Wednesday, August 27, 2003

I decided to post pictures!

Yesterday June and I went to Mango to try on some executive clothes.

Hows this? The thing I am holding is a lollipop.

I think I look like a slutty secretary. Who likes to bend over the table a littlllllle too much. Yucks. June meanwhile has the tall lean career woman look. Can't post her pics though, she said it looks ugly.

I like the top! It looks somewhat like the 2 fast 2 furious top that I like so much... But the bloody thing is $75, far far too expensive. Yes, the lollipop spoilt the picture and yes, thats June reflected in the mirror, taking my pic.

Aaron bought it V200 2 days after June did.

So I used it to take own pictures. Narcissic, yes. But who cares... I like it

Thats all. I'm sorry babes, but no more Jeremy photos. Help me think of an excuse to date him out man...

Very pissed lor, yesterday tried to blog but I accidentally kicked the CPU and the whole com restarted, leaving me grimacing in pain, for my day's entry was totally gone. How wondrous.

Anyway, I wanna complain about stupid people.

I came out with one conclusion after working for a few weekends at Singtel shops.

Stupid people use Nokia phones.

I am not saying that Nokia users are stupid. I am saying stupid people use Nokia. So a square is a rectangle but a rectangle is not a square.

Let me tell you what bullshit I got from Nokia users...

Me: "Hi, would you like to take a look at the new Mitsubishi M330?"

Typical Nokia User: "No, I don't like Mitsubishi."

Me, "Erm, you have never tried Mitsubishi phones, how do you know that you dun like them?"

TNU: "Oh, haha. I am a Nokia user"

Why I am not surprised?

Me: "So?"

TNU: "I am used to Nokia la..."

Yeah, stupid. You and the rest of the world. You were used to pagers, why are you using handphones? You are used to typewriters, why use the com now? You were used to having Ong Teng Cheong as president, why not choke Nathan to death?

What bullshit. I say, EMBRACE CHANGE, or you'll never learn anything.


Me: "Hi, would you like to take a look at the new Mitsubishi M330?"

TNU: "Ok. I am using a 6610 now, what is the difference?"

Me: "Oh, this phone has 32 chord polyphonic ringtones while Nokia only has 4 chords. It is a very big difference in the quality of the sound, I can let you hear it..."

TNU, after listening and comparing with his 6610 (which the rest of the world is using as well): "I think Nokia ringtones are still the best."

Go back to using monophonic ringtones, you deaf bastard.

Me: "How can that be?"

TNU, playing his miserable 4 chords polyphonic ringtone again for me to hear why I squirm in pain at the horrible sound: "Yes what, isn't it?"

Me: "Indeed."

TNU: *Continues staring dreamily at his phone with unspeakable love*

Me: *pukes*

There is another kind.

TNU: "Miss, can you show me the 7250?"

Me: "There is no sample for it."

TNU: "Oh."

Me: "You wanna buy a camera phone?"

TNU: "Yeah. Your 7250 got black colour?"

Me: "The other colour phones like T610, V200, E365 all got 65,000 colours and are around the same price as 7250. 7250 only got 4,096 colours, the resolution is very bad leh, take the pictures also not clear. The Sony Ericsson on even got bluetooth. Why don't you try them?"

TNU: "Nah, I am a Nokia user."

Thats not a bloody excuse for making a stupid purchase, you cock.

Me, rolls eyes: "Its your choice."

TNU: "What the price for the 7250?"

Me: "Sorry, dunno, I am the Mitsubishi promoter." *Turns and continue giving leaflets to other TNUs walking around the Singtel store, who are feigning interest in the other brands coz they want to compare it to their beloved Nokia and feel damn smug*

I cannot stand stupid people.


There was another scenerio that happened at the Singtel shop.

First, a little introduction to the people working there.

Sharon - Panasonic promoter who I got along very well with indeed. Excellent crapper.

UOB promoter A, and UOB promoter B.

A and B's colleague who came into the shop to visit them but is not working at Singtel, called C.


Sharon and I were gossiping about Jeremy's butt or something when C walked into our Singtel shop. C had came to look for A and B, who are his friends. A and B asked me and Sharon to go over, to introduce us to C.

C, to me: "Hi, my name is C!"

Me: "Hi, I'm Wendy."

C, to Sharon: "Hi! C."

Sharon: "Hi, Sharon."

C stopped talking to us and turned to talk to A and B, while me and Sharon still stood there.

I decided to be bo liao to Sharon, so I turned to her and said,

"Hi, my name is Sharon, whats yours?"

Sharon was surpressing a giggle, but acted blur and said, "Oh issit! My name is Sharon too!"

I was just whooping with laughter with Sharon, when C turned over to face us again, obviously having eavesdropped.

He said to me:
"Oh, your name is Sharon also? Her name is also Sharon!"

Me and Sharon gave each other very amused looks.

As if he was not being dense enough, he continued, "So whats your surname?"

I answered,
"Au. Sharon Au"

"Oh...", he said. He turned to the real Sharon and asked her for her surname as well.

"Teo", she replied, covering her mouth as mirth threatened to spill out. She should have said "Stone" to see if the guy can get any denser.

"Oh, sharon au and sharon teo..." C mumbled to himself.

Till today, he still thinks that I am called Sharon Au, when I just told him 1 min ago that my name is Wendy.

I met another stupid person when I was out with Eileen. Her friend, some guy, saw her and came to join me and her at a coffee shop table.

Meanwhile, I was very engrossed in conversation with her and could not really be bothered with him. I was telling her about my recent visit to a mosque recently, for a school project.

The fella we interviewed bullshitted his way through... He obviously did not know his stuff at all. I forgot to mention he is another stupid person.

I asked him: "If we don't believe in Allah we go to hell?"

Him: "Yes."

Me: "Is there such a thing as free will?"

Him: "What is that?"

Me: "That whatever I do, is my own choice. For example I choose to slap the table now, it is my own decision, not Allah making me slap the table. Or is there no free will, so that whatever happens is a result of Allah's planning?"

Him: "There is no such thing as free will." There is.

Me: "So you are saying if I choose not to believe in Allah, thats Allah's choice for making me not believe him, since there is no free will?"

Him, thinking hard: "Yes, I guess so. Allah has already chosen who are his people."

Me: "And Allah wants to put me into hell for me not believing in him when obviously he MADE me not believe in him?!"

Him: "Erm, we cannot question Allah's decisions."

It was total bullshit. Everytime I ask him a question which there is no way for him to answer, he would say that last sentence and claim that Allah is beyond our conprehension.

Anyway, back to Eileen's friend.

He somewhat overheard a little about the conversation, and was looking interestedly at us.

"Are you a Christian?", I asked him.

"Yeah yeah, why?"

"Coz I got some questions to ask you..."

"Shoot away!"

"God is onmipotent right?"

"Whats that?"

"I thought you said you are a pious Christian. Onmipotence means he is all-powerful. Able to accomplish everything."

"Oh, then God is onmipotent."

"So can God create a stone which is too heavy for himself to lift?"

He replied without thinking, "Yes of course."

"If it is a 'yes', it means that the stone is too heavy for God to lift, and if he cannot lift a stone it means he is not onmipotent."

"Hmm. Yeah. Actually, I cannot answer you that question because I am not God."

HOW TOTALLY IRRELEVANT. Nice try dude. How about saying "I can't answer you that question, I am too dumb." instead, because I already know that you are not God? How about telling your physics teacher "I cannot do that calculation, I am not Einstein" too?

The world needs some cleansing.

Today I was talking to June about smart genes.

Taken that smart parents=smart children and dumb parents=dumb children and smart + dumb= average children, I told her that the smart should always marry the smart so that smart people will not die out.

June said she perferred a whole lot of average people, at least there wun be any stupid people around.

Lets see, if the world is full of average people, we still wun have our TVs invented till today. No computers. No ovens even. Actually, despite learning it in physics, I still have no idea how a TV works. It takes a very very smart person to invent such amazing stuff, no?

Can the most intelligent of us even build a normal optical camera without any instructions? I think not. The most we can do, is to follow instructions. Yes, some of us can take out every part of a CPU and put it back, but can any of us (rather normal people) invent a computer from scratch? Up till today, I still dunno how email works.

