Sure, people do leave nice comments saying stuff like "Hot mama!" or "You are so pretty and young I can't believe you are a mother of 2!" but in general...

Who do you think is a better mother?

Megan Fox or the matronly woman on the right?

(The woman on the right plays the cook in Downton Abbey btw)

Anyway I don't blame people for their prejudice. Even though there is no evidence that a woman's looks affects her ability to care for her children, the fact remains that most people think if you look so frazzled and unkempt your best efforts must be put somewhere else, and one must presume it is into the children's welfare.

A woman's weight loss after childbirth is a hotly debated topic as well. Let's face it - to gain so much weight during pregnancy and seeing your looks rapidly decline is depressing as hell. It doesn't mean you are not happy about your new baby or don't love him like crazy. One can be depressed about something and happy about another thing at the same time.

But yet most people say just eat as much as you want during pregnancy, and don't fuss about losing it too fast afterwards, your priority should be taking care of your newborn anyway. Loads of hollywood stars have created controversy for their rapid weight loss after childbirth, because people think they are giving unrealistic expectations to average, normal people. (Yes damn you Megan Fox - the photo above was taken a month after her baby's birth)

Simply whining about my weight gain or bad complexion on twitter or instagram would get me an onslaught of mean comments from people telling me my looks shouldn't be my priority at the moment.

I'm sorry, but for my whole freaking life my looks HAVE been my priority.

I may not be extremely beautiful but nobody can deny that I worked really hard to improve what I have, via painful plastic surgery, regular trips to the hair salon, tens of thousands spent on clothes/makeup/skincare etc.

You think motherhood is a magical button to make everything you used to care about suddenly become unimportant? When you worked so hard for something to have it all taken away, it is IMPOSSIBLE not to be upset, ok? Look... Look at what my stomach looks like now:

Once upon a time I had a flat nice belly with a cute belly piercing... It is the same colour throughout.

But now, at 9 months pregnant, my belly button looks like the mouth of a pufferfish. There is discolouration and pigmentation around the navel and linea nigra, though thankfully mine isn't that dark.

I can't decide which is worse, the fact that my belly piercing done 10 years ago turned into a dark scar somehow (things they don't tell you at the tattoo parlour, huh?), or that throughout the pregnancy little zits erupted around the belly and some of them left unsavoury scars.

Oh and the belly is hairier than usual too. How sexy.

I'm already one of the lucky ones. I have zero stretch marks. But still, I fear the skin there will never be taut again and some of the scars may become permanent. I may never wear a bikini again. :(

And yet when I whine people still scold me!! There is a saying that mothers should be proud of their stretch marks!! PROUD SIMI SAI LAH SO UGLY. What's there to be so proud of that my skin didn't manage weight gain very well?

I'd be proud if my son becomes valedictorian, not about fucking stretch marks and pigmentation scars!

So gimme a break! I'm trying my best to handle the ugliness and not get too depressed about it, but sometimes I still give in to human emotions, ok?

Back to the topic of a mother's vanity and people's ideology that a vain mom = a bad mom.

In an utopic world, yes, a woman, once turned into a mother, should be able to focus all her energy on raising her children and not need to care about her looks anymore.

But alas, the world is far from ideal. Think about it, other than getting both parents murdered by Lord Voldemort, what is the most traumatizing thing that can happen to a child? A divorce.

Even though a husband is supposed to love his wife no matter how she looks, the fact is that attraction is still important in a marriage. A woman who lets herself go unarguably increases the chance of her husband leaving her for a younger, slimmer, more beautiful specimen.

Attraction is not just about looks either. A woman who feels she is ugly will also be insecure and jealous. Confidence is a very attractive thing.

I can hear all the feminists being really mad at this and saying women should not have to give in to such despicable behaviour from men. But men are men - they think with their penis. It isn't right for a robber to rob you when you walk down a dark alley either, but it doesn't mean you shouldn't be avoiding dark alleys, right?

If Mike leaves me and our son because I became 100kg after giving birth, he may be an asshole but the one suffering the most is my son who lost his father. I must do what I can to prevent it from happening.

Of course, it doesn't mean I must immediately go for liposuction and a facelift after childbirth, but I guess I should put in enough effort so that if he does leave me, nobody can say "Who can blame him? His wife became a fat pig since she had the baby 3 years ago. Now she doesn't even shave her armpits."

