Friday, May 23, 2003

I was just thinking about Phobias we all have.

When I was a cute little baby (please note that I was born a winner. 1984 baby queen. I was on the News, which has much less important things to report then, without Sars and Wars, thus they reported on baby competitions)... Ok ok not exactly a baby. I just brought up the baby thing to talk about my winning of the competition. Lets start again...

When I was a little girl, my daddy brought me out to this field to play. He was carrying me and then he released his hands from beneath my armpits and sat me on on the grass. Very unfortunately, he sat me down on an ant hill. And it belonged to BIG RED ANTS.

Big red ants do not read the newspaper as far as I know, so although what was sitting on them was a Baby Queen's ass, they were not flattered. They are grouchy man-hating insects because we all know that during Lantern Festivals we keep burning them with cheap candles for hearing that cute 'pop' sound they make when they explode. Ahhh... fond memories. But the point is that they dunch like humans. So they bite whenever they have the chance.

I cried and cried and my dad carried me to one of those machines where u sit on it and it plays music and moves when u put in 20 cents. My tears finally dried up and and I was rocking happily on the horse, to my dad's immerse relief, when I felt something itchy on my scalp. I scratched and it was another big red ant IN MY HAIR!! The crying started all over again. Oh my poor dad...

From then on, I have this phobia for big red ants, not to mention having anyone trying to sit me down on weird fields, though the latter does not happen anymore.

When I was a little girl, once again, my mum helps me cut my toenails. She cut into the flesh of the fourth toe. From then on, I have a phobia of cutting the nail on the fourth toe.

When I cut the toenails for a dog I used to have (not cloudy, another one), I accidentally cut into the flesh as well. The poor thing yapped painfully and (this is quite funny actually) hopped around on 3 legs for a few circles. It stayed angry with me for 3 days, that petty thing. From then onwards I have a phobia for cutting all sorts of toenails.

Thats about all the phobias I have. I'm not afraid of the usual like heights and such (bungee jumped b4), but there is one last phobia that is recently acquired.

I am scared of the MRT gantries closing on me.

Lets go into a different topic altogether. Basically, it is called Cheating On the LTA. (*ahem in case any LTA ppl read this and wants to sue me, the experiences are all written by a friend of mine. *ahem*)

You see, I just refuse to pay my bus/mrt fares properly. They are too freaking expensive!

Before the Ezlink was invented, there were several ways to cheat.


Over use your bus stamp. I know alot of ppl do this and it is highly use-able coz I over-used my bus stamp for 7 months (jan till July)before my mum bought the August one for me herself.

Throughout this 7 months, I got caught 2 times only.

Theres a way to do it. When u get up the bus, pretend to be digging in ur bag for ur bus pass. The bus driver will wait a few seconds for u to show him before he decides he muz start the bus moving already. Then, when he decides to do this, his eyes will be on the road as he drives out. Precisely at this moment u show him ur bus pass and he cant be bothered to look anymore coz he muz concentrate on the road.

Complete the process with "Paiseh hor Uncle!" and he will smile kindly at you.

Once when I got caught it was coz I stupidly sat on the first seat directly behind the bus driver. When he reached the next stop he asked me to show him my bus pass again. So point is, sit far far behind.

What happens when the bus conductor comes? Tell him u paid by coins and say that ur ticket is lost. Complete this with a gasp and say that u are really sorry and pass him some coins.

Just use child farecard lor. When u get caught, break down, cry, and say that there is some family money problems at home and u seriously didnt mean to cheat.

Now with Ezlink, it is more difficult to cheat. Nonetheless, it still can be done.

- If there are alot of ppl going on board, just dun beep. Remove ur Ezlink from your wallet and tap ur empty wallet AT THE EXACT SAME TIME AS ANOTHER PAYING CUSTOMER. The bus driver will be confused as to which one of u actually paid. He wun be bothered to ask. If the paying customer glares at you, glare back at him/her and act as if u were the one who paid, that despicable scumbag!

- If you just graduated from JC and thus had ur EZlink suddenly turned to Adult fare by itself, flash ur Ezlink and pay 55 cents by coins. Can save alot this way.

- Buy a parrot and train him to make that *beep!* sound the card makes. Bring him on board everytime and dun pay, but tap a wallet void of any EZlinks inside. Although the bus driver knows that it was the parrot who made that sound, he wun stop you cause he will think u are bloody cute.

- If u are too hum to cheat and yet dun have money to pay adult fare, just go be a bus driver and u can have free rides.

My new-found phobia is caused by my cheating on MRTs.

There is only one way to cheat on the MRT, besides using ur sibling's child farecard, and that is to rush in with the person before you. The gates take a relatively long time to close, so if the person before you moves at a normal rate, u should be able to go in with him/her. Similarly u get out by following another person.

This method requires both courage and MRT stations with a lot of ppl. It is sickeningly scary coz it can be quite obviously seen by the MRT ppl. But then again it is worth it coz MRT rides are so bloody expensive.

So far I did this for a month and I didnt get caught before.

There was once I stupidly followed this ah mah out and she walked super slow and I was almost unsuccessful.
Another time I followed this fellow, who was following the fellow in front of him, thus the gantries closed on me. That kind of coincidence happening means that alot of ppl are using this method to cheat.

And alot of ppl cheating means the govt will know.

So the govt made the gantries close immediately after the person goes in.

And the trial station happens to be Jurong East. (also my MRT station)

So one day, I followed this lady in and the gantries closed before I could enter. My stomach hit the red flaps and it was quite embarrassing. I waited for a while and tried again. This time, I got hit again.

I resigned to fate and paid cold hard coins for that ride.

Thus the story ends on a sad note, which is that there is absolutely no way to cheat on MRTs, except to steal ur sibling's child EZlink, which I did. It depends though coz June still does this sometimes and she says that Pasir Ris does not have the Close-faster-than-your-fat-ass-can-get-in gantries like unfortunate Jurong East.

And from that day onwards, I have a phobia of MRT gantries closing on me even though I honestly paid for my trip. =(