R21?

Warning: This part is for older blogders (blog readers), so if you came in from the Sunday Times, skip the following part (till the red dotted lines) and read the more exciting bits.

And oh, I had a good hair day today too.



So yeah.

Yes, yes, I DO know that I am featured on the Straits Times, and I am duly elated by that.

Just the prelude


I look at this picture and I feel thankful I do not have cavities


However, I remember the smaller mention in the first article saying I'm an anonymous scribbler? I blogged about how happy I was to be on the papers? I heard feedback saying that I am damn hao lian about that, so in order to refrain stupid people from making such assumptions, I kept quiet about the 2nd article regarding the Singaporean rebels.

Now, because I chose to keep quiet about the second article, I also heard feedback that people think I am too proud and a silly Straits Times article is beneath me. Utter bollocks.

STUPID PEOPLE ARE EVERYWHERE, trying to impose their incorrect and unimportant views on everyone else, and making assumptions with their minute brains. BAH!

So I shall just be honest.

I am very, very touched (and happy) that my blog has come so far, despite all the "intelligent" people thinking I'm just another bimbo.

It doesn't matter to me. THEY didn't get mentioned in the papers did they? Did they get a writing job? Are they being PAID to write?

So what if these people think that I am superficial and dumb? The Straits Time's editor thinks I am funny, and I think he is a better judge of writing than most of these serious bloggers ("I can't believe she is the best Singaporean blogger, she is so crude and her English is not perfect and she doesn't even talk about policics!" --> I do too, see the Dr. Tony Tan post?). These people do not have a sense of humour (or maybe just a different kind, I don't know) and they will never understand that not everyone appreciates writings with their deep intellectual thoughts, flowery English, and technical jargons. Not all the time anyway.

I am not better or worse than these "intelligent" people. I am just different. Why can't they accept that?

Just because I write in a frivolous manner here doesn't mean I can't do serious writing when I WANT to.

Wong the Lawyer says I should stop writing in a defensive tone, so I shall stop here.


*****************************************


Hello everyone!

Got a few emails asking me how come I manage to watch RA shows although I am only 20.

Psssh, come nearer:

I've been watching them since I was 18! Ha!

Here are a few tricks you can learn:

"My IC is in my car, damn it!"


For girls, put on your deepest red lipstick. If you do not have lipstick, you can substitute with other red substances like chilli or blood.

For boys, comb your hair backwards like the Shanghai-tan manner, and pretend that you have broke your voice.

If you look like you have aged ten years, and you are all ready!

Approach the ticketing auntie with a sunny smile barely fifteen minutes before showtime. "Two tickets for Whore please?"

"IC please, it's an RA show."

"Oh dear, I left my bag in my boyfriend's car! And he went downstairs to buy drinks leh. How ah, the queue is so long and the movie going to start already ..." (Bite your lips in a traumatized manner)

"Sorry, no IC cannot buy."

"Ok I tell you what. You gimme the tickets first, and I will ask him to bring my bag up later. When they collect the tickets later they will check my IC right? Auntie, I not so stupid to waste my money if I cannot go in later right? I will ask my boyfriend to bring it up ok? Aiyoh, auntie, I am very happy leh, I look young meh? I am already 22, old already lah."

"22 where got old? You have a long way to go lah, young lady! I then old lah ..."

"Huh you where got old, you look younger than my mother, and she is just around 40!"

"Ok la, here's your tickets, make sure they check later ah!" (she will grin happily)

"No problem Auntie! I wouldn't bluff you one lah!"

Be sure you are at a certain cinema whose's toilets cost 20 cents to enter. They have old men there who do not give a shit if u don't look a day older than twelve.

To play it safe, enter the cinema like this:

Engage your friend in a deep conversation about work. Be really loud as you explode about how your fucked up boss decided to promote that ugly retard instead of you.

Me: "DAMN FUCKED UP CAN! HOW CAN HE DO THAT?!"

Eileen, who is now 22 years of age: "Yeah lor." *nods in a sympathetic manner*

Me: "HE IS THE WORST BOSS IN THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM SO ANGRY NOW, THAT IF ANYONE FUCKS AROUND WITH ME, I SWEAR I WILL KILL THE PERSON."

With this melodramatic demeanour, continue the conversation shouting words like MURDER or KNIFE IN BAG in a particularly loud fashion while emphasizing that you just want to watch a movie now to calm your violent intentions.

When it is your turn to pass the tickets to the collector, continue the conversation in rapid chatter while casually shoving the tickets into the collector's stomach without even looking at him.

Chances are, he would not want to talk to you at all.

I did this trick with Eileen, and you know what? The fellow stopped Eileen and asked her to show her IC (she is 1 year older than the legal age) while totally avoiding all eye contact with me.