Husbands also often feel neglected and unimportant after their wives bear them children. Looking good for him will make him feel like he still has a place in your heart too.

So, in conclusion: Vain moms = working hard to make the marriage work = being a good mom too. Two sides of the coin!

Actually I'm just making excuses. I don't believe Mike will ditch me if I became fat. I just want to look good because it makes me feel good about myself, and I am allowed to!


No wonder so many mothers go into depression... 

Already we give up so much for our children, but yet people keep burdening us with more unrealistic expectations, guilt-tripping us into thinking we don't give up enough.

Stop it already. Stop saying things like "If you not willing to give up xxx, perhaps you shouldn't be a mother."

Nobody can give up everything that used to make them happy and not go crazy or depressed, and I'm sure you agree a psycho person won't make a good mother either.

The art of motherhood is to find the perfect balance between giving the best to your child and also keeping yourself happy.


Besides, every child is different and so is every pregnancy. What might seem like the "correct" or popular choice for one woman might not be for another, so what would you know? Don't be so quick to judge.** If a woman decides to go for an elective C section or says she doesn't want to breastfeed, just let her be.

Abrupt end to my super long-winded article.


** Unless the mother is doing things that are proven to actually physically harm the child such as binge drinking or smoking or taking drugs to get high or changing a diaper every 3 days then I suppose it's ok to get judgey.

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New Hair Tutorial video!

Finally!!

I think I'm reaching the nesting stage in my pregnancy so now I feel a sudden surge of energy and more inspired to do stuff that isn't just eating and sleeping.

So I edited a hair tutorial video I filmed AGES ago. And by ages I mean even before I got pregnant wtf... Just never got around to editing it. The video was actually filmed in the rental home I put up at when my real home was under renovation.

Click to watch:

And here are the bigger versions of the photos shown in the video:

Igloo says bye!!

Ok that's it there goes my stamina... Gonna sleep now.

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Dolly Wink x Tsubasa Masuwaka part 2

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 I know a lot of you have been waiting eagerly for this post!!! Coz it's photos from when I met Tsubasa Masuwaka when she came to Singapore for Dolly Wink!!

I was so happy that week because I actually met her 2 days in a row...

Super regret giving up on my Japanese classes because I had a lot of chances to actually talk to her but of course I cannot speak Japanese and she can't speak English, so those moments were spent in silence. :( Wish Cheesie was here to help translate!

First day was her press conference... Also a chance for me to meet the girls of the Dolly Wink Lookalike Contest, where I was to be a guest judge!

 After much anticipation... THERE SHE IS!!!

She's super pretty and petite irl!! Looks just exactly like her photos!

In any case I didn't photoshop her in any of the photos I'm gonna be posting (coz she really doesn't need it), so you can judge for yourself.

These girls are the finalists for the Lookalike contest!!

I must say I am really impressed... Before the press conference the girls were gathered in a group and seeing such a big group of very pretty (and vain, haha) girls is slightly alarming and intimidating... They all looked so spectacularly out of place in Singapore with their bright hair and dolly eye make up. They would have fitted right into Shibuya 109 and nobody will think they aren't Japanese!

So yes I'm really impressed with the effort they all put in and the authenticity of their "gyaru-ness". Plus they are all so pretty! Even Tsubasa herself, when asked to give them advice for tomorrow, said she had none really as they all already looked so perfectly gyaru.

Want to rant a little here... Someone commented to me that "they all look the same".  I don't think this is a fair thing to say.

Sure, gyaru fashion has a distinct style and maybe, when seen in a big group like that, a lot of them look similar in light ash hair, false eyelashes or floral print clothes. But if you put ANY fashion style of people together, they will ALL look "the same".

For example, to everyone else a group of goths all look the same. Or a group of heavily tattooed and pierced people, all who strived to look "different" by imprinting their bodies with difference designs and piercings, all look "the same" when viewed in a group.

If you adopt any style at all, you are bound to look the same as people with the same taste as you, because there are so many people in this world trying to find their style that nobody is truly unique! Even if you choose to not wear anything at all, you will still look "the same" as the other nudists around the world!

But to someone who is interested in gyaru fashion, you will be able to see... Oh some of the girls are going for the Mode style, some are going for the hime style... Just as someone who is into goth can possibly tell between different goth styles.

