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Showing posts from July, 2004

Life's little mistakes

Before we start on this blog entry, I would like to say that i have a condition of blog spasms. When I feel like blogging, I feel compulsive urges to keep blogging and blogging and blogging until I breathe my last, and this kinda behaviour would go on for maybe a week. And then I stop to take a rest, after which I don't feel like blogging again because I somehow think I can't write as well as before. I can't blog anymore! Until something or someone pisses me off enough, and I am emotionally charged to rant again. Which explains the sudden droughts and floods of entries, actually. What is wrong with me??! Let's start on the proper blog: It's really sad to have a laughable name, don't you think? When I was a kid, I hated my name. I also hated the mole underneath my eye, but I shall not digress about how I felt like strangling all the people who asked me if I "have something dirty" there. I DON'T HAVE DIRTY THINGS UNDERNEATH MY EYE YOU

whowantstodrivemetozouk.com

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That day, I was waiting outside Zouk for Eileen to come, and was standing like a whore along that lane beside the bus stop. Except without the sexy clothes and horny looks and what's not. Of course, normal people standing along roads do not feel that they are whores, but I did, because of the glittery people all walking past me, and not to mention the stupid guys in groups of three and fours in their oh-boring! shirts staring, not wanting to miss checking out every young chick they see. Tsk. YOU try standing along that lane to see if you feel like a whore. The flashy cars drove past in a hao lian manner, no doubt wanting to valet their powerful machines as slowly as possible so that all the girls can take their time to memorise their car plates so that later the girls can pick up the drivers by saying, "Hi! Are you that guy with the Ferrari then?" "I am, but there are two Ferraris here tonight, my love." "You are the owner of SCX 101 C then?

I hate such people!!!

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Blogder Lynn told me that someone was using my photos in Friendster - someone by the ridiculous name of Philamae . What, she thinks she is living in Tokkien's times and she would have rhymed with Boromir? WHAT THE? She also likes watching the "Amzing Race". AMZING RACE!! AM ZING! AM ZING RACE KFC BURGER with that extra ZING like you want it!!! ENOUGH OF THE CORNY JOKES!!!! Naturally, I reported her to Friendster police. Here's what her profile looked like before it is gone: I also wrote a reply for her. It feels strangely like I am scolding myself because my face is there: Because this message is mean (I think he/she deserves it and it will do her some good to wake up her idea) I expect I will get some criticism from stupid people who think they should be always politically correct. *wooo Xiaxue you are so mean she only use your picture what why you like that yadda yadda* I despise such people and I don't wish to have th

Obsession

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Hello! Did anyone tell you that today is I LOVE MYSELF DAY ? That's right, July 22 is I Love Myself Day ! It is stated that all bloggers should post up as many pictures of themselves as they please and no one is supposed to say anything because it is I Love Myself Day , the one and only day where everyone is supposed to show how much they love themselves .  If you don't have a camera or a blog, I suggest that you rob someone of one. Go guess your friend's password and post some of your photos there. Your friend wouldn't mind, because it is I Love Myself Day and he is too busy loving himself to notice. If anyone critisizes you, it's ok! Just tell the fella merrily that it is I Love Myself Day ! Watch as he says, "Orh, ok." and walk away while u continue humming to yourself about how much your knees rock coz they are not as knobbly as the normal human's knees. =) I love myself!!! Non-bloggers are adviced to talk to compl

It's Sad Times We Live In

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If u watched Around The World in Eighty days , you would have noticed that the cute scientist was chided for inventing stuff because the senior scientist said that it was a Golden Era they lived in, where everything that is supposed to be invented has already been invented. And that was much much earlier we are talking about, where there are no computers, no electricity, etc. We know now, for a sure thing, that that scientist was obviously talking bollocks, since many things have been invented after his little speech, including toasters and other useless what's-nots. How about now? Is it true now then? Since we have machines to capture sound, and sight (and they are selling very well), it leaves machines which capture smells, and touch and maybe taste? The cyberworld possibly has lots of space for exploration too. Digression to traumatize you: Speaking of good movie quotes, one of King Arthur 's knights described his penis as being like a baby's arm holding an a

We've got mail!

