Monday, June 30, 2003

I think I wrote too much in the past few entries. Can't imagine that one stupid story about Jonathon becomes 3 entries! Gosh. So I shall fill this entry with pictures. U groan and say that it will take a billions years for the page to load!

AHA! But good things got to wait one mah. Just go play minesweeper a bit and when u come back, the page is magically filled with my words.

Alternatively if u are one of those ppl who STILL dunno how the hell minesweeper works, u can go to Kazaa and download porn lor.

Anyway, today's theme will be kinky. It is UNIFORMS.


I look hideous in that pic and I am afraid no amount of photoshop can save me. And I suspect XF and PY wun like me to publish their pics too. Thus that jap girl's head.

Who is that jap gal, so pretty.....? Why, its me and my two twin sisters of course. And oh yeah dammit. I think I am really too much into banqueting. Notice I stood with that polite banquet pose!

New Park hotel

I tried to photoshop XF's pic... Looks a little weird to me... Nvm lar... Anyway the colour looks wrong. It shld be a hideous purple. Strangely, after I photoshopped XF's pic I felt like I am one of those designers hugging their models. Typically the designer is short, ugly and very proud of his work. I think I look like that in the pic.

Many of u asked me how the Tiger Beer uniform looks like. So I took a picture.

Not very sleazy right? Itz to knee length somemore. It may be interesting to note that Angmohs seem to love that uniform alot. Someone (a lady) once requested to buy it from me.

Okie I'm sorry the pictures are not kinky at all. LOL... I just dun feel like blogging.

Oh yeah I managed to kop bernard's extra hp for temporary usage.

I feel very pleased with myself. In fact, I dun feel like returning the hp to him at all. Perhaps I will pretend to quarrel with him and refuse to answer his calls. AND THEN THE HP WILL BE MINE, MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

OK I am going mad already.

Lets end this on a light and fluffy note.

Cloudy is absolutely cute, ain't he?

Yes, thats my foot alright.

Sunday, June 29, 2003

Lets start the blog entry with today's events first. Oh no this entry is gonna be super duper long again.

Eddy the efficient engineer is no longer an engineer. He is an army boy all over again... Yup, reservist. I met up with him today for dinner with some of his army pals. Typically, I asked him whether his army friends are cute.

Typically he said yes, very cute.

U just can't expect a decent answer when u ask guys if their buddies are cute. They would surely say yes, and in the end turns out kannasai. U men shld stop deceiving us gals like that. It is very rude when we make a screwed up disgusted face when the said friend arrives. At least say "ok lar...", which is universal language for hideous, to let us have some preparations mah...

I saw Eddy first, and I was like "Hmmmm... first time seeing him in non-office clothes... That thin white tee looks totally gorgeous with the muscles underneath it shouting out that they are well-trained for the precise purpose of wearing thin white tees... Yum..."

And then this other guy in front caught my attention. Ah, buying a cake, quite cute.

Eddy shouted out, "Hey Edmund!"

Cute Edmund turned around and shook my hand. What, all cute guys have their names starting with E nowdays?

Anyway heres a group photo I took. I'm sorry Eddy, for betraying u and posting the picture. Anyway since u love me u will forgive me, right? LOL

Ah, I dun think I need to say who is Edmund. Eddy said he is practising using that forced smile on photos nowdays. The pursed lips look quite bad. I think he just had enough of people calling him a pretty boy, and is trying to make himself look ugly. Or perhaps he doesn't wanna look so gay. When u are fit and cute u tend to look gay. Since he can't minus the fit, minus the cute then.

I would like to say that I had a very bad hair day today. This further proves the theory right that whenever I would have a bad hair day whenever I meet up with people I would want to attract.

Oh wait, since I had a bad hair day BEFORE meeting the people I would like to impress, it could mean that it works the other way. Whenever I have a bad hair day, people I would like to impress would ask me out. That sounds slightly better.

Shld I purposely make myself have bad hair days then? Hmmm...

No wonder Eddy looks so unhappy.

I know no one is looking at the humans in the picture. Everyone is looking at the golden beer. LOL... Oh yeah speaking of Eddy. He said that he had a friend of his who actually called him to tell him that his pic is on the world wide web.

Recently I keep getting startled with the readership of the blog. It is seriously scaring me. Random ppl on irc come to talk to me and say that they have read my blog.

Inspired by the popularity, I did a very narcissic thing. I did a search on the words 'Xiaxue blog'. AHA! Guess what I found!

I am utterly disgusted by her.
She wrote: wah lao..haha.. oh i read the xiaxue blog liao.. she so xian herself to ayumi..pls lorx.. wah remind me of sum1 say sum1 in my class look like ayumi..oh my...pls lorx.. ayumi so so to compare..


2) Since when did I compare myself with Ayumi? Gosh, I merely tried to imitate her. (digital camera pic remember? The one in the background.)

3) Shut up with all ur "lorx, sia, knnccb, cum" etc etc ah lian language, it is irritating the lungs outta me! I have like NO idea why people like to use the word "cum" to replace come. Its just an alphabet extra to write, cmon! Got lazy until lidat meh?? And it immediately changes the meaning to a word so crude. Bleah.

4) I feel like slapping you with Eddy's used facial blotter, which looks like that:

If u thought that ah lians dun blog u are terribly wrong! Please do click on the link to freak urself out. I had no idea my blog's address has got into the realm of Lians and Bengs. Certain types of people just can't appreciate my kinda humour I guess. Post a picture of urself imitating a star, and they say you bu yao lian already lor. I mean, lorx!

-_- how are u supposed to pronouncex everythingx withx anx x behindx itx?

This one is better:
(to havenized I hope u dun mind me copying this out...)

highly recommended blog of the day! --

ha if u wanna read some haha-blog go to this! This girl is really damn funny.. she manages to make me laugh like mad in every entry.. ok frankly speaking i dunno her.. she's my fren's fren's fren's fren... hmmm... haha.. man i think she's talented! haha if she ever sees this think her ego will burst! haha..

*smilez* Help me my ego is bursting! =)

And then a comment her friend left:

[chong] hahaha. i think she can start collecting money from pple reading her blog oredi... wah she's gonna be famous. soon everyone will be talking abt her in town den the media will crowd her house to interview her n hahaha gawd noes wt'll happen... the guy she likes will come back n beg her to accept him! yah meanwhile let's just continue to let her entertain us.

Thank you, although the compliments are not meant to be heard by me.

I guess some ppl think that compliments will make me pompous and conceited, but I would like to disagree. Generally people are much more stingy with compliments than criticism, so for every encouragement u give me, possibly someone has told me to give up blogging. It strikes a balance, somehow.

Haha once again heres a big *HUG* to all those who gave my encouragements!
Alright enough about today.

Lets talk about Jonathon.

I found a love letter I once wrote to him. I think it sounds quite mushy so dun puke yeah?

The princess felt warm lips softly touch her supple skin and a magical tingling feeling swept over her. Slowly, she opened her eyes, and let her senses recover from the long sleep. She felt strong hands on her own fragile ones, and when her pupils met his she immediately knew he was the one for her. Slipping a diamond ring onto her finger, the prince said huskily, "Marry me, my goddess.." She swallowed hard. Staring at the chiselled face and those deep set eyes, she could not bring herself to say the "Yes!" exploding in her heart but instead just nodded happily.

NO! Wait... Wrong wrong wrong. Fairy tales cheat naive little girls into thinking those creatures from mars with the dangly thing are actually good-natured. Only from experience would they know these creatures are capable of deep cruelty(Raping, ditching, two-timing, blowjobs etc), doesn't help the princess do the dishes, neglects princess because of football, etc.

As I slowly climbed out of adolescence, I must say I had more than my fair share of bad male behaviour (I say male beacuse some are actually inhumane). To begin with there was Kristopher with "I have five girlfriends currently! Stop pestering me, I am not interested in a patch up!". My neighbours were deafened by the sound of my heart breaking. And then there were guys who run away when namely: They see my pimples, they know I don't wanna have sex, they see my height, they know they can't cheat my money coz I am too smart, etc. I got so used to the excuse "I need to concentrate on my studies" to get a break up that I wonder whether it is published somewhere or my bfs actually consult my exs on how to break up with me.

My prince is NEVER gonna come
(cum, whahahhahaha! My prince is never gonna cum! Imagine if I used cum!! Wahahhaha... Oops sorry self amusement. Lets continue.), I thought. He must have died fighting Liverpool fans, or dranks too much beer and turned into a beer dispenser. Boy, how wrong was I! He came in disguise, with a fake name Jonathon Yeow, beacuse he knew "Prince Charming" was too obvious. He even put a spell to suck up his muscles for more reality. I wasn't suspicious; he managed to pull the wool over my eyes for some time.

But the problem is, he slowly revealed loopholes. He shines like sunlight during my darkest times, putting DeBeers to shame. He is so patient snails take him as an idol, and more supportive than Triumph and Wocoal combined. He is so caring my mum felt guilty, and so sweet, cake and lollipops hug each other, crying.

He is accomodating in every way possible, and loves me so much that earthquakes wouldn't have stopped him from meeting me. He is, I discovered, actually a skinny angel without wings.
(Jonathon is very thin)

Two months. I have been with my angel for two months already! I pinch myself everyday expecting to wake up from my sweet dream, and expect his phone number to have never existed in the first place. Nope, that didn't happen. It seems like he is here to stay, complete with a family! Well even angels don't like to be taken for grant, so, my angel, I just wanna tell u that I love you so! You are truly one in a billion and once in a lifetime. Please don't ever leave me; I would be in such a loss! :) Thanks for everything u have done for me!

After reading this u are possibly thinking:

1) How come prince became angel halfway?

I dunno. Blunder. Seem like Jonathon didn't notice though, he merely gave me a smile and a hug.

2) Can I copy this whole chunk to write to my bf/gf?

I am generous. Since Jonathon did not appreciate this, someone else shld. That is IF u think it is a nice love letter lar. Feel free to delete his name and attributes to put someone elses in, but if he/she asks whether u wrote this urself, u better say no. This is not coz I want credit for my writing. This is coz u will never know if ur bf/gf reads my blog one day. U wun wanna get into that kinda trouble.

3) Did you ever use this essay for other guys as well? *wink wink*

Nope. The first reason is that the hard copy of this was lost for a few years and I just found it in that Jonathon pile of photos. In fact, when Jonathon broke up with me, I did the very sensible thing which most people cannot bring themselves to do.

That is, to destroy (or hide) everything single thing that strongly reminds u of him. U keep the happy photo frames lying around, and u can jolly well wallow in self-pity thinking Boohoohoo we used to be so happy, why did this all have to change boohoohoo why why why when I love him so much he doesn't love me anymore! everyday. Thats not healthy.

