Monday, September 29, 2003

I am so angry!!!

Urghhhhhhhh!!! Really really unfair, what happened today. I didn't blog about it because the person/s I will be complaining about might will see the blog.


He and she deserves a big piece of my mind slinged at them, and it will be dipped in concentrated sulpluric acid too.

Meanwhile, a small piece of graffiti on the bus says it all for me.

In fact, I was feeling slightly better already, and then I saw the little msg (I assume it is written by God for me, as he doesnt like to see his children being victimised. Didn't know God vandalised too), and my wrath increased 3-fold again as the words rang repeatedly in my head in a low evil voice.

Amazing what random graffiti can do. Imagine if it were a sexually abused niece who saw the message, and it causes her to realise that she should not allow herself to be a sex slave to her uncle anymore. She might just take a knife and kill the bloody uncle tonight, no? All because of a little bit of graffiti.

Anyway. I am not a slave and I will not allow myself to be one.

On a happier note, I am gonna meet up with Ghimz the Giam, Potty Peiying, Dong the Dumb and (Eekean's name is changed after she enters Law) Wong the Lawyer, my RV friends whom I have not met up with for a long time. Thus, I would not have time to tell you guys the full story now, so I shall do so tonight.

Please stay tuned, and let me know what you guys think k! I need support!

Friday, September 26, 2003

I am really fat. I am fat around my tummy and thighs. Before you fall asleep immediately with another typical "I'm so fat" entry from yet another stupid female blogger, with horrible nightmares of me slapping you with flabby meat around my tummy, listen to me whine first.

I am so fat, that my new phone is mocking me.

I bought my dream T500 from Samsung, heres a nice new picture of it.

The sparkle from the diamante is added by me of course.

Ok, I'm very happy that Jealous June managed to help me find the gold colour one, which is a limited edition. The front LCD can be changed to different pictures, and the diamantes has LED lights underneath it, so it can sparkle in violet, orange, yellow, green, blue and sky blue when people call.

How wonderful. My phone is the prettiest in the world.

The 65,000 colour screen can also be transformed into a good mirror. See my camera being reflected?

Anyway, since its a woman's phone, it has some saboh functions.

1) Fat calculator

Heres my fat calculation:

Bullshit! You have not seen my tummy, sascastic little piece of shit.

2) Pink Schedule

The pink schedule, as predicted, is meant to calculate menses. It also calculates for you, as if you have sex every single day, the possibility of getting pregnant today.

Lets have a look at mine today.


I am so fat, that no one is shagging me at all. In fact, no one has shagged me for a long long time. MY PREGNANT POSSIBILITY IS ZERO. How can I get pregnant when no one is shagging me? As far as I know, I am not a bloody fish, so sperm wouldn't swim about and enter me.

99% indeed, sascastic piece of shit.

I am so fat, that Eileen told me that her friend asked her whether I drink alot of beer coz I have, obviously, a fat tummy. Ok I am done with the whining, so, depending on your sex you can know nod your head violently and say you understand totally, or fall asleep with nightmares of Spongebob Squarepants shagging Patrick, the pink Starfish (watch that cartoon, its funny).

Welcome back (from your nap, if you are male).

I got pretty much upset by that comment. I do not drink beer. And the beer is not happy as well, because it would not ever have the pleasure of causing a tummy on me, as I already have one. And people are giving it the credit for something it didn't even attempt to do.

Anyway, the point is that I should do something about the humongous tummy, which is so big, that if I stupidly walk into a wall, the first body part that would touch the wall is my belly. And I am not doing the limbo rock.

Now thats horrible. At the end of Project Reduce Tummy, I should be able to walk into a wall with my boobs touching the wall first. Following that would be my toes, and then my eyelashes, and then my nose. My tummy will be so trim, my pelvis will stop it from ever touching the wall.

I will be able to look at my toes without anything blocking my view while standing up. Now, being able to look at my toes while standing upright will have absolutely no use of course, but it will give me an infinite amount of satisfaction.

How do I go about the diet? I am not willing to give up food. But good food costs money. So I shall not bring any money to school from now on. Urgh, forget it. I am not gonna give up food.

So I shall purchase a girdle. For males, a girdle is something you put around your waist so that when you wear tight clothes, your tummy would not hang out like a giant tumour. I shall wear my girdle at home as girdles are socially unacceptable.

I imagine this to happen when I wear my girdle to prance around.

Piece of Fat from KFC Chicken Skin (to itself gleefully): "Oh man!! I'm a piece of fat! I will destroy Wendy's life! Hmmm, let me see where I should reside in... I think I might want to go to her elbow. Wouldn't it be very funny if she has fat elbows? Or maybe fat eyelids? But gosh... I think I would be so lonely there. No other pieces of fats will be there. Thus, I shall go to her tummy where there are alot of fats."

The POFFKFCCS tries to travel to my tummy, which is binded tightly with the girdle.

POFFKFCCS: "Oh no my friends! Why are you all so unhappy here!"

Chorus from the numerous pieces of fats: "Its a GIRDLE! We are so squashed! Some of us are thinking of migrating to BOOBS and ASS!"

POFFKFCCS: "Oh no, I want to stay here with you guys!"


Dramatically, some of the numerous pieces of fats suddenly collapse and die just to prove their point.

POFFKFCCS shudders and cries: "I guess I would get out of the blood steam later then, see you guys!"

The POFFKFCCS sits comfortably in the intestines, and falls asleep. When it awakes half and hour later, it sees a piece of Brown Unidentified Object floating around.

POFFKFCCS to BUO: "Hey bro! Why are you looking so glum? Oh no, you stink! Anyway, I'm a Piece of Fat from KFC Chicken Skin! What are you exactly, a liver?"

BUO: "I'm a piece of shit."

POFFKFCCS: "Oh COME ON! Theres no need to be so pessimistic! Life can't be THAT BAD! Now stop calling yourself a piece of shit. Coz you are not, ok! Ok seriously, what are you?"

BUO: "I'm a piece of shit."

POFFKFCCS: "Duh. Since you wouldn't cut the crap, I would like to enquire where we are heading towards now. I would get to get out of the bloodstream at THIGHS, would you be so kind as to notify me when we reach?"