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Previous blog entry about doctors apparently got to Dr Gerard Chuah - chairman of the Children's Medical Fund. Eh, very shockingly, he was not offended. Which is good, because being angry is not good for the heart (according to Fei Yu Ching who said he is very seldom angry which is why he is so healthy. Is gay sex healthy? Sorry, that was an irrelevant question)!!! I suspect Dr Chuah is not angry because I said he is good looking. Kidding!  ;) So anyway, here's the mail: Hi XiaXue! I read your blog and I think it is very funny! Well, doctors really don't make that much money-----just to correct that fallacy. I drive a Subaru, hardly go for any holidays and live quite simply actually. A few more clarifications: 1. Firstly, many doctors donate to charities and spend a large proportion of their time serving in charities. 2. The NKF Children's Medical Fund supports mostly medical programs in government hospitals----there are no programs invol

From one media to another

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Apparently some of us read the Sunday times in great detail because you all saw! Yes, a small part mentioned this site. Now, as an ex-journalist myself, I shall not be one to fuss over such a trivial matter as going ON THE NATION'S LARGEST CIRCULATING PAPERS OH MY GOD I AM ON THE STRAITS TIMES LAH CAN YOU BELIEVE IT OH MY GOD I AM HYPERVENTILATING WHILE QUIVERING IN NERVOUS BREAKDOWNS AND ALTERNATING BETWEEN PURE NIRVANA (how to spell?) AND A THOUSAND MEGA-WATT ORGASM!! Here's the article: Ah, I was smiling (because I have a sense of humour) at the not-too-glorious description of me as a cross between TalkingCock and what? right, Hokkien vulgarities, until I READ: "anonymous scribbler".   If I am supposed to be an anonymous scribber, ah, then who is that girl at the top of this webpage?! *boggled*   I shall say this loud and clear then: I am not anonymous! I am WENDY CHENG YAN YAN WHO IS UNEMPLOYED!   So will this particular journ

I am on my way to becoming a Sex GODDESS

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In case you are one of those people who drifted aimlessly into my site today because it is the Best Singapore Blog 2003  (subject to the flawed voting system) or some other recommendation from other people, please do not be appalled that the first post you see is this one.   Because I am usually not so juvenile and self-absorbed. No wait, I am. But at least not every post is about my hair. Because this one is. The whole post is about it. And if you are one of those prima donnas who insist on reading only highly intellectual stuff (I am not saying my hair is not intelligent, but that might be an acquired taste for you), then please proceed to the next post below this one, where I blog in such a way that I seem intelligent, although smarter blogders saw through the million fallacies and exposed me as a lying hypocritical bastard. Did I spell fallacy correct?   In any case, I have just finished reading Scott Adam's book and I am writing like him. Dammit.   Let's go bac

Doctors are paid too much!

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Alright, I was just about to blog about something I feel very strongly against when I opened BLOGGER to realise there are new changes to it ... Look, now we can change f o n t c o l o u r s as we like too! How cool is that?   So anyway, back to the topic at hand.     That was this one day I attended the press conference for A Child's Hope 2 , some MediaCorp show. At the press conference, Dr Gerard Chuah made his speech.          May I digress: He is quite good looking, except for the bow-tie and stiff hair. So anyway, a surgeon, saying something about needing to donate money to the Children's Medical Fund because medical fees are expensive, and the children need our help. I was looking at his ridiculous bow-tie and thinking, "yeah, donate, need help, children" in a groggy sort of manner, but it hit me - hard. Am I the only one who thinks that there is something really wrong with what the doctor said? If you still don't get it, let'

So you think you are an avid Xiaxue reader?!

Have you been reading me like a madman everyday, every hour? You think you are my number 1 blogder? You know my favourite colour is pink, and that Chua's penis is 19cm, and I stay in Teban Gardens, and I interned at TODAY, but think, "DAMN! What's the point of reading every single entry three times? Nobody knows how AVID I AM!!!" There, I have made a quiz! Go see how much of an ardent Xiaxue reader you are! I must say that the quiz is not easy. Unless you managed to read almost of all my entries, I don't think you can get 100%. And since it IS possible to cheat to get full marks, I shall not give any rewards to well-scorers! Are you ready to take the challenge? Ok, GO! The Scoreboard is here.

Oei, blog leh...

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Paiseh ah everyone. No blogging for you recently, because I have decided to rewatch ... My favourite serial, which is Meteor Garden 1 (2 sucks coz there is Michelle Saram spoiling the whole show). Puke all you want guys, but it's still the best show ever. I'm sure most Chinese (or non-Chinese who understand it) girls will agree. And sobbing my eyes out while watching too. Hai ... I so want a guy who is so in love with me, and only only with me ... Bleah. *grouchy* Sheesh. Any comments hinting that F4 are gay, and I will not only delete your comment, but curse that you get impaled by the world's prickiest cactus and stay limpy forever. And if you didn't watch the show, just shut up. Hai, oohh, Jerry Yan my love ... NO BLOGGING FOR YOU!!! Ohh Jerry, DAOMINGSI QU WO BA WO AI NI!!!!!!!!!! I know I am acting like a little sec 2 girl, but screw that. I love Jerry Yan. Wait, make that *~: i luV JeRrY oF F4!!! <3 <3 <3 JerRy RuLeS :~*

I have a solution, Watson!