I suggest u pass the happy photos to me and I will help u photoshop Brad Pitt/Jennifer Aniston beside you, depending on ur preference.

Needless to say, the toothbrush he/she used to use shld be thrown away too. *ahem* Face it, he/she is not coming back anymore. If ur toothbrush happens to be Lion brand, which is very difficult to find, I suggest u try to erase off the SHIRLEY on it and let other guests use it, unwittedly. U can then snigger while they brush their teeth.

The letter plus photos plus teddy bears plus lovegetys of Jonathon remained lost at the top of my cupboard until I found it recently.

The second reason is that I no longer think any guy would be shiny, patient, caring, supportive, sweet, accomodating and have met me during earthquakes. Most ironic of all would be the sentence It seems like he is here to stay,... Stay my foot. I have learnt that we can never conclude such things, can we? Just as we are so sure, the person leaves. Wonderful.

I had this ex classmate, who when she was 17, told us she is gonna get married once she gets outta poly. Her bf is 27 and they were together for merely half a year. I asked her how come so can be so sure the fella is gonna marry her, has he proposed already?

She said no, he didn't propose or anything, but she is sure.

I told her she can never be sure. Men... Who can be sure about what they think? 3 years (till poly ends) is a long time, skarly also break liao.

She angrily said their love is strong.

Her love for him is relatively strong I guess, thats undeniable. Thats coz the last I heard of her was that the bf beat her up, and yet she still stayed on with him. I can totally understand. I felt like beating her up sometimes too. But she is a totally different subject altogether, lets go back to Jonathon.
(story continued. Blogger sucks.)
So why did Jonathon break up with me?

I like to think that it is coz he is a weirdo.

Alright, it happened like this.

First, a little introduction. Jon is in tp. His project group members consist of guys and 2 malay girls. Gillian (actually I think I forgot the name) is an IRC friend of his, who is attached herself, yet msgs Jonathon every single day.

Her typical msg was like this: "I am having tuition now."

WTF! I was with Jonathon the whole day so I know he did not ask her what she is doing. She is mad. I hate her! This kinda msg tell her bf lar, tell my bf for fuck! Jonathon claims he doesn't like Gillian, but Gillian once liked Jonathon before. They dun talk on the phone, and have known each other for ard a year, and met up 2 times before.

That day Jonathon told me he was doing project with his group mates IN SCHOOL. SCHOOL LAB OPEN ON A SUNDAY! I actually was dense enough to believe that crap!

Okie we can start now.

It was a beautiful Sunday. Typically, I was at my grandfather's place. In fact, I was winning Mahjong with my aunties. Suddenly I received a msg from a mutual friend of Jonathon's and mine.

It read: "Hey, are u still together with Jonathon?"

Ominous foreboding. I replied yes and asked her why she asked.

She said, typically, "Nothing."

I told her to TELL ME!

She said she saw Jonathon at Orchard with this Chinese girl. I told her she must have mistaken lar, Jon in school doing project. She enlightened me that school is not open on Sundays. PLUS, she can't have mistaken him coz he even stopped to say hello to her.

I called Jonathon.

Me: "Where are u?"

Jon: "In school doing project with Brian they all, why?"

Me: "You sure u in school?"

Jon: "Yeah, why?" *trys to change topic* "Where are u?"

Me: "Ask Brian to come to the phone please?"

Jon: "He went toilet, why leh?"

Me: "I dun care, bring the phone to the toilet now. Or u can ask the other guys to come talk to me."

Jon: "Okie"

-I patiently wait for a ridiculous 10 minutes or so-

Jon: "Okie lar, I am not in school."

Me: "Who are u with?"

Jon: "Classmate Hui Juan."

Me: "What are u doing in Orchard with her?"

Jon: "Doing survey for our project lor..."

Me: "Yeah right ur group members only got malay girls. Where got Hui Juan inside?"

Jon: "This is another project!"

Me: "Why can't u tell me the truth when I asked?"

Jon: "Coz I scared u angry with me for going out with girls."

Me: "BULLSHIT! I am so unreasonable one meh? She is ur CLASSMATE leh!"

Jon: "Hiyah, how I know?''

Me: *My instincts tell me they are not doing project at all. Yeah perhaps Project Rendevous.* "Ask Hui Juan to come to the phone please."

Jon: "okie."

Hui Juan: "Hello?"

Me: "You are Hui Juan? Sorry, I would like to ask u a few questions coz I suspect that Jonathon is lying to me. I hope u can just help me clarify if I am mistaken okie?"

Hui Juan: "Yeah okie."

Me: "What course are u in?"

Phoney Hui Juan: "Tourism."

This one is easy enough.

Me: "What class are u in?"

Phoney Hui Juan: "erm... Gimme a minute, the phone's reception is bad, I can't hear what u said, can u repeat? Wait ah wait ah."

-I waited another ridiculous 10 minutes, and whats more appalling is that I actually HEARD, loud and clear, Jonathon shout out the answer to her as if it took him tremendous efforts to understand her sign language and when he did, he must announce the answer triumphantly. Jonathon is a dumb ass.-

Hui Juan announced that she is in 1T03 as if she too, is very proud to have passed my test.

I told her that I can hear Jonathon telling her the answer in the background. She replied weakly that no, that didn't happen.

So I asked her the module she is doing this project for. In actual fact I didn't know as well, so if she is smarter and just bombarded an answer confidently, I would have to believe it. For the moment only. Coz once I reach a computer I would go to TP's site to see if there is such a module, of course.

And if she is smarter she shld have took out her hp and via typing an sms ask Jonathon what this module is. But smart people do not date jerks like Jonathon (yes I was once dumb. My expectations are much higher now.), and smart people do not need tuitions.
(story continued. Blogger sucks.)
Jonathon took over the phone and told me that he is actually with Gillian. I was crying like mad already at this point of time, so he volunteered to come to find me. He asked me to give him 2.5 hours.

I told him from Orchard to CCK dun need two hours lor, he still wanna go watch movie with her izzit!

He said he is sending her home. WTF! Still wanna send the slut home! Actually she is not a slut lar, but heck, I feel pissed with her stupidity.

When Jonathon came finally, he came with gifts for me so I was relatively pacified. And then he had to spoil the moment by saying that the gifts are chosen by Gillian. Oh, so that successfully makes ME the unreasonable and horrible slut, since all they did while going out was to buy stuff for me, yet I made such a big fuss.

And then Jonathon requested for me to allow him to meet Gillian, twice a month, alone. I didn't feel like agreeing, but it was an ultimatum from him. Agree, or a break up.

The relationship went downhill from there. I don't understand what is so important about Gillian, that he had to sacrifice so many things for her. He is already busy enough with his guy friends, yet he wants to squeeze in time for her, thus sacrificing time for meeting me as well. He is willing to let me feel upset about his decision. He is actually threatening a break up for her.

He claims that Gillian and him can talk, and they are very good friends. WTF, meet for 2 times (make it 3) only, good friends??? Never talked on the phone, good friends??? How much does Gillian even know about him, gosh...

So yeah from there I keep suspecting stuff about Jonathon, coz I no longer feel confident about his love for me, and also coz he deceived me once. I think he also buay tahan my possessiveness. He buay tahan, then he got more impatient with me. The more impatient with me, the more insecure I feel, and the more possessive I became. Vicious cycle went on lor.

We couldn't really be bothered about each other coz it was exam time. One day, he asked me to go to TP (Imagine the distance, SP to TP) find him after his last paper.

And then he gave me that serious look and said he has thought about it decided we needed a break. I said okie lor.

And he stood up and left me at Tampines mall alone while he left for church. I was so angry with him making me travel all the way there (last time SP doesn't have Dover MRT yet) to tell me one fucked up sentence that I comtemplated shouting to his retreating back "You shld see a doctor for semen which is half transparent and half white is NOT NORMAL!!!!"

I didn't coz
1) I was too hum chee.
2) I guess it would make me look like the whore.
3) That attack is way below the belt.
3) The people at the macdonalds we are in will possibly not see Jonathon again. I might as well announce it in my blog, where u guys can see his picture as well. Thats for being so mean, Jonathon! And also, even if Jonathon ever find out and he wants to take revenge by eg setting up a blog to say my boobs are fake, his blog possibly doesn't have as much readers, so it is fine with me. Well I guess this is still way way below the belt, but heck, Jonathon can't sue me coz what I said is true.

Btw for those of u who has semen half transparent and half white, it would mean u are slightly impotent coz semen is transparent while sperms are white. The whole thing shld be a normal dense barley colour. U shld see a doctor.

Oh yeah I forgot to mention that I tried to contact Jonathon again to maintain just a simple friendship, but he actually asked me not to disturb him as he is very happy with his present gf. WTF. I told him that I am not interested in him anymore, just wanted to keep our friendship.

He said he has enough friends, thank you.

WTF. I totally hate guys like that.

A few weeks ago I saw him with his gf. AHA! Believe it or not, I actually had a veyr good hair day that day. And fortunately enough, I just blotted my oily face so I'm quite sure I looked my prime. And in contrast the gf is ugly, common and looks like she can accept half transparent sperms. Ah well, good for him.

I'm gonna end up marrying Eddy the efficient engineer and I will ask Jonathon to sit at the wedding table (at Ritz Carlton of course) with assorted exs and place them with priests from City Harvest and people with body odour.

I hope Jonathon would ask for a lemon.

Friday, June 27, 2003

Two days ago when I was working at Ritz (whats new?) there was this English dinner. After English dinners chocolate pralines are served on this nice looking glass dish.

Absolutely heavenly looking chocolate pralines.

I looked left. Looked right. No manager looking. Popped one white chocolate praline into my mouth. WHOOOOSH! Orgasms rushing in! Ah, the tongue is a very good muscle indeed. The smooth and sweet white chocolate exterior was crushed by my eager teeth to spill out itz insides, soft wet hazelnut.

It was as good as it lasted. But is one orgasm enough??? I dun get them from men, so eating chocolates is my only solution! I want more! I need more!

I looked left. Looked right. No manager still. I stole all the remaining pralines and stuffed them all into my pocket. Urgh! One pocket full liao. Never, put into another pocket. Aiyah, this pocket got my hps inside, dammit. Nvm lar, can still put 2 pralines.

I happily gave some orgasm-inducing pralines to some colleagues after eating my fill.

Is this all written just to make u envious of me? Of course not. U see, I got my just punishments for the greed I had.

I put a hand into my pocket to check out the time from my hp. YIKES! It is full of chocolate!

It was terrible. I spent a good 15 minutes in the toilet cleaning it up. The chocolate managed to squeeze itself into the hole for charging and for the earpiece. it squeezed through the keypad onto the insides of the fone. It squeezed onto the battery even. Luckily enough, only my 8250 kanna.