I stood there with arms folded and underaged, looking mutinous. Such mundane procedures (such as checking ages) only serve to waste my precious time and I should bomb the cinema since I am so frustrated!

How cool is that?

However, if you still encounter difficulties at the second gantry, try the two following methods. They work.

Scold the manager


Here's a REVISED version of what June and I did:

We were at PS (particularly anal movie ticketers).

Allow me a digression!!! I saw this thing in the PS FEMALE toilet!


The thing for washing butts?? In the common area of the toilet??


After buying the tickets with no problems, we were stopped by an anal retentive auntie who, no doubt, was in a foul mood as she didn't get enough.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER?

Deprived auntie: "IC."

June and I: "Huh? Left it in the car." (Didn't expect to be stopped so the answer wasn't that appropriate. You can think of a better one)

DA: "No IC cannot go in."

I sensed trouble. She didn't look like the kindly sort. "Hey look," I said in perfect, arrogant English. "I do not understand why you are wasting our time here. We bought the tickets just now, and they have checked our ICs then. It is so ridiculous to be checked twice."

DA: "Company policy, sorry." She looked extremely smug, and I felt like slapping her.

Me: "This is so ridiculous! Do we even look younger than 21 freaking years?"

DA: "Sorry." She then proceeded to show us the way out.

Me: "I want to see your manager, right now."

DA: "Fine." *walkie talkie* "Mr X? Two girls don't have IC want to go in."

Behind us, another young couple walked in. The same deprived Auntie demanded for IC, and the guy was of age, but the girl, who was 20 like June and I, stupidly showed her her IC. They were also stopped.

Manager arrives.

DA: "Sir, these two (me and June) don't have IC and this girl not enough age, I checked. The boy ok."

Me, to manager: "Hi, good evening - (I looked at his name tag) - Kelvin. My friend and I here just bought tickets to Kill Bill, and we produced our ICs just now when we brought tickets. We left our ICs in our car for safety, and now we are not allowed to go in? What kind of logic is that?"

Manager: "Sorry miss, it's our company's policy."

Me: "I have watched so many shows in my life, and I was never stopped TWICE. What's the point of doing that?"

Manager: "Sorry, we always do that here."

Me: "I didn't know that. It's not like that in Lido. So what do you expect me to do now?"

Manager: "Maybe you can go retrieve your IC?"

Me: "Ha. That's really witty of you. It is now - (I stopped to look at my Rolex) - seven thirty and the show started 15 minutes ago. Can you tell me the point of watching a movie when you miss the first half an hour?"

Manager: "Maybe the next time you will bring your IC up here with you."

The couple, seeing that the manager and I were in conversation, tried to sneak into the cinemas.


Manager, to them: "Hey stop there! Sorry, you (boy) can go in, but she cannot."

Me, to manager: "So you want me to go down to the carpark? If I go, I will not come back. I don't see the point of watching this movie with this kind of unpleasant incidents happening. I came here to enjoy myself. Perhaps I should never come to PS again?"

Manager: "I think you misunderstood me miss. I meant to say that next time, please bring along your ICs with you."

Me: "Right. Thank you, Kelvin."

It was pure torture on June's and my part to not whoop in laughter as we walked into the cinema while the couple proceeded, heads drooping, in the opposite direction.


Just an extra purple note

This is Ghim Hui's friend's idea.

If you were stopped at the cinema with four-letters, gently retrieve back your movie tickets, and slip a $2 note underneath it to give to the old man.

Very likely, he will accept it.

Some people call it bribery, but I call it kindness to the elderly, really.




On a side note, I hope no cinema owners read my blog.

Comments

aphrodite said…
Xiaxue!!

I luurrrrrve your hair!!

How do you curl it so nicely everytime? Just by tying buns?? *envious look*
angelariel said…
Gosh! u are like telling the whole world how to fake the way in.. and its only going to work for a while before the cinema mgt realise that the WHOLE world is using it! =X haha..let's just pray no cinema mgt reads ur blog?
anyway that urinal thingy in the ladies in PS toilet is for young boys to..pee when they are with their mom. Wasnt that on news? hmm...
quarzimodo said…
piangs.. if you had balls, they would be gawd damn big!
Chern Ann said…
It's not the cinema owners that give a shit about whether or not you're getting in, it's our lovely Ministry of Information, Communication and the Arts, who determined that young, impressionable minds like yours will be too traumatized by scenes of semi-graphic sex and violence. The cinemas are just the stooges who'll get fined if MICA nee MITA does a spotcheck and finds you in the cinema; someone has to be blamed so that our heartlanders can sleep easily in their beds knowing that no under-21 is likely to slice off the top of their heads with a samurai sword any time soon (over 21s, as you know, are quite trustworthy around edged weapons).