BUO: "We have long passed THIGHS while you were sleeping. We are now heading towards ANUS."

POFFKFCCS: "OH! Thats cool! A new place! I have never heard of it before. So will there be many Pieces of Fats at ANUS? Those are my friends!"

BUO: "I hardly think so."

POFFKFCCS: "That sucks."

BUO: "You wish. It doesn't suck but sort of squirts instead, and we will end up where there are many Brown Unidentified Objects like me. I don't like them, they stink."

POFFKFCCS: "Oh man! How did you discover that I called you Brown Unidentified Object secretly?"

BUO: "You and the rest of the word didn't believe me when I said I am a piece of shit, so there must be an alternative name."

POFFKFCCS: "Hey look! I see light! I see the sea! Is this the sea?! How exciting!"

BUO: "This is the toilet bowl. The sea isn't yellow, you fool."


Ahhh... Thats how I will become Miss SlimTummy in a short while. The problem now is how to purchase a girdle without dying of embarrassment.

If I survive, I might be able to get him to shag me.

Fucking cute, Jeremy is. Haiz, I'm really really so so so in love with him. I'm dying.

Thursday, September 25, 2003

Indeed, it has been quite some time since I last clicked on the blogger link to type out some words... Within this short period of time, many things have happened... More good than bad, I would suppose, but meanwhile, I would like to say that I have somehow lost the momentum to blog, and only when something happens and I would really wanna express my thoughts about it, then would I be inspired to write again.

And this something, is almost surely a sad thing, because I don't really need to complain about happy things, do I?

Alright here it goes, and I am really sorry that my first post after a long time is so pessimistic (Perhaps it will turn into a happier tone after I finish blogging about my discontent).

The guys I like, all seem to think and consider for centuries before they make their decision to be together with a girl. What do I mean? Okie, lets consider the past few guys that I have liked. Chronologically, Adryan, Eddy, and then Jeremy.

All of them keep telling me that they dunno me well enough to be together with me, and vice versa. ("we have just known each other for 4 months, you don't even know me well enough to be sure you like me" etc)

I have always associated this trend with smart people.

For example, in rural Indonesia, people get together easy. A farmer sees a village girl, and he asks her, "Hey, do you menstrate every month regularly?". The girl says Yes. The farmer would then smell the girl a little to check for body odour. If there is none, he marries her and continues to have some 8 children who grow up on wheats.

Now, intelligent men think different. Before making yet another mistake in a relationship and thus wasting their time, money and energy, they consider factors to see if the girl is a suitable person for them before rushing into a relationship. Factors like communication. Character flaws. Chemistry. Fetishes. Whatever. So they will build the relationship on friendship first, and only after 50 years of friendship will they get together with the girl, although by then whatever good points you might have associated with her could be gone, eg big perky boobs.

So, my point is, whenever I see couples together, I would think to myself... Did they get together easy? Did the guy just snap his fingers and hoola, the girl is an official gf to bring home to show mum?

(Since stupid people get together easy and marry early and give birth to more babies, we can predict that the world is gonna be a stupider place in future, but its a long topic, so go figure yourself whether this is true)

I look at these couples, and think to myself: Should I settle for someone who rushes into relationships? Ah bengs, for example. Or Eric, Henry, and Nondescript guy, all of which asked for my number? Or desperate guys? Am I THAT desperate for a bf?

I would proceed to take a closer look at the male counterpart of the couple I am looking at, and think to myself, "Come on, Wendy... Even if he is intelligent enough not to rush into a relationship, would you accept this fellow as your bf?"

I would then scruntinise a little further, and realise that the guy did not cut his toenails, wears his t-shirt tucked in, is freaking ugly, and etc things that I cannot accept in a bf... I would proceed to violently shake my head in public, which is thoroughly embarrassing btw, but can't be helped, and tell myself that I should settle for nothing less than what is stated in my Boyfriend Criteria List.

BCL states that

- Bf must be good looking. I'm sorry, blame me for being superficial, but I simply cannot bring myself to kiss an ugly person. I'm sorry, ugly people, but you all should consider plastic surgery. Oh btw? I am removing all my comments links so that you ugly people will not have the pleasure of dissing me in public. You can always email me with a stupid RE like "FUCK OFF YOU BITCH" and I will cleverly delete your mail without opening it.

- Bf must be smart. I am sorry, dumb people, but I have nothing to say to you all. Dumb people dun understand my jokes, thats why there are spammers in this site. In other words, my boyfriend cannot be a spammer too.

- Bf must have sense of humour. Yes. I dun want the male version of shu nus to be my bf. He must be able to make me laugh, and laugh with me.

Thats it. Three simple criteria, is that very difficult to find? Some people will be thinking now, "Wah lau, please lor, you want a guy who is cute, smart, and funny. Look at yourself in the mirror first lor... You think you can match up to that standard meh?"

Yes. I can. If I insist I can, no one can say I cannot. I know I am not ugly for sure. I am not dumb either. So why should I let any one of my criteria slip? I shall not stop hunting till I find the right guy (who likes me back, which is the difficult part).

Anyway, my point is.

Today in the MRT I saw this couple again. Frankly speaking, they are ugly. Its ok to be ugly of course (as long as you are not trying to be my bf), but their paws were all over each other, and thats disgusting. Its really sad to be ugly because if Gigi Leung and Aniki Jin had their nice manicured paws over each other on the MRT we would film it down and think how wonderful god's creations are over and over again as we watch the tape. (but of course this is once again another topic altogether, and maybe I will talk about it another time).

So. I asked myself the usual question. Did they go through a tough time before getting finally together too? Would I settle for the fellow even if he wanted me?

I proceeded to control my violent head shaking a little and turned to face my left.

And there, directly in front of me, was this cute girl.

I noticed that she has a small bandage over her arm, the kind we get after injections.

I was just considering whether I would agree to be lesbians with her if she wanted it when I realised she is straight. Of course. The fellow sitting beside her is fucking handsome. If I could get a guy like that, I would remain straight too.