No doubt it caused my 8250 to go berserk.

Today Eddy called me. Chatting halfway, the phone gave an unpleasant clicking sound as if announcing the tremendous amount of suffering it was going through. And then it really died.

I thought to myself: "Wah lau that Eddy ah, talk halfway hang my call. And dunno how to call back one lor..."

I had no idea that it is Eddy who must have thought I am a rude bitch. (I later discovered as Xf's call got cut off too that it was MY phone with the problem.) But thats not the point. The point is, I need a new phone!

There are 3 phones that I like currently. Samsung's T500, 8910 (titanium) and 6100. I like T500 the most, but I think it is freaking expensive and I can't really afford it. Nice diamonds on the cover. Glittering diamonds just so complete my bimbo look!

I dun like 8910 coz it looks like a coffin, but heck, it will make me look rich. Imagine a person using a 8910 and another using 7250. Who looks richer? I just need to couple it with my Gucci/LV bag to complete the tai tai look.

Plus u can continue using 8910 for a century and just say "I bought it at one grand u know! Change phone for fuck? -Scoffs-" when people comment that ur phone is ancient.

A few ppl told me I am very dumb for wanting to buy 8910 coz it is an old model, it is ugly, and it doesn't come with polyphonic ringtones, colour screen, and camera, etc etc. I dun care about polyphonic ringtones coz it is simply not worth the money to download it. Free ringtones u say? Alright. We rich people simply do not play with silly things like ringtones. Colour screen is not very important to me too. Camera? I got a perfectly good one which I take everywhere already.

I found one at yahoo auctions for $350. Great huh, $350 I can fake that I bought it at a grand. Wonderful.

6100 is if I can't find a good deal for the first 2 phones. In fact, I think people who bought 6610 are worthy of some sympathy. Thats u, Eddy, June, Xf and the rest of the world! 6610 has transformed successfully from a "wow!" phone to a "oh, I have one too." phone. Price plummeting horribly. 6610 is now one of the lousiest colour phones around. With 6100 I expect the same situation to happen as well.

Haiz, all these headaches for stealing some chocolates. Anyone selling the phones I want???? Or any admirer gonna buy it for me? Poor Wendy doesn't have a phone to use! Boohoohoo.

This blog entry is gonna be long, just to warn you. My blogging thirst has grown these few days; I was so deprived of it. Good news for my fans though, those who are punching their fists into the air and throwing confetti when I just announced that this entry wuld be long. Thats coz I will be buying Enormous Ek's pda from her, at a measly $40. With the device taken with me everywhere I go, I can now blog everything which is interesting without forgetting what happened when I reach home.

Speaking of EK, she is very happily in Melbourne currently. She must be a very happy horny girl! Did u know that Australia airs porn on all its channels after 11pm? That cool ain't it? Australia porn stars must earn a lot.

I would like to interrupt myself. I just went to cook some spuuer for myself and guess what I found. It is ur worst horrors confirmed when u crack open an egg.

I think I just killed a life! It looks like a little pink chicken embryo to me, complete with a curled up look. Either it is an embryo, or this chicken has cervix cancer or something. Anyway, I felt quite guilty that I killed a cute chick. But I was thinking:

1) It is the guy who choose this egg to sell that caused the chick's death.
2) It is the chicken's own fault for shagging that cock.
3) It is the chicken's own fault for being a stupid organism and thus not able to stop its eggs from being taken away from humans, or even shout out loud that that egg is fertilised.
4) It is God's fault for not making fertilised eggs have a red dot on it or something, so that we wun eat fertilised eggs.
5) Even if the chick hatched outta the egg and say, it manages to escape out of the fridge, Cloudy will eat it up in a jiffy.

It is absolutely not my fault that I cracked its life up. In fact, I decided I blame that chicken for traumatizing me and spoiling my meal.

(In case u guys are wondering what I did with that egg, I took a spoon and tore, with some difficulty, the embryo from the egg yolk and cooked the rest scrambled style.)

Back to normal blog topics.

I just found some of Jonathon (my 7-month ex bf) photos!

XF likes this photo alot. She thinks Jon and I look very loving coz we both look so happy. Eh, I guess we were happy, during the first 6 months or so. Very happy.

Jonathon took this photo himself. He was in Manchester visiting his sis so he took this photo to send to me to let me see. Ah, the grass seems greener in England. Perhaps that lame saying about the grass being always greener at the other side is correct then.

Jonathon gave me this card.

Oh man, I can't believe I once felt so loved. Long time since I last felt that way. Seems to have lost confidence in myself after Jonathon left me. I just keep thinking no one will ever love me unconditionally again.... Bleah.

I know what u are thinking.

1) Stop the mushy stuff, it is making me nauseous.
2) Jonathon's handwriting is extremely ugly.

I agree with both. I'm sure everyone wants to know how Jon and I broke up right? It is a long story, I shall write about it tml.
Dammit, this is actually part of the previous blog but blogger claims it is too long to publish. I guess I am THAT longwinded. So this part is about Harry Potter anyway.

For the ignorant/I dunch-read-what-everyone-else-is-reading people who dun know, The Order of The Phoenix comes in 2 different versions, the adults and kids version.

The picture is what u get when u remove the paper cover from the adults version. Someone actually asked why I carry a bible around. I told her that J K Rowlings might write pretty well, but she is no god. That girl apparently had no idea who J K Rowlings was so she switched the topic, still convinced in her head that I am a loyal christian.

Someone asked me why I bought the adults version instead of the kids one, coz the kid's cover looks far more vibrant. In fact, if u looked carefully, the silly yellow phoenix is actually smiling. How ridiculous! A smiling phoenix!

When ppl ask me why I choose the adult's version I always say this:

"Huh u dunno meh!!! Harry Potter is now officially 15 years of age in this book! The Adults version contains sex scenes which are deleted in the kid's version! In fact, the first sentence of the book starts with: Harry wanked again yesterday thinking of Hermione."

I think people actually believed me till I said the last sentence.

I was just thinking about sex in the magical world. (please do not read the following if u dun read Harry Potter, coz u wun understand.)

Gal: Darling, lets have sex!

Guy: But I'm watching Quidditch and nothing can make me erected right now! Nor distracted for that matter!

Gal: Eh! I want sex!

Guy: No!

Gal: Indeed. Imperio!

Guy: Oh honey, lets have sex now!

Gal: Hmmm... Good boy. U shall do as I say now. Quietus TV!

-Rooms lacks of the ambience-

Gal: Accio (summon) candles! Incendio (light up) candles! Your dick is too small!

Guy: I can't help that.

Gal: Engorgio penis! Ahh.. Itz much bigger now! I would like to feel some pain to complete the pleasure. Curse me!

Guy: Crucio!

Gal: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh......!

LOL.. I think I am mad. Anyway itz getting late and I got work at Ritz again tml night... More blogging tml!

Thursday, June 26, 2003

On Sunday, June 22, 2003, I wrote:
For 3 days of the 6 days we are working, we have to wake up at 6 am coz some rich company is hosting a 3 day conference at Ritz for itz employees. Breakfast everyday.

On Thursday, June 19, 2003, I wrote:
So Pantene, Vidal Sassoon, H & S, Ascend and Rejoice all have a fair share of the market for their different target audience? Yeah right. They all belong to this disgustingly big company called Procter and Gamble. P & G. I know coz I once worked for them as a shampoo promoter. The building is so disgustingly big, and they are earning so much, that they can afford big plush cushions everywhere and a few playstations laying around for its employees to relax. Relax of course... Money is rolling in, why bother?

P & G not only semi-monopolises the shampoo market. Whisper and Pringles belong to them too. Among other household items.

Today, June 26, 2003, I am very very tired coz of the stupid functions going on at the Ritz. I was wrong about just breakfast everyday. This group of guests have breakfast at 7am, coffee break at 10am, lunch at 1am, tea break at 3pm and dinner at 7pm.

When they finished their breakfast, we have to clear their used plates and set it again for them for the next eating session, at the same tables. 2 knives, 3 forks, one spoon, one coffee cup, one coffee saucer, one teaspoon, one big plate, one small plate, one napkin and one butter knife for EACH guest. Imagine the stupid amount of work we do!

Thats not counting walking in and out to get their drinks for them, setting up the buffet table, and pouring coffee.

I hate the job! It is so freaking tiring. So tiring that I am gonna sleep without blogging about Harry Potter, thus also making me very lagging in the current blog trend, dammit.

And u guessed which filthy rich company has booked Ritz Carlton for 3 whole days, inclusive of rooms for the guests. 350 guests!

Lets do the math shall we?

1 room = $175

Say 3 guests stay in a room.

$175 X (350/3) X 3 days: $60,900.

Breakfast: Let it be complimentary for the mass amount spent on room.

Lunch, booked Ritz Carlton's expensive Snappers restaurant. Which means the restaurant can't earn money for 3 days!

Minimum, one table $500.
Booked 35 tables: $500 X 35 tables X 3 days = $52,500.

Dinner, English set, at the Grand Ballroom.

Minimum one table $1,000.
$1,000 X 35 tables X 3 days = $105,000.

2/3 of the guests flew in from other countries.

Minimum air ticket price for each employee: $300

$300 X 350 = $105,000.

We have not included stuff like booking the grand ballroom for its conferences and the other activities the company no doubt planned for the employees.

The total amount is an obscene $323,400! It doesn't look obscene enough. Lets triple the price coz I'm sure theres some hidden cost. $972,200!!!!

Actually it is still not very obscene lar. It can just buy a car for some of us (can it? I dunno..) but for P & G, it is just a puny amount isn't it?

Dammit, I think God reads my blog, not that I believe in his existence. Now I know cannot talk bad about ppl liao, it will come back as retribution! The staff of P & G are simply torturing me!

Some silly woman asked for a sliver of lemon today.

"Excuse me, can I have a piece of lemon please?"

What the fuck u want the fucking lemon for? My legs gonna break liao lar! Eat one less lemon will die ah! Nope, I'm not gonna go trouble myself to get it for you! The money ur company is paying me is not enough for me to go take a lemon for you! No, I'm not gonna take it!

"Sure mam. How many pieces do you want?"

"Just a few slices will do."

Fuck you.

"Alright I will get it for you in a minute's time."

"Thank you."

Rot in hell for asking for that lemon!

"Its my pleasure, mam."

With that I had to find a chef, face his sulky face as he finds a lemon, wait for him in the very hot kitchen as he cuts it, and walk a very very long distance to give it to her. When I came back, everyone blames me coz I disappeared for so long and they needed help with the plates.

All for her piece of lemon. I feel like stuffing it all up her nostrils!