We cannot do without the dumb people either. The dumb people are the ones letting the smart earn money. If everyone was so smart, everyone would fix up their own tellys and not buy tellys. Nobody will want to do manual jobs because they want to do brainy jobs. Everyone wants to be a CEO and no one wants to be the photostating guy.

But then again we can always make old people or pimply teenagers do the dumb people's jobs, so dumb people are really quite obselete.

How about average people?

The average people is the largest group of people. The average person is generally a supervisor of some sort. They are capable of using non-Nokia phones without almost dying, and can generally operate a fax machine. They also will happen to be not as lazy as intelligent people.

Average person: Ah, theres a long road to walk. I am almost late! I think I shall hurry up and walk faster.

Intelligent person: Ah, theres a long road to walk. I am almost late! I think I shall invent a machine which can bring me around. I think I shall call it a car if I succeed. Or should I invent a time machine so that I will not be late?

Dumb person: Ah, theres a long road to walk. I am almost late! Hey wait a minute, I forgot how to run!

So. Average people must be there to not only boost the economy, they must be there so that the intelligent will still seem intelligent. Besides, average people don't irritate much by being stupid, but just quietly do their work to earn to look after their average babies.

I suggest, of course, that we kick all the stupid people out of our beautiful planet.

Without stupid people, there would be less accidents.

Nokia would not be able to smugly monopolise the phone market.

No more ah bengs and lians.

No more stupid delifrance sales people (read archives to understand).

No more spammers in my blog.

It is silly, however, to dispose of certain types of dumb people. For example, a person may be very dumb but he may be able to cook the best chicken rice in the world. These people can stay of course.

For the rest of the dumb people, I have a plan. It is copied from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. We ask for the irritating and useless dumb people to gather, and fake them that Earth is gonna explode in 2 days and all of us are supposed to be exported to another planet called the Alfafa Sproutland.

They will go berserk.

In the meanwhile, we choose a country which has the most dumb population and have alot of land. I would say that Pakistan would be a suitable country, or Greenland could be another choice (If Eskimos are smart they would have gotten outta their fucking cold country long ago instead of worrying about catching frozen fish everyday). Using the same method, we get all the country's smart people out, which are few and far between.

We put the dumb people all in a huge airplane which we will convince them it is a spaceship, and dump them in Pakistan. They will notice some natives complaining about how intruders all arrived, but they would be so glad that Alfafa Sproutland has oxygen that they would be too busy rejoicing to notice.

Meanwhile, the dumb people would be very happy among themselves ("Wah lan eh very happy sia, no more uni one ah here! Their england like so powder, I cannot understood ah!"), and the smart happy among the smart ("Now we dun need to make our machines idiot-proof!"), and the average being neutral as usual ("Huh got difference meh? Hiyah, never mind la").

As I mentioned before, the world would be a much better place if I control it.

And in case you are wondering, yes, I go to the smart category, thank you.

Monday, August 25, 2003

Yesterday night, after a break of 3 days, I gave Jeremy a call... And it was for official business too, coz June got this Sony Ericsson job that I asked him whether he would like to work in.

So. He was working when I called, so he called me back at 11pm.

And we talked till 5:30 am.

Amazing huh, 6 whole hours on the phone.

Now, the problem is, I was supposed to work at Ritz Carlton that day from 6am till 12am. Thats 18 whole hours of standing and pouring semillion sauvigons and chardonneys for guests.

At 530, I had to leave for work.

So I didn't sleep and almost died working that day.

My point is, it is forgiveable that I didnt blog last night.

I'm still in a groggy stage. Just reached home after work for Mitsubishi, and I don't think I can manage to recite the alphabet in the correct order.

I think I would just post pictures, coz a million words says a picture.

My scrunchies haunt me

I was at the school's photostating place. The auntie in charge of the photostating was binding my project work for me. She finished with it, and gave it to me. I was happily adjusting the binded papers.

When I looked up, she had her head bent, looking at something with utmost concentration. I saw what she was doing. She was cutting away the little threads on my scrunchie. Somehow, I felt the scrunchie needed some trimming and did not stop her. She continued until my current favourite scrunchie was almost bald, and gave it back to me.

I woke up feeling very pissed with the photostating auntie but realised my scrunchie is in perfect condition.

Anyway, speaking of cutting hairy stuff...

Great hair, but no one saw it that day except the members of Bukit Batok library coz I had to do my filthy project

I dragged Shuyin and June to have their hair cut at Toni & Guy with me. I think I look much better, but as usual, everyone said there was no difference.

And it was free, coz we did it at the Toni & Guy acadamy!

Buahahaha. Not only is my hair much nicer now, I had half of the hair cut done by the teacher there coz he needs to show the students how it is done. I asked him how much he charges usually, and he said $150 per hair cut. Since he cut half of my hair, I can safely say that I tan dio $75.

Look! Shuyin loves her hairdresser. (Shuyin is left in case u kudos dunno.)

Anyway, I went out with my NCC friends. Yes yes, I was from NCC girls (land) in sec school. I shall post their pics coz... I can't think of a reason, I'm too tired. Erm, yes, just to prove that NCC girls are not the rough, ugly, smelly type you guys thought we are.

Ah well. Pretty right? More blogging tml la. Me in bad mood. I confessed to Jem that I like him and he said it is too early to discuss such stuff and currently he only treats me as a friend.

Well if he talks to friends 6 hours on the phone everyday, he needs to do alot of catching up on sleep. But then again I thought I heard him mention he has insommia. Guess I was doing him a favour.

Should I ask Jeremy to come see the website? Please leave comments to let me know?

p/s: Someone is very into impersonating me on the tagboard so from now on I shall not reply there at all. Any claims of me posting there is bullshit yeah.

Thursday, August 21, 2003

How fucking irritating. Blogger decided to fuck up and refuse to publish my entries for days.

On the other hand, I have found out how to do it.

It will be to go to templates, in which your template will be completely gone but thank goodness I have it saved in notepad, and then publish the "new" template.

The posts will be published as well.

Thats like very troublesome everytime I want to post something.

And anyway, I shall not blog till tml night coz tml I would have to hand in 2 school projects *gasp* which I haven even started on doing. So yeah.

Tml night. I promise.

-My readers are diminishing as blogger continues to fuck up-

Sunday, August 17, 2003

I have decided that Jeremy doesnt like me. I am so sad. And the weather is too freaking good for me to blog. Plus I am sad, remember?

No blogging tonight. I hate everyone. Absolutely everyone.

I hate Jeremy the most.

Saturday, August 16, 2003

I just came back from Zouk and now my hair TOTALLY smells of cigarettes.

If I wash it, it will not have time to dry and allow me to tie my usual buns to sleep, so by tomorrow my hair will be HIDEOUS.

Yet, if I dun wash it, Jeremy might smell the cigarette smell on my hair tomorrow and might get so disgusted.

Feeling very torn, I did something very stupid. I half-washed my hair. This has the effect of not getting ridding of the cigarette smell, and also spoiling whatever curls there are already.

Wonderful. Just when I am meeting the guy of my dreams tomorrow.

Anyway, everyone at Zouk looked so cute. Ya know why? Because, like the Xelibre (I dunno how to spell) ad, everyone there had Jeremy's face. Imagine that. I cannot think of anything but him! Meanwhile, he doesnt seem to give a shit about me. Okie can't say that since he did msg me himself today.

For people who are confused about the God entry... Yeah well it is just a stupid story I suddenly thought of while shitting, so I wrote it down. Since my feeble attempt at fiction is so unfruitful and unliked, I guess I shall not continue the story to bore you guys.

Or perhaps I will, if someone tells me s/he wants me to. =)

Oh I'm quite sad I failed at writing fiction.

-No guy talked to me today except a freaking gay. Goodness knows why.-

Friday, August 15, 2003

If we place a metal pole directly at the top of Bill Gate's house and we extent the metal pole to the far reachs of the clouds, it would hit a particularly grouchy god right on his butt.

This god's name is Sir Barnabas Keanu Fabian Gates, and he was, no doubt, an American.

100 years ago Sir Gates was promoted as a deity, or god, or whatever you people with religion liked to call heavenly beings with big powers.

Let me explain.

In the skies were the heavens. The heavens are not very far up actually, and if you flew on a boeing 747 and decided to keep flying upwards till your machine ran outta petrol, you would have reached it. There, is a land which is remarkably like the land of Mordor.