And so what if the girls look similar to each other? At least they stand out from regular girls and go for a look that they love, to represent themselves... If you don't bother dressing up at all, you think you look so unique? No, you just look "the same" as any other lazy person out there! In your, god forbid, black leggings worn as pants.

I'd rather look the same as people with the same passion as me than look the same as lazy people who do not even bother dressing up, which is like 80% of the world, thank you.

Ok, rant over.

After this I had an interview session with Tsubasa herself!!! 

You can actually view the video here, featured on Now You Know:



Cannot stop smiling like an idiot the whole time I was chatting with her... So unprofessional haha...

She gave very lengthy and detailed answers to every question and at the end of the interview she had to say "Hi, I'm Tsubasa, keep watching Clicknetwork dot tv."

Even though it's a relatively simple sentence for us, it is a little challenging for her as she can't speak English well, but she still so nicely obliged. She practiced over and over again before she got it perfect for the camera.

Overall I'm just really impressed with her work ethics because she flew into Singapore early that morning... Japan to Singapore takes about 7 hours. After she landed she immediately had to do a photoshoot for Nylon magazine (I know because Rozz's bf is the photographer and she told me that he shot a Japanese celebrity that morning which reminded Rozz of me haha... Highest praise ever). Anyway Nylon magazine is out already so do go check it out!

After her photoshoot, which must have been exhausting, she had to attend the press conference and do press interviews, which must be pretty dull for her! Imagine people asking you similar questions over and over again for YEARS!

That's why I'm surprised that even though we were the last to interview her, she didn't patronise us by giving short answers and wanting to escape to her hotel room asap to rest... In fact she was very patient and obliged to every request!!

Photos!!

I was about 6 months pregnant. Now I'm 7 and a half!

She's so gorgeous and perfect!!

Her face is super tiny wtf I had to photoshop mine like 40% smaller just to make it look like my head is vaguely the same size as hers fml.

Anyway if you are wondering what's going on with my awful black roots... Well I keep getting people criticizing me for dyeing my hair while pregnant. My gynae Dr Law Wei Seng actually said it's perfectly safe to do so and after all the research I did I realised that there is no conclusive evidence that it will harm the baby, although most people suggested only doing it after the 1st trimester (which I did).

But even though I believed that it is safe, to stop all the criticism and to err on the side of caution I tried to minimize hair dyeing... Thus I tried to tolerate the black roots for as long as possible, which resulted in the above travesty. FYI I have since done my roots once more and my hair is now blonde again.

Hey baby-in-my-belly, you got touched by the most famous gyaru mama in Japan!!

Here's Tsubasa signing postcards Clicknetwork printed for her to give to lucky viewers....

Most celebrities just sign but not her!! Is it in the Japanese culture that everything people do, they must do better?? You can see she drew with so much effort on every postcard for her fans... Super sweet!!!

I'm pretty sure her hardworking attitude has everything to do with how incredibly successful she is. She mentioned during her interview that she oversees the design for each and every Dolly Wink eyelash to make sure they are perfect... How she gets any sleep at all is anyone's guess!!

Look how happy I am! Coz Tsubasa gave me a HUGE bag literally overflowing with Dolly Wink products!!

WAH WAH WAH!!

Plus I also get her new product... Bambi Series contact lens!! She told me these aren't even out in the market yet and I am telling you guys I super LOVE them coz they are ONE DAY lens!!

Geo lens don't normally come in One-day lens, usually they last 6 months and aren't very comfortable, but these are SUPER comfortable!! Plus they are so very pretty!! :D

I'm just happy to see a new player in the coloured one day lens market!!

I also get two of her Milky Bunny CDs, signed!! Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!

Luckiest girl in the world is me!!!

Next day is the Dolly Wink Lookalike Contest, 

held at Scape Warehouse.

Here's what I wore...

Liz Lisa dress, Guess wedges, floral headband

This photo is taken in the VIP dressing room. On the table you can see some of Tsubasa's belongings as she was also doing her makeup and general waiting in the room (so people don't harass her). I was alone in the room when I took the photo... Not buay paiseh enough to do it while she and her entourage were inside lol

After this, unfortunately, I couldn't take any other pictures because I had to go on stage already. So the rest of the photos are the official ones!

And while Tsubasa was waiting in the room with me I was too shy to ask her for photos because I wanted to act cool and not hound her like some fangirl... But inside I really wanted to :(

The stage was decorated with many photos of her...

Me chatting with the host, who can speak both fluent English and Japanese.

