Saturday, July 26, 2003

June, Shuyin and I were at this Indian lady's shop.

I can't really remember what she sold, but I remembered that she has this comfy couch where the 3 of us were sitting down on. I walked around and saw that the Indian lady sold this authentic Gucci HP strap.

I fell in love with it immediately. To my pleasant surprise, it only costs $20! I grabbed it and took it to show to June and Shuyin who were sitted on the couch.

June took the hp strap and fingered it lovingly. Not surprisingly, she wanted it too.

Before I told her to get her own, Shuyin's uncle and auntie came along.

The pair sat down beside us, and the Uncle asked June what she was holding. June showed it to him, and he took a look.

"You like it?", he asked June.

June nodded vigoriously. "But I dun have money to buy," she said mellowly.

The Uncle nodded. He got the hint alright. He stood up, and before I could say anything, bought the hp strap for June.

I tried to stop him, I did! But he didn't care! He only wanted to buy it for June, not for me!

My tears fell with the jealousy I felt when obviously Shuyin's uncle should have treated me fairly and bought the Gucci strap for me too. But yet, out of politeness, there was no way I could have told him that. I cried, and cried, and cried. I wanted the hp strap so much! It was me who found it first, not June!

But despite my very intense crying, Shuyin and June did not give a shit but continued to smile and chat with the uncle and auntie.

No one cared about me crying. They think that I am crying for nothing, that my tears do not symbolize my trauma but just there for showing people.

Between shortened breaths, I told June that the hp strap is mine, and she should give it back to me.

June looked at me, and said plainly, "No."

I asked the uncle to buy the strap for me too. He said "No", for he thought I was a spoilt brat for wanting what others wanted. He said that it was June who found the strap first, so it is hers and not mine.

June and Shuyin did not correct him with the facts abut instead, behind his back, gave me a big smirk.

With that, June turned her heel and walked away with Shuyin and the Uncle and Auntie, leaving me crying all by myself in the shop.

I told myself I had to be strong, afterall it was just a hp strap costing 20 bucks, and I can easily buy another myself! With that I looked around the shop, trying to find it.

I searched and searched fanatically, but with no avail. There was simply no same model there. The rest of the Gucci straps were ugly and bulky; totally different from the one I fell in love with.

I cried even more. And I discovered what was worse. I realised that the rest of the models, all costed $80 plus, so the one I chose must have been pasted with a wrong price tag. I can't even buy an uglier model for the good price now! And there is no uncle to kindly pay for me!

Out of desperation, I tried to search for the Indian shopowner. She must have new stock coming in! She must help me! Even if I buy the hp strap for $80, at least I still got what I wanted.

She wasn't in the shop, so I looked out of the balcony. The shop is on the second level. To my surprise, the Indian lady was standing at the grass patch below the balcony. On the same grass patch were lotsa kids and other Indian people walking around, chatting happily.

I shouted and asked her if she had new stock coming in. She said no.

For goodness knows what reason, the Indian started to take this "lift" up to the balcony. The "lift" was just a simple metal affair where the Indian lady had to actually pull herself up.

She pulled and pulled while I kept crying about the loss of my hp strap and June's rude betrayal of friendship.

And then the lady fell.

The grass patch was a hilltop. She rolled down.

She fell and seem to have died. But she stirred a little. The people in the grass patch all dropped dead in their activities. They rushed to her, and some shouted out to me that it must have been me who cursed her and caused her misfortune, just because I could not get the thing I wanted. Selfish girl, they silently shouted, as a totally different type of tears fell down my cheeks.

I am innocent, it wasn't me!!! The phrase sounded so loud in my head, but yet, I am unable to say it out to the people, coz I was crying too hard.

The Indian lady was fine and she got up and started to point fingers at me.

That unreasonable bitch, I thought.

With the end of my evil thought, she fell again. She fell into a hard cement drain this time, and obviously broke a leg. The Indian people all crowded around her even more, all splattered with her blood.

It wasn't me!!! I screamed and screamed, but no one was listening. Everyone was staring at me as if I am a monster.

The children all took on vicious grins. They started to climb up the balcony to get me. I started to panic.

The Indian lady tried to get up from the drain. No one was helping her; they were too scared of me.

I was scared of myself.

The Indian lady fell again, and this time, lie there lifeless. She could not move again.

The children were all surrounding me by now....

I woke up, and discovered that my eyes are really swollen. Perhaps yesterday's activities were affecting my unconscious mind, except that June wasnt the one making me so sad. My best friend did not care anymore; but little did she know that that was the simple reason I cried.

I dun mind losing a thousand boyfriends, but I would never want to lose her friendship.

-Dun ask me what happened, I dun wanna be reminded about it.-