This was something that really used to bother me, but I mysteriously stopped caring when I turned 21. Try not to be too hard on those working stiffs in the cinema, they're as much victims of populist politics as you.
aurie said…
Lol. and that would only work once, and once only. Can you imagine if everyone tried to do that?
Xiaxue said…
angelariel: OOOh! I didn't know it's a urinal!!! Now I sound stupid, ha ha...

Eskie: LOL... Correct also la. But I do not think owners of cinemas/shopping centres/ ticket collecting aunties read my blog la, so it's not that bad.
Anonymous said…
Last Sunday, I woke up at 12, and rushed off to buy Sunday Times after reading your blog. Looks like I'll have to do the same thing today :D!

Aiyah, don't need to give a shit about what your detractors say lah ;) Since you can't please everybody in this world, might as well just please yourself (and all of us loyal blodgers who love your attitude)

XX RULES :D!!!!
Neo said…
0408151300;
AJ said…
i saw your mention on the straits times again... kuddos to u *grinZzz*... way to go... continue making blog waves on the net...

aj
http://ajlestervan.blogspot.com
Anonymous said…
I've read the article already!! I suspect the reporter is a blodger, cos he knows you dig Dilbert and S'pore... either that or he did LOTs of research!

Oh, and I think you had a great hair day during the photo shot :)
Derpina Leong said…
ntu hostel girls toilet have the same thing in the common area too!
Zor said…
hey absolutely brill interview. love the red+white=pink bit, haha!
neelia-love said…
Cool. I love reading ur blog! Keep it up. U look greattt in the papers! Thank gawd ur not someone who will let other people bring u down, seeing there are so many haters out there. Be strongg and positive! =)

Btw, I just cant seem to understand other people who talk non stop about stupid matters, like how slutty or porn-ish Xiaxue is, or the national day thingy. Stop comparing and just be happy with life! Why stick themselves up with problems and go on debating and comparing when nothing in life is perfect and nothing can make everyone in the world happy? Their non stop ranting is not going to make things work in their way! Your attitude is cool, Wendy. Take care and keep up the hilarious posts! Make me like a siao girl laughing in front of the comp!!

Ur new faithful blogder, J.
`nic.ethan said…
waahh. xiaxue your guts/balls[if u ever had] are the size of [insert largest description here].

hahaha.. it would be a matter of time before everyone "leaves their ICs in the car."

good one too, btw- you look great on the papers.

*thumbs up*
hey there. i really love your blog. it just cheers me up. really huge sense of humour you have there girl. really nice reading your blog with advices, tips and things of the like. like your RA movie. just wondering, how do you post your msn convo. [how you get the code.] and how you get the code for the webpage pictures. like the philamae one, the pictures.




just hope you can help me out here.








THREE CHEERS FOR WENDY'S BLOGGGGG .

stay chio and cool funky hip and hot. ((:
Z said…
HaHa i love bitches!
Anonymous said…
Goodness! THe counter passed 11,000 already, and it's only 6 plus now.... I see hordes of new born blodgers forming!
whinyyyyeeee said…
yah, saw u on Sunday times, i think now u sure famous, ahh but anyway, nice blog, got style ah u, yah cracks me up also....and to people who say u hao lian cos' u on papers, i think like, of course lah, if i on papers i sure hao lian wat, ahhhh, anyway....
jo said…
hahaha. ur blogs so popular right now, i really doubt that none of the cinema owners would not read ur blog.
Anonymous said…
Whacky Interview, n a nice big half a page photo!!!
Mr_BuRns said…
hey XX can u iron my clothes for me?
Candyfeehily111 said…
u r 20????? n u havent grown out of teenage rebellious phrase yet?
Peter said…
woooooooooooooooooohhh... xiaxue is so pretty(base on the picture of your back facing the camera 1)... I think I am addicted to you... my kneels going weakk..... argh........
Ivan said…
Wahahahahaha......

I stopped caring about trying to get into R21 movies the moment I turned 21.

Anyway, care to reproduce the Sunday Times article here on your blog? I wanted to read it but my mum had already used the newspaper for my dog to poo on. Bleargh.

Hai~Ren
Anonymous said…
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This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said…
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said…
Hai Ren: Don't worry! The article can be downloaded from the ST website! But if you want a larger pic of Wendy, you'll have to get hold of the hardcopy.

Jerry: Pardon, but I am unable to comprehend what you're saying, due to my mediocre grasp of the language. In other words, BAH :D!!
Diana said…
Congratulations on appearing in the Straits Times. Its a dream come true. And can only happen in such country that is not malaysia. Can I read the article? Can you email it to me or something? I cant really read it from your blog.
Nick Massa said…
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Xiaxue said…
Having a nice monologue with ur multiple nicks, Utar?

Continue doing so! I'm connected during work, so I can always check in and delete your comments when I feel like it. Strangely, it makes me feel really good.

Have fun! And next time, if you want to pretend like "jerry" is agreeing with you, PLEASE DONT BE SO STUPID and type your reply at 8.49pm like "he" did.