Now u know never to ask ur waiter for lemons for other funny items for that matter!

Let me now educate u guys on proper waiter etiquette, just in case I serve u in future.

- When u put ur fork and knife/spoon on ur plate side by side neatly, it means u dun want ur food. When we take it away and u still want it, u might just happen to put the last straw on ur waiter's (it shld be camel's) back. He might holler at u and say that u have no idea of table manners at all. That might embarrass you. So if u still want ur food, place the fork and spoon ON the plate, but both at different sides.

- Stop fucking talking and talking and eat ur bloody food! You have no idea, but ur slow eating makes it such that the next dish cannot be served till u finished, and thus everyone must wait for you. You also make ur waiter feel very stressed coz he is slooooow............. And the manager will scccccccccccold!

- Some people just dun like their glasses to be half empty. Like drink water, drink till the end kinda thing. Please dun be stupid. The waiter will just keep refilling it; it will never be empty. And thats irritating for both u and the waiter. I suggest u bring ur own water bottle of course.

Please drink with patience too. If u are an Indian, I would like to say that orange is good for health. So do savour those vitamins Cs. If u are an CEO, coke kills sperms, as if u are not impotent enough.

Every waiter hates refilling drinks.

- The little bowl at the side in chinese dinners is for the NOODLES. If u want to use it to eat, please DUN BE SO STUPID and put bones/prawn shells etc in it! Leave the trash on ur plate and ur waiter will clear it in a jiffy. If u put it in the bowl and ur waiter didn't notice, imagine the trouble he has to go though when he wants to serve the noodles in the bowl for you and find all bones inside instead. He has to go look for a solitary bowl. Thats troublesome!

And as if it is not enough, everyone will curb their eating till you get ur noodles, coz it is impolite to eat first. So the whole table would be very slow again and ur waiter would get scolded.

- Did u know that the bar only has soft drinks? If u ask for plain water, the waiter possibly has to go further (into the kitchen) to get it for you. I'm not saying u dun drink plain water of course. It all depends on the situation. If u think ur waiter has a sulky face, and u want to get rid of him for a longer time, ask him to take plain water for u.

However be prepared that he might spit into ur drink.

- Please do not ask approximately 586 waiters to get ur drink for u. Imagine when they all arrive with the same drink! Everyone wasted their time, and the 585 extra drinks will be poured onto ur head.

- The napkin is meant to be on ur lap. If u insist on throwing it on the floor, I hope the sweet and sour pork falls on ur new pants/dress.


- Slap ur kid when u kid calls a waitress who is 19 "auntie".

- Do not ask ur stupid items like lemons, diet coke, straws, ice cubes, bananas, eggs, butter, tongs etc etc. U will get spit on it.

- Praise the waitress and invite her to eat the clean leftovers on the platter when u can't finish it. She deserves it for slogging for you.

Oh no it is so late. I am not gonna edit for grammar mistakes.

More blogging tml!

Good night everyone!

Tuesday, June 24, 2003

I am too tired to blog. I only slept 2 hours yesterday! In fact, I met up with Bernard for dinner and when he sent me home on his bike, I actually fell asleep and dropped to the side, causing the bike to lean to the side as well. Very dangerous indeed. I think I would have killed both of us. He got very anxious and kept scolding me.

Tml I will write about what everyone else is writing about. Harry potter of course. I actually bought the book okie! Alright nights everyone. Gosh I am so so so tired.

Muacks to everyone who is nice!
Theres alot to touch up on the webbie. I am supposed to reply to my readers' comments, repair that photo thingy, change the Mondor to Mordor, amongst other stuff.

But I just got back from work, and tml I will have to wake up at 530 am to work at Ritz for some breakfast thingy. And I got stuff to blog about.

I guess I shld start with lamenting first coz only after complaining can I feel better and I will be able to talk about the happy stuff. Oh gosh I really shld be sleeping.

Alright. It is like this. Some 6 months ago, me, June and Clara went for an interview at the Pan Pacific Hotel for the post of banquet waitresses.

June worked with me for a day and she decided the plates are a little too heavy for her liking. Thus she decided not to work anymore.

In the wake of her resignment, I had to suffer. I worked without her, and everytime I worked, dozens of guys would come and talk to me. The typical conversation goes like this:

Cheehong Guy: "Hello, u new here ah? Whats ur name?"

Me: "Yeah, second day lor. I'm Wendy."

Cheehong Guy: "Oh, so whats ur friend's name ah? The tall tall one. Very chio one."

Me: "You talking about June?"

Cheehong Guy: "Yeah yeah June!"

In the first place if u know her name why the fuck are u asking me?!

Cheehong Guy: "So how old are u? Studying?"

Me: "19, Sp."

Cheehong Guy: "And the June?"

Me: "Same."

Cheehong Guy: "She attached or not ah? Can gimme her number?"

Me: "She is attached. (June was attached then)"

Cheehong Guy: "Still can give number what."

Me: "No, I dun think she is interested in you."

Cheehong Guy: "..."

This situation is relatively irritating. There u go thinking this fellow is sincerely getting to noe you better as purely a colleague, and suddenly u realised his intentions was just to get into ur friend's pants. In this case, my friend's banquet skirt and panty hose. And then it hurts to think that this fellow would not even have talked u to if u didn't have a pretty friend. How sickening!

It is not that I would have liked the fellow to come and ask for my number instead or anything like that. No. I wun like Ah bengs coming to disturb me. But thats besides the point. I just dun think I am that much uglier than June, am I? I think that at least I shld have like 5% of the guys interested in me instead of her? Just 5% of ppl with different taste?

But no. Everyone thinks Fann wong is prettier than Patricia Mok. I feel pissed that I am Patricia Mok and theres nothing I can do about it.

Bleah. Some ppl might think I am crazy of course. I think I am too, coz no one else seems to agree with the way I feel. Everyone thinks that I just feel pissed coz I think that I am prettier than June. Thats not true of course. I also dunno why I feel pissed. Maybe it is coz too many guys keep pestering me about her.

Besides that, its like, are guys all so superficial? Are looks just everything to them? Urgh. I can't seem to be able to blog out my words properly.

I hope u all understand what I mean.

This situation happened when the fifth guy came to ask me for her number. I am serious, really fifth. I bellowed all the frustrations the previous 4 guys gave me at the sodding piece of desperate shit. Oops. So mean to that guy. Maybe he is just sincerely interested to be friends. Yeah right.

Oh no I totally feel like slapping him currently. With a piece of smelly wet sock. No, actually I think a llama's raw liver would be a good thing to slap him with. I shall slap myself instead I think. Ow. Hurts.

Situation, (real):
Cheehong guy 5: "Yadda yadda the usual shit."

Me, in chinese, of course: "Why are u all guys so bloody superficial? Yeah she very pretty, so what? What makes u think she will be interested to know you since she is so pretty, huh? Fucking cheehong right, just wanna try your luck izzit? I already said she is attached, why u still so persistent on wanting her number? She and her bf together 3 years liao, u dun even think about it lor."

Cheehong guy 5: "Wah, so angry for what. Who say want to be together with her? Just ask number be friends cannot meh? Attached already cannot make friends issit? And it is none of ur business what."

Me: "What none of my business? So many of u come ask me for her number, I buay sian one ah? What am I, Fast Talk hotline? Yeah yeah make friends my FOOT. Your friends need to be chio one ah, huh? Friends ugly cannot ah? Why dun go outside ask the auntie to be ur friend? Why must June? On her forehead write 'I will be a very good friend' izzit?!"

Cheehong guy 5, stupid and irrelevant as usual when Ah Bengs lose an argument: "Wah lan eh she look friendly what-"

Yeah look so friendly go approach her urself, stop asking me for her number.

"Siao u so angry for what? U jealous no one ask for ur number izzit? Your attitude like that, its no wonder no one interested in you lar."

Personal attack. Wonderful. As if my ego is not hurt as it is. With that sentence, he turned his heel and walked off, without giving me a chance to say that I am not interested in any stupid banquet guys who are freaking cheehong and as if that is not bad enough, have brain cells of amoebas.

The guys at Ritz Carlton are slightly better. They are less Cheehong, and they are friendly. I thought by bringing Xf into work with me, I would get the June situation again and agitate myself to death.

But this time, I told myself that indeed, June and XF are both much more attractive than me. It is no wonder at all that at first glance, guys would be interested in them. Maybe I have some other qualities that will be better appreciated than them when the guys know me better. Stop feeling so bitter.

Ah... Its is a totally different feeling at Ritz with XF. I get along very well with the guys indeed. I joke around, and try to make everyone laugh. Almost everyone knows my name, and I know for one thing that they are ok with my company.

I find this weird though. Here I am, joking around with, say, a male colleague. He is talking to me, he is giving his attention to me. But at the end of the day, he is attracted to the quiet gal standing silently beside me, also smiling at my joke. Thats Xf of course.

What, a clown doesn't need TLC? Of course, for very old blog readers (or super avid readers who read the archives), this is going back to the shu nu issue again. (shu nu= that kinda girl. Quiet, no opinions, long rebonded hair, big big eyes etc etc. You get the picture.)

Guys like that kinda girl. They wouldn't like their gf getting along so well with so many guys. I thought I read somewhere that guys like girls with a sense of humour? I think that sentence is flawed. Guys like girls who will laugh at their jokes, not girls who make the joke in the first place.

When girls joke around too much with guys, the guy will think of the girl as a buddy, not as a partner. Sure they would like that girl's company, but not as a gf please. They would want someone more gentle and feminine.

I feel rather sad. I can be gentle. Really. Surprise surprise, I actually know how to knit! I am feminine too! My favourite colour is pink and I like lace.

Too bad no one believes me.

I am not saying that no one likes me of course. I know most ppl, after reading this whole chunk, would typically say: "Dun worry, I'm sure you will find someone who likes u for who u are someday."

Shut it. I know its all goodwill, but I dun need that kinda pity. I have my admirers too. I am just lamenting that most guys like that typical kinda girl. Seems like alot of guys I like like that kinda girls. Eddy is surely drooling over Jolin Tsai's photo right now.

I'm pissed with that fact coz I just dun see whats so attractive about shu nus. But then again whats so attractive about noisy girls who keep yakking?

From now on I shall just wear Giordano clothes and speak less than 500 words a day. I shall throw away all my strapless bras so I cannot wear anything that requires strapless bras. I shall throw away my make up kit, except for that sweet pink lip gloss of course, strawberry flavoured. I shall carry tissue everywhere I go. I shall dye my hair black. I shall rebond it.

My voice cannot be louder than 0.0736 decibels. My clothes can only be white and baby blue.

Thou shalt not bitch anymore. Thou shalt not talk about sex. Thou shalt not even think about sex.

