Friday, June 13, 2003

Eddy brought me to this crazy seminar.

The bloody talk actually costs $48 and it is basically teaching you HOW TO FAIL. Weird huh? I would rather he teach me how to succeed.

Anyway, the talk is a motivational kinda thing, not really teaching u anything that u didn't already know, but comforts you when u feel upset with repeated failing. Doesn't work on me coz I didn't really fail big time in my life before.

Nonetheless, the fellow was very interesting. He keep ranting on and on super loud, and he was obviously a very enthusiastic speaker.

See what he made everyone do. Jump up and down!

Eddy loves him.

Some of his sentences look very flawed. I took pictures.

LOL. I wonder what will happen when schools start to teach u how to fail. Easy huh, just simply leave more than 50% of the questions blank.

"Did you eat that cake, tommy?"
"No, mummy, I never!"

Hahha "never" is SO Singaporean.

Anyway after the seminar we went to The Chocolate Bar, which everyone is talking about.

Eh, my drink sucked. 8 bucks (which poor Eddy had to pay for) for a supposedly strawberry drink with yogurt, white chocolate and vanilla ice cream.

The strawberries were not visible, the chocolate not tasted at all, and the yogurt leaves a funny aftertaste. The ice cream was just normal.

Eddy's drink was pretty good though. Venezuela milk chocolate.

It was a very enjoyable evening with him but I can't write much coz he is reading da blog. Dammit, hahha...

Anyway, some news. Eileen told her best friend about my blog address, and her best friend went to read it at home, when another friend of hers was at her place. It seems that the latter knows Justin's (If u read a few entries back I wrote about him and put his pic there) girlfriend! She got very excited indeed when she saw his pic on my blog and stupidly went to tell Justin's gf about the picture.

Now, the thing is, Justin's gf did not know that I met up with him. Its not as if it was anything worth mentioning since I only met him for like 5 mins, but still I guess she got angry that he met me without telling her.

Apparently the pic had me lying on his shoulder. I dun think the gf would be very happy about that too. The gf naturally told Justin about her having the pic.

Now Justin does not know that I put his pic up online. He is angry with me for sharing the picture with the whole world. Indeed, I guess I would know have to put a script in to stop everyone from copying my pics then. Bleah.

I feel pretty sad coz despite the last entry, only one person (by now) signed the guestbook. Do I really have so little readers, or are they really that unsupportive?

I dunno. To me, blogging was a refreshing experience at first. I write whatever I want without restrain, coz only my close friends read it and I can be myself around these ppl. During the first few weeks, I used it to express my feelings and all, but somehow, the exhibitionist in me wants more ppl to read the blog. I dun want to feel like my life is boring.

And then came the sudden popularity. It felt very good at first. People praise me for making them laugh. I liked that. People encourage me to write more. I felt motivated.

With the good came the bad of course. Mean ppl tell me I make grammar mistakes, I am ugly etc etc. I have no idea why. To me, this is MY blog, and if u dun like it, dun read it! No one is forcing you. There is no need to put others down coz of ur cynism, if that is how it is spelt.

I feel stressed. Both because of the nice and the mean people.

I feel a necessity for me to now continue to make the nice readers laugh. I feel a need to not let them be disappointed, and I must write consistently well for them to enjoy my reading, for all the support them gave me so far. I dun wanna lose any readers, or I will feel miserable coz it must be me getting lousier in writing.

I feel stressed too coz I am scared that the mean ppl might try be mean again. I'm a vulnerable gal actually. Say some criticism, and I will take it very seriously. May be just a passing comment to you, but it has the ability to make me upset the whole day.

Most important of all, I feel restrained. I can now only write to entertain, not to record down my feelings. No one is interested to hear me rant of course. I know I can just write whatever I want and not care about what everyone else thinks, but yet I feel strangely upset when I see that there are no comments given on some entries.

I can't write any racist comments. I can't write totally mean things. Coz out of so many readers out there, some are bound to take offence.

Seriously speaking, I dun mind writing my life out for the public to read. I pretty much enjoy making ppl laugh. Since my thoughts and views and make ppl laugh, why not? But what if the occasional thought and view doesn't?

I guess the solution to the problem is to heck care about what ppl think and continue writing.

I will simply screen out whatever bad comments anyone makes. Sure I will try to learn from it, but I would try not to let it affect my mood.

Already by now, 3 ppl have told me they dun like my face in the background. I know I am not pretty or anything, but too bad, this is MY blog, and I will have whatever background I please. If u dun like my face being there, u can jolly well resize the screen such that u can't see my face. Afterall, the person who gets to see that webpage the most is possibly myself. Surely whats important is that I like it.

To all the people who have criticised me unfairly before (ppl from reading the blog, not real life friends):

- My web designing skills are perfectly fine. It is just a matter of taste whether u like it or not.
- I do not look like a pig. Duh.
- My grammar may not be perfect all the time but this is not I dun need to write perfect english just to entertain u. The rest of the world is fine with my grammar.
- My drawing skills seems to go well with other ppl. You may think it sucks, but thats not what the majority thinks. Too bad.
- I am not a fucked up bimbo. I may not be able to prove it but at least I dun think I am that dumb. So what if u are in Mensa? So what if u are in medicine? So what if u are in law? If I studied harder I would be able to do it too. No big deal.

From now on, I will no longer apologize for a boring entry. I will try to make it enjoyable to read, but no guarantees as I do have my boring days as well. Sometimes I feel tired and I just want to write down the events of the day, and nothing else.

For all of you all who actually bothered to read this whole chunk of emotional shit, which no doubt I will regret writing tml when I am back to my cheery self, I just wanna say that I am so glad for all of your support.

To Jo: Thanks for being so sweet a reader. Thanks for ur constant support thru bad times and good ones. You dun even know me yet the amt of encouragement u give is no lesser than any friend of mine. *muacks*

To XF: Thanks for scolding that beautifuk gal.

To June: Thanks for reading da blog, like everyday, even when u have 56k only. Thanks for making all the comment boxs a livelier place. Not to mention beautifying so many photos of coz.

To Elfie: Thanks for being so patient with all the spelling queries and for hosting the background and for being there to comfort me when Bernard made me upset.

To the rest of the loyal readers (who I dun know in real life and actually left their names) like John sim, sycrus, grey, zQ etc etc, and everyone who has wrote in the guestbook and praised me, I really wanna say a sincere thanks to u guys.

To the rest of the readers, I dun really understand why u all read in silence. I love to hear comments, and just write it out if u have any. Everyone is interested to hear different views.

This is definitely another boring blog entry but heck.

Whatever happened to "through good times and bad times"?