DUMBASS. FECES FOR BRAINS?
Oh, there's a better method. Use your friend's ID. It gets me into clubs, and gets me into RA movies even more easily. heh heh heh. I have been able to watch RA movies (period) since i was sixteen. Oh and hai ren~ ... I have a copy of wendy's article. You want it?
sandhya! said…
oh mann. i've been reading for a long time, just not commenting. i'm sorry. and i LOVE YOUR BLOG. you have such a different perspective on things and i'll say, it's refreshing, not to mention hilarious. you're a relief from the daily stress of life.
hornicole said…
great job... i juz love e way u snap back and say bad bad editor! hahaz.. rox sia.
Audrey said…
u can get the article at:

http://straitstimes.asia1.com.sg/talk/story/0,4386,267187,00.html
xiao*jess said…
hEyy!! haha.. i simply love the way you keep me laugHing like a siAo zha bor infront of da comp..!! lOl.. rAwk on ~~~!!!
Ivan said…
W00t! Thanks a lot for posting the link.

And hey, come on XX, you're pretty in your own right!

I can foresee the article creating 2 different reactions:

1) For those who have read your blog before, they will laugh and say, "That's so typically Xiaxue!"

2) For those who either already dislike you, or are unfamiliar with your style, or who read the papers only for the sake of catching up with celebrity gossip or sports news, they might think "Bitch".

I guess you'll always be controversial. And I'm sure all of us blogders wouldn't have it any other way. =D
Anonymous said…
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Audrey said…
wow...
wendy, i tink not onli do u have perverts hot on ur heels..
have have sickos too...

be careful they dun stalk u since u mentioned where u stay b4...
cherry said…
hey jerry aka act-kang tan(potato),

You think by bombing some english big words makes you big? I bet you have no balls man.. SO FREE AH. SO FREE GO SHIT LOR!

Anyway, Xiaxue, you know u'll always have our support! And u r still the best blogger in Singapore. For those who hate her, don't read la.. why keep reading everyday? Addicted ah? =p
Ivan said…
What the-?

And just when you thought spammers couldn't be more retarded...

You Horse Faced twit! While the Churchill Society and they Fujiyama institute of science and sceience men share the same goals we are most definitly not the same person. We might be in close corispondence, (Which would account for the close post times!) you malformed piece of subhuman feces.i) I have no idea what the Churchill Society and the Fujiyama Institute (if it exists; I haven't been able to find anything about it) have in common in order to be in close CORRESPONDENCE

ii) And what the hell is the Fujiyama Institute of "science and sceience men"??!

Although I understand your oriental and all and might not grasp the subtly to of my language I think you will understand that you consitute the yellow peril, running around with your buck teeth, thick eyeglasses and an overwhelming desire to kill yourself in a way that will take out as many of the innocent white devils with you. HUH??!

Do us a favor and say something bad about your Faschist Police State! then the men in white will come and take you away you smelly dog eating chinaman!i) I don't wish to be nitpicky, but it's FASCIST. Learn to spell before you try and sound all high and mighty with your "Fujiyama Institute of science and sceience men" bollocks.

ii) How do you tell whether anyone here is smelly or not? It's not like smells can be transmitted in binary code. Or has your non-existent "Fujiyama Institute" come up with the technology for that??!

iii) How do you know anyone here eats dogs? I don't recall Wendy ever saying "I eat dogs".

iv) And lastly, please do not make sweeping over-generalisations by calling anyone here a Chinaman, because although a significant proportion of us here are of Chinese heritage, I don't think that many here are of Chinese nationality. (Hope you know the difference)

And besides, calling a person a "smelly dog eating chinaman" smacks of extreme racism, and that is one thing that I'm sure most of us do not welcome.

Hai~Ren
Anonymous said…
Aiyah, this Jerry fellow is probably some school kid trying to gain attention. Let's all just ignore, or better still, BAH him :)
guardian said…
Heh cool tips to watch R21 movies!. Unfortunately, I didn't manage to get a copy of Straits Times this morning, mainly due to me having to return back to NP and do my repeated final year project.

Utar, get a life. You're making yourself terribly amusing. I thought I can only get that kind of entertainment in Singapore Idol. Please, stop being a black sheep to the male population in Singapore. -_- It's guys like you that causes males to be stereotyped as horny and sexually deprived (not that it's false, but well...*shrugs*)

Continue with those great posts, Xiaxue. =) Don't let those envious little whores bring you down.
Gum said…
guardian, you better put more heart to your project.

You wouldn't want to spend more time in school because of that.
Solitude_Soul said…
hmmm oh now i think many ppl will be recognising u....my friend who is workin as a part timer said he will focus on his work and he says if he ever see u he will stop u no matter what...LOlz... therefore becareful slightly

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