No, I'm kidding. It is not filled with smelly orcs. In fact, it is totally like whatever you imagined heaven to look like, complete with the chubby angels playing the harp. When you turned a corner, you would see young Japanese girls walking around naked. Thats how heaven looks like too, to some people I know.

When your boeing hits heaven, theres only one problem. Now, boeings are always made to have its tank emptied at the precise point where you hit heaven (the Aircraft God made sure of this). Of course, certain things on planet Earth are meant to be made for certain reasons, but we get to the silly issue of free will once again, and I am not one for quarreling.

Of course, the problem the boeing would face is that it would not have petrol to go down again.

Now, to some people, this is fine by them. They would like to stay put in heaven and play the harp all day long.

Unfortunately, recently the residents of heaven are very much into Warcraft III: Frozen Throne, and when your boeing suddenly hits heaven, you would most possibly interrupt an immersely boring game. Never mind it is immersely boring; the point is that the angels do not like being intruded this way.

In fact, visitors are to fly in from directly above Afghanistan, but no one would bother to fly there, and thus no one ever sees the arrows too.

The angels would take your boeing to throw down to any war area and no one will notice any extra planes anyway. After they are finished with it, they will hold you by your collar, and take you to the Screening God.

The Screening God is one of the most important Gods as he is blessed with the power to see who is worthy of becoming a god, an angel, or thrown back down to earth.

It is everyone's suspect that the Screening God is just a lusty bisexual old fool as the only criteria he uses to choose people is by their looks. The other gods and angels don't really mind, as long as heaven still looks like a setting for Temptation Island.

So, if you look like an barmy old fool, the Screening God will look at you disdainfully while you shiver; drowning in, yet afraid of his immerse beauty and dominance.

He would hold you up, one hand on your collar, the other grasping your pant's bottom, and with 3 heaves, throw you back down to Earth. With this he summons the Lightning and Thunder God (who everyone suspects is the Screening God's lover) and some lightning will shoot you to death, for you cannot reveal the secrets of heaven to anyone.

If you are good looking, the Screening God might make you an angel and you will work for some other god.

There are many many gods up on heaven, and the most recent count is 4,301. They are in charge of many many things that are going on on Earth, and here is Heaven's corporate mission:

"We work together to ensure that Earth is spinning well and that no Earthlings will ever find out about our corporation"

One day, 100 years ago, the Justice God (who is an extremely important God as well since he settles all fights and is blessed with the ability to split himself up to settle up to 739,192,485 fights at one single time) came hand in hand with the Beauty God to look for the Screening God.

When they arrived the Screening God was just looking at a bunch of grapes. Located at the the Lightning and Thunder God's naked belly.

The L&T god hastily replaced his clothes.

"Yes, my fair Justice and Beauty?", boomed the Screening God.

"We are not happy!", squeaked the very very beautiful Goddess of beauty as she pouted her full lips and fluttered her long long eyelashes shut silkily.

"Yes, my lord," Justice piped in. "I personally feel that you should not discriminate against ugly people. I would like to mention that I personally would have approved of Einstein to have been made Science God, and a whole load of good he would have done too. Yet, you kicked him off to get reincarnated as a stray maltese just because you thought his hair looked like one of those earth dogs."

"Yes yes!", came the Screening God's deep laughter. "Funny isn't it? Oh Einstein was a queer fellow alright. Yes, indeed, I disapprove of his wiry hair. That man should get a comb. But isn't Elvis doing fine as a Science God?"

The Justice God frowned. "No. Science have not improved much since. And Presley is so uninterested in his job, he dozes off half the time. The Disease Goddess personally gave him the formula for beating SARS so as to get the silly Earthlings a little more united, yet he forgot about it. And now, SARS is all over the place and everyone on Earth is cursing dear old Marilyn Monroe for conjuring the disease in the first place."

"Hmmm..." The Screening God knitted his brows together.

"And I am so sick of everyone looking just slightly uglier than me! Some even say that Sex God is lovelier than me, I really wonder what she did to deserve that! I am supposed to be the most beautiful here!" The Beauty God burst into hysterical tears.

"Oh alright alright! But my visions were never wrong in choosing..." the Screening God begin.

"Bullshit!" Justice exclaimed. "There ain't no vision. We all know your secret my dear, but we respect you as you have been here for such a long long time."

"I CHOOSE WHOEVER I WANT!" thundered the Screening God. The L&G God smiled approvingly at the thunderous voice.

"Well, then we choose to leave." Justice grabbed the pulchritudinous (but sobbing) Beauty God and turned his heel to leave, his scales ringing angrily after him.

"No! Don't! You know that Earth cannot do without Justice and Beauty!"

"Then hire ugly, but useful people."

"But I cannot just fire people away! They have all signed a lifelong contract! And everyone here is immortal!"

"Alright then for the next God created, hire a useful God and hardworking workers for him."

"But there is no need for another new God. We have got basically everything covered."

Suddenly, this scene was interrupted by a messenger angel from Earth.

"Oh gosh, whats with the pants that looks like trumpets!" the Beauty God shrieked. She is very particular about clothes.

"Erm, my ladyship, it is what I have to wear to look human. Besides, I personally find it very sexy. The humans are all into bellbottomed pants!"

He proceeded to perform a queer dance step which involved him sticking out his index and thumb and pointing his index from his belt, to the air and looking very smug indeed.


The messenger stopped dancing immediately.

Justice God whispered into the shocked messenger angel's ear that the Beauty God just had a quarrel with the Sex God.

"I'm truly sorry my ladyship," (with a wave of his hands he is wearing white robes again, and the Beauty God smirked), "but I have news my Lord,". He was addressing the Screening God, who was busy playing with L&T God's little toe and shockingly enough, was giggling.

"Ahem!" Justice, Beauty and Messenger said together.

"What!" the Screening God felt intruded.

"The humans have discovered computers!!!"


"I think, please pardon me my lord, that the lightning did not manage to kill a particular human and he told someone else about how we have computers and then he died. The other person started to invent computers from there, and today succeeded in making a machine which cannot even play puzzle bobble yet."

The Screening God shoot a vicious look at the L&T God, who did not look the least bit guilty but instead begin to check out Beauty God's nipples, which could be clearly seen underneath her sheer white robes.

"Thats not too bad," said Justice. "Messenger Tan, you think that they would improve on their designs and make their computers part of their lives?"

"Yes," Tan replied, "But it will not be so soon."

"There will be a need for a Computer God," said Justice wisely.

Yesterday I was a very happy girl.

(Thats the result of food leftover at cafe cartel which I went to with Shuyin and Idris yesterday, who, I would like to mention, kindly accompanied me while I had to wait for the MP3 seller to be free. Oh btw, nobody likes glazed cherries. They should have remained in their original form.)

In fact, there were a few reasons why I did not blog yesterday at all.

Firstly, I was so filled to the brim with joy, I'm afraid that if my fingertips touched the keyboard I would just burst. If I burst, I would imagine several people to be very upset, including my maid who would have to clean up the mess.

Secondly, it would be the reason why I am so happy, and thats because (if you were in my irc channel you would have known) I talked to Jeremy for around 3 hours on the phone. The end result is that by the time we finished, it was 2:30 and a tad too late to blog. Besides, I was in this misty mood so I doubt I can manage to string object, subject and noun together to form a proper sentence.

The reason why I managed to pucker up my courage to call him, is thanks to this idiot.

Someone tried to act as if he was Jeremy on my tagboard, claiming that Jeremy (lets call him Jem for short) had just seen my site. Horrified, I took up a nervous finger and dialed his number wrong twice.

When I finally got through, I accused, "You saw my site ah!"

Jem went "Huh?"

I sighed with relief and we just continued talking, till he told me he would call me on his house phone and we continued yakking for 3 hours.

Very sadly, I have no impression of what we talked about at all. I have Dory memory! Or perhaps it has to do with the fact that I was orgasmic half the time.

I realised something very good, which is that I have always thought Jem was considered, by universal standards, cute. But that does not seem to be the case.

After proudly showing his pic to everyone I can show, my mum commented that Jem looks like a 95.8 DJ, Billy, who is a disgusting faggot.

Shuyin said that in several angles Jem resembles, most unfortunately, a monkey.

Plus a whole lot of people said he looks gay (which equates to cute actually since most gays are darn cute) and some say he looks like an Ah beng.