He was in a sleeveless top and muscles were bulging beneath the smooth golden skin.... A chiselled jawline, sharp nose, and he honoured his gf with a groin melting smile while my knees buckled.

And then I realised. Fucking hell. This fellow was from my secondary school. I know he is. Now there a thing about River Valley. The guys are quite hideous. There is the occasional relatively good looking one, but there is no fucking cute guy. Certainly not this standard.

In secondary school, he looked like shit. No one would have taken a second look at him. And now, he has grew up to be a cutie, and I have lost my only chance of ever being with him when I could see him everyday for 3 years in the past.

Urghhhhhhhhhhh. I looked down at the slippers I wore. Plastic blue flip flops, courtesy of my brother. Fake Gucci bag. Unshaved shins beneath cheap caprises (if thats how its spelt). Face scrubbed nice of make-up. Very very bad hair day. I'm usually not this ugly, but today I just went to school for project meetings and there is no need to dress up.

Not that I would have stood a chance anyway.

He looked at no other women all this while except his gf, and gingerly, he put his arm around her shoulder. Usually the fingers would be wrapped around the arm, but his were hoverly gently just above her arm, careful not to touch her skin. He then smiled at the girl and poked a finger some 5 cm below her injection, and asked if is hurts here.

The girl pouted a little, nodded, and said, "a bit numb numb like that lor". They laughed a little and his arm remained there, his nice fingers now wrapping around her elbow, a safe distance from the wound.

How heart-breakingly sweet. I hoped the person sitting beside the girl would give her a cruel jab in the wound just to break the scene into something less diabetic. But no such thing happened, as the auntie shoving her children around couldnt care less about my feelings, so I proceeded to ask myself the usual questions.

Did they get together easy too? And even if the guy wants me, do I want him?

And for the first time in the many many times I saw couples and asked myself that question, I realised it is a "Yes".

How very saddening. I msged Eileen to complain that I am sick of seeing couple around, and that I just want Jeremy, why can't he just be with me, and stuff. She managed to cheer me up a little, but I felt very much alone again. So, I went to Bukit Batok Library to return my books, and sat there from 330 till 6 to read happy children's books where there are no sex involved.

I finished Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, where thankfully Charlie did not mention about how totally wonderful and loved Mr Willy Wonka made him feel, or how he felt that Grandpa Joe was the only person he would really "make love to" instead of just having sex with or how he felt Grandpa Joe was "the one" for him and how they lived happily ever after.

I still felt slightly nauseous when I reached home and after I took a nap, so I started to call people to relieve some misery.

Scrolling down my phone book, I called Adryan first. We talked for a short while, and I realised he is attached. What the fuck. Not to Xiao feng though, thankfully. He had to get some work done so he hung up fast.

I called Bernard. I asked if I could go to his place to use his samsung cable, since he has a V200, as my com can't seem to detect my phone being there (Oh yeah I bought my beautiful T500, but thats another issue altogether).

He said "Ermm.. No..."


"You know I got gf liao right?"

Why on EARTH would I know he has a gf? Anyway, thats a signal for me to fuck off, so I did.

And then I called Eddy next.

"Are you attached as well?", I asked.

And so he is. How wonderful!!!

Whos next? Both chronologically and alphabetically, it is Jeremy.

And then I realised something. Everyone whom I liked and doesnt like me have been lying about waiting to decide if getting together is the right thing to go. I realised, bitterly, that all of them possibly just enjoyed the fucking attention I gave to them while I idiotically did sweet things for them, etc. If they fucking liked to be friends with the bloody girl before getting together with her, why did they get attached so bloody fast to the other girls? And WHO ARE THE BLOODY LUCKY GIRLS!!!

Why, why is life so fucked up?

Everyone is lying to me. I hate everyone.

I think. I shall stop liking Jeremy. Even if I persevere, nothing is gonna come out of it. I delete his number now, and I will never have the pain of knowing he is fucking someone else.


Oh no my mood has not improved. I think I shall start thinking how I will destroy both Eddy's and Adryan's weddings should they ask me to attend.

Aha. I would put Viagra into the groom's drink, and that way, he would be too embarrassed to prance around with a bulging crotch. What a marvellous idea. I am ingenious.

Wednesday, September 24, 2003

I will continue blogging. =)

Tuesday, September 16, 2003

These past few days I have been speaking to my resident spammer on IRC. If you guys insist on knowing the reason why I want to discontinue blogging...

Heres one big one:

In case the format of the site has been changed, I think I would just tell you wat was there. Its an exact mirror of my site, except the picture of me was changed to a stupid staring monkey. A big picture. And my friends' and family's pictures were changed to some stupid characters as well. The site is called "The World Thru' My Nostrils". My entries are plagarised and some words are changed. Changed such that I sound like a slut who masterbates with cucumbers whole day long.

There. I put in so much effort into blogging because I thought people enjoyed my writings, but I am wrong. People only want to laugh at me. Laugh at how idiotic I am. The amount of hard work I put into my writings are easily copied and then edited. What can I do about it? Can I sue the fellow who infringed on my copyrights? I have no money you know. Can I request for blogspot to cancel this address? I can't either.

You guys may claim that I am stupid and silly to bother about these spammers, but you all wouldnt understand how helpless, and how disappointed I am.

To think my site sucked so much that people actually put in so much effort to delibrately harm me.

Anyway, the spammer said that he and his friends read my site just to see how stupid I can get tomorrow. Or how bimbotic. Or how full of myself.

Suddenly, I have a startling thought. What if... What if thats what the majority of you think too? What if everybody reads my blog coz I am such an idiotic person? I have done nothing except to write out my thoughts. Stupid thoughts, of course. Yes, I may even put up stupid pictures of my good hair days which only horny guys are interested in. SO? Its my freedom to do that isnt it? And if you don't like the idea, why stay reading everyday? Why must u people abuse me this way?

Why? Why should I subject myself to such mockery? Why should I allow you people to be so happy over my misery?

You spammers want me to stop writing? I will. I will even close down the site. Happy now? Or should I leave the site here just for your abusing pleasure? But whats the point? No readers will come anymore after I stop writing. You will be spamming for no one to see.

