Friday, June 13, 2003

Yippee! I got my cheque today and by Monday when the cheque goes in, I WILL BE FILTHY RICH! I will get Bill Gates to lick my toes! Come to think of it, it is just a $504 cheque. Hardly think Mr Gates would give a shit about it.

Speaking of Gates, I remember a joke of him. Tighten ur seat beats, itz gonna be lame.

Mahatair: Mr Gates, I got a present for you!

Bill Gates: What it is, you irritating piece of shit? Quit irritating me and trying to lick my diamond studded boots! I will not donate money to ur filthy country after the way I saw u fucked that llama!

Mahatair: Ah... U have no idea how good she is, Mr Gates.

Bill Gates: The present is a girl?

Mahatair: *smiles* Not exactly. It is Japan's hottest product. As u know I like to steal treasures from every country I visit. This one is good. She is Japan's hottest prostitute! She is called Super Climax Inducing Hot Chick! (Please note I forgot the exact name but nvm lar. Randomly chose a cheesy name.)

Mahatair's sex slaves push a big cardboard box to the scene. A girl opens the box slowly as she puts a very very seductive and shapely leg out of the box.

Bill Gates: *gasp* Oh my my my.... What a leg! I'm getting excited to see her face. Oh wait, ain't that Ayumi Hamasuki?!


Bill Gates: Wow! She is all mine? Goodness Mahatair I knew some good would come out of you! Okie I shall donate 1000000 pirated Windows start up discs to you.

Mahatair: WTF!

Bill Gates: As the world's richest and, I would claim, smartest man, I have my reasons of course. Hear me out.

1) I have successfully monopolised the piracy market, as well as the normal market. You think why I so rich! The real thing, and the pirated versions are all sold by me, actually.

2) Your country's ppl are so *ahem* that even if I give them the real thing, they will just use it as a mirror. May as well give them cheap cds. I heard some of ur citizens are using my discs as frisbees!

Mahatair: OH holy shit that was your CD! I tot I saw a shiny UFO with a hole inside!

Bill Gate: Fuck, you are damn stupid.

Mahatair: *grimaces* How can u say that! *whispers under his breath* At least Anwar darling doesn't think I am dumb. Hmpf.

Bill Gate: Bye, I'm off with Super Climax Inducing Hot chick. *he snaps his fingers and a helicopter comes to lift the box off*

Mahatair: Okie bye bye. Remember to give me the fris, i mean, CDs!


After hot sex with Super Climax Inducing Hot Chick, Bill Gates felt very happy indeed. He looked at her, and said: Now I know why they call you Super Climax Inducing Hot Chick!

SCIHC says: Now I know why they call you MicroSoft.


Please note the joke was all about the last part only. I digressed and made up a little. Ok ok, a lot.

I decided I shall say another Mahatair joke since we are at the topic. Some of u might have heard it before.

Mahatair was very upset at his country's progress. He decided to, for once, put down his ego and ask Lee Kwan Yew how come Singapore is so successful a country.

LKY said: Ah, u see, thats because we have very capable ministers.

Mahatair: Is that so? Prove it.

LKY: Okie. *He sees Tony Tan walking pass. He immediately asks him to come over*

LKY: Tony, who is your father's son?

Tony Tan, without a minute's hesitation: Why, me of course.

Mahatair finally understood. He went back to test Anwar on this.

Mahatair: Anwar, unless u can answer me this question, I'm afraid I would have to tell the world about ur sodomy job coz I dun wan a non capable minister in my country.

Anwar: but but but... *He proceeds to unzip Mahatair's pants*

Mahatair: *Kicks Anwar away* Not NOW YOU FOOL! We are in a public place!! My question is, "Who is your father's son, Anwar?"

Anwar was stumped. He was flabbergasted at the total complexity of the question. He started to tremble. In fact, he was so traumatized, he started to pull his hair out by the tens at one go. And he doesn't have alot of hair to pull out.

Mahatair didn't want to touch a bald head during their secret meetings. He liked Anwar's hair. =) He, despite being very disappointed, told Anwar he would give him 3 days to come out with the answer.

Anwar was very relieved indeed. However, he had no idea what the answer was. After thinking for 2.5 days, he decided he would ask the world's smartest man, naturally the president of the United States of America.