If I accomplish the above, I will become like Gollum. I will have a split personality. U will see my evil horny self talking to my shu nu self sometimes, coz the horny evil self is too suppressed.

Shu nu self to bf who like shu nus: "Oh darling, I think the air con in ur room is not working. I am feeling very hot. Are u hot as well?"

-suddenly gentle voice deepens to a low husky sexy voice-

Evil horny self: "oh man I feel so hot....... You know, like, so HOT... I need to take off this stupid baby blue top. And this stupid bra...."

*throws the bra at horrified bf's head*

Evil Horny self: "Oh man... Would u just come here, baby? And bring the cane with you..."

-Gentle voice resumes-

Shu nu self: "Oh man why am I naked?" *shields breasts with hands, totally perified. Picks up bra from bf's head and put it on* "what happened???!"

Bf: "U took it off urself!"

Shu nu self: "NO I DIDN'T! Why would I do that!"

BF: "LOL. Role playing izzit? Dun act shy lar, I kinda liked that HOT part...."

Evil horny self: "Teeheehee"


Alright after blogging everything out I feel happy again!

Today is the dinner of the Associated Banks of Singapore. The guest of honour is Nathan! And everyone who attended the dinner are all general managers and above working at the banks in Singapore.

I think bankers all have a very typical sort of look! The boring old man kind with specs and semi grey hair. I tried to get a sugar daddy but it seems like I failed.

Anyway James Lye attended the dinner as well. He is quite shuai.

Did u know what CEOs like to drink coke? LOL... I had noticed the kinda drink that the different crowds like. Indian ppl like Orange crush, out of a choice of Coke, Sprite and Orange.

Nobody likes Sprite. Chinese ppl like a mixture of all, but many like just plain water. No malay weddings at Ritz so far.

So if u like Orange, u are an Indian. If u like Coke, u will possibly be a CEO. If u like sprite, u are a nobody. Stop being an outcast.

Personally I like Orange. LOL... From now on I shall only drink coke, coz CEOs all love coke. I am serious! Around 70% of them drank coke.

Enough blogging. I have only 2 hours to sleep, god dammit.

Sunday, June 22, 2003

For the next few days till the 27th, I will be working at Ritz. Thats right, every single day starting from today. Xf predicts we will all die. She is a pessimistic girl. I look on the brighter side. I predict we will get ard $250 bucks after working there. No we wun die. We just wun have a life.

For 3 days of the 6 days we are working, we have to wake up at 6 am coz some rich company is hosting a 3 day conference at Ritz for itz employees. Breakfast everyday.

$250 is a relatively big amount of money, ain't it? If u are one of those extremely rich ppl who says no, please do marry me. A measly $250 a day for pocket money and I will be very happy.

Is money all you care about?!! No. What about sex? And food. And clothes. Wow. I sound totally materialistic. Erm, I do care about the beautiful things in life too! Like the ocean and rainbows and LV bags.

Anyway, yesterday was EK's bdae! PY, XF, Ghimz, Ek, Bixian and I went to Fort Canning to watch Fellowship of the rings, and the Two Towers. (Bixian is a secondary school friend as well.)

For those who have no idea why Fort Canning is having movies screened, well it is part of a movie fest. Watch movies under the stars on a vast field with ur picnic basket. You look excited to go. Sorry. Yesterday last day liao.

It is not as good as we thought. Sure enough, it was under the stars. But then again thousands of ppl are sharing the measly stars with you. And it is hot. Vast the field is. But then again thousands of ppl are sharing the field with you. And it is hot.

And the people in the front and the back were irritating.

It was like this. We came in rather late, so we had to find a place to squeeze in. EK found this spot big enough to put our mats. So there we stayed.

I took a picture of the ppl in front. I am not that bo liao to take their photo lar. It just happened that I was trying to show u guys how the screen looked like.

I think the guy seems to look quite shuai leh. It would seem as if the two ppl are a couple but no! They came in a double date. The gal in black, her bf is lying down and he is wearing yellow.

The guy is hugging his gf.

I personally think the four have orgies. Sometimes the white tee guy would (when they are lying side by side) turn and talk to the black blouse girl. It looks very wrong.

Both the gfs are bitches.

Actually, erm, we are the bitches lar. Coz we kept talking throughout the show. Can't help it. XF, in the middle of Two Towers, still did not know who Aragorn (which human guy? The Liv Tyler boyfriend ah?) is. EK doesn't know Mordor is home to Sauron (who sauron?).

So the enlightened bookworms (PY and Bixian) had to keep explaining the plots to the confused. But the enlightened bookworms were more caught in discussions of their own. Discussions that go beyond LOTR. I think they discussed History of Middle earth or some other book that Tolkien wrote. How revolting!

So Xf and Ek and Ghimz turned to me for explanations. I am quite okie. I read from The Hobbit till 3/4 of Two Towers. But basically during half of the explanations I would get lost.

XF: Whats those things that Saruman made? The disgusting army.

Me: Oh, its a new breed between Orcs and Humans.

XF: Then how are they born? No females one meh.

Me: Uh.. I dunno... Asll Bixian.

Ghim: Did Arwen and Aragorn get together in the end?

Me: Yeah. They became the third couple in the whole history of Middle earth to have an inter-racial marriage.

Ghim: Then their baby is what race? Immortal or not?

Me: I dunno. Ask Bixian.

Hahaha... The double dating couple in front kept saying sascastic things to themselves, eg: "DO WE NEED A NARRATOR?"

We still didn't shut up. In fact, there was no leg room and we hoped that by talking more we can make them go away.

The gal in black keep complaining about us to her bf. The usual fucked-up kinda girl. If she wants to complain about us, say it in our faces lor. Only know how to hide behind the bf. The bf was enjoying the movie fine, possibly understanding it clearer than ever with Bixian's detailed research done on the topic, but according to Bixian who was directly behind the yellow guy, "He was okie until that girl started to scream like a Banshee."

So the guy turned about and asked us to shut up.

We ended up giggling.

Okie about the ppl behind.

Once again, I was trying to capture the crowd instead of the fellow's knee. But apparently it did not occur to my small brain that a small Cybershot U20's flash is not strong enough to light up that field.

So I captured his knee big and clear.

We hate the people at the back even more. They insisted on lying down, so apparently they cannot see the screen since we are sitting up.

We would have preferred to lie down, except for two reasons.

1) The people in front are sitting up coz the people in front of them are sitting up. The people in front of the people in front were sitting up coz their mat is very small and they have no place to lie down.

2) We do not have space to lie down as well.

They basically kept grumbling and grumbling. 3 adult men, insisting on lying down like wet socks instead of sitting up. And they blame us.

Amidst their complains, those that we heard are: "We didn't pay $14 to just come here to look at heads."

"6 heads of Mordor." *snicker snicker* wow what a funny joke.

"Wah lau, see fuck ah."

The fellow looking like an ape asked us to lie down. I told him that the people in front are sitting up, we must sit up as well, if not we will be blocked.

PY said that even if we lie down they will still be blocked by the ppl in front.

The fellow is freaking irrelevant. He replied that he and his friends came so early at 6 pm (we came at 745) to book this very good spot, and suddenly our gang came in and squeezed in front of them.

Too bad it is free seating. It is nobody's but his own fault for being so stupid to leave a big gap in the middle for us to be able to squeeze in.

I told him that if he doesn't want anyone to block his way he should have chosen a seat all the way in front. That way no one can block him.

Bixian said that if they sat up they would have been able to see the screen. Instead, they had to choose to lie there like indolent courtesans. (I dun think I spelt it correct, but it sounded like this one. Bixian said it is spanish.)

The guy paused. He didn't know wtf an indolent courtesan meant of course.

It means lying down in a very luxurious and flamboyant kinda way, the way old empresses used to lie smoking their opium.

The picture is the closest I could get.

The guy, after turning to his buddies for help hoping someone can help counter Bixian (which no one could), mumbled to himself: "What nonsense."

He proceeded to lie down again like an indolent courtesan.

After this we whispered to Bixian to ask her to tell us what she meant. We all burst out laughing.

They insisted on lying down for the rest of the movie. I suppose something must be really wrong with their brains and spines. They have enough of looking at our backs, so they ended up leaving in the middle of Two Towers.

We moved our mat into the empty space now behind us. We have space to stretch our legs to lie down comfortably, and also we are further from the ppl in front so we can talk as much as we want.

See? Everyone is happy. They shld have left long ago. 6pm till 1am is a long enough time to stay.

What do u mean the world doesn't revolve around me? It does too.


Bdae girl!

In case u are wondering, yes, we did buy the Pucca hairband and make EK wear it.

Saturday, June 21, 2003

Lets start with the usual crap, which nobody is interested in.

I got good hair day today!

You tear ur hair and and scream: WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT YOUR GOOD HAIR DAY! TELL ME ABOUT SEX! (or weather in the case of Eccentric Eddy.)

Please understand to me the good hair day records are very important. In future, I intend do a research on the percentage of good hair day in my permed hair life. I have also found a trend. Good hair days always come when u dun need them. Eg today, the good hair day was not fully appreciated at all by any males I intend to attract.

Not that males can tell the difference between a good and bad hair day anyway.

But thats not the point. The point is, PY and Xf have all seen me thru my RV years when I looked hideous. They dun give a hoot about how I look like. I still look like shit to them anyway. Ek says the initial image cannot be washed away.

Now I met up with James yesterday and I had a bad hair day. Whats worse is, I met one of his friends too, Darren. He reads my blog (I think.) So he saw me with Filipino quality hair. Wonderful. Now he possibly thinks I photoshop my hair to be curly in my pics.

Okie I shut up. About today:
I met up with PY and XF and Yvonne and Geok Ling to shop. (Yvonne and GL are both our primary school friends.)

We planned to go to Orchard at first. But we got excited at the absolutely new North East line! So we alighted and went to Habourfront.

It is nothing interesting.

Me and PY wore furry hairbands! XF refuses to wear one.

Anyway, Enormous EK the Expensive lawyer wanted to meet us to go as well. But we refused to let her come. The reason? We were shopping for her bdae prezzie.

Thats right, today is her bdae!

(to the rest of the blog readers: you all will not be able to understand the following chunk.)
I can't bring myself to say mushy things to u, EK! But I guess throughout these 6 yrs, you have been a really wonderful friend.

No, I'm not patronising you.

I think I totally disliked u the first time I noticed you. Ahem, standing beside me during assembly in the next class with the crew cut. Always talking so loud, hahaha. Trying to attract attention of course.

I think you totally disliked me the first time u noticed me too. Short girl trying to act ah lian with the furry scrunchie on the wrist, and talking loudly as well. Trying to attract attention too, just using a different method.

