Thursday, June 26, 2003

On Sunday, June 22, 2003, I wrote:
For 3 days of the 6 days we are working, we have to wake up at 6 am coz some rich company is hosting a 3 day conference at Ritz for itz employees. Breakfast everyday.

On Thursday, June 19, 2003, I wrote:
So Pantene, Vidal Sassoon, H & S, Ascend and Rejoice all have a fair share of the market for their different target audience? Yeah right. They all belong to this disgustingly big company called Procter and Gamble. P & G. I know coz I once worked for them as a shampoo promoter. The building is so disgustingly big, and they are earning so much, that they can afford big plush cushions everywhere and a few playstations laying around for its employees to relax. Relax of course... Money is rolling in, why bother?

P & G not only semi-monopolises the shampoo market. Whisper and Pringles belong to them too. Among other household items.

Today, June 26, 2003, I am very very tired coz of the stupid functions going on at the Ritz. I was wrong about just breakfast everyday. This group of guests have breakfast at 7am, coffee break at 10am, lunch at 1am, tea break at 3pm and dinner at 7pm.

When they finished their breakfast, we have to clear their used plates and set it again for them for the next eating session, at the same tables. 2 knives, 3 forks, one spoon, one coffee cup, one coffee saucer, one teaspoon, one big plate, one small plate, one napkin and one butter knife for EACH guest. Imagine the stupid amount of work we do!

Thats not counting walking in and out to get their drinks for them, setting up the buffet table, and pouring coffee.

I hate the job! It is so freaking tiring. So tiring that I am gonna sleep without blogging about Harry Potter, thus also making me very lagging in the current blog trend, dammit.

And u guessed which filthy rich company has booked Ritz Carlton for 3 whole days, inclusive of rooms for the guests. 350 guests!

Lets do the math shall we?

1 room = $175

Say 3 guests stay in a room.

$175 X (350/3) X 3 days: $60,900.

Breakfast: Let it be complimentary for the mass amount spent on room.

Lunch, booked Ritz Carlton's expensive Snappers restaurant. Which means the restaurant can't earn money for 3 days!

Minimum, one table $500.
Booked 35 tables: $500 X 35 tables X 3 days = $52,500.

Dinner, English set, at the Grand Ballroom.

Minimum one table $1,000.
$1,000 X 35 tables X 3 days = $105,000.

2/3 of the guests flew in from other countries.

Minimum air ticket price for each employee: $300

$300 X 350 = $105,000.

We have not included stuff like booking the grand ballroom for its conferences and the other activities the company no doubt planned for the employees.

The total amount is an obscene $323,400! It doesn't look obscene enough. Lets triple the price coz I'm sure theres some hidden cost. $972,200!!!!

Actually it is still not very obscene lar. It can just buy a car for some of us (can it? I dunno..) but for P & G, it is just a puny amount isn't it?

Dammit, I think God reads my blog, not that I believe in his existence. Now I know cannot talk bad about ppl liao, it will come back as retribution! The staff of P & G are simply torturing me!

Some silly woman asked for a sliver of lemon today.

"Excuse me, can I have a piece of lemon please?"

What the fuck u want the fucking lemon for? My legs gonna break liao lar! Eat one less lemon will die ah! Nope, I'm not gonna go trouble myself to get it for you! The money ur company is paying me is not enough for me to go take a lemon for you! No, I'm not gonna take it!

"Sure mam. How many pieces do you want?"

"Just a few slices will do."

Fuck you.

"Alright I will get it for you in a minute's time."

"Thank you."

Rot in hell for asking for that lemon!

"Its my pleasure, mam."

With that I had to find a chef, face his sulky face as he finds a lemon, wait for him in the very hot kitchen as he cuts it, and walk a very very long distance to give it to her. When I came back, everyone blames me coz I disappeared for so long and they needed help with the plates.

All for her piece of lemon. I feel like stuffing it all up her nostrils!

Now u know never to ask ur waiter for lemons for other funny items for that matter!

Let me now educate u guys on proper waiter etiquette, just in case I serve u in future.

- When u put ur fork and knife/spoon on ur plate side by side neatly, it means u dun want ur food. When we take it away and u still want it, u might just happen to put the last straw on ur waiter's (it shld be camel's) back. He might holler at u and say that u have no idea of table manners at all. That might embarrass you. So if u still want ur food, place the fork and spoon ON the plate, but both at different sides.

- Stop fucking talking and talking and eat ur bloody food! You have no idea, but ur slow eating makes it such that the next dish cannot be served till u finished, and thus everyone must wait for you. You also make ur waiter feel very stressed coz he is slooooow............. And the manager will scccccccccccold!

- Some people just dun like their glasses to be half empty. Like drink water, drink till the end kinda thing. Please dun be stupid. The waiter will just keep refilling it; it will never be empty. And thats irritating for both u and the waiter. I suggest u bring ur own water bottle of course.

Please drink with patience too. If u are an Indian, I would like to say that orange is good for health. So do savour those vitamins Cs. If u are an CEO, coke kills sperms, as if u are not impotent enough.

Every waiter hates refilling drinks.

- The little bowl at the side in chinese dinners is for the NOODLES. If u want to use it to eat, please DUN BE SO STUPID and put bones/prawn shells etc in it! Leave the trash on ur plate and ur waiter will clear it in a jiffy. If u put it in the bowl and ur waiter didn't notice, imagine the trouble he has to go though when he wants to serve the noodles in the bowl for you and find all bones inside instead. He has to go look for a solitary bowl. Thats troublesome!

And as if it is not enough, everyone will curb their eating till you get ur noodles, coz it is impolite to eat first. So the whole table would be very slow again and ur waiter would get scolded.

- Did u know that the bar only has soft drinks? If u ask for plain water, the waiter possibly has to go further (into the kitchen) to get it for you. I'm not saying u dun drink plain water of course. It all depends on the situation. If u think ur waiter has a sulky face, and u want to get rid of him for a longer time, ask him to take plain water for u.

However be prepared that he might spit into ur drink.

- Please do not ask approximately 586 waiters to get ur drink for u. Imagine when they all arrive with the same drink! Everyone wasted their time, and the 585 extra drinks will be poured onto ur head.

- The napkin is meant to be on ur lap. If u insist on throwing it on the floor, I hope the sweet and sour pork falls on ur new pants/dress.


- Slap ur kid when u kid calls a waitress who is 19 "auntie".

- Do not ask ur stupid items like lemons, diet coke, straws, ice cubes, bananas, eggs, butter, tongs etc etc. U will get spit on it.

- Praise the waitress and invite her to eat the clean leftovers on the platter when u can't finish it. She deserves it for slogging for you.

Oh no it is so late. I am not gonna edit for grammar mistakes.

More blogging tml!

Good night everyone!