Wednesday, October 29, 2003

I have a class chalet going on and I am late for it! Oh damn, I'm still gonna blog!

Yesterday I mentioned that discovering blogger is one of the best things that happened to me. To further prove that correct, my long-lost primary school best friend, Yee Yen, whom I had tried very hard to find, saw my blog and gave me an email!! Yaay! I am very happy! Hahaha...

-Hello Yee Yen!-

Anyway, I decided on one thing that Singapore should ban. It is infinitely worse than chewing gum.

It is bad advertisements.

The first of the bad ads list, would definitely be the KFC finger licking ad. IT IS TOO GROSS FOR WORDS. Who the FUCK would go lick their mother's fingers?? Finger-licking is a sexual act (due to the phallic shape of the finger) and will always remain that way.

Even if your mother is blind and you want her to get all reminiscent about the past when you still licked her fingers for her (goodness knows that else the mum asked him to do?), you don't go about licking her fingers in front of the other members of the family like that. There are many many things you could do to get her to remember who you are.

For example, say your name? Duh!

Incest is a no-no for our younger generation. I imagine some young girl would think licking fingers is a correct thing to do in case her uncle got blind one day... And then she licks the uncle's fingers... And the uncle gets aroused... And asks her to lick something else...

You may say I am pervertic. But what I have said is true! Its not that we don't know about pervertic uncles around.

The next ad they should get rid of is the freaking Chihuahua ad of Coca Cola.

The stupid advert is so meaningless, that I keep getting it mixed up with the also red ad of McDonald's "i'm lovin it", which is equally dumb but not THAT irritating.

Actually, the chihuahua ad is not that bad till the day before yesterday, when I had yet another traumatizing experience on the MRT.

I was taking the last train home, and it was fairly empty.

Just before I reached Jurong East, I was fully awakened from my groggy state but this bunch of stupid mudds. They were, as usual, conversing loudly, but I somehow managed to drown them out in my sleep.

They begin to hum a techno tone, innocently enough. I thought to myself, "Thank god they have run out of stupid topics to say. At least the humming is softer."

Just as I was feeling quite pleased, they suddenly erupted into a thunderous "CHIHUAHUA!!!!!!!"

I almost had a heart attack. I wanted to ask them to SHUT THE FUCK UP, but I am afraid they would hit me with their guitars, fake Gucci bags, yo-yos and kick me with a tapered jeans leg.

Urgh. Thankfully, it was Jurong East already, and I alighted from the train feeling very glad.

I walked quickly, without looking back at them.

I think they were haivng great fun seeing me jump into the air in shock. This time, without the humming, they erupted into another "CHIHUAHUA!", this time very near my ear. No doubt, this is delibrate. I can almost imagine the cretins grinning to each other and counting with their fingers to scare me at the same time.

I almost had a seizure, but walked fast into the bus interchange anyway, without looking back at them again. I had to tolerate the Chihuahua song all the way till I reached my bus stop.

Now, this whole incident is Coca Cola's fault. Its not the Mudds' fault. They just have the brains of llamas and would suck in anything they see from TV. It is fucking Coca Cola's fault for releasing such a STUPID ad with absolutely no purpose except to irritate. Whats the brand message? That Coca Cola loves silly little dogs? That people should drink Coca Cola on the train and then have a mass orgy?

Without Coca Cola's recent ad, I would not have almost had a heart attack on the MRT.

There are other incidents on the trains which irritated me.

I absolutely hate people who do not shift places on the train. If you have an empty seat on your right and on your left, would you shift to either empty seat so that a pair of friends could sit together?

I would, because thats the polite thing to do. Why would I want to sit in between them to make sure they cannot speak to each other?

Being the shameless self I am, when such a thing happens, I would ask the person to shift seats, if they are not proactive enough.

Usually the person would move seats politely enough, but I remember there was this once, I asked this stupid auntie to move. She proceeded to give me a very reluctant and disgusted look and kept quiet.

WTF? Are people that stupid and rude? If she doesnt want to move coz she thinks that that particular seat has good fengshui, TELL ME. Don't keep quiet like an idiot.

June and I stared at each our thinking why is she behaving so weirdly.

She proceeded to the dumbest thing in history. She moved HALF A SEAT.

June and I stared at each other in puzzlement.

Soon we realised her rationale for doing that. She patted the other half of the seat.

SO. So she thought that the seat is too hot for her to sit on.

OMG. I cannot stand stupid chinese aunties who STILL believe, in this advanced era, that sitting on a warm seat would give you zits on your butt. Can you please tell me why such stupid people exist?? And why??? WHY must I always encounter them?? I did not murder! I did not rape! I do not deserve this! Why do stupid people keep bothering me??

I know how to deal with people who do not shift their seats already.

You and your friend would proceed to seat on either side of the inconsiderate twit and yak to each other as if he/she is a table and not a person. This would no doubt irritate him to death. If the person doesn't look like he kills for a living, you and your friend can even complain loudly about how you wish some people would be more considerate so that you guys can talk side by side instead of being blocked by some freaking person who plain refuses to move although it would not harm him in any way.

Yesterday yet another incident happened.

I was sitting down, feeling quite drowsy, and promptly fell asleep, with Jay Chou humming in my ears gently...

Suddenly, I got jolted awake by an acute tickling on my bare knees. I woke up feeling very irritated. Standing before me was this fat lady with a long loose skirt. The MRT is not that crowded, so I don't see any reason why she should stand so close to my legs, unless she is trying to stare down at my cleavage, which is impossible because

1) She has bigger boobs
2) I was wearing a turtleneck.

I tried to sleep again, but the tickling got worse, and you have to understand how freaking irritating that is? I tried to move my legs this way and that, but I cannot, try as I might, move away from her giant flowery skirt's claws.

I decided I do want to nap on, and that I did nothing to deserve this torture from her, so I woke up, took out my earphones, gave her a smile, and mentioned lightly to her that her SKIRT IS TICKLING MY KNEES.

She gave me a dazed look, not unlike the auntie's when I asked her to move seats.

She stared on at me, as if saying, "What are you talking about, stupid little girl? I don't have time to listen to your nonsense, so speak up!"

I repeated myself, this time loudly and clearly.

She actually smiled, and said, "Where?"


What does she mean by "where?". SKIRT tickling KNEES! Did she not understand where her skirt is, or does she think that my knees are on my face?

URGH!! Another dumb person! This one is worse, she takes 3 years to understand a simple sentence.

After pointing to my knees to show her "where" I was referring to, she did not bulge. NOT A LITTLE BIT. I have not seen such a rude person! I decided there is nothing I can do about it, so I tried to sleep again, cursing her silently that she would lose all her eyebrows tomorrow.

To add to my fury, she "accidentally" hit me with her freaking plastic bag. The first time, I kept quiet.

The second time she did that, I did a very loud "TSK!" and gave her the most vindictive and monsterous look I can muster. I proceeded to stand up, in the pretence of adjusting my skirt.

This has two wonderful effects, the first being that she would have to move back when I stand up, and the second is that she would have false hope that she would have a seat to sit on.

She can DREAM ON. Even if I had to sit all the way to Boon Lay, I would not give up my seat to her.

For the rest of the journey, she did not tickle me anymore. I think I scared her. Haha!

-Half of the brain cells inside the average MRT belong to me-