The event was so fun,.Tsubasa, the Japanese Boss of Koji and I were sitting at a booth at the back where we were to judge the finalists' catwalk and creative answers to the host's questions.

All the girls did such a fantastic job!

Here are the top two winners:

Here's the runner up Golly Locks... She's super pretty and tall wtf. She went with a summer-y mode style.

Winner Kelly Konomi went with a more cutesy style... Needless to say I super love the flower band on her head and cute pink outfit!! Definitely won some points from me. :D

If you wish to see more photos check out the facebook album for that day's event HERE!!

 Event over!! GROUP PICTURE!!

Had a lot of fun those two days...

Really hope to see more Singaporean girls try out the gyaru style... If you want to start, you can start by experimenting with Dolly Wink makeup... Quintessential gyaru makeup brand!

Last pic of me wearing Dolly wink's top and bottom lashes

Of course, stay inspired by Liking the Shibuya Gals facebook page!!

http://facebook.com/shibuyagals.sg

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2013, among other things

Wow, I can't believe this is my 1st entry of the new year!!

(Warning, this is SUPER wordy)

Firstly, I would like to apologize to my readers for the lack of updates... I know I'm blaming the pregnancy again but it's true, especially after hitting my 3rd trimester all I want to do all day long is eat, marathon tv shows, and sleep.

It isn't just the blog I'm neglecting - that day I realised I let my armpit hairs grow to a record-breaking length due to the infrequency of me leaving the house.

I've got not much to blog about really, all I'm busy with is making a baby, and I'm not sure swollen limbs, constant backache and how fitfully my baby is kicking will interest you guys. (Update: This is false, ended up I wrote A LOT about pregnancy)

But since some of you are asking for updates on the pregnancy... Well, I'm 29 weeks along now, which is a little over 7 months... The baby is estimated to be due on April 9th, but my mother, who had 2 premature pregnancies, kept telling me that the baby will be born earlier than that.

She's freaking me out.

Not that a few weeks will make a big difference, but I just feel a bit panicky how soon my whole life is going to change and I'm not sure if I got everything ready for the baby yet. I haven't even got my cot and the baby's room is still PINK!! It needs to be repainted blue!! Smart move woman, so much for "Woo I want the guest room pink because I don't think I'd get pregnant so soon and it might be a girl anyway".

Transitioning from the 2nd trimester to the 3rd brought along a few discomforts, namely as mentioned, backache and leg cramps.

I cannot sit down for too long without a cushion behind my back, and if I sit with my legs dangling (like a normal sitting position in a chair) my legs will start to swell and cramp. I have to sit cross legged or somehow prop my legs up. Same for standing up - I can do it for a max of 15 mins before feeling like I want to die. -_- I feel so... old.

My weight gain: Pre pregnancy I was 38kg and now I'm 49.3kg. I hope I don't gain much more than 14kg in total so I have another 2kg to go, but I don't feel hopeful about this because I'm eating like a pig.

Belly at 7 months

Stupid, stupid Megan Fox had to spoil the market by gaining only 10kg and she lost it all by now. BYATCH. Never mind Wendy, look at Jessica Simpson.

The good parts: So far, I haven't gotten any stretch marks!! I had 3 very mild red lines on my boob that day but they seem to have disappeared. Speaking of boobs - I am totally shocked at how ginormous they have become. When I try on old bras I can't believe how I used to be that size. I used to wear 70B and now I'm 80 or 75C. I don't like the new boobs - I've never been a sexy person and I think the giant tits look so matronly and vulgar.

And big boobs make bras SO uncomfortable. Even after buying new fitting bras and among them many ugly comfortable wireless ones, I STILL HATE WEARING BRAS. One of the best parts of coming home is to take off my bra and throw it somewhere. Ok I know most of you girls would like bigger boobs so I sound totally irritating and ungrateful like one of those bitches complaining about how they never ever get fat so I shall shut up here. The good news is - even if you have small boobs, like me, they might still swell to ginormous sizes during your pregnancy!

Other good parts: I am totally grateful that I've gotten so many interested sponsors for the baby!! He is one super lucky kid!!

On the 2nd of February I'm going to Mothercare to pick up my beginner baby kit... Since I have NO idea what I need to get, I'm glad Mothercare is going to have a specialist there to guide me along and give advice. They also provide this service to all new expectant (and lost, like me) mummies!!