It didn't occur to us then that we shld talk loudly to EACH OTHER, to irritate everyone else huh? Wahahha.. Alright, so we landed up in the same class two years later.

Remember when Liye was still around? As in around in S'pore, not that she is dead or something. There was this time when I made XF and Liye angry, and they kicked me outta the gang? Ahhh... I remember Liye was terribly cruel. There was this project grouping list on the noticeboard, and she took a red pen to cancel my name out.

No group to join.

The Ah Lian group in class expelled me. Suddenly I am a class outcast. XF refuses to speak to me.

Thank you, to u and SR and the rest, for allowing me into your clique when I most needed friends for support. I totally enjoyed the very different kinda company. You guys made me laugh at the absurdity of the situation, even joked about Liye and her childish vindictive behaviour then.

I can totally picture the last table in the canteen with the malay store and us sitting there!

When XF and Liye decided they shld forgive me, a clique dilemma happened. Although it is my fault in making XF and Liye angry, shld I lower myself after the hurt and insults Liye did to me and go back to her gang? Isn't it very hypocritical of me to just make use of u, sr and the rest to be there for me when they abandon me, and leave you guys when they want me back?

The solution is to merge the two cliques of course. Secondary schools days never got better, agreed? =)

It takes alot to bring 2 very different ppl like us together. I dunno what it is too. I shall take it that our common intelligence, ahem.

Although you have never been a friend whom I would call to cry to unlike XF, I think it is good enough that u have always been there during the good times to make it so much more enjoyable with all your corniness.

We have never thanked you for the good tempers you constantly had these 6 years. (Unlike Giordano gal, last time a bit only angry. LOL. Now she is better, thanks to Leonard training.) We have never thanked you for the constant smiles. You have never taken us for granted, while we abused your friendship; being late, being grouchy and all.

Thank you for being there all this while. I know you will be there loyally if I need you. Although that might be because you got nowhere to go anyway. But still thank you for having nowhere to go then.

Thank you for happening to dislike everyone I dislike. Like Rongshan, Hui fen, Qingyue, Shi hua etc etc, except Evelyn Tan.

Thank you for all the macdonald coupons.

Whatever it is, it is all stable. I do believe that the friendship will be here to stay, for life. It better stay, for me to make full use of a lawyer friend! I like the idea that ur mum cannot do anything about it that I have became ur lifelong friend, heehee.

I have watched you grow from a RV student playing the Bassoon with a uniform too long for you, to an RJ student getting 4 As, to now, a future lawyer. Judging from the pattern, you will totally succeed in life! Just intro the successful cute guys to me!

Alright enough mush already. Happy birthday! WE LOVE YOU, EE KEAN, despite us being so jealous of ur big assets!

I shall publish ur act cool pic again to make u happy.

Happy happy birthday celebration with us today! We will rot under the stars watching LOTRs.

Oh no I didn't have time to blog yesterday. Lets start now.

I got a shock when I reached Jurong east mrt.

Have u seen a more successful basker? Or are ppl at Jurong really so damn bo liao?

Recently I keep getting traumatized by ex boyfriends. You know June and I, we have alot of lesbian photos.

But I have never expected anyone to actually believe that she and I are lesbian partners. Well, stupidity is the only thing on earth that is really limitless.

I saw one of my exs quite some time ago at a Levi's store. The only thing I could remember about him is that he studied at Bedok ITE. And that I got together with him coz he stays very near my old house at Queenstown. He broke off with me coz he said that I was a little too ugly for him.

Aha. He is no hunk either. Oh yeah I forgot. Lets laugh at his cheesy name together. Shui Xiang. If ur name happens to be Shui Xiang too, I suggest u laugh at urself too, coz it is really funny. Anyway, he saw me at the Levi's store like 3 years after our adolescent affair.

My hair is longer, my pimples are gone, my double eyelids are miraculously there suddenly, I am taller coz I am wearing heels, and most importantly, I got make up on.

He took a look at me. I tried to siam. He took a second look and called out my name uncertainly. And then he started to look real excited and asked me for my number. He was not one to mince words. He said, "You got boyfriend now?"

I said I am attached. He asked me who my bf is. I said inside, changing.

June was trying the Levi's Type One jeans in the fitting room.

He said, "Oh..." and walked off a little, talking to his friend.

I sms-ed June to tell her to pretend to be lesbians with me. She sashayed outta the fitting room and gave me a hug, asking me "Dear, nice not?"

I smiled sweetly and said yes.

He looked so damn shocked. LOLz... Afterwards, he kept sms-ing me to ask me to patch with him but I told him not to sms me coz my gf is angry liao. Wahhahahaha! And he believed me!

Yesterday I saw him again when I board the mrt at Jurong east. I semi-freaked out, but he discovered me first, so there was no hiding. He started sweet talk and suddenly, he talked about our past. I totally freaked out. I told him that my friend was meeting me at the next mrt stop, Buona Vista, so I have to get off, see him again.

And I got off. Where got ppl so stupid one? Lesbians and both look like total females? Possible, but very rare. And 'lesbianic' when 3 years ago I was a normal girl liking guys?

After this I proceeded to watch The Hulk with James. OMG, please DO NOT WATCH THIS SHOW! Heed my advice, u wun regret it. I'm gonna talk about it. I dun care if I will spoil it for you, coz it can't be worse than it already is.

It is bad enough that the fella is a disgusting green. He looks like an over-ripe pistachio nut. I would like to mention that I personally call that nut Pikachu nut. Ain't i cute? LOL. Oh yeah where was I? Oh the movie is bad enough.

What is worse? THERE WERE ABSOLUTELY NO SEX SCENES! Can u believe the atrocious-ness of it! Ppl would tend to compare Hulk with the last Single Marvel hero show I guess. Thats Spiderman. No sex scenes! No Kristen Durst in transparent white tee shirt kissing, oh wait, a hulk?

The female is relatively ugly. I have this thing against Angmohs with black hair. I tink they look very evil. And she has this big mole on her chin. I dun like big moles on chins. And her boobs aren't 1/37359 as nice as Kristen's. WTF.

The lead guy has a flabby jawline, and bad complexion. He shld become the Hulk all the time. Suddenly complexion become so good.

Whats worse about the lead guy is that he wears very big purple underwear. The Hulk knows he is gonna become a giant and that his clothes will split, leaving him with only his underwear. Why HE STILL WEAR PURPLE!! Doesn't he knooooooooow that purple and green dun go together???! No wonder there were no sex scenes! It is such a turn off! But then again what kinda colours can go with green? Thank goodness we are not green.

13/15 of the show featured the scientific part of the how the Hulk became the Hulk. Which is BORING! Who cares about Nanomeds (what nanomeds?!) and gamma rays? There were no sex scenes! (Is sex all that u care about?! Yes.)

1/15 of the show featured the Hulk hopping around. This is actually quite funny if u imagine him to be a giant pikachu nut hopping around excitedly.

1/15 of the show showed slightly exciting stuff, eg fighting. Yawnz.

I was falling asleep as Dr Banner started to boil (yawn, whats new?) some evil concoction. Suddenly my phone vibrated. I took it out, and my sudden movement startled the angmoh siting next to me who was falling asleep as well. I dunno why I am telling u that. But I found it quite funny.

The sms read: "Can I woo you back?"

Eddy. Eddy. Eddy. Eddy. Eddy, I prayed. Oh wait, Eddy wun say cheesy stuff like that.

Sent by: Shui Xiang hp

I almost died on my seat. He had to freak me out with I was most vulnerable from watching a totally sucky show.

The show lasted for 2.5 hours, and by the time I took the last train to Jurong East, there was no bus to take home.

I decided the weather is nice. I walked. Its a 45 minute walking affair, if u are interested to know. Are u interested to know? But nvm, I already said it.

In the process, around 20 taxis who drove by stopped and asked if I wanted a ride.

Can't anyone take a scroll nowadays?!

Then this Indian guy, around 40 yrs old, asked me to get up his bike. Ignored him. He drove on.

And then this truck driver (Malay with a Bangala sitting beside him) wound down his window and whistled. I was talking on the phone to James, so I ignored them.

He stopped the truck a few metres in front of me. I HAD to walk pass his truck later if I wanted to go home. I was quite freaked out at that thought. And the road is very deserted.

Can't anyone take a scroll nowadays?!

I was forced to take a cab from there, so that I wun have to walk pass that freaky truck. The cab fare was $2.90, plus midnight charges. -_- Fucking horny men. I hope they all die.

Anyway, I bought another fake branded bag!

It is supposed to be LV's latest collection, Cherry Blossom, and the imitations can't be found in S'pore. I bought it from Yahoo Auctions at $150.

Today when I went to Orchard to shop, I realised that ALOT of ppl have fake branded bags. I guess I have suddenly reached the age where I start to fall in love with branded stuff all over again (read: since ah lian days) and since I can't afford the real thing (note my bag costs $1,600 I think), get the exact replica then.

I know the reason why so many females buy fake branded stuff. (I'm talking about those late twenties kinda women. And yes, their bags might be real, but I just refuse to believe it.)

Coz when I wear my (fake) LV bag, I feel like her:

When I wear my fake Gucci bag, I feel like her:

Ah, nice pubes. Dun stop me now. NOOooooOOoo! Dun stop me! Hand me the shaver! I am gonna shave my pubes into a LV logo!

Eddy, wanna see? LOL... Eddy nose bleed liao.

Anyway, I really like the bag alot. So far everyone who has seen it said it is ugly, except James, who was being polite of course. Why would men even give a hoot about ladies' bags?

I like it coz it is pink.

I like it coz it has happy flowers on it.

I like it coz it has this lock thingy that comes with a key! So cute!

Xf said my bag looks like a malay drum. She is just jealous. Hmpf.

Thursday, June 19, 2003

Lets talk about wealth today.

Its sickening isn't it? Singapore is supposed to be democratic, so it means that everyone has a fair chance to be rich. Thats a whole truckload of bullshit.

Lets see what happens when u are poor, and not smart enough to be a doctor or lawyer etc. How do u get rich?

1) Start ur own business and see if it manages to succeed. Alright. So u start to import a kind of wondeful shampoo to Singapore. It is so wonderful, that it can totally make ur hair be shiny, smooth and soft. It is a tad more expensive coz it is imported though.

Its properties are claimed by YOU. Who would believe u? Who will even HEAR what u have to say about ur product? Ahhh.. Advertisements. Would ppl do your ads for free? No. You have no money. And to get ur product into guardian u already spent the loan from the bank. So no ads.

You can only pray for word of mouth.

Now, in the market for established goods, we can hardly find any where it is the perfect competition model (for those who dun take biz, it means the market share being split into relatively equal bits for alot of sellers). Mostly, there will be this very big MNC who will be barbaricly taking more and more of the market share.

