Tuesday, July 22, 2003

Yesterday I didn't blog, so I have alot of stuff to write.

Firstly, yesterday I worked for Tiger Beer again after a break of 1 year, and it is really the best job in the world! All we had to do yesterday was to pour beer for a relatively decent pub's guests as it was the pub's first day of opening and only the boss' friends were invited.

We (me and another Tiger girl) arrived late at 6:40 (supposed to be 6pm, but the manager is not there and nobody cares) and we were allowed to eat dinner till 7pm. We walked around and poured beer and the owner of the pub even asked us if we wanted to sing KTV. Later on, at 9 pm, we were asked to help ourselves to the buffet line, and then our manager came. He walked into the room where we were eating. I clammed up, seeing that he caught us skiving.

He smiled and asked us if the chicken is nice.

And he pulled a chair and joined us. And there we sat for the next 40 minutes talking rubbish, after which the other girl, Tess, and I were allowed to leave the place $60 richer.

Just when we were gleefully walking out with our bags, the owner of the newly opened pub stopped us. He opened his wallet, and said, "Come, uncle give u tips, thanks for helping me out today!"

So we walked out $70 richer.

Haiz, what a happy day.

Aha, but there's a catch! There always is, isn't it?

I was damn pissed by this group of guests. According to Tess, there were a bunch of footballers, so natually it was a mix of Malay, Indian and Chinese guys, less of the latter.

This is the conversation that happened:

Indian guy: Hi!

Me: Eh, hello.

Indian guy: U not a local right?

Me: I am a Singaporean.

Indian guy: Dun bluff!

Me: Huh? Siao I bluff u for what? So which country do I look like I am from? *Gives an irritated frown*

Indian guy: No no I not saying you look like u from China... no la...

Me: Yeah I look like a Malaysian issit?

Indian guy: Haha... So u working at coffee shops normally issit? I only see u girls in coffee shops.

-At this precise moment I felt like sticking something huge, hot and with thorns into his ass. The ideal item would be a barbacued porcupine. In fact, I wanted so much to put the porcupine into his ass that I tried looking around for one, but with no avail. I think they should put porcupines at newly opened pubs in case stupid men start to insult the waitresses.-

Me: Excuse me? One, this is not a full time job. Two, only aunties work at coffee shops, I'm sure u haven been to enough pubs or hotel lounges to see us around, but it doesn't mean we dun exist at those places.

Indian: Oh, not full time job? So u got another job?

Me: No, I'm currently studying.

Indian guy: Oh, ITE or Poly?

At this precise moment I turned my back ready to not answer his question and leave. I cannot believe my eyes!

There, scurrying in one hidden corner of the pub behind a potted plant was a black creature trying to move unnoticed. It shook a little and left a trail of black sharp needles on the floor. Suddenly, a dozen goblins hopped out of the potted plant and captured the terrified, and not to mention shocked, hedgehog. A barbecue pit appeared out of nowhere and they roasted the hedgehog will it was white hot and stuffed it into the Indian guy's ass. He yapped and yapped in pain, strangely shouting out the words: "Sorry.. I... Pain!..I... not... Oww!..look...down...people...anymore!

No, that didn't happen. It was just a mirage, sadly.

As I returned to the normal world, I realised he was still talking to me.

"Poly ah, so smart ah, cannot believe it."

-Someone hand me a chainsaw please-

"What course?"

Breathing hard, "Media and communications."

"What is that?"

"Listen. I got to go serve our customers."

WTF IS WRONG WITH THAT GUY! I think I will bring my O level cert everywhere I go, and I will use it to SLAP HIS BLOODY FACE. POLY too SMART for me huh? I CAN GO INTO JC OKIE! Fucked up idiot. Why did he not ask me "JC, uni, poly or ITE?". If I went into JC, I will use my ankle sock to stuff up his hairy nostril. But I chose Poly.

And u think this fella is bad. Birds of the same feathers flock together, so lets hear about his friend.

Indian guy: Hey Wendy Wendy! My friend wants to talk to u!

Malay guy: So Wendy, I heard from him u from Poly.

Indian guy: Yeah Wendy he dun believe u are from Poly!

Me: What.

Malay guy: You from Poly meh? *Gave me a disbelieving look* I also from SP last time. Let me test you, you what faculty.

(Apparently the fucked up guy was not from SP as SP does not have faculties but different "schools", ie, School of Business, which I am in.)

I thought:What is the big fuck about SP? Who would lie to say they are in a Poly, asshole? Only idiots like you think it is glamourous to be in poly. Hey look, here my O levels cert and it reads 11 points. Can u count? It means I can go into JC easily, asshole!
I said: What do u mean what faculty. There are no faculties in SP, duh.

Malay guy: Oh, so you what course?

I thought:You so fucking dumb, I tell u u also dunno.
I said: Media and comm.

Malay guy: What is that?

I thought: Dah, I knew it.
I said: A course.

Malay guy: U also from SP ah, so next time when u graduate u can join the alumni and see me there!

I thought:Nobody is interested to see your fucked up face and I dun talk to amoeba-brains, so speak to my hand.
I said: I am not interested to join SP's alumni.

Malay guy: Why not, you should be very glad that SP accepted you and gave u a good education.

With this I turned my heel and left him talking to himself.

FUCKING HELL! I got so pissed that I almost smoked (as in, on flames) right there, but I can't scold him, as my job was far too valuable to risk losing.

What is the big fuck about Poly? They speak as if it is some Mensa organisation. Either that or I look extremely retarded, so it is amazing that I can get into Poly.