As the due date draws closer I'm also more and more worried about childbirth itself and how painful it is. I've been considering between a natural birth and a C section, mostly because I'm quite worried that the baby will be too big to go through my narrow hips. Will my pelvic bones crack and break?

But my gynae said I should just go for natural unless a C section is necessary so *gulp* I guess I will go for that. PLEASE don't let my vagina split to my asshole. That would be such a pain in the ass. (*cue dry laughter*) Stupid Qiuting told me that happened to her friend and I am petrified.

I'm definitely going to take epidural though - I just don't see why it is necessary to go through all that pain if it can be helped.

Also, I HATE all those judgmental mothers who give you the stink eye just because THEY went through an au naturale water hypnotic birth or whatever, so even though I am the most pain-tolerant person I know, I'm going to take epidural just as a middle finger to these sorts.

I'm sorry, but just going through more self-inflicted unnecessary pain during childbirth does not automatically make you a better mother!

Did I already mention I have a thing where I fly into a rage once anyone even vaguely hints that I'm being a bad mom? Well, I do. I've been blocking and deleting idiots telling me not to dye my hair/eat certain food/sleep earlier/wear flat shoes etc.

STFU, JUST STFU. Nobody gives two flying fucks whether you are only concerned for me and my baby ok? I don't need your concern - you are merely a stranger to me and for all I know you could be giving me wrong and stupid advice. Which most likely you are because let's face it, empty vessels make the most noise. If you are not a gynecologist or midwife please stop telling me how to handle my pregnancy. Some of these advice givers are KIDS even.

I don't really know how to explain why it is SO infuriating when people keep dishing pregnancy advice to you. Afterall, most of them meant no harm.

I can only say you will understand once you are pregnant, and my agony is magnified thousand-fold because I made my pregnancy a "public" thing.

When my friend got pregnant in 2010 I was very excited about her pregnancy... We weren't close enough to always meet up so I'd always check her facebook for more updates. But to my surprise after her initial announcement and some preggie status updates afterwards, she no longer talked about the baby at all.

For a few months I was scared to ask her why, because I thought she perhaps lost the child. But eventually I did and I asked why she no longer talked about her baby online... She said she didn't want to because these naggy people kept dishing her advice and telling her what to do. She hated it.

I was really confused and at that point thought she was crazy... I thought it was mean of her not to share when some of us genuinely care, just because of some of the irritating people. Surely they shouldn't be such a big deal?

BUT NOW I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND. TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY.

Just imagine - you are the only carrying your child. It is inside you and you love it with all your heart and want the best for it.

But all these people, who are sacrificing nothing for your kid really, keep correcting your parenting decisions like you are a selfish, bad person. Some of them are moms and are clearly judging you and insinuating that they are better moms than you are.

It isn't that bad if they are family or friends, but when they are complete strangers?? Even worse!

What makes these people think they can tell others what to do with their bodies or their lives?

Imagine if you are a fat person and you dine in KFC and every 2 minutes people keep stopping by your table and warning you of heart attack and clogged arteries. Imagine if you are using your cellphone and people keep tapping you on your shoulder saying it will cause radiation and cancer (as proven as hair dyes are harmful to fetuses). Imagine you saved your money to buy a Chanel bag and people keep saying you should be donating to the poor instead when you bring it out. Imagine going through criticism like this everyday for 9 months.

All the above are annoying, but at least they don't insinuate that you love yourself more than your child, which makes you a monster.

People think that just because a baby is innocent and needs to be protected they have a right and worse, an obligation, to do some of the parenting for you. But even social workers don't harass families unless there is proof the child is being neglected.

I'm not doing anything that my gynae doesn't approve of. I'm not smoking, not drinking, or bungee jumping.

I've have enough family and friends to give me advice and help with the baby - I don't need bits and pieces of unproven, internet-found hearsay like "they say pregnant cannot eat ice cream" (actual advice given to me) from strangers, thank you.

If you are so genuinely concerned about innocent babies being harmed I suggest you stage protests outside abortion clinics. 

Please, don't bother yourself with mine. He is FINE.

Ok rant over.

Another question I've been asked... What am I going to name the baby?

After much discussion Mike and I decided on the name

DASHIEL MARQUET SAYRE

His first name is pronounced Dash-uhl not Da-shiel. The original spelling is Dashiell with 2 Ls but Mike said one L looks nicer. The name has no meaning, but it originated from the French surname Da Chiel.