How? Alright. Say in the market for shampoo, we have different needs dun we? Some want shiny. Pantene. Some want saloon style. Vidal Sassoon. Some dun want their dandruff. Head and shoulders. Some want shiny asian hair. Ascend. Some want a mild shampoo which wun hurt eyes. Rejoice.

So Pantene, Vidal Sassoon, H & S, Ascend and Rejoice all have a fair share of the market for their different target audience? Yeah right. They all belong to this disgustingly big company called Procter and Gamble. P & G. I know coz I once worked for them as a shampoo promoter. The building is so disgustingly big, and they are earning so much, that they can afford big plush cushions everywhere and a few playstations laying around for its employees to relax. Relax of course... Money is rolling in, why bother?

P & G not only semi-monopolises the shampoo market. Whisper and Pringles belong to them too. Among other household items.

Alright so attacking into an established market is out. Coz you would only get kicked out in a short while by the giants.

The solution?

2) Invent and sell something new.

The market for the new product is all yours! But problem is, what are the chances that you invent something unique? Actually it is not that difficult. Ppl have just put mushrooms, cheese or bananas on Roti Prata and got famous. I suggest u try putting yummy chicken on Roti Prata. Oh wait, thats murtabuk (dunno how to spell).

Alright. You invent a new product. It sells very well. AHA! Then comes the patenting part. You wun want ppl to copy ur business idea, would u? But patenting is very expensive. So u pray no one will copy you.

U wish. Look at bubble tea stores. All the copycats make them all fail.

In this case, u might want to choose to be the one copying instead. At least u dun need to go and think about inventing something.

3) Work hard ur whole life and hope u can get a senior position in big companies in P & G. Nobody is interested in doing this. It is relatively impossible unless u have had a very good education or is the boss' mistress.

4) Set up a multi layer marketing company. Please note I said SET UP. Not join.

Alright, for the rare few who has not been approached before, lets explain how the system works. It is fairly interesting.

Take note that we are now changing a perspective. Usually MLM is explained using the employee perspective. Now lets look at what the company earns. They always make it sounds as if the company is not earning anything, and wealth is shared among the employees. Hmmm... Lets see.

The company comes out with a cheesy health product, maybe oxygenated water or magnetic beds. Lets just take it that the profit earned from selling the bed is $1000.

The company urges u to join as the $1000 profit will not be split to advertisers, or middlemen, but to YOU. Sounds pretty good. Say outta the $1000 u sell, the company keeps 40% of it. It needs to buy new products and pay rent, it says. Fair enough.

$600 left. This amount of money would be shared among the A to B as stated in the picture.

Most MLMs have 5 layers, like in the picture. Lets call the bottommost layer A (thats the lousiest) to E (the guy who earns the most).

The system works this way. First, when u are just recruited, u are in A. When you help to sell a product by introducing maybe ur auntie to buy a magnetic bed, you earn eg 10 sales points. Your 10 sales points will help u go to level B.

From level B to C, maybe u need 30 sales points. But now, when u are at B, things are getting better! U can actually RECRUIT ppl, and ask them to help u sell! The ppl u recruit will be level A. Say u recruit THREE ppl, and they all manage to sell a bed. Thats 30 sales points ain't it? You can now officially move to C. Sounds easy!

Ppl want to move from A to E coz the commission would be more as u move up, amongst other reasons which u would understand when u read on.

Alright. What happens if u manage to recruit THREE people, but only TWO manage to sell beds? You get 20 sales points. Thats not enough to push u to C. But how about the two level A people whom u recruited and managed to sell 1 bed each? They move up to level B. Thats the same level as you!

If the two fellows u recruited now sell 14 beds each?? Aint that terrific news for you? Nope. Coz they are level B now. They are of the same level as you. So whatever they earn is theirs, since they are no longer under u.

You know only have 1 recruit left, and he does not seem to be able to sell anything. U realise that the system is flawed. You might choose to leave now, or sell 1 more bed urself, and go to level C. But ur 1st two recruits sold 14 beds already, so they are all the way up, no longer under you. U will choose to have more recruits again.

From C to D, u need 100 sales points. So most ppl are stuck somewhere here. Everybody is at level B.

Why is that good for the company?

U see, when someone sells a bed at level B and he is under no one, he earns a commission of say 11% of the profit. The 89% goes to the company. Thats $890 out the $1000 profit for a bed, instead of what the company promises at $400. MLM company owners are filthy rich, coz they got a lot of silly ppl working under them, helping them to sell.

When the level E ppl urge u to join, they always say that the company is very new, so theres plenty of chances for u to go to level E. They dun realise they are slapping themselves. Say a level E guy recruited a guy. He is very capable. He recruited alot of able ppl to work under him, maybe 50 ppl. They all are earning money (which is highly impossible but just a hypothesis), thus effectively pushing him to level D. As the level E guy who recruited this able man, u are very happy coz whatever he earns goes to u as well. Whatever whoever under him sells as well, goes to u. Every bed he sells, u get 14% of the profits.

AHA! The able guy now goes to level E! U lost the link coz he is the same level as you! Now whatever he or his recruits earn, does not belong to u at all. U can jolly well slap urself coz it was u who urged the able guy to sell more at first.

My point is, set up an MLM company. It is a cool invention to suck ppl of their money.

However to set up an MLM company all ur friends will leave u coz they are scared u sell things to them. They will come back when u are rich, of course. But to set up a reputable MLM, u need to have capital first. U dun have money, remember?

5) Marry a rich husband/wife.

Now u know why I work towards that goal. It seems like the easiest way to get rich. See ah, u marry a rich guy/gal, then u try to convince him/her to give u the money to set up an MLM company. And then u get filthy rich urself. If u dun love the guy/gal, u can leave him/her now. He/she is used to ppl making use of his/her money anyway.

After u get filthy rich from the MLM company, u can use ur wealth to buy another Ikea franchise! Ain't it cool that u can get staff discount to buy the furniture to decorate your Ikea outlet! Since the queenstown one is always jammed with ppl, I would suggest opening one at the east. Surely alot of ppl would come. Be sure to make the restaurant bigger though, we all love the meatballs.

Ah, in fact, if a whole Ikea is too expensive, just open a few Ikea restaurants would do too.

Please take note that even if u are the proud owner of an Ikea franchise, it does NOT give u the rights to go around asking ppl "Dong xi zai na li?"

The difficult thing here is, why would the rich guy (from now on it shall be guy coz I lazy to type for the female too) want to marry you?

Which explains why I am so vain.

Digessing a little, I would like to say that the world is very unfair. Eg u are a very rich guy. Would u marry a mediocre (is this how to spell?) gal? No way. There are plenty of gals who will like you. This is not beacuse of the money. It is because of the security you can give to the future family.

Out of the pool of gals, who would u choose to marry? Surely the prettiest and the smartest. Some argue that the 2 cannot exist together.

*points at self.*
*points at Xiao Feng*

There are plenty of smart gals who are pretty as well. And thats sickening.

So the rich guy marries the smart and pretty gal. Together, they form rich, smart and good looking kids.

So if u are a rich, smart and good looking kid, who would u marry?

The vicious cycle goes on. The rich, smart and good looking boys go to ACS, the rich, smart and good looking gals goes to MGS. They cross the love bridge and get together. Oh wait the love bridge is for St Joseph issit? Or what school? Nvm. Some blog readers are a tad too old to understand, heehee.

The smart and good looking boys and gals go to RVHS. They dun get married coz they are friends or classmates for too long.

Anyway my point is that the rich will keep all the good genes in the future. It is not fair! But I want to marry the rich too. Who doesnt? I want to wad in the good gene pool.

In conclusion, the whole chunk of words above suggests that the world will slowly get split up into 2. The rich, and the poor. The rich will remain richer coz they keep marrying the smart and good looking, and the poor will continue being poor unless they somehow turn out good looking. And smart.

I suggest communism before it is too late.
Woah how come the visitors to my blog today seem to be increasing ah... Its at least a 100 today liao.

Anyway, I had a good hair day today!

How great! A happy day always begins with a good hair day. But what good can a good hair day do if no one sees it? Everyone seems to be so busy today. Eddy is busy. June is sleepy. EK is swimming with sis. Xf is lazy to go out. PY is teaching tuition. James has (oh wait, it sounds wrong. James have? James plural? Urghhh...) a dinner date with someone else.

Only one person would be free after selling char siew. Thats coz his bike is under repair, and he would not travel without the bike. Thats right, its Bernard! I refuse to let the day go by without letting anyone see my good hair day. So I paid Bernard a visit.

I had a chance to ride on the bus 42 at Kembangan. I dunno why, but I felt magical when I boarded the bus. For those of u who have read Hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy, you would know why! 42 is supposed to the magical answer to the question of life. LOLz

I got very amused by Bernard's mum's slippers coz these are the smallest Tat Sing slippers I have ever seen. Have you worn a Tat Sing slipper before? Tat Sing slippers seem to be taken over by trail slippers nowadays. Imagine the future aunties and uncles wearing Trail slippers, crossed coloured, one blue and one pink! OMG! Anyway, I have never knew they made Tat Sing slippers so small. Bernard says I am mad to go around taking pictures of bo liao things. But I really think it looks very cute, hor?

I dun feel like writing liao coz I think I wrote too much on the spoof. Maybe I will blog more tml. Actually I got some stuff I feel like writing.

Anyway why isn't anyone interested to be part of the spoof? Can just use it as a forum lor. Just tell me ur email add will do. See the little bouncy icon to the right? Click on it to email me, ppl!

Wednesday, June 18, 2003

I have done the spoof page liao!!! Its address is

Can go see see!!

Anyone who wants access to it, notify me! U can take part in the spoofing! If u are interested in that, that it.

I'm too busy with it to write my blog, lol. June dua-ed me. She is supposed to go shopping with me but she is still sleeping or something like that. And I thought I was the ultimate pig. Nvm lar, I will go shopping MYSELF! Hmpf!

Later, everyone!
I have decided to spoof myself. I guess that would be fun. For everyone who likes to read my words but think I am hideous, think the page load too long etc etc, can visit the spoof page from now one. I will be working on it after I finish this blog entry, and this blog entry would be short. I think. I can never be sure.

As mentioned, today I was supposed to meet Eddy the Engineer. Eddy is pretty efficient as well. That makes him effectively Eddy the Efficient Engineer. However, Eddy's boss is not as efficient. He made Eddy stay back till 1030pm when Eddy was supposed to end work at 6 plus.

How wonderful. Who knows, maybe Eddy has decided on today, the 17th of June, to ask me to be his gf coz 17th of June only happens once in a year. It is a special day. However, coz of the bloody guy who asked Eddy to stay back, I have decided it is too late to meet and I didn't meet Eddy, thus also losing the chance of Eddy asking me to be his gf. Heck, maybe even wife!