I got so pissed, that I spend 15 minutes thinking how I would use my old RV school uniform and throw it at his face.

"Nah," I would say. "Here is my old school uniform. PSLE grades of 251 and above will be accepted into the school, can your daughter fit into the uniform since u look like u can hardly afford a new one for her? Or did she get your genes and is a half retard? Oh wait, my secondary school is the Fifth in ranking in Singapore this year, and they dun accept Malays, sorry! Oh wait a minute. I am not sorry."

Mean huh? But I really had enough of such retards.

People nowadays keep giving me that raised eyebrows look whenever I say I am in Poly. WTF! Do I really look like a school drop out? And whats worse is that it is not as if my results barely fulfilled Sp's criteria and I heng heng got in after struggling with my pudding brains. It is irritating the shit outta me.

People gimme the raised eyebrows look when I say I am in Poly, and they give XF and PY the "I am so impressed with you!" look when XF and PY say they are going to uni. Hey, whats the discrimination here! I am going into Uni soon too, and I will wipe the smirk off those people's faces.


Enough about angry events. Anyway, today June, Clara and I went to shop around at Orchard, when I suddenly received a phone called from eLJay (one blog reader) saying that he saw me. LOLz... It is beginning to scare me! I think I shall wear sunglasses out next time.

While June and I were walking around, a very normal and typical thing happened.

You see, I'm a kpo person. Actually, I'm not kpo. I'm just very curious. So usually when June and I walk along the Orchard underpass stretch, some people will suddenly approach June and start yakking.

Being my curious self, I will bend over to listen too, rather irritated coz I'm the kinda person who is talking most of the time while June makes little grunting noises of agreement, and these stupid people usually interrupt me talking.

Not only do they interrupt me, they dun know that they are causing grave harm. This is cause I tend to forget what I was saying immediately and June will have the mission of remembering what I just said, which she will fail to do, and I will be very miserable coz I forgot what I wanted to say.

Now the interrupting people I am talking about are very rude. Even after I bend over to listen, they refuse to acknowledge my presence and start to speak to BOTH June and I. Thats the correct way mah hor? BUT NO! They choose to focus their beady desperate eyes on June and only speak to her, making me feel extremely embarrassed to try to listen to someone who is not interested to talk to me.

And then I hear the usual words from their mouths. I sensored away the flowery language. "beautiful yadda yadda tall yadda yadda looking for yadda models yadda advertisements yadda join us yadda yadda talents yadda come down for interview yadda my number"

June will say, "No thanks, we are late."

I tried to shout back to the interrupting people after we walk a few steps "Actually you heng, she is a transversite!", but I suppose June wun find it funny so I didn't do it.

But anyway, I forgot what I wanted to say.

Oh, that I am very irritated by these people. Some modelling agency called BMT (Obviously it is not this name but it is something like that) sends millions (and I mean like millions) of its "talent scouts" on Orchard Road to interrupt u when u are talking and make you forget what u wanna say and ask you to be a freaking model.

Whats the use of being a freaking model when you forgot what u wanted to say? I mean, obviously the latter is much more important.

Apparently this company is a big scam as they ask every Tom and hairy dick to be a model. Then Tom and Hairy Dick would have to take a portfolio first before being a model, and that will cost $4,000, thank you.

Or something like that. Personally, when I was walking alone I got approached, in a single day within a single stretch of road, THREE TIMES by BMT Models. How many times do they wanna ask, aiyoh! For goodness sake if they wanna send so many people to do the scouting, please invest a little and buy a inkpad and stamp.

Stamp on my forehead "ASKED AND REFUSED" in red ink. I dun mind looking silly. Just stop asking me to be your fucked up model. Fortunately, when I am with June people tend to look at her eyes when they speak, and obviously looking at that level they cannot see me at all. Good.

They dun even wanna make me start on What-is-it-about-Height-anyway-Theory. Thank goodness they dun bother me.
But for talking to June and interrupting me, they shld have some punishments.

I told June gravely today that I will give every multiple of five of such people who approach her a tight slap. Well maybe not a slap.


Me: Yadda yadda I am just talking as usual, my words dun mean much but whatever, you have to listen anyway. The weather is so terrific tod..

June: Grunt grunt

Me: Yeah lor she is such a bitch right I mean obviously she shouldn't p-

-interrupter no. 85-

BMT scout: Hi Miss (addressing June), I'm just wondering if u have a free minute?

June: Yeah?

BMT scout: Oh, miss you are really very pretty, you totally stand out from the crowd.

While June blushes I take out my Palmtop to add a tick to the 85th interrupter and realise, duh, that she is the 85th.

BMT scout: Yadda usual crap.

June: No sorry, I am not interested.

Me: What was I saying?

June: I forgot.


Me to BMT person: Oei you!

BMT scout: Yes?

Me: *takes out my 8910 and show her*

BMT scout: Erm, nice phone, so?

Me: Do u know that it is made out of titanium?

BMT scout: So?

Me: SOya bean. So it is hard. And do you know that you are the 85th to ask my friend over there to be a freaking model, from your company? I vowed to hit every multiple of 5. Now tell you colleagues not to bother her EVER again!

*Whacks the BMT scout hard in the forehead with the 8910. She faints and everyone looks at me in horror. I shout: She is a BMT scout! Everyone breathes in relief and comes over to shake my hand and pat me on the shoulder for getting rid of social pests. On the other side of the road another BMT scout gets lynched and everyone cheers*


The end. How wonderous if everything works my way.

The world will be a better place if I control it.