Initially I wanted to name him Tristan, after the lead in one of my favourite movies Stardust, but Mike said he knew a kid from elementary school called Tristan who eats his own boogers, so he was adamant against it. -_-

One day I saw the name Dashiell on a baby names website and it was listed as similar to Tristan (although it really isn't). I immediately liked the name and found it vaguely familiar...

Then I realised it is the name of the little boy in my favourite movie, The Incredibles:

His name is shortened to Dash in the movie but his real name is Dashiell Robert Parr.

Suggested the name to Mike and he likes it so it's decided!

As for the middle name Marquet, it is supposedly the name of a French dude that Mike's ancestors rescued on a ship or something, and it has been passed down to the first born sons, so I guess our kid will take the name. Not too sure how his ancestors will feel as all the the Marquets have been white until now... It is pronounced as Mar-cat.

Ok enough about Dashiel and pregnancy, let's move on to topic 2:

Blogger and the Great Blog Deletion

Do you guys have a mental list of the worst things that can possibly happen to you? Well, I do. I guess the top of the list is people or pets I love dying or being severely hurt, but waking up to my blog being completely deleted and gone is among the top 10 definitely.

And that's what happened 6 days ago.

After since my blog got hacked and deleted in 2005 the idea that it could happen again has haunted me ever since.

I took extra precaution to make sure it won't happen again... This time I backed up my blog entries, made sure my password is complicated and unguessable enough, and transferred my Blogger account from "Xiaxue" to another unguessable username so nobody can hack me.

But still, I woke up to my mom giving me a panicky phone call while I was sleeping, saying my blog has been "removed". She isn't very technically savvy (although I must say she is one of my biggest fans, viewing the blog several times a day) so sometimes she makes mistakes like keying in the wrong url etc, so I just told her "Don't be ridiculous, how can be?"

She said "You go check ok?" and hung up. I checked on the iphone. Indeed it was gone. All that was stated is that the blog has been removed, no other information. The next thing I did was to check Qiuting's blog to see if it's a Blogger problem or outage, but her blog was perfectly fine.

My heart racing, I tumbled out of bed and ran like a mad woman to my PC, which if you saw, you would have been like "OMG please don't run with your big belly"... Turned on the computer and checked my Blogger dashboard (the administrative panel). To my horror, there were 4 other blogs I owned that were still there, but the main, this one, is GONE. Just disappeared.

I changed my password hastily but the more I thought about it the less I thought it is possible that I got hacked. If I did, my password would have been changed and all of the other 4 blogs I owned would have been deleted but they weren't.

I felt so helpless. There was nothing I could do at all. I called my web designer Lionel and he couldn't access the blog either.

Blogger provided me no explanation email, nothing. They provide no support services and there wasn't even an email I could write to to demand a "WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?". The ONLY thing I could do is to write in their STUPID FUCKING FORUM.

I HATE HATE HATE their fucking forum.

Just take a look at this SHIT. Hundreds of people a day all flooding the forum with their Blogger related problems.

The people giving answers are extremely condescending and curt, and if you are rude to them they delete  your thread and lock it up.

When you post there you can't help but feel so SMALL, like your problems don't matter to them, like you are just ONE of the many idiots with a Blogger issue that should be patronised with a canned generic response. 

If it isn't solved, too bad for you.

But from my experience I knew this was the only option I had, so this is what I posted.

As I read on, more and more people posted in the forum saying their blog, too, have been deleted by Blogger for no explanation at all. Some stupid guy called "Nitecruzr" answered everyone with the same reply, saying that their blogs were pulled for "spam". Google mistook their blogs for a spam site and just deleted it - no warning no explanation.

When people questioned or were upset about this, he locked their threads. All you can do is to post on the stupid forum, and wait indefinitely for a review. Some people don't get their blogs back at all. I was so distressed and upset looking at the sheer amount of people which this happened to. They may not earn their living from their blogs like I do, but many mentioned they have blogged on Blogger for many years and I'm sure they all treasure their blogs very much.

Luckily enough for me, I had a friend working for Google's PR and the Nuffnang peeps also had contacts from Google, so they tried to help me find out why the blog was gone.

1 day later I had an email from Blogger's Product Manager. He told me that my blog wasn't pulled for spam like Nitecruzr said - it was removed due to the detection of malware. He said that the immediate removal was for the safety of viewers and in their hastiness they didn't notify the bloggers whose blogs have malware and were working on doing so.