In my opinion, this is wonderful. If only every girl thinks he is gay/monkey-like/bengish, I would have far less competition and Jem would not think that he is damn cute so he would not mind his gf being less cute, or short for that matter.

I still insist that Jem has good genes. Afterall, he is tall (around 1.8 is my guess), rather fit, smart (Cat high, SIM), has a beauty queen as a sister (yes she won both Miss SP and some other competition and is now a famous model), and is flawless to the point that he even has perfect eyesight.

Lets see. I'm short, rather flabby, smarter than average, has an artist for a dad, and I have perfect eyesight too.

Wonderful. Together, our kids will be average height, average flabbiness, relatively smart and corny, would be glamourous and artistic, have perfect eyesight, and look like Ann Poh and Billy mixed (how fucking horrid)

Anyway. I'm sure everyone is so freaking sick of Jeremy and more Jeremy.

Just one more point.

So. I bought my MP3 player yesterday too!!!

This is a Nomad II mg, and I was supposed to buy it from an auction fellow at $200. Yes yes, I like it cos it is pink. Anyway, I told the fellow that I would not have the cash until 2 weeks later, which is yesterday.

So yesterday he messaged me, and I told him I dun have the money.

He angrily said I played him out, after making him wait for 2 weeks.

"I only have 150 with me, not that I wanna play you out..."

"okok I sell you at final price of 160. Meet you tomorrow can?"

So, I got it at $40 cheaper!! Muahahahha!!

Oh yeah a happy belated birthday Singapore!

If you hate Singapore, I got a good deal for you.

Now you can officially step on Singapore everyday with filthy feet, and the insult is complete with the deformed stars too.

Tuesday, August 12, 2003

After one fine day of dwelling on nothing but Jeremy, I think I am going mad.

True enough, I had found the guy who gave me enough chemistry to make me think he is THE ONE (Pun about Jay Chou's concert not intended).

Whats the catch?

That he doesnt like me of course.

And with good reasons too.
(I'm really sorry you people have to listen to this mush.)

1) I am so goddam bloody short. Despite my plenty of self-assurance (more like deceive) that height is not important at all, it IS. I can blame society for its narrowminded weird qualms, but I can't change facts.

Personally, I would like to marry a tall guy so that the tall genes will spread to my kids and my kids would not be laughed at in school like me.

Very unfortunately, tall guys would like to marry tall girls so that not only will they look impressive and scary, their kids could grow up to be supermodels who are sluts who fuck around to get the said job. But thats not the point.

Jeremy is tall.

Or perhaps everyone looks tall during my work hours.

This is because I am FORCED TO WEAR SPORT SHOES. Mitsubishi wants to portray a "sporty" kinda image for its phone. Pui! I hate the sporty image. I know alot of people would disagree, but I still will say this. SPORTY SUCKS.

Sports apparels are made for sports. I cannot imagine why anyone would want to wear a pair of shoes $100 plus, which is so expensive because it is made for running, to go shopping.

I say keep the sport apparel in the courts/stadiums and wear normal clothes please.

Women wear heels because it will make their butts look perky and legs longer and more toned. People wear sport shoes just because it is trendy, and not because of the reason it is made for. (if you cite comfort as a reason, I would like to say that ballet shoes are comfortable as well (cheaper too), why arent you donning them on?)

Haiz... I guess it is the kinda image Nike has made. Healthy is beautiful. I suppose if you look sickly and pale the best you can do to deceive people that u are actually full of life is to put on a pair of sport shoes. Instantly, you will look like the average JC girl glowing from their work out.

I had like so many guys telling me they love JC girls. Surprisingly, it has nothing to do with intelligence at all. They just think the sporty image is attractive.

"See that girl over there?", they would say when the typical bunch chats on the MRT. "She looks so sporty... So innocent...I like sporty girls. I would like her as my girlfriend man..."

I took a look at the said girl, and replied, "She looks smelly and sweaty."

The guys said indignantly, "THEY GOT BATHE ONE LAR, YOU THINK WHAT?"

"How you know?"

"Got one la..."

"She looks like she just finish playing netball and came to the MRT to spread the germs from her sweat to everyone."

They couldnt be bothered to talk to me. Forgive me, will you, JC girls? I guess I dun see the attractiveness because I am a girl. But I suppose if I am in JC I would adopt that image too. If thats what the typical JC person thinks is sexy, so be it. *shrugs*

So. I digressed. My point is, Mitsubishi made me wear sport shoes so Jeremy is one of the rare few who saw me wear flat shoes (anything less than 5 cm is flat).

In fact, the previous time I wore flat shoes was 3 years ago in secondary school. Beside the occasional exam period when I would be spotted in slippers, my soles would be at least 7 cm from the ground.

Usually when I date guys, I would (naturally) be in heels. They, being guys (guys dun look at details), would be convinced that I am not short, but just petite.

Only when I step into their homes would they discover the truth. Of course, by the time I visit their houses, it would be too damn late to dump me. Bwahahhahahah! Aint I a genius.

But no. Jeremy knows the truth. And it is all MITSUBISHI'S BLOODY FAULT! Why can't they portray, say, a classy image for their phones?

The good thing is, Jeremy may be one of those who likes the stupid "sporty" image, so perhaps he likes my dressing?

2) What if he likes shu nus?????!

3) What if I am not attractive enough for him? I think I am not. Afterall he is so cute, girls must be queuing up. When my turn reaches in the queue, Jeremy would look straight ahead thinking why the next girl left such a big gap.

The next girl would pout, and point downwards, at the midget which is me. Jeremy and her would have a good laugh while I sob away, and they would marry and live happily ever after. 60 years down the road, they would still be cracking "short" jokes. ("Still remember that dwarf who you didnt manage to see in the queue coz u looked eye level?" "Yeah man! Bwahahhaha!")

4) What if he likes the stupid type of girls as girlfriends?

Today, I watched Holland Village again. I got so pissed by Mo Jing jing and the big fuss guys are making over her.

There was this part, where this auntie selling chicken rice wanted her badly as a daughter-in-law. She told MJJ to marry her son, and MJJ said, "Don't want! I very stupid and very blur one! I will give you alot of trouble! You ask my sis lor I always make she angry!"

The auntie said, "Like that then good! Smart people are very cunning (ask your son to marry a stupid woman so that she would listen to you, see who is cunning?)! They will complain that selling chicken rice is degrading, that car too small, that the mother-in-law is difficult to get along with!"

In other words, she just said, "I like you coz you are stupid.

Selling chicken rice may not be a glamourous job, but because you are goddamn idiotic, I think you cannot find a better-paying job anyway, so you would stupidly help me sell my chicken rice for free. I am so selfish that I dun care if you work another job you may get more money for the family. I just want to get free labour from you.

Smart people might not complain that cars are small. I am so selfish I dun realise that smart people may happen to be easily satistfied too. But never mind, stupid people will not complain about anything coz it takes them so much effort to string up a sentence, so just be stupid yeah?

I am difficult to get along with. Thats me. I have not wondered why smart people find me difficult to get along with, nor made an effort to change it. Never mind that! Just stupidly serve me like a maid! Like a dog! I like!

And lastly, if you are smart I find you a threat. I will not be able to get along with you coz I think I am just an uneducated chicken rice auntie. Uni grads? No thanks! I cannot communicate with them. I wouldnt give them any chances to try, coz I know it wouldnt work out."

MJJ actually smiled at the praise. Naturally. Stupid people dun get hidden messages.


My family looked at me... Cheery self in me had suddenly disappeared to be replaced with a very irritated look. They know better than to say anything at all.

I really wonder what what the stupid gf will think when this happens:

"Dear dear, why you like me?"


"Yes please. Please wait for a while while I help you wipe your shoes, there is a speck of dust."

"heehee.. Thats what I like about you. You are stupid."


"You said I should tell you the truth."

"No no... I mean, can you dun speak more than 3 words per min? I didnt get what u said!"

"You..... are.... stupid... thats....why....I... like... you..."

"I dun understand."


I certainly hope Jeremy doesnt like the stupid kind. In other words, I hope he is not a bloody MCP.


I realised the possibilties are quite endless. Perhaps he doesnt like girls with moles under their left eyes. Perhaps he personally hates girls from SP, all of them. Perhaps he thinks I have bad breath.