Bush: Whoa Anwar, Whats the matter? Told u I'm not interested in being a Muslim already. Stop bothering me! And I heard news of your sodomy too. Sorry, I'm not interested in fucking you! I'm not interested in gays!

*In the background we hear a donkey moaning and something being zipped up*

Anwar: No no no sir! I just wanted to ask you something! It is very very difficult. (Anwar actually paused for suspense) WHO IS YOUR FATHER'S SON?!

Bush: Fuck lar, call and ask me such dumb question. It is me of course!

Anwar met up with Mahatair with a very smug smile indeed.

Mahatair: So you came up with the answer already, Anwar?

Anwar: Yes. My father's son is George Bush!

Mahatair takes a piece of Char siew out of nowhere and whacks Anwar on the head. He then looks at the piece of Char Siew. He decided he can't really touch pork. He prayed to Allah for 10 minutes for Allah to forgive him for whacking ppl with Char siew.

He then says to Anwar: You twerp! Your father's son is Tony Tan lar!

Whahhahaha....Anyway, I'm a very very happy girl today!

Firstly, as i mentioned my paycheck is $504. Excuse me while I laugh an evil laugh. MUAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!! MUAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA!

You see, I'm supposed to work every weekend for the month of April. Its being a promoter for Guinness, so every time I work I get $15 per hour plus commission. Pretty good pay! Working for APB is really nice! Since last year I was a Tiger Beer promoter. That one even better, sometimes get $20 per hour, and can slack around and do nothing except pour beer.

Its not sleazy or anything like that. I worked together with Eileen, and the locations were hotel lounges and such. We even went on a cruise!

Ok outta the 8 times I am supposed to work, I only worked 5 times. The last weekend I didn't go coz I had exams and I told my manager about it. Another time I told her I was sick.

Anyway, the said manager quit shortly after. No one knows how many times I worked. There is supposed to be a timesheet thingy for u to get the supervisor of the club to sign to prove u have worked, and that is supposed to be faxed over to the company handling the HR. I liquid papered the dates to make it such that I worked 8 times.

Wonderful. I am supposed to get $300 only. I tan dio $200! Yippeeeeee! Allow me to laugh again! MUAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA! $200 bucks for NOTHING!!!

I can use da money to buy a new monitor! Speaking of which, looks like this now! Goodness. It remains this purple colour till someone smacks it on its back.

2) I am very glad that ppl responded to my previous entry so nicely! -beams at everyone-

3) I saw a very cute balloon today!


After like 6 months of upgrading, my lift is finally workable!!! Yaaaaay!! Very glad!! Now I dun have to walk a freaky corridor to reach home!.

5) I am just very happy!

I am so happy that in fact, I shall show u all the 8th wonder of the world.

It is more commonly known as make up. Some ppl have commented that I seem to put on alot of make up. Pretty much true. Since it can change me from this to this(points below), why not?

Of course, all my real life friends have seen the two very different ic photos before already. But I dun usually expose such hideous photos, you all are privileged!

The Before photo was taken sec 4. At that point of time, I didn't have double eyelids. I had lotsa pimples. I got horrible short hair.And in the picture I think I half closed my eyes.

It is just plain hideous. Yikes. Hao chou ah!

The After picture was taken poly year 1, the exact amount of time between the photos to let my hair grow that much. Nope, I didn't go for surgery for the eyes, The job was done by mascaras and eyeshadows. Nope, I didn't get a nose job too, I just tapped a bit of brown eyeshadow at the sides of the nose bridge, if I had any to begin with.

Anyway it is not as if digital surgery can't help the Before photo.

Ahhhh... Much better now. Eyes look a little weird though. Can't be helped. Anyway the person in the picture doesn't look like me anymore. Bleah.

Yesterday I showed Eddy the before photo. He looked totally not surprised. He smiled and said I looked like that the first time he saw me.

Dammit, I forgot that when he asked me to do the survey for him I just came back from project at Dicky Chua's (classmate) place and looked like shit. No make up, tee and shorts, unshaved legs (I hope he didn't notice this) and hair tied into a hagrid style ponytail.

Wonderful. No wonder he is not interested in me. He is scared his kids turn out like the Before photo.