And I'm really sorry to those people who enjoyed my blog. The spammers are right. I suck. Go read some other blog right now k? Or perhaps, if you insist my writings are good, you could curse the spammers to eternal hell, coz it is their inconsiderate and cruel behaviour that made the world lose a good writer.

Wednesday, September 10, 2003


What is a blog?

Why do you even READ blogs?

Because the WRITINGS are interesting right?

Not because you just want to see photos.

So. My point is, stop saying I am ugly. So what if I am? Who cares? The point of my blog is not to show you pretty pictures. Remember, you should be here for the writing, not the pictures. I have never said I am beautiful in the first place. And even IF i think I am beautiful, am I not entitled to my own opinion? Who are YOU to judge whether I am pretty? When was the last time you had your eyes checked anyway?

Thats not the point of course. The point is that if you are here in my site just to see pretty June or Goddess XF or sexy Eileen, please fuck off. You should be here for the writing, so stop being so bloody superficial (and stupid).

On a last note, I am removing the tagboard coz the fucking spammer is still there.

How cool! To prove my success, I have my own resident spammer. Remember, spammer, support me always yeah? Don't you dare spam other sites! Only mine!

Yup, and my spammer asked me whether I need his help to boost visitors as my site's traffic is going down recently.

That would be due to the fact that I blog less often nowadays of course.

For your info, spammer, I am DELIGHTED that the traffic is down.

I am sick of being too darn publisized. Every other day someone says he/she saw me in public, and thats freaking scary. I feel stressed. And here I am, openly writing bad stuff about people. And some of these people have seen my site.

It includes Androgenous Aaron, and I hope he understands that the site was done when he and I were having a big quarrel, thus the negativity. Our friendship is going fine now though, thanks to his graciousness *smiles*.

As for Grouchy Gwenne, I'm sure she would find out about the site soon enough. I dun give a shit about her opinion though.

I'll be blogging later at night. To those we truely enjoy my site, I thank you for all your support. I love you all. Seriously. Without you guys I would have stopped blogging a long time ago (when the spammers were more cruel).

And why, why doesnt Jeremy love me?? Boohoohoo. I'm doing a powerpoint thingy for him though... If you wanna see it, perhaps go to my irc channel and I will send it?

See ya all later.

Saturday, September 6, 2003

Here are pictures of my new highlight job! It sucks big time.

This is me, before they destroyed my life. Girls beside me are coursemates, but my guess is no one is interested who they are. I only met they there coincidentally.

Thats me after they destroyed my life. Its my back view coz my face looks so grouchy, I'm afraid someone would take my pic to be the scary ghost pic your get in your email. I hate those mails. Tells you to find the difference in two pictures or something and when u are concentrating so hard, a ghost face appears and refuses to go off your screen.

The highlights are supposed to be ash brown, but it turns out GOLD. I will not be surprised if within the next three days I get beaten up thrice and asked to join a gang.

The highlights are too damn THICK.


On a happier note, I keep meeting Eileen nowadays.

We were on our way to Dbl O!!

The girl beside me is Xiuling, Eileen's best friend.

She just showed me two very interesting lovegetys.

"Huh, whats wrong leh?", you ask.

Ok, first, the guy in both prints is the same person.

And then look at the dates.

Alvin (the same guy who brought me Nigel *refer to previous entry) is Xiuling's bf. He was with her for more than 2 years.

He is also stupid.

One fine day, Xiuling read some msg about how some girl (who named herself Kitty) misses Alvin and stuff. I forgot exactly how, but I think Xiuling stole her number and called the girl's home, and started to talk to the girl's mum.

The girl's mum confirmed that her daughter was attached to Alvin currently, and sent Xiuling a scanned version of the lovegety the adulterous couple took. How sweetly scandalous.

Xiuling arranged to meet up with the girl and gave her all sorts of evidence that she and Alvin was an item when he was with her, so obviously that night the girl got very angry with Alvin and started to make a big fuss.

Alvin got very angry with Xiuling, and guess what he said?

Something like: "I am really in love with her. I love her more than I would ever love you. Can you please allow us to be together? Please, tell her that you have been lying to her. Tell her that you are actually just a crazy person cooking up stories about us being together. Tell her you are actually the third party!"

Of course Xiuling plain refused to help him (duh! How ridiculous can a person get) but anyway, it seems like "Kitty" the Naive believed his bullshit coz they still got together or something.

Xiuling found THREE empty condom wrappers in his wallet.

You guys know what I am gonna say right? Kitty is fucking ugly and I dun understand how he can actually shag her. Xiuling said that Kitty looks actually pretty in the lovegety. She is uglier in real life. Ah well, at least she managed to convince Atrocious Alvin to leave Xiuling for her. Not bad, I say.

Back to less scandalous topics.

The Aftermath

Lets see what happened to the three guys who came to ask for my number.

1) Eric

Poor Eric happens to have a private line. Now that fact is particularly saddening for him because Jem has a private line as well.

As it is, I am already irritated whenever he calls, just because its him.

To add cyanide to the poison, I am double irritated coz everytime I would think its Jeremy calling me and I would be so disappointed it is him.

3 times he called with me sounding damn happy at first and then suddenly have the passion of a slug when I hear his whiny voice instead of Jeremy's deep one.

On the 3rd time, I cruelly told him that I always thought it was the guy whom I like that called me whenever he calls.

"Oh, like that ah. Then I wouldn't call you ever again lor."

"Huh siao, why." *Whoops and hops around in joy*

"Coz you got someone that you liked already what."

"You are damn superficial lor! You mean I like someone then u cannot contact me liao meh? Cannot just be friends ah? Must be together one meh?"

"But I like you what..."

"Siao you didnt even talk to me for more than an hour, how can u conclude that you like me?"

*irrelevance alert* "Hiyah next time I dun call you liao lar."

"Fine." *slams the phone*

Good riddence, Eric the Greasy Mechanic.

2) Henry

After me not replying his second sms which asked me whether I have a bf and whether I go clubbing, Mr Henry very cleverly bombarded me with "Are you there?"s

At least 3 "are you there?"s I ignored.