I shall write down a list (if it manages to form a list) of stuff that shows he displays a liking to me.

1) He did say that he is happy that I am working with him. But then again he said he liked the Singtel people too.

2) He kept talking to me. But he may be bored.

3) He asked me to send to him the photo we took. May be polite.

4) He did not reject the movie idea, despite having to work the next day. May be polite.

5) He talked alot about himself including personal stuff. But he may be trying to make conversation.

6) He laughs at my jokes. But guys do not like humourous girls as gfs. They like humourous girls are just platonic friends.

7) I personally feel we get along quite well. But then again he is really easy to get along with.

8) He sent me to the bus stop after the show. Does it show anything at all? Perhaps he was just being polite. But I shall convince myself that he wants to spend maximum time with me without paying $30 bucks for it (taxi fare if he sent me home).

9) We took a pic with his phone and when I deleted it because I looked ugly, he "Oei, why you delete?". I suppose that means he wants to keep the picture.

Thats it. There are alot of buts too.

1) He did not enquire much about me. I asked for his number, I asked him for the movie, I asked him to have lunch with me, I asked him whats his name first. He doesnt not even know whether I am attached or not!

2) He did not initiate any messages or calls till now.

3) His friend came to visit him during work and the said friend overheard our movie plans. Jeremy suggested watching the movie with them. Half of me is convinced that he doesnt want to make the movie a date kinda thing by having just two of us. The other half shouts that he is being polite to the friend coz the friend came to find him afterall, it would be rude to bo chup him.

In the end the friend said he couldnt make it.

4) His smses are quite short and not very promising. Very very normal. But he bothers to reply.

5) We actually wanted to watch LXG but it was not out yet. And also, because I forgot to bring money out that day, he paid for the tickets first. So I told him I would give him a treat when LXG is out. Yet, in an sms, he said, "See you next sat."

I suppose that means that he doesnt want to meet up with me again that week? Or am I over suspicious?

I think I am ridiculous. Unless he, like me, suddenly had spasms of love, it is unlikely that love-at-first-sight happened for him too. Perhaps he is slightly interested, but it will be miraculous if he displays so much interest in me in 2 days.

Time is what I need to give the fellow. Yet, I already miss him so much, I feel like mms-ing him a big thumping heart gif file to tell him I like him and ask him if he would just, like he said, tell me straight that he doesnt like me and spare me the agony of guessing.

Well. Since the good list surpasses the bad list by 4 points, I guess things are still going ok.

But do you guys think? Especially guys, tell me whether you like the girl if you behaved exactly like that?

Leave comments k?

-Jeremidium is a disease here to stay-

Monday, August 11, 2003

I just realised that the previous entry got cut off half way. To those who did not manage to catch it before it was gone, the gist is that Jeremy is a motorola promoter also working at my store.

This is his pic anyway.

I'm so freaking pissed that stupid blogger deleted my previous entry. It was one of the few rare attempts to write erotia. Perhaps thats the reasons it is gone. WTF. Anyway, gonna sleep now. Nights all!
I'm gonna blog this all out before I forget anything.

This is like totally the first time I am feeling this way.

Jeremy worked with me today again, and I like him so much, that if he asks me to marry him right away, I would proceed to the church straight. Afterall my veil and dress is already on me, waiting for this day to come.

I have never felt like that about a guy before.

The first time I saw him, I was like "Oh my god dream guy material." And he is in a black turtleneck with stupid sequins on too. It says alot. Didnt have this kinda strong feelings for even Eddy.

And then I spoke to him.

"You look gay!"

"Yeah man stupid sequins! I look damn gay lar!" He looked at me seriously. "But I'm not gay." He did not know that I sent a silent prayer to god for that statement.

"Haha, I had this classmate who turned gay right before my eyes." And then I told him all about Androgenous Aaron, who is a convenient gay topic. We both forgot that we are supposed to be rivals.

From then onwards, it is continual monkey faces to me as customers look at his phone and ask him stupid questions.

He really makes me laugh.

During our little conversations between sales speechs, I got realy infatuated with him. He is so cute, and so smart! And mature as well, for a change.

I got more and more miserable with the thought that someone else is shagging him.

During lunch break, I asked him if he had a pic of his gf in his phone.

He said, "Currently got no girlfriend."

"WHAT??! You said you have what." Please imagine my face was broken into a very wide smile and at the same time looked surprised. So freaking obvious right.

"When did I say that?"

"When I asked you, 'What does you gf think about you looking so gay', you said 'ok'!"

"Oh, I thought you talking about just friends!"

"Oh!". I broke into merry laughter.

He looked at me quizzically.

"Oh! I'm so glad you are not attached!", I burst out stupidly.

"Oh, why leh?" Coz I am so in love with you, idiot!

"Oh, erm, so that I dun need to be scared she angry when I msg you all these la..."

"Oh, haha..."

I was so glad to have the sudden shock that he is single, that I felt totally nauseous (nauseous with happiness, can you imagine?!) and stopped eating my Hokkien mee.

"I dun wanna eat liao. You know what, Jeremy? I was just thinking... After knowing you are two days, I think that you are generally flawless. That cannot be the case, coz god is fair. So admit it, are you dying of a deadly disease soon, or do you have a very short dick?"

He laughed, paused for a while, and finally pointed at his cigarette box. He said simply, "I smoke."

Thats like a silly crippled ant in a big mirage. In other words, he is still quite flawless.

=) =) =) =) =)

Today one customer came along. A family of four, consisting of a boy who looked 17, an elder sis, and parents. The boy walked over and I approached him. He listened while I rambled on with my sales talk.

He kept quiet while his parents grunted in agreement when I say yet another good feature.

Finally, when his parents said, "Not bad ah boy. How, u like it?"

Please say yes and I will help you pray that u get 9 A1s for your Os.

The boy turned to me and asked, "Erm, can this phone receive all those nokia picture messages?"

"You mean the ones with the brackets that form into bears and stuff?"


"Oh, I think it will be a little disrupted but can see la.. But nvm mah coz very soon everyone will be using colour phone where u can see a full screen lor."

The boy turned his mouth downwards and mumbled something.

"Huh?", I asked.

His mum said, "Oh, alot of his friends use nokia phones so this is very important to him."

"Oh but you see there are many other features mah."

"Nvm we will look around."

With that she whisked off her son (who seemingly had no opinion about any phone his parents buy him as look as it can see bear bear msgs), who presently got stopped by God Jeremy of course.

He showed the family a dimple (I thought I saw the mum smiling a little slyly, or is it my imagination?) and he gave them his phone. Presently, he was asked the same question as I was. Fortunately for him, he was eavesdropping on my sales speech so he knew the importance of bracket bear msgs.

He asked the boy to try to send a pic msg to the phone to see if it can receive properly.

While the family meddled with a bracket msg to forward, Jeremy looked over to me and groaned. We both found the particular criteria for choosing a phone very funny, and we burst out into a small laughter together. (friend of boy:"Wow your phone can WAP, MMS and can take picture!" Boy:"See my new forwarded cheesy msg? Cute ah?")

The bear msgs arrived.

And it was successful, bless the bracket bear.

Without further hesitation, the dad decided to buy a $528 camera phone with 65,000 colours for his son, when his son's only wish is to see cute bracket bears on the phone.

So they walked away to sit down at the Singtel counter to discuss the line to sign.

Jeremy stared at them for sometime while they sat there for quite long, still not buying the phone yet.

He turned to me, grimaced, and said dramatically, "Wah lau I tell you ah heng the bear bear turn out okie. If distorted ah, I tell you I will just *he did the finger cut throat action*."

"I see the bear?"

"Good night, cute cute, so cute....!"

Jeremy read out the silly bear msg in an act cute voice while I laughed heartily.

A few minutes later the family was still hesitating about the phone.

Jeremy turned to me and said, "Wah lau I cannot stand it already lar. Wait they come back, then tell me they want 2100 how?"

He pointed at the 2100 looking up at us innocently, when was below his shelf.

He looked at the family again, and got more nervous, and said, "Ah forget it la just buy the 2100 and save me the agony."

He proceeded to prance around while I laughed so much, I had to hide into the store room coz I looked like an idiot.

During the dinner break I pluckered up all my courage (and body temperature) to ask him to watch a movie with me after our work. And he agreed!

1.5 hours alone in the dark. Nothing happened of course.