Up till today I have no idea where the malware came from. And worse, my blog was completely deleted from the dashboard, so how can I even fix this problem? And is the blog deleted forever??

It took Blogger 2 days to reinstate my blog back into the dashboard, but this time round it is Locked... I was to remove the malware (which wasn't told to me is what or where) and submit my edited blogskin code for a review.

The review itself took 3 days. Every single day was filled with anxiety and fear... I didn't know how long it was going to take to get the blog back. I had advertisers to answer to. Every hour the url said my blog is removed means a risk of a permanent loss of readers I've worked SO hard for. This blog is my life.

I understand that the malware is my fault but why did Blogger have to completely delete the blog from the dashboard when they could have just locked it? Why was there no explanation given to me till I kicked up a big fuss? Why couldn't they tell me how long a review was going to take instead of making me wait indefinitely?

I can't anymore... This is the last straw. I've used and mostly loved Blogger for TEN years now. TEN.

Throughout these 10 years so many others have left Blogger for Wordpress, Tumblr etc but I haven't. I always believed we could work things out.

Time and again Blogger proved to me that they don't give a shit about their users. They are tyrants, and I guess they have a right to be because us bloggers are not paying users.

It didn't use to be that way... When Blogger was first bought over by Google I thought it was fantastic - with such a big company backing them Blogger would surely be improved.

But it didn't.

Blogger used to have a support email service... The people from there gave me personalized and timely help when my blog got hacked 2005.

Biz Stone, co-founder of Blogger (under Pyra Labs), himself replied my distressed email and helped me. Now Biz has moved on and is the co-founder of Twitter so I doubt he has time to reply random emails anymore, and all the help I could get is from the stupid condescending, uncaring forum.

Time and again Blogger made major changes and never bothered to ask the opinions of their users or even forewarn us.

In 2010 Blogger rolled out "Auto Pagination". A fancy name for a bullshit move. What this means is that there is a bandwidth limit on what you can post on the main page. For example, I used to set the main page to show 7 blog entries. With auto pagination, if my newest post is too long, my main page will only show ONE blog post.

To see the next post readers will have to click on the "next page" button.

And since, as you can see my posts are always very long, this means my main page sometimes shows only ONE post. I was furious about this because:

1) I tell advertisers that their adverts will be left on the main page for at least 7 days... This ain't gonna work now is it?

2) Internet users are lazy. Believe it or not it takes lot for a reader to click on "next page". If, to a new reader, the first post is boring, they may bother to scroll down to read the next post to give the blog another chance, but they will not bother to click the "next page" button. Instead, they will rather just leave and don't come back.

Did Blogger even inform us that auto pagination was going to happen? No. I was so confused for days before I saw a tiny little post on a related Blogger blog about this.

I kicked up a big fuss on the forum and all I got was cutting replies (I believe from stupid Nitecruzr again), giving canned responses about how this decision saves Google so much bandwidth a month and how people were abusing the system by having very long main pages. He also tried to lecture me on how a long main page takes a long time to load and will cost me readers. *rolls eyes* As if I need him to teach me about readership!

There was nothing I could do about this. I even offered to be a premium user by paying monthly so I can not have auto pagination, but I just got ignored.

At this point I wanted to move to wordpress already. But upon migrating to wordpress, I realised my photos, hosted on Google Picasa, do not show up. Sneaky bastards set it such that they can only be viewed on blogspot. So I just tolerated auto pagination.

Second straw:  I've always set my photos to 640 pixels wide. Suddenly Picasa shrunk them to 488 pixels wide. My archives were heavily affected and all my photos became so small. Unless I physically alter the html code for every photo in every post, there was nothing I could do.

Third straw: You know how I always post my photos on Photo of the Moment via mobile? Those photos, sent via email to Blogger, used to be set to 480pixels wide.

They suddenly decided this takes up too much bandwidth and suddenly all the photos shrunk to 360pixels wide. My POTM is specially designed to fit the 480pixels, and it looked so damn stupid afterwards.

Luckily, Lionel found a way to use coding to enlarge the photo...

But this doesn't stop the fact that Blogger does whatever the hell it wants with no regard for their users at all.

I cannot deal with this anymore. I cannot keep anticipating and accepting with meekness each decision they make that can save them bandwidth, or have another change sprung upon me that I don't want for my blog.