Now, how are you supposed to answer that question? Its a stupid, stupid thing to ask people, coz if they can see it, they would surely (if they bothered), have replied. If they are "not there", they cannot see it anyway.

Wheres the "there" you are referring to anyway? Beside my phone? What the.

I didnt reply and he stopped msging me for one day, and suddenly I received this msg:
"Are you going clubbing tonight? Are you open-minded?"


Must be an IRC PERVERT!


3) James

Yet another James, but this one can't be more different from the James whose site is in my links.

His first message turned me off immediately and I did not reply after that.
Hi windy, I am james and this is my number."

Wah lau, why do I keep attracting stupid people!


I am so irritated.

I'm irritated by something else.

Everybody keeps asking me for my height.

Look, its personal k. Yes, I'm short. Extremely short. SO? If you see a girl with extreme big boobs you dun go ask her for her cup size. You see a wrinkled old man who looks like he came in the same boat as Sang Nila Utama but you dun go up to him and say, "God you look like you came in the same boat as Sang Nila Utama! How old, I mean, ancient are you exactly?"

No, you don't do that. So its rude to ask me for my height.

I have thought of the perfect response when guys ask me for my height.

"Woah, you sure are short!"

"Yeah, I noticed it for a lots of years. I was hoping you won't have noticed though, how queer that u did. Is it very obvious? Oh gosh I think I feel sad."

"How short are you exactly?"

"I'm not saying."

"Come on...."

"Tell me your penis size and I will tell you my height."

With this sentence, there could be two responses.


"Siao, my penis size is personal lar crazy."

"So is my height."

"Well, penis cannot see but height can see mah."

"If you can see it why still want to ask about it? Can't you judge yourself?"

"Wah lau. I guess 132cm. Correct?"

"You may guess all you want, but you will never have the pleasure of knowing you are correct."

"Okok. But how I know my penis size, I never go measure la... You think I pervert."

"I never measure my height also. It depresses me. Lets drop the topic, or I shall cry."



"My penis size is 21 cm the last time I measured. It is actually the width of an A4 size paper."

"Yeah ok my height is 1.78m."

"Wah lau. My penis really 21 cm lar... U think I fake you meh..."

"I never fake you also. Its just that, like you, I have vivid imaginations."



OK what about when GIRLS ask me for my height?

"hey what your height?"

"Haha.. Oh yeah! I wanted to show you! I like this guy called Jeremy right, and he worked with me at Singtel shop that time... He damn cute you know! I got his pic in my phone, you wanna see?

"Oh really! How old is he?"

"Blah blah"

Yup, I think I am quite capable of protecting myself from ever being forced to reveal my height again.

I heard this song on radio...

How do I
Get through one night without you

Lets see, how was it that you got through the the nights before you met him? Maybe, DO THE SAME?

If I had to live without you
What kind of life would that be?

A very normal life? Was your life THAT bad before you met him? Gosh.

Oh I, I need you in my arms
Need you to hold
Your my world my heart my soul

Its not a need, its a WANT, horny bitch.

If you ever leave Baby
you would take away everything good in my Life.

Are u claiming that your friends and family are not good things at all? How about massages and pasta and rainbows? Aren't they good things? Must good things always come with a penis?

And tell me now
How do I live without you
I want to know

Breathe, eat, sleep and shit, honey. Like you once lived without him.

How do I breathe without you

I have never thought someone would need instructions on breathing. Ok you sort of suck the air through your nostrils, and feel it go into your lungs. Feel the oxygen! Yup, thats how you go about breathing. Anyway, you must be doing it right coz you are not dead yet.

If you ever go
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I
How do I
Oh how do I live?

Duh. Your mum had sex with your dad for you to come to this earth and your only motive in life is to mope over some jerk. Oh, I rejoice in how much you contribute to this world.

Without you
There'd be no sun in my sky

To the contrary! You might wanna come to stay in Singapore.

There would be no love in my life

What do you call that thing your mum constantly has for you? Lets guess.

Unconditional _ _ _ _.

Hint: It starts with L and ends with OVE.

There would be no world left for me
And I
Baby I don't know what I would do

Women who only live for men are fucking losers.

I'd be lost if I lost you

Why leh, you not in forest what. He is not your tour guide right? Find your own way out of the mucky mess you have made out of youself.

If you ever leave Baby
you would take away everything real in My life

I'm sorry to say this, but lotsa things are still real without him. Like poverty for example. Or the fact that you are pathetic. Its all REAL. Your "love" for him, however, seems deluded.

Yup, thats right. I cannot, like the rest of these pathetic women, let a mere man control my life. They are afterall, just MEN.

I am gonna be happy and remain happy even if Jeremy spits on my face. I promise I will try not to cry.

I'm a strong girl. This too, will pass.

(Although actually me and Jem are going fine, but just AS FRIENDS. Nothing else.)

Wednesday, September 3, 2003

Today the most amazing thing happened. Of course, everyone of you will "chey!" when u all find out how silly the amazing thing is, but to me, it is still very amazing.

Remember in yesterday's entry I mentioned that when a guy comes, ALL the guys comes? It is so goddamn true.

I was rushing to work this afternoon, and was walking along Marina Square rather hurriedly.

In the meantime, I was sms-ing Jeremy.

Me: I think I know why you dun like me already. Its because u have venstraphobia. I think you should see a doctor.

Jem: Whats that!

Me: Its a phobia for beautiful women.

Jem: Ha, I was about to check the dictionary but my legs just won't listen.

Me: Huh, you are supposed to be a soccer player you know! I'm off to work already, come crash the wedding and I will serve you good food.

Jem: Banquet food sounds great but I'm going to Devil's bar tonight with my friends...

Me: Clubbing again? Good, more competition to show you how good I am. I hope some pimply teenager comes and molest u tonight.

Jem: Then I shall kick the teenager with my soccer legs. :-)

I was reading the last msg and smiling to myself, when I noticed irritably that there was someone walking behind me, about to catch up with me. I guess its a natural reaction, but my body told me to speed up so that the person would not overtake me and be faster than me.

I walked bigger strides thinking of a nice response to Jem's msg. Suddenly, the fellow said "hi!".