I asked him if he is gonna get placed at Bugis again. He replied that it should be, and certainly he would hope that thats the case.

He mumbled a little about how he thinks the people here are nice, and then he looked at me shyly, smiled, and said, "And of course got you also la..."

I blushed a deep crimson (I didnt blush but I thought it is time for a cliche), heng Jeremy was looking determinedly straight ahead.

He made my day. And week. And century.

But I think I shall act a little hard to get from now on. Thats the way guys like it right? They dun like girls to do the chasing? Please gimme opinions!! I need male advice! Is 3 days not msging him sufficient? What should I do? Wait for him to msg me? But he is really shy... Urgh... I wish I could bloody control myself. Been smiling all the way from work to home and some ti co pek thought I smiled at him and sounded his horn loudly as I walked.

-I am so Jeremesmerised, I am dying soon.-

Friday, August 8, 2003

It is pissing ah, that I cannot blog for the last two days and I forgot whatever I wanted to blog about. I realised, however, that I have the memory span of a goldfish, which is 3 seconds. What did I just say?

So anyway, I shall blog about whatever I am reminded of to blog from the pics I took.

Yesterday in the lecture hall, June, no doubt being very very bored, decided to read our sub-standard school magazine, Attitude. We can see that she is very bored coz she read a magazine with such a cheesy name.

Suddenly she gave a large gasp and pointed out an article to me.

"What can be worthy of my attention in that magazine?" I thought to myself. This is what I saw what made June so wide-eyed.

Unless I am very much mistaken, the person Miss Diana Neo (the author and my lecture mate) wrote about is me.

Having the foggy memory I have, I do not remember whether I have been "chided" for using a derogatory term for blacks by Miss Neo (lets call her Nosy Neo) herself, but I clearly remember that someone did comment before that the word I used, which is "Negro", is very rude.

Must have been that incident then, except that in my memory it was Androgenous Aaron who scolded me and not Nosy Neo.

Well, I personally think that the person who claimed that "Negro" is derogatory is raving mad. I took Literature in sec school see, and I had plenty of books done on racism (Walkabout, To Kill a Mocking Bird etc). My Literature teacher, a person very much against racism, told us that it is rude to use the word "nigger" to describe blacks, but "negro" is perfectly fine.

If only people would stop acting so sensitive over such things just because it is a "sensitive" issue. It is thoroughly silly to scold ur schoolmate for:

1) A term she used which has no special meaning.
2) A term she used which has no special meaning, which the imagined insulted person did not hear at all.
3) A term she used which has no special meaning, no harm done, and nothing to do with you at all.

The word "negro" by itself done not contain any connotations in it except for the fact that it is discribing a certain race. If anyone feels that it means something rude, well, it is the person's own perception of the word, and thus, it is only the person who is being racist, not me.

So anyway, I confronted the Nosy Neo today after school to ask her if she was writing about me. She replied that she wasn't talking about me, but when I asked her who was she talking about, she clammed up and could not answer.

Furthermore, there was indeed a person leaving a comment to tell me what a bitch I am, blah blah, and ended the sentence with "I'll see you in school tml!". Must have been Nosy Neo I guess.

June and 3 other coursemates agreed that she sounded totally phoney when she denied that she was writing about me.

As if the whole article wasn't already written in a vindictive tone, Nosy Neo had to complete it with the above picture's words. (Think she has something against bloggers).

1) What the fuck is a bear world?
2) As I have mentioned before, naturally I have a life, coz MY BLOG IS ABOUT MY LIFE, and if I dun have a life, how am I gonna write the blog?
3) Just because I only live it once is not any reason for me not to waste it. I waste it in anyway I want, and it is none of your business, Nosy Neo!

Well, I'm quite pissed with Nosy Neo. Firstly, she came to spam my comments board with childish comments. Then she has a problem with my opinions, which does not concern her in the least bit. 3rdly, she is just plain disgusting when she told the big lie about the article being about another person. How cowardy.

It seems that Nosy Neo herself is not so popular! A few of her classmates I interviewed said she is v much disliked, and some mentioned that she has a problem with everybody.

Yup, I certainly agree with that.

Perhaps, Miss Nosy Neo as you read this, you would like to consider how interesting your life is before teaching others how to live theirs? Also, just because some people blog, it doesnt mean that they do not have a life. Blogging may take up some of my time, but no, I do not sprint home everyday just to blog. You are heavily deluded.

Clara's bf, Ivan, said that Nosy Neo is angry with me coz I am taller than her. I told Ivan patiently that almost everyone is taller than Nosy Neo. In fact, I think she is the shortest in our course. Ivan said that Neo is angry because if I had been a wee bit shorter, Neo would not have to be the shortest in the course.

Makes perfect sense to me! Perhaps thats what Miss Neo is so pissed about (since I have never spoke a word to her) to make her hate my blog so much.

While Ivan was laughing his head off I noticed something.

Ivan has HAIR ON HIS EARS!! To my surprise, the hair actually is grained upwards instead of downwards, which is what I expected.

He is not the only weirdo among my coursemates.

Idris' skin is highly stretchable! Thats Shuyin's fingers of course. The first picture a little disturbing ah... Sorry, I couldnt resist posting up the nipple pulling.

Today I was waiting in chamelon (accessories shop) with June while she chose rings to buy. Getting a little impatient, I started to bring all the red scrunchies in the shop to show her coz I told her she must buy one to match our Mitsubishi red uniform.

This is June's favourite red scrunchie, the furry one at the left:

June loves furry red scrunchies!!! Buy her one today! I accept PayPal!

-Nosy Neo the Nincompoo narrates numbskull nasty narrations-

Wednesday, August 6, 2003

I wanna blog about quite some stuff but no time; I go to go sleep soon, recently I'm very very deprived of it...

So I shall just write about what happened recently... As briefly as possible!

I hate squat toilets. ( I know this sentence does not link with the previous paragraph but what the.) The toilet at my house is a squat one, and I hated it so much that I forced my mum to install a fake toilet bowl over it, despite her mumbled grumbles about how when she was my age she was not so fussy.

There are many reasons why seat toilets rule.

1) Because your nose is further away from the shit.

2) Because urine will no longer spray on the floor and have you step on it unwittingly. Sure, males still spray urine on the seat, but since females wun, it is 50% less.

3) Because you can now sit on it to read while shitting, which is, I personally think, one of the biggest enjoyments in life.

4) Because sitting will relax your muscles while squatting makes you cramp up.

5) Because no longer will you wet your pants legs as seat toilets are usually drier.

6) Your hp is less likely to drop into the toilet if you keep it in ur back pocket.

7) Since your butt covers the hole in the toilet bowl, it would not be that smelly.

8) Because I say so.

Anyway, the fake toilet bowl I have at home predictably, feels fake. Unlike the strong ceremic feel most toilet bowls give, my toilet bowl can actually move around and it feels rather weird.

Thats why I like to use all the seat toilets I want outside of home.

Today at school, I entered the toilet with a slight stomachache. Plenty of time before next class, I thought.. Just nice for a good long shit.

But the problem is, the whole toilet has 3 squat toilets and only 1 seat toilet.

So I waited. And waited. After a good 25 minutes of my life wasted, I was beginning to feel pissed. I looked under the toilet door half expecting to find a couple shagging inside or something. Nope.. It was just a pair of normal shoes.

At the precise moment I decided I shall shout at her, she opened the door and came out. I scowled at her but she did not notice.

I finally got to sit on my toilet bowl!!! And being the typical Singaporean, I thought to myself: Well! I bloody waited for so long to use this toilet! I shall use it as long as I want too, to make the next person wait!

So I whistled and settle myself down with my palmtop and reread Goblet of Fire.

Just as Harry Potter got entered into the Triwizard Competition and things got exciting, an auntie knocked on my world rudely, bringing me back to the rather smelly muggle world I am in.

"Girl!", she shrilled, "Inside got toilet paper?"

"No.", I answered sullenly, ruffled that I got interrupted by such a silly question.

A few seconds later when Vikter Krum was scowling at Harry, the auntie asked me what I am doing inside, taking so long.


I did not feel like I was obligned to answer such an embarrassing question at all, and contemplated a little about telling her it is none of her business what people do inside toilets. I thought the better of it and factually told her "Shitting.", since she did ask in a polite voice afterall.