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Hi! Are you feeling pissed off totally at stuff that are NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS? Does your sense of humour include jokes which actually hurts people's feelings and nobody finds funny? Have you delibrately hurt a friend recently? Do you constantly whine like a pig stuck in a tight pram over minute issues? Ever been nice, and then later turn back and say, "Look, I was nice, see? I was nice!" and thus defeating the purpose of being nice in the first place because you shouldn't just be nice so that people think you are nice and think nicely of you? Should be nice coz you sincerely want someone to be happy you know? Been petty recently about something that the average people wouldn't be unhappy with? HAVE YOU BEEN WHINING 759 times a DAY? Have you reduced a friend to tears just because "I am right" and that warped fucking sense of justice of yours cannot be wavered even if it includes sacrifice on your friend's part? Are you thoroughly self-centred with

Updated the spoof

You guys can shut up about disgreeing with the army shit already, because nothing is going to change my opinion about it. I insist that it is wrong and inconsiderate to keep talking about army stuff in a group where there are people who do not understand it. Please note the words in bold. So, to get everyone's mind off that sore topic, let's do something more neutral, shall we? Nice new spoof entry by our famous Eccentric Eddy, go have a look. Pssh: It's inspired by the Australian dreamd8s who arrived in Singapore. Nice and funny people. Visit their blogs at www.mydreamd8.com.

ARMY TALK - I'm lovin' it

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THIS BLOG POST IS TARGETED AT ALL GUYS, AND NO ONE IN PARTICULAR Blogged on my Clie some time ago: CAN GUYS FUCKING STOP TALKING ABOUT ARMY STUFF!!?? Shuyin gets traumatized by Chua's ranting about army stuff I mean, I understand, camp's all you guys have now. No wait, i dont understand. While these nationally slaved men are constantly whining about how army's really a torture, they seem to take extreme relish in conversing with fellow torturees about the army torments - which are no doubt so traumatizing they should talk endlessly about it over the weekend to repeatedly remind themselves they are in a shithole for the next two years. I say, ZIP IT ALREADY. Typical conversation: Beautiful Saturday afternoon, three recruits with 2 or 3 girls in an outing with them. A: Hey, Pegasus' bunk there got green fungus growing on the edge of the door or not? B: Siao! Cheebye! (dont know why recruits love vulgarities. Nearby, a girl grimaces as her

Clarification

Tsk tsk, the things people assume from my blog. It has come to my attention that several nosey law students has been hounding my poor Wong the lawyer asking her whether she is lesbian. Just because I used the word "she" as Eekean's love of her life. Alright, here's the truth. How come, if she were gay, I never knew about it? The "she" was an inside joke. "She" was in fact an ex pupil of our secondary school. Ah, let me tell you guys about this girl. Due to the fact that Eekean was very much single during our secondary school days, we used to tease her a bit. Of course, most of us believes that she would marry Sheng Rong (read character intro) eventually, no hurry, but we still liked to tease her, coz it's fun. So, we used to say that her one true love is this girl, eh, called, Librasaur. Of course, no parent in the right frame of mind would call their kid Librasaur. Librasaur came about as this girl is a librarian and she looks,

FAN MAIL!! I am so exhilarated!

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Click to enlarge Once in a while, I get mail which makes me feel that the world is a very beautiful place full of smart intellectual beings.

Beached.

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I know I know, it has been centuries since I last blogged - and it's for an extremely stupid reason. I've been rereading Harry Potters (all five of them). So now, after finishing the very thick Goblet of Phoenix and Order of Fire, let's rewind many days to the 21st of June - which was Wong the Lawyer's birthday. Read last year's ! So. We all know, from her name, that she's a lawyer. Well, until she finishes her exams with honours, that is. She actually wanted to call herself Lucy The Lawyer or something but I told her lawyers are not supposed to have sexual names. I mean, how would Lolita the Lawyer sound to you? But anyway, she's in China now, so we can speak badly of her while she scales the Great Wall of China. What she is doing in China, I have no idea. Actually I have a shrewd idea. I think she's escaping from luuuuuve (obviously not returned by the other party), so will the certain person please returns Wong's luuuve, else she'll