The problem with some people is their earpieces. It is permanently struck in their ears, and you will never know if they are talking to you, or talking to someone on the phone, or scolding you and pretending to be talking on the phone.

But the fellow was looking straight at me.

I made a gesture to point at myself to ask him if he was talking to me.

He nodded.

And instead of asking me whether I am interested to sign up for a credit card, he asked for my number.

Still convinced he is gonna ask me to sign up for a credit card, I asked, "For what?"

He trembled slightly and said he wanted to be friends.

Now I have a problem with superficial people. Be friends? Why choose to be friends with me? Why not be friends with the auntie sweeping the floor? She seems nice... Why not be friends with that balding man? Why me? Just because you think I look pleasant doesn't mean I will be a good friend to have.

On the other hand, he couldnt have said: "I just wanna try my luck and see if you can be my girlfriend, if not, I would like to fuck you." No. I wun have liked it if he said that either.

There is a very good reason these superficial people, including myself, can come up with.

Beauty is the only trait you can discover when you do not know a person. So when you ask for a good-looking person's number, at least the person would have fulfilled the looks criteria. Other criteria can wait till after you know the person. So its perfectly logical afterall.

But thats besides the point. He didn't look like he would appreciate (or understand) my preaching. PLUS, I am late, so I just gave him my sms number and left.

He is one of the most disgusting people I have seen.

His first sms was this:
What is your age?

I replied 19.

Got bf? Go clubbing?

Fucking desperado. I did not reply after that.

However, I thought to myself: Wow, this is like the 2nd time in a week a guy comes to ask for my number! If by tonight another person asks for my number, it means I am considered universally cute!

And so, the banquet went on smoothly. Today I was placed at the VIP table, and guess what my colleague stole for me!

So cute right! Its Daikin's Dinner and Dance tonight and everywhere there was Pichonkun (that blue cartoon), including a giant mascot.

I took a bath after work, effectively making me late for catching the transport bus home. The bus leaves at 1230, and by 1225, the queue for getting the pay is still damn long. I started to panic a little, and rushed out to look for my colleague to ask her to tell the bus driver to wait for me.

Please keep in mind that by the end of the banquet my face is damn oily and make-up ruined. I stole many pieces of chicken to eat so my tummy was hanging out.

And someone really stopped me to ask me for my number.

He is really quite pleasant looking, so I gave it to him.

It turns out that he is one of the guys doing up the lights and such. Just now during the banquet when I was stealing chicken to eat and stuffing myself like theres no chicken left tomorrow, he saw me. He actually saw me not only being greedy and oily, but also in a shapeless black uniform, FLAT SHOES, and a stupid bun complete with hairnet.

And yet he is interested to know me.

I am amazed. Are these all Jem's friends who are testing if my liking for Jem stands strong? Perhaps. But Jeremy isn't so bo liao.

Lets have a test to see what has changed this few days.

1) New hair colour.

Thats me with a very placid smile. I did the colour at Toni and Guy acadamy and it sucks. The only part with colour is the top, and the ends are TOTALLY BLACK. My hair is utimately gross now.

I think I shall complain about the Toni and Guy thingy.

The hair dye-ing costs $35 at max, so you can do whatever you want; dye it pink, highlight three colours, whatever.

Firstly, the fellow told me to reach at 3pm at Heeren. I cannot be wrong coz when she told me the details, I immediately wrote it down in my palmtop. At 2:30, I received a call asking me why I am late and when can I reach Toni and Guy. I said that I thought it is 3pm, but since I am already at Orchard, I reassured them I will reach soon.

When I arrived at Heeren, the fellow told me it is my mistake and I should have been at the Clarke Quay outlet. How frustrating. I demanded to talk to the girl who told me where to go in the first place, but she insisted she couldnt have told me the information wrong. Nonetheless, she is rather polite and asked me to go to Clarke Quay and told me the bus to take.

When I arrived at the correct place, it was already 3pm. Everyone has started except the Indonesian student who was to do my hair for me. I apologized for making her wait (although it is not my fault).

The teacher came along and rushed me into choosing colours. I told her any colour is fine with me as long as it does not look red, no hint of red at all. She said it can be done and sashayed off.

"What about my highlights?" I exclaimed. I want my $35 to be fully utilised.

"There is no time for your highlights, mam."

"What do you mean no time!"

"How about this, we will let you do it the next time you come here, say at Wed?"

After this the student started to dye my hair. When she was done, she put me under this warmer thingy thats supposed to make the hair go into the hair faster.

Now this warmer thing hovers above your crown, so perhaps it would warm a normal guy's hair completely.

For my case however, the ends of my long hair is very very far away from the warmer.

"Like that the warmer would not warm my ends leh, wait the colour will be different", I told the student.

She actually had the nerve to chew her lip a little and say, "oh yeah hor...". Very cleverly, she turned her heel and left after saying this sentence, and did not do anything about it.

When I was done, the roots had plenty of colour but the ends are suddenly totally black.

I demanded to see the teacher immediately, but she was busy.

So I told the student to blow my hair into curls for me please.

She looked at me and actually had the nerve to say, "No time.". I gave her a very angry look, and then she said that she did not know how to blow curls.

The teacher arrived and I blew my top.

"Firstly, I already told you I dun want red. Is that very difficult to achieve? Can you explain to me why it is this colour? And, what happened to my ends! Why is it black? How can the ends be darker than the roots when obviously when I came in the ends were already blondish? And what kind of staff do you have here? Why does she not even know how to blow hair into curls?"

I made a big fuss and I was rewarded with a FREE dye job. The teacher said I can come back on weds (which is today actually) for more professional students to highlight for me, and if I am pleased, then I pay.

Ah well. It seems that overall the hair job is still good because the hair colour seems to have attracted a lot of guys. Besides that, since my hair was blown straight, I met Jem with straight hair and he commented that it looks nicer. Wonderful. Now I am considering whether I should go for the highlights tomorrow.

2) I am in love.

I am a woman in love!

I'm very tired again! I shall go sleep now... I know the blogging is incomplete and stuff, but heck. Nights all!