Shitting is fine. But what if I had been changing my menstrual pad? What if I was plucking my armpit hair? Should I have told her the truth?

Of course not. But yet, people dun see the point and they still keeping asking that question to people using the toilet. IT IS ULTIMATELY RUDE! Well, cubicle doors are there for a REASON.

The next time someone asks me what I am doing in a toilet, I would reply, "I am testing to see if I stayed here long enough you would ask me such a rude question."


Today June and I went to collect our uniforms and phones for our new job promoting Mitsubishi hps...

Red adidas dress.
I look so hideous in this photo!

I can't believe I am supposed to wear sport shoes with them! It must have been years since I last wore flat shoes. The embarrassment of height is the sole (weak pun!) reason why I am not gonna say which Hello! shop I will be attached to.

Ah well... At least I got a free colour phone to use!

Yeah okie the wallpaper was just a test, dun gimme the revolted look.

It is not nice nia.. Looks like a peanut. I dun think I am supposed to show this to anyone (all 400 of you) since it is not officially launched yet but hack it lar...

So yeah, good night peeps! I will blog more after thursday, because I have to hand in a project but the said day and I will be so ultra busy.

Monday, August 4, 2003

Quite often I get comments like this:

Xiaxue you think you are very pretty meh? Please lar, look at urself in the mirror! What do you see? A PIG! Imagine a world without Revlon, without L`oreal! You will look like shit and you know it! Your pretty face currently is just a facade!

Well, to this I really got to argue it out.

To everyone with this view:

See, I dun deny that I was born ugly.

You dun usually discriminate ugly people because they are ugly, right? You dun look at someone on the streets, and say "FUCK IT! She is freaking ugly! Thats a crime!"

Coz it is plain unfair that you do that. Well, I am relatively ugly without make-up, I admit it.

Then we come to the make-up part.

Please understand. What if you are born ugly, BUT, you are blessed with a skill? A skill so valuable... And together with the skill are tools that are economically priced. With the two, you can make yourself look better in a jiffy. With the two, you can feel more confident of yourself, and make others view you in a better light as well. Miraculously, you can have the opposite sex's attention, without even doing plastic surgery on urself.

You are telling me you wun do it? I dun think so.

Most girls do not put make-up because they find it a hassle. Not only that, they do not have (or have not mastered) the skill to apply make-up properly, such that the end result is a much more beautiful self.

Well, I dun see what is wrong with being pretty only with make up? It is phoney, you exclaim. WRONG. Because you can SEE that I am having make-up on. Who am I cheating?

So according to the stupid logic about "being natural is being beautiful", should I keep my ugly face (when I have the absolute power to make it much better) and just be ugly, not doing anything about it?

Having a choice between being all natural but ugly, and made-up but beautiful, I choose the latter. There is nothing wrong with my decision at all. If you are feeling pissed that some people did not manage to see through the make-up and decided that I am a natural beauty, well, its their stupidity and there is nothing you can do about it.

I'm sure you urself have cheated people about ur looks in some way. Rebonding? Tooth whitening toothpaste? All these products make your looks phoney. You are actually much uglier, right?

I really feel like slapping guys when they say they prefer girls without make-up. IT IS A FREAKING STUPID THING TO SAY.

When is a woman most beautiful? On her wedding day my dears, and it is ALWAYS with make up.

You want your bride without make-up? Fine, let her strut around with that big pimple on her chin. Let other people see your wife looking tired and pale from all the preparations! No make-up! No phoney-ness! All natural!

Here we are, the gals, making an effort to make ourselves look prettier so that you men can bask in glory as you walk around with us holding your arm. And you men are complaining that we put too much make up. You all have the nerve to complain that we shld look beautiful without make-up, and not only look pretty when we have it on. So how if we just cannot manage to look good without make-up? Break with us lor, go find someone who looks good without make-up.

Bet she is with someone else who looks good without hair gel or whatever products you men use to beautify yourself. And he is, unfortunately for you, likely to have a dick size of 8 inches.

I understand, of coz, the dilemma of men. Some women just CMI with make up, coz they apply it wrongly. Perhaps too much, or perhaps it makes them look like they are going for a wayang show. In these situations, the men can complain about make-up, of course. I am not that unreasonable.

I just cannot stand the stupid comment about "natural is beauty". To stand true to your theory, do not brush your teeth from now on. Do not shave, or colour your hair. Do not even delibrately train your muscles. For girls, do not pluck your eyebrows or armpit hair. There you go, all natural, like you just stepped outta blue lagoon. It is my guess, however, that you wun look the least bit like Blooke Shields.

All natural? I wonder if we would still like our celebrities if they looked like this:


Well, came as a horrible shock right? Our own Wong lilin... One day, I was in irc chatting with some male friends. I happened to ask them which Singaporean actress is prettiest, and a lot said Wong Lilin. I went to Yahoo to search for her pic, and a stupid fan or hers (I suppose he is deluded) captioned the photos I found as "Very very pretty!".

What can I say? Different people have different tastes. Plastic surgery on the eyelids anyway, in case you men didnt notice.

Alright I am not a celebrity but still...

In conclusion, I am not pretty naturally without make-up. The latter has aided me in my looks. So? I dun deny it, and I am not cheating anyone. And so what if I am ugly??

Theres nothing wrong with being ugly at all, so scold me all you want. You just sound superficial and idiotic.

(In case you are thinking: If you said there is nothing wrong with being ugly, then why are you bothering to put on make-up to look better? Well, my answer is that I feel more confident about myself when I look better, and things go smoother. There is no fault to being ugly, but it is undeniable that there are advantages to being good-looking, which is why everyone is trying to look better, except Tibetian monks.)

-It is not a crime to prance around pretty with make up. It is a crime to let urself remain ugly when u can make yourself look better.-


Speaking of the type of guys who say "Natural is beautiful", we have come to a similar type of guys. Yes, it is the type that says "Simplicity is beauty".

In my opinion, both speakers deserve a good tight slap.

See, I once heard a guy friend of mine tell me: "The kinda girl I like right, is pretty, and look sweet. She must look like she is stupid stupid like that, but actually she is very smart."


He was dumbfounded.

Men! Seriously. I have no idea why why why on earth they want their gfs to look dumb. There is only one reason of course, which is to feed their own bloody ego. They are scared that the gf looks superior standing next to them. Well, if they cannot accept the fact that their gf has something close to a brain and look like they can recite the alphabet, they can jolly well date a date (the red kind we boil soup with).

It is a fact. Females are equal to males brains-wise, and instead of being ashamed of a gf smarter than they are, guys should learn to feel proud that such smart girls chose to be with them. What century liao, for goodness sake.

Which is, I guess, why shu nus are so damn popular. Because they are dumb.

Someone told me that he thinks that he wouldn't mind having Mo Jing Jing as a gf. For those of you who dun watch Holland Village on Channel 8, Mo Jingjing is a semi retarded girl.

I almost died. She speaks 3 words a minute. The said fren claimed that she is good what, very pure and innocent, unlike many girls in our society now, so slutty and bitchy. (Somehow I suspect this is how paedophiles think too.) The above sentence makes sense as well... But should be girls succumb to these guys expectations and from now on be quiet and unopinionated too?


I won't change myself just to fit these selfish guys. They can jolly well date semi-retards and have the time of their lifes talking about nothing deeper than the weather to these females. I dun mind. I will wait for a truely intelligent guy who can appreciate females with some opinions of their own, and is not threatened by my achievements, but supportive.

There was this other time another guy friend shrieked when he saw Jaime Teo on TV.

He practically worshipped the telly for having flashed her face for 2 seconds.

I frowned, told myself to calm down, and said quietly, "She pretty meh?"

He said, still dreamy-eyed, "Yes, very very pretty. The best of Mediacorp so far."

I was stunned. I couldn't help myself as indignant words came out of my mouth.

"SIAO! She look so normal! So common! NUS girl face, go to NUS can find a few hundred like her face liao, whats so special? Normal eyes, normal nose, normal lips... Nothing what! She look so common and simple!"

He stared at me (giving me the exsperated face so many guys like to give me when I insult Jolin/Wong lilin/etc), and asked slowly,
"Thats where you are wrong, yanyan. The beauty of her, lies in her simplicity."

"Oh really?", I told him.
"Go date an amoeba then. Can't get simplier than that."