I deserve better treatment.


And thus, I am announcing my move to Wordpress. 


I don't care if my archives cannot be seen properly or whatever... I'm the stupid girlfriend that stayed on after being cheated on time and again - it is time to go.

The move will take Lionel some time to implement, but it's happening.

Goodbye Blogger... In 3 months it would have been our 10 year anniversary, but this is when I leave you. It has been mostly good for 10 years, and I will miss you.

p/s: I have a fear that Blogger will delete my blog again after this post - But I don't think they will be so nasty and unprofessional, right?

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Youth Code Eye Essence

Advertorial

Let's talk about our eyes today!!

Starting with a bit of trivia!!

Did you know, that the skin around your eyes is 

at its thinnest, thinner than anywhere else on your face?

At just 0.3mm to 0.5mm, it is about 3-5 times thinner than skin elsewhere on your face, which is usually between 1mm to 1.6mm!!

That's why the skin coutour around the eye area needs all the help it can get!!

Not only is it the most fragile, it also also the most abused...

We put most of our makeup on the eye area and sometimes get a little too violent tugging out falsies or wiping away waterproof mascara...

We rub our eyes when they get itchy, tugging on the paper thin skin there...

And I'm most guilty of this...

I give my eyes no mercy at all whenever I'm awake, staring at my phone's bright sceen, the computer or TV... The stress gets to the eyes, causing constant blinking, dehydration etc.

When it comes to skincare solutions for our eye area, most of us are praying for a solution to the 5 most common problems:

Eeeeks!! Hate all these!!!!!!

Most of us just give up the constant combat, especially for dark eye circles, because it seems impossible to not have any of these!! But... applying concealer isn't really fixing the crux of the problem.

If you want to try a new eye skincare solution, why not give the L'Oreal Youth Code Eye Essence a try?

The Youth Code Eye Essence is a brilliant combination of 2 patented technologies developed by L'Oreal Paris.

Don't want to say too much about the scientific stuff that's in this little powerful bottle, but here's some statistics from tests done on participants:

After 4 weeks of usage:

Elasticity and firmness on average improved by 16%
Fine lines and crows' feet diminished by 12%
Wrinkles reduced by 14%
Overall signs of fatigue decreased by 7%

Can you say wow?

I personally love the ultralight texture.

After application there is no stickiness or oily residue (I worry about causing milia seeds). It is super refreshing and feels so nice on the skin under my tired eyes, absorbing instantly, leaving a velvety silky finish.

After I come home from a long day wearing makeup, I realised that after cleansing and showering my skin, especially around the eyes, become super dry...

After putting on the Youth Code Eye Essence I instantly feel the skin become plumper, hydrated, and firmer!!

Also, application is so easy...

On a clean face (obviously I have makeup on, this is for demo purposes), use the glass dropper to put some eye essence on your ring finger...

Simply use your ring finger to gently dab the Youth Code Eye Essence into your delicate skin. Use once every morning and night... The formula can be used under makeup too.

The result?

Instantly rejuvenated, hydrated skin around your eyes!

And Xmas came early!! The L'Oreal Youth Code Eye Essence retails at a usual price of $34.90 for the 15ml bottle. Totally affordable!

But from November to December, the Youth Code Eye Essence is retailing for only $29.90!!

GRABBBBB!! FIVE DOLLAR DISCOUNT!!

If you are looking for something just as powerful that will care for the rest of your face as well, you can also try out the popular L'Oreal Youth Code Boosting Essence!

Have you thought that somehow, your skincare just doesn't seem to work as effectively as it used to?

Well, the scientists at L'Oreal have discovered that it is because of the "Recovery Gene" in our skin. In youthful skin, the Recovery Gene absorbs active ingredient and fights fatigue up to 5 times than in mature skin!

But don't fret if you are.. old... like me! In this bottle is the secret that can speed up the Recovery Gene in aging skin - the result is not only can it recover the skin's natural recovery capabilities, it also amplifies the effects of any skincare you apply on top of it!

Just imagine - same skincare, twice the results!! That's why this is called the BOOSTING essence, to help you maximize the skincare you already love!


You can find the Youth Code Eye Essence and Youth Code Boosting Essence at Watsons, Guardian, Sasa, selected departmental stores and major hypermarkets.

If you want to find out more or keep yourself updated, remember to LIKE L'Oreal's facebook page!

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