It is all the guy's fault. I hate him. Anyway, at around 10 plus, my mum called to ask us if we wanted to go to JB with her friend and her friend's family.

We were supposed to go there to eat. My dad said it would be seafood. I decided seafood was worth sacrificing meeting Eddy, who is gay anyway. Actually he is not but he did not do anything so far to prove he isn't. I have never even caught him oogling at females before. This could prove 4 things.

1) He is gay.
2) His eyes are all over me.
3) He is far sighted.
4) He is in love with llamas/objects/dead people/flower pots etc instead of humans.

1 cannot be true coz I didn't catch him looking at men either. I dun think he is far sighted. So theres our conclusion. Either he is in love with me, or llamas. I put my bet on the llama. Gosh I feel like a flop.

Anyway, my mum's friend has a 4 yr old daugther called Samantha. She is ABSOLUTELY CUTE! And she keeps laughing and laughing. Me and my bro had a great time making her laugh.

Heres her pic.

Thats my mum at the background.

Anyway, Sam is really damn adorable. We were on the car (her daddy drives a BMW) and everyone was shag so she just kept talking to herself and smiling at everyone. She moved to show her mummy something, and when she moved, she knocked her knee on the thing in between the front seats.

She said, "Its okie, its okie!" chirpily to everyone.

Everyone looked at her. No one actually saw her knock her knee. Her mum started to laugh and said no one asked her if she is okie in the first place. Everyone laughed and suddenly Samantha gave her mummy a big kiss on her face! So absolutely sweet!

Alright. I will try to get Eddy to go out with me tml coz 18th of June only happens once a year too, perhaps tml will be the big day. But then again I asked June out for shopping. Alright, time to spoof!

Tuesday, June 17, 2003

Oh yeah yeah yeah I suddenly remembered a joke that I heard some time ago. I shall write it out!

A man was wanted to fly to country X. He wanted to bring his pet squirrel with him. However, pets are not allowed on airplanes, and he had no idea what to do with his squirrel. But he really really cannot sleep without his pet squirrel by his side. He can't put it in his suitcase coz they will scan it. So he decided on putting the squirrel in his pants.

He managed to get through to the plane, and felt very happy indeed and his evil plot did not get found out. He happily whistled as the plane flew.

Suddenly, a loud "OOOOOWWW!" filled the aircraft. An air stewardess quickly rushed the man's side and asked if anything was the matter.

The man replied weakly that he was fine and asked the air stewardess to go away.

"OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" screamed the man again. This time, he asked the air stewardess to leave him alone again.

The third time the man screamed, this time much louder. But the time the air stewardess rushed to his side, he was holding the squirrel by itz tail and slamming it repeatedly against the seat in front. He proceeded to dip the squirrel into boiling hot coffee. He took the squirrel and flushed it into the toilet bowl.

Every passenger was appalled by the man's cruelty. No one stopped him though, coz they were afraid of his fury. The air stewardess whimpered meekly to the man, "Sir, why were u so cruel to that squirrel?"

The man said, "The first time I screamed, Hazel (the squirrel) thought my balls were nuts."

"The second time I screamed, she thought my asshole was a treehole"

"The third time I screamed, she tried to bring the nuts into the treehole."

the end!~ Laugh!
I'm very pissed with my computer. Yesterday, I wrote my blog entry happily. It was a rather long one at that. I took a break when I almost finished, and decided to surf a little. And guess what? Internet explorer hung. Great. All I wrote were lost!

I rewrote the entry a second time. This time, i told myself that blog writing is divine and sacred, the attention cannot be shared with other websites. After I finished writing, I pressed "post". Guess what happened? It showed "the page cannot be displayed". I pressed "back" as my sweat droplets formed on my forehead. This can't be happening again, dammit!

But it did happen. So there goes that previous entry. I am gonna try to rewrite everything now.

Valid for yesterday:

I'm a very happy gal today!

Heck, I'm mostly happy, but today started with a good hair day, and thats the beginning to a happy day! But the hell are u supposed to be happy when u wake up looking like an Afro ken? U may argue that Afro kens look perfectly fine but thats coz they are Afro kens. If the previous sentence doesn't make sense to u, read it 10 times over and it might.

As usual the pic is edited. But it still looks ugly. Anyway, I had a very huge pimple on my chin. If u squint u might see the airbrush marks. But no! My photoshop skills are too good.

U might say it is not a good hair day coz very obviously, one side is much longer, and curlier. I say you dunno my hair's temper. Today is fine. U say that u had enough about bimbo topics like hair. So we move on to other superficial topics.

Like money.

Muahahahahahha! The $200 I cheated has became real money! And I am gonna spend it shopping at the GSS!

Yesterday I went to Bernard's place. Nope, we are not together or anything, just friends. Bernard's dad bought us packet dinners. On Bernard's packet, it wrote: bernard.

On mine:

Wahahhahahaahhaha! I find it very amusing! Bernard has never told his family that I am his gf or anything like that but it seems that they have assumed it as such. I got so amused by being called "nu peng you" that I skipped violently from the kitchen to the room to take a photo while telling Bernard that he is doomed to be stuck with me now.

The dad watched the drama unfold, having no idea that it was his innocent labelling that caused all the pandemonium. I must have looked like a lunatic to him when I hopped into the room with the packet of pork chop rice. Bernard insists that his dad meant to buy the rice for S.H.E. Lame hor?

Anyway Bernard said that I look like Yvonne Lim when he saw the blog's background. Ahh.. Recently alot of ppl say the edited picture look like her. I dun mind. I think she is relatively pretty. Although I know that in real life I dun look like her, I still find it a cheap thrill that my creation looks like her.

In fact, this is Yvonne Lim.

You see the resemblance? Coz I dun. Lets try to photoshop her face a little. My eyes are smaller. I always put blusher. My nose is way flatter. My lips are not perky. yadda yadda.

Still dun look like, u say. I know. But I did put in some efforts to photoshop it, so although I failed miserabley, I shall still post it up. Thats coz there are crazy ppl who might say it really looks like.

The day before, I went to preorder The Order of the Phoenix, which is due to be out on Ek's birthday, 21st of June. She seems to take the coincidence as something to be proud of.

Anyway, EK really got into Law school! Thats great ain't it? Maybe I will set up a law column where u all can ask her questions regarding which laws u all can break. Of course, our lawyer friend will be too busy taking bribes to bother answering silly blog readers' queries.

To not let the law column fall into disarray, plus the fact that I refuse to admit that it is a flop, the answers will all be answered by me. Dun gimme that look that I will land u all in jail. I'm pretty good with Law as well. I got a B. Anyway u all will know when it is me who answer.

Qns: Mdm Enormous Ek the excellent lawyer, I would like to admit that I like Wendy's blog alot. I like all her pictures too. I would like to publish it as a book. I'm sure it would be more popular than Adrian Mole's secret diary. Can I just copy and put it all in? Will she be able to sue me for copyrights?

Ans (authentic): No, sir, I'm afraid u cannot do so without her sueing ur ass off. Copyright is the intellectual property right given to the creator of an original work. There are many forms of work and if u publish whatever she has wrote into a book, u will be copying the following:

-Literary works - Wendy's words.
-Dramatic works - Certain parts of her blog contains script-like elements.
-Artistic works - There are some of her drawings. And then there are her photos as well.

A copyright owner may enforce his rights by seeking an injunction againtst threatened infringement. He may also seek damages (meaning u have to pay) and an account of profit, if the infringer had made profits at his expense.

Answer (mine): Copy your head ah. I, I mean, Wendy, will sue ur backside off. Anyway my, I mean, her archives are fucking not working again. U wanna copy u copy lor. Try to right click and see what happens?!

Yup. Wonderful. Anyway, Ek is going to Melbourne soon, where Herpes are prevalent in one in every six Australians. Huh, you ask me whether the sheeps are safe to shag instead of humans? I dunno man! The best is to shag blow up dolls I guess.

EK asked me to attend her Law camp in place of her. I am frankly excited. I will bring translucent white tees only and make sure it gets all wet during the games! I will then try to seduce all the to-be-lawyers, which are no doubt dream guy material.

There is only one problem. What if all the real to-be-lawyers are all touring the world and they all asked their poly friends to take their place too?

Guy: Hi, I'm Josh!

Me: Hi, I'm Ee Kean!

Guy: I was from Hwa Chong. I was from the Waterpolo team and I am its captain. I take F maths. I am also my school's top student this year. Did I forget to mention that I am Prom King too? I stay at 6th Ave and my family has been lawyers for the 67th generation running. My grandfather is Lee Kwan Yew's cousin.

Me: Eh, I was from RJ. I have 4 As for my As. I play the bassoon for the school band which has won its 346th gold medal this year. I dun stay too far away from u. I stay in West Coast in a big 3 storeyed house!

Guy: Oh wonderful. U are of a high class breeding like me too. I like your Gucci bag. How much did u buy it for?

Me: Eh, $1,800. And thanks for the compliment. I like ur Bentley too.


5 days later when I fell in love with dream guy.

Me: I have something to confess to you. The real Enormous Ee Kean is away in Melbourne. Possibly counting real sheep to fall asleep. I am from SP actually. My intelligence is only average, and I am definitely not of a high class breeding. In fact, I can't even play a musical instrument except the recorder. I dun even stay in a 3 storeyed house. I stay at teban gardens.

Guy: Huh that sounds like a condo to me.

Me: You idiot. It is not. Anyway all these are not important! Please tell me u dun think it is important.

Guy: Okie. All these are not important. Which part of EK is enormous?

Me: Generosity, to let me attend the Law camp.

Guy: I see... Erm, it doesn't matter that u cheated me. Coz Josh is in South Africa playing water polo against North Koreans.

Me: Why am I not surprised? Anyway what are North Koreans doing in South Africa?

Guy: No idea.

Me: Okie. So u from poly as well? This is Josh's yacht?

Guy: Poly? Nah. I dun need to study. This is Josh's yacht alright.

Me: Oh.

Guy: Haha you look disappointed. I dun study coz I am an Arab prince. Josh's yacht is a baby. I mean literally. Mine is over there.

*He points to Star Aquarius*

Guy: "Too crowded though. If not I would have brought you. The bentley's really mine though. Can u marry me baby? Coz I am so in love with you!"

Me, thinking of what Eileen said about Arabs (read 2 entries down): Yes yes please!

Oops why did the story develop into a happy one? Nvm lar. I am meeting Eddy for dinner at Ikea. We will be shopping for furniture for our future home. Yeah right. Just going there for the meatballs, haha...

More blogging tonight.