If we place a metal pole directly at the top of Bill Gate's house and we extent the metal pole to the far reachs of the clouds, it would hit a particularly grouchy god right on his butt.

This god's name is Sir Barnabas Keanu Fabian Gates, and he was, no doubt, an American.

100 years ago Sir Gates was promoted as a deity, or god, or whatever you people with religion liked to call heavenly beings with big powers.

Let me explain.

In the skies were the heavens. The heavens are not very far up actually, and if you flew on a boeing 747 and decided to keep flying upwards till your machine ran outta petrol, you would have reached it. There, is a land which is remarkably like the land of Mordor.

No, I'm kidding. It is not filled with smelly orcs. In fact, it is totally like whatever you imagined heaven to look like, complete with the chubby angels playing the harp. When you turned a corner, you would see young Japanese girls walking around naked. Thats how heaven looks like too, to some people I know.

When your boeing hits heaven, theres only one problem. Now, boeings are always made to have its tank emptied at the precise point where you hit heaven (the Aircraft God made sure of this). Of course, certain things on planet Earth are meant to be made for certain reasons, but we get to the silly issue of free will once again, and I am not one for quarreling.

Of course, the problem the boeing would face is that it would not have petrol to go down again.

Now, to some people, this is fine by them. They would like to stay put in heaven and play the harp all day long.

Unfortunately, recently the residents of heaven are very much into Warcraft III: Frozen Throne, and when your boeing suddenly hits heaven, you would most possibly interrupt an immersely boring game. Never mind it is immersely boring; the point is that the angels do not like being intruded this way.

In fact, visitors are to fly in from directly above Afghanistan, but no one would bother to fly there, and thus no one ever sees the arrows too.

The angels would take your boeing to throw down to any war area and no one will notice any extra planes anyway. After they are finished with it, they will hold you by your collar, and take you to the Screening God.

The Screening God is one of the most important Gods as he is blessed with the power to see who is worthy of becoming a god, an angel, or thrown back down to earth.

It is everyone's suspect that the Screening God is just a lusty bisexual old fool as the only criteria he uses to choose people is by their looks. The other gods and angels don't really mind, as long as heaven still looks like a setting for Temptation Island.

So, if you look like an barmy old fool, the Screening God will look at you disdainfully while you shiver; drowning in, yet afraid of his immerse beauty and dominance.

He would hold you up, one hand on your collar, the other grasping your pant's bottom, and with 3 heaves, throw you back down to Earth. With this he summons the Lightning and Thunder God (who everyone suspects is the Screening God's lover) and some lightning will shoot you to death, for you cannot reveal the secrets of heaven to anyone.

If you are good looking, the Screening God might make you an angel and you will work for some other god.

There are many many gods up on heaven, and the most recent count is 4,301. They are in charge of many many things that are going on on Earth, and here is Heaven's corporate mission:

"We work together to ensure that Earth is spinning well and that no Earthlings will ever find out about our corporation"

One day, 100 years ago, the Justice God (who is an extremely important God as well since he settles all fights and is blessed with the ability to split himself up to settle up to 739,192,485 fights at one single time) came hand in hand with the Beauty God to look for the Screening God.

When they arrived the Screening God was just looking at a bunch of grapes. Located at the the Lightning and Thunder God's naked belly.

The L&T god hastily replaced his clothes.

"Yes, my fair Justice and Beauty?", boomed the Screening God.

"We are not happy!", squeaked the very very beautiful Goddess of beauty as she pouted her full lips and fluttered her long long eyelashes shut silkily.

"Yes, my lord," Justice piped in. "I personally feel that you should not discriminate against ugly people. I would like to mention that I personally would have approved of Einstein to have been made Science God, and a whole load of good he would have done too. Yet, you kicked him off to get reincarnated as a stray maltese just because you thought his hair looked like one of those earth dogs."

"Yes yes!", came the Screening God's deep laughter. "Funny isn't it? Oh Einstein was a queer fellow alright. Yes, indeed, I disapprove of his wiry hair. That man should get a comb. But isn't Elvis doing fine as a Science God?"

The Justice God frowned. "No. Science have not improved much since. And Presley is so uninterested in his job, he dozes off half the time. The Disease Goddess personally gave him the formula for beating SARS so as to get the silly Earthlings a little more united, yet he forgot about it. And now, SARS is all over the place and everyone on Earth is cursing dear old Marilyn Monroe for conjuring the disease in the first place."

"Hmmm..." The Screening God knitted his brows together.

"And I am so sick of everyone looking just slightly uglier than me! Some even say that Sex God is lovelier than me, I really wonder what she did to deserve that! I am supposed to be the most beautiful here!" The Beauty God burst into hysterical tears.

"Oh alright alright! But my visions were never wrong in choosing..." the Screening God begin.

"Bullshit!" Justice exclaimed. "There ain't no vision. We all know your secret my dear, but we respect you as you have been here for such a long long time."

"I CHOOSE WHOEVER I WANT!" thundered the Screening God. The L&G God smiled approvingly at the thunderous voice.

"Well, then we choose to leave." Justice grabbed the pulchritudinous (but sobbing) Beauty God and turned his heel to leave, his scales ringing angrily after him.

"No! Don't! You know that Earth cannot do without Justice and Beauty!"

"Then hire ugly, but useful people."

"But I cannot just fire people away! They have all signed a lifelong contract! And everyone here is immortal!"

"Alright then for the next God created, hire a useful God and hardworking workers for him."

"But there is no need for another new God. We have got basically everything covered."

Suddenly, this scene was interrupted by a messenger angel from Earth.

"Oh gosh, whats with the pants that looks like trumpets!" the Beauty God shrieked. She is very particular about clothes.

"Erm, my ladyship, it is what I have to wear to look human. Besides, I personally find it very sexy. The humans are all into bellbottomed pants!"

He proceeded to perform a queer dance step which involved him sticking out his index and thumb and pointing his index from his belt, to the air and looking very smug indeed.


The messenger stopped dancing immediately.

Justice God whispered into the shocked messenger angel's ear that the Beauty God just had a quarrel with the Sex God.

"I'm truly sorry my ladyship," (with a wave of his hands he is wearing white robes again, and the Beauty God smirked), "but I have news my Lord,". He was addressing the Screening God, who was busy playing with L&T God's little toe and shockingly enough, was giggling.

"Ahem!" Justice, Beauty and Messenger said together.

"What!" the Screening God felt intruded.

"The humans have discovered computers!!!"


"I think, please pardon me my lord, that the lightning did not manage to kill a particular human and he told someone else about how we have computers and then he died. The other person started to invent computers from there, and today succeeded in making a machine which cannot even play puzzle bobble yet."

The Screening God shoot a vicious look at the L&T God, who did not look the least bit guilty but instead begin to check out Beauty God's nipples, which could be clearly seen underneath her sheer white robes.

"Thats not too bad," said Justice. "Messenger Tan, you think that they would improve on their designs and make their computers part of their lives?"

"Yes," Tan replied, "But it will not be so soon."

"There will be a need for a Computer God," said Justice wisely.


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