Tuesday, September 2, 2003

Wow, it has been like so long since the last standard blog entry. As I have a very terrible memory instead, I shall not even try blogging according to dates but about just events which happened.


Since the day I confessed to Jem about me helplessly liking him, I did not contact him for 3 days. After that, I gave him a msg on Friday, simply asking him where he would be working at weekend.

He replied, "Orchard"

Damn, so hostile. I continued my animated conversation with shuyin and did not bother replying.

Subsequently he msged me 3 other msgs consisting of one asking me where I am working, and when I didnt reply, another one asking which number I am using (since I have two numbers), and one more in my starhub line exclaiming, "Oei, msg you dunno how to reply ah."


The magic of playing hard to get.

That night, I asked him to call me and we talked for 4 hours, till it was 5 am and we both had to sleep, for the next day, we both have to sell cellphones, no pun intended.

Saturday, I went to visit him to have our breaks together. A half hour break became an atrocious two hour break by the time I reached back to Bugis, but I was all smiles.

The UOB promoter, who I got along very well with, knew I was going to meet the guy of my dreams.

When I arrived back at Bugis in a trance-like state, she looked and me and commented that I was grinning from ear to ear.

I told her its not from ear to ear. My grin, has indeed stretched so far that they went around the back of my skull and the ends touched each other.

Anyway, for Jeremy's rejection, I bought him a gift.

It is a door wedge.

Why a door wedge? Because it is cheap, ugly, and stupid. I even chose the colour he hates most, green. I told him he deserves it for rejecting me. He however claims that he loves it very much. Ah, men. Buy them an expensive tie, and they say it is boring. Buy them perfume, and they say you are so common.

I say, buy door wedges. Buy back-scratchers. Buy them a pepper shaker even. Maybe they would see the humour in it.

Anyway, when I was meeting him for lunch:

Me: "Where are u going after work?"

Him: "Nowhere, should be home. You?"

Me: "I'm coming to look for you."

So I did, and we watched an 1130 movie, laughed at Johnny Depp together, and when we walked outta cineleisure, we saw the most spectacular sight. Spectacular for me, that is.

Jeremy exclaimed: "Oh shit, it is raining!!"

I laughed. Buwahhahaha... I was just feeling miserable I have to leave him already, and the L&T God took pity in me and gave a little H2O to little Singapore, particularly at Orchard Road. Wonderful. I could not have wished for most.

We took a seat in Cine and randomly talked nonsense till someone came to tell us the shopping centre is closing.

Let it still be raining, I prayed.

And it rained harder.

We sat outside the hotel beside Cine talking long after the rain has stopped. Till the unhappy cab driver who came to drive us had to send me home with me paying a normal cab fare.

It may seem that things are going fine, but i think... Jeremy is the kind who takes things EXTREMELY slowly. So, I have no conclusion yet as to whether we would ever get together.


Tell me if you people agree on this:

When a guy (if you are a guy its a girl for your case) comes along, ALL OF THEM COME ALONG.

This fact is very irritating.

For example, now I like Jeremy right?

Who should suddenly give me a call but Nigel, my ex boyfriend. Now Nigel is one eligible guy. Let me tell you all what happened before.

Once upon a time (around a year ago), when I was very much single and bored with life and on the verge of going into beastiality to feel less lonely, Eileen's friend Xiuling suggested I go to Dbl O with her.

Thats where her bf is working at as a waiter.

She pointed to another waiter standing some distance away. "Thats Nigel", she told me. "Alvin (her bf)'s friend. He's quite cute, I intro you to him ok."

I thought Nigel looked a little big sized. "Erm...", I said.

But she has already pulled me to him and suddenly I found myself shaking hands and shouting my name over the music.

On a closer look, I realised that he is actually quite cute. Deep-set eyes and sharp nose. Brown hair.

While Xiuling and I sat at a quieter part of the club, Nigel kept coming over to chat with me.

"You are Eurasian?"


"Oh! Xiuling didn't tell me! So whats your surname?"


"Thats nice!" Yup, I dun think I mind being called Mrs D`Silva. It sounds so classy. I half-comtemplated asking him to marry me.

"So why did you chose to work at Dbl O?"

"Oh, coz I am lazy to find work."

"Thats irrelevant!"

"It is relevant! I am lazy to look for a job, so my mum asked me to work here."


"Oh, she owns this place you see. Well, sort of." *sheepish smile*

I was stunned. So, Mrs D`Silva is actually the CEO is Emerald Hill Group, which has 7 clubs including its most successful which is Dbl O.

I skip the details. In short, Mr Eligible fell in love with me and we got together for a very short period of time. He suddenly became very cold towards me, and it turns out that his ex-gf, who he broke off with coz she is migrating to Australia, had told his friend that she still loved him.

It seems that Nigel liked her more than he likes me anyway, and within a few days of me finding out about the ex-gf, he flew off to Australia to find her.

We lost contact after that.

Nigel recently called me up again, and he said that he had been trying to contact me for ages, but he lost his hp, and my number was in it. It was not until much later that he managed to see Xiuling again and requested for my number from her.

So sweet. But too bad darling. I am in love with Jeremy.

On Thurday I was out at Topshop with June.

While June was scouring around the clothes, I decided I shall check on my site at topshop's computers. Beautiful the i mac may be, but it was spoilt. The mouse refused to go left when it in on the table, so I picked it up to roll on my palm instead. Surprisingly, this works. Feeling accomplished, I moved the arrow to the address bar and was trying to click on it when I realised someone was standing behind me, looking.

It is a guy in white shirt and pants.

Erm, is that stupid salesman gonna keep standing there?, I thought.

And he really kept standing there.

I felt somewhat intruded, and I dun particularly feel like showing this fellow my site. Furthermore, I realise how stupid I look trying to scroll the mouse on my palm.

I turned to leave, and he smiled at me.

So I smiled back, and still left anyway.

He suddenly stopped me, and mumbled, "Sorry, you think we can be friends?"

I took another look at him. Doesnt look too bad lar. Plus, I dun usually reject guys like this coz I understand the amount of courage it takes to go up to a girl like that. Ok I admit it. Actually I just like the praise that I expect would come from him later when I ask, "Why did you choose to come and know me?"