-We girls solemnly swear to get rid of stupid MCPs one fine day.-

Sunday, August 3, 2003

Hiyah, dun see the point of writing in my new url when spammers actually bothered to email me to get my address. If you spammers want to spam, please go ahead, I will be ignoring it from now one. Can see just how extremely bo liao some people are; must be a cross between an iguana and a leech.

In case you people are thinking iguanas and leeches are can hardly fit into the description of "bo liao", well, its just a chance to show the immerse amount of animals at my place now.

Alright, my dad is weird, I admit it. Of course, as a kid I have never interacted much with other people's dads (except uncles, none of which I am especially close to) so I thought my dad was normal.

See, the weird thing about him is: HE DOESNT WATCH SOCCER.

He does understand the big deal about it at all. Thats weird isn't it? Ask I grew older I realised MOST guys like football. Even my 80 yr old grandpa watches football while my dad stares uninterested at the TV screen wearing the expression that in his opinion soccer shld last 30 secs. One would find him gazing lovingly at the boring angelfish in the tank five mins later.

Weird. Both fish and soccer joined up makes the most boring thing on earth. Oh wait, I suppose thats either using fish as a soccer ball, or fish playing soccer. Seems to me that combined it is better, hmmm... Soccer is more interesting in the sense that you can at least bet some money on it and win, but fish!

Digressing, I have something against fish. I think they make horrible pets. I have absolutely NO IDEA why some guys my age (peh pehs still understandable) have such a big interest in luo hans.

June's bf, for one, is mesmerised with luo hans. XF's bf too. And the poor dears, coz I heard from June that Benjamin brought her to a luo han exhibition once. Actually, I only have a vague impression he did that, but heck it, I'm sure he is planning one excursion like that soon.

A date to the neighbouring luo han store!


Whats so fun about looking at dumb, greedy and ugly creatures swimming around senselessly? At least get a dog, and he recognises his owners and is nice to hug when you are down. BUT A FISH! What good can it do?

Nowadays I go to people's houses to expecting to see luo hans, and while (usually we will see this scenerio) the father of the place is either cleaning or glazing lovingly at his fish, I feel obligned to go and take look (well the father will give a "Come look at my enormous and colourful luo han" face) and as much as I hate to do it, praise the fish.

There are plenty of people out there more deserving praise than the stupid luo han. I dun feel like giving it to him at all. At least if I told Saddam Hussein (is he still alive?) that he is handsome, maybe he would nod sagely in agreement and stuff 20 rupiahs into my palm. But the luo han! I am sure it is not appreciative of my praise at all.

Idris' (Dun know who? Check character intro please) dad has a nice luo han. In fact, two nice luo hans. Oh wait the last time I heard that fish has laid eggs. So perhaps many many luo hans now. Idris' place is infested with fish.

True, that luo han looks plenty terrific compared to the rest of its species I have seen. Big and colourful. Yet, nobody seems to understand that no matter how colourful and big and convexed its forehead is, it is still a very ugly fish.

I assume that the love for luo hans is because of the media and its bullshit about luo hans having a magical ability to predict 4D numbers. Utter nonsense. I say that if u stared at my middle finger long enough, you would be able to see 4 magic numbers too, but thats because after staring too long you start to hallucinate. Perhaps then, if we hallucinate we will be able to have a glimpse into the future?

I predict that with the economy downfall and everyone's mad scramble to try to strike lottery, we will have the following situations happening:

Husband: *Whistles as he walks into the house*

Wife: Honey, you are home!

Husband: Yes darling, and look what this is!

Wife: Oh. (Tone of voice becomes flat) Another luo han. It is getting ridiculous, George! This is the 67th we have!

Husband, dreamy-eyed: So big, so colourful, the forehead so kok!

Wife: I have to wash the dishes.

-A few hours later, husband still gazing adoringly at new aquisition, now swimming non-chalently in the tank-

Wife: Would you like to have sex?

Husband: Later... I think I see 3 numbers already!

Wife: Oh fuck it, George! Look at me please!

Husband: *Turns and sees wife naked holding handcuffs* Later okie? I really need to see this.

Wife: I... *puts a vicious hand into the tank* HAD... *Grabs the new fish* ENOUGH.....! *Violently takes the fish by the tail and slams it repeatedly on the edge of the dinner table*

Husband: Wooh. So angry for what! Have sex have sex lar. Ok ok? Dun angry! *Starts to take off his boxers*


Husband: Huh then what u want me to do? You say want sex then now I give to you liao you still angry for what!

Wife: Sex? No, I dun think so. FUCK THIS OKIE! *With the end of the sentence, the wife takes the still gasping unfortunate new luo han and puts the husband dick into the luo han's slippery mouth.*

Husband: Oh holy shit! Feels good!


Enough about ornamental fish. Seriously speaking no one gives a shit about them.

Back to my weird dad. He doesnt even like luo hans! He likes nature remember? So he still likes fishes, but only ugly ones (not that luo hans are beautiful of course) he caught in reserviours and stuff.

When I was younger, I recently received phrases like this at home when my dad is watching TV: "Girl, come and see this caterpillar! See the colours! Got fake eyes somemore!"

I had to stop whatever I was doing and see it, and tell my dad politely that it is indeed amazing that the caterpillar has such colours and fake eyes, and then continue doing whatever I was doing before he asked me to go over.

Thank goodness earthvisions have quite stopped showing on normal TV (We dun have cable), and also thank goodness for my younger brother. He is now the official one my dad can share his unique excitement with. I tried, I really did, to suppress sniggers as he has to put down his gameboy impatiently to take a look at flying squirrels or shagging baboons.

Thats not the point of course. The point is the obscene amount of creatures my dad brought back whenever he goes out with my brother. I dislike them more and more nowadays.

Now, iguanas are illegal I think, but this fella is gonna be given to a friend soon (and was given by a friend as well) , so dun even think of trying to get me arrested for this. We have named him Iguana after long thinking. Cloudy (my only "normal" pet, a dog, which was given by my mum's friend) loves Iguana. In fact, Cloudy is a very good natured dog. He loves everything, only when he can eat them.

I dun think Iguana likes Cloudy though, that selfish cold blooded thing. Well, I guess its a little hard for him to appreciate that something 10 times his size is cute, furry and huggable.

Heres a pic of Iguana sleeping. He is sleeping behind me as I blog. Betcha have never seen a sleeping iguana before.

I have no idea where my dad and bro went to recently, for they brought this back:

A real life leech, which, without sucking any blood, has survived almost 2 weeks. Very gross indeed. But I tried and it is quite fun to poke it a bit with a twig you know. It can crawl quite fast.

Among the creatures they brought back recently are caterpillars as well. Very disgusting ugly caterpillars. All 5 of them.

My brother has this habit of taking the bottle containing them around me when I am eating. Very stupid of him. I am not afraid of caterpillars, but I dun like the idea of them close to my food. I would shriek, and my bro will get a few smacks on his arm for being so tactless.

In case you are wondering why I didnt take pictures of the caterpillars: A few weeks after they came in, they turned into pupas and then into ugly black butterflies. My brother was very happy about this; he seems to think that it is his credit for making the caterpillars turn into "beautiful" butterflies.

I told him that it is their nature to do the life cycle thingy and nothing for him to smirk about. If anything, he has, despite the chance given to him to kill off the pests, given the cretins wings. How smart. Now they can attack me while I am in the bathroom again.

Well, my dad, satified that he has given my bro a chance to actually witness what his textbooks showed, put the load of butterflies into Iguana's cage. They seem to have gone by the next day; it is nobody's guess that Iguana is bored with his usual diet of cabbages.


As a post script, I would like to mention that today, I saw a cute guy at Cheers.

He bought some drinks, and queued up. I stood behind him, secretly willing him to take a look at me. Yes, maybe even ask for my number if he had the acquired taste people lack nowadays for appreciating girls like me.

He smiled at the salegirl and she smiled dreamily back.

And he took a pack of Durex Together.

Me and the salesgirl exchanged disgusted looks.

Suddenly, that cute guy has the attractiveness of a used facial blotter.

I was still irritated when I walked out of the shop. At least, I thought to myself, his gf would have to use Together. Together is cheap and well, cheap, in all senses. I personally perfer the Strawberry flavoured, thank you.

-We girls hate Durex Together. Strawberry, ribbed, multi-flavoured, anything is better.-