His name is Eric, and he is a car dealer, and not Topshop's salesman. However, once I heard the job occupation, the image that immediately filled my mind is that of a greasy car machanic. I cannot help it!

His name is Eric, and he is a greasy car machanic.

So sweet, Eric, but I am so in love with Jeremy, sorry.

And Sunday, when I was working at Hello! Bugis, I found out that the Motorola guy at M1, which is opposite Singtel, likes me.

I found out coz I told the UOB promoter that I think the Motorola guy kept flirting with me and she (the UOB promoter) said that the Panasonic girl wokring at M1 had told her that he likes me.

How superficial, he has not spoke to me more than 5 sentences. And guess what?? I can't believe he liked me when I was actually in my FLAT SHOES.

Whats with all the promoters at phone shops man. They keep liking each other.

When I called Jeremy, I told him that the Motorola guy likes me and he asked me which one is it. After a detailed description, he claimed that that fellow has been working at M1 for some time already, and said that I must have seen him before, as he came over to get pamphlets from Jeremy too.

How sad that I have never noticed him before.

Suddenly, when I found out about this, I felt a strong surge of anger. I have no idea what I am angry with, but I am just angry about how terrible the Motorola guy must have felt.

When he came over to get pamphlets from Jeremy, he must have seen me talking to Jeremy too. Frankly speaking, he is not good looking. What kinda chances would he stand of getting the Mitsubishi girl's attention when such a fucking cute guy is working at such close proximity to her?

And thats right too. All the time he liked me, but I was so smitten by Jeremy.

That day at lunch before I found out about him liking him, I was eating lunch with him, the UOB promoter, and two Panasonic promoters. I gushed to the UOB promoter how much I liked Jeremy, and apparently Kester (thats his name) heard me. It was so insensitive of me! Kester asked me who Jeremy is, and he said he knew who I am talking about.

He must be thinking I am a common, superficial bitch who only likes cute guys. But truth is, I like Jeremy because of many other reasons, mainly that he can really make me laugh. But Kester would not know.

I can totally understand how he must have felt.

You see, the problem with humans is this: We like people are are ABOVE our standards.

For example, I would not like someone (without him first liking me, or having any interaction with me) who I deem is uglier than myself, or stupider, or generally just... below my standards. You hear people gushing about how cute their crushes are. Or how smart, how rich, how humourous. Never how normal they are.

So, the person with the lower standards would go about doing the wooing, if they are confident enough.

In Jeremy's case, he is very eligible as he is considered universally cute, smart, funny and has a fabulous body and etc etc. So, in Jeremy's whole life, it has been girls liking him first, before he starts liking the girl, and me being one of those common girls.

I consider myself to be of middle standards because I have guys liking me, and I also have liked guys who do not like me back coz they are possibly looking for girls above my standards.

For example, Adryan (he is in character intro) likes Xiao feng despite me liking him for 4 months.

If sufficient wooing is done, the party with the higher standards might get together with the lower standards person, and I hope thats what will happen to me and Jem.

Thats how people get together, unless, in rare cases both parties fall in love together (so they would be of the same standards).

Well, for Kester, the girl he likes happens to be looking upwards, and would not notice him pining below.

It is very saddening when you like someone and realise that the someone you like is in love with someone else who is so much better than you and there is no way to ever win him, you get what I mean?

Thats exactly how I feel when Adryan said he likes Xiao feng, or guys I am interested in praises June or something. I feel very inconfident of myself, and helpless.

I feel extremely guilty, although I have no clue as to whether Kester likes me enough to feel sad over such an incident, or whether he thought deeply into the matter enough to realised the standards thing, or whether he just brushed off the matter by thinking I am so superficial.

Ah well. It sucks to be ugly (Note: I am not saying I am pretty. I'm average). It really does.

Lets take the conversation I had with the Samsung girl as an example. She works at M1, which is opp Singtel:

Me "I very sian over at Singtel leh"

She: "Why leh?"

Me "The promoters there quite sian. I wish the Motorola guy was here..."


"Oh, this very cute Motorola guy called Jeremy la... He used to work at Singtel. Haha, I like him mah"

"Very cute?? How does he look like?"

"Tall? Black hair... Damn cute"

"Oh, he was working here yesterday isn't it?"

"OMG, how do you know!! Yes yes that him! You working here yesterday meh? I thought you only work on sat and sun."

"Nope, not working! But I passed by here and I noticed him. Wah lau, I tell you ah, his dimples are damn mesmerising la!!!"

I grinned at the thought of Jem's dimples. "Yeah, very mesmerising indeed."

"Yeah lor. Wah lau I tell you ah. I thought I would see him here today, but instead its him *she gestures towards Kester*. I damn sian diao."

"Oh! You very mean leh!"

"True what... haha.. He so cute"

I half-comtemplated telling her to keep her paws to herself and not even think of stealing Jeremy over, but decided against it.

But the point is, she did not even work with Jeremy and she already likes him. Meanwhile, Kester's existence was an eyesore to her, coz he innocently replaced an adonis. He may have a heart of gold, but no one appreciates it. Its a cruel, cruel world.

Anyway, back to the point. Once i decided I like Jeremy, all the other guys start coming along. They distract me and sometimes make me doubt whether putting in the effort with Jeremy is worth it. It is very irritating. If one day Jeremy tells me it is impossible between us, all these other guys would be out of my life already coz I did not have time for them when they were here.

Then I would be lonely again, till one guy comes along again, and many other guys would start contacting me out of the blue at the same time. I wish they would just come one by one to be fair!

Anyway, got more things to blog about, but shall continue tml, I am tired!

Monday, September 1, 2003

I have like so much, so much to blog, but I am really busy recently.

With Jeremy. =)

The day before I talked to him for 4 hours.

Yesterday I met him during my lunch break although he was working at Orchard and me at Bugis. And then later at night we met up for a movie (Pirates of Caribbean, which is very nice), and stayed out overnight at orchard till 6 am.

Today I went to work very tired, and we talked on the phone again for 2 hours.

No time to blog.

I shall sleep now, expect a few very very long entries tomorrow, darlings.