I've screwed up my life

Sometimes I look back at the decisions I have made, and I really wonder if I would have been a totally different, and better, person.

When I was in Secondary School, I got very sick of being constantly compared with the elite - the fellow River Valley High School students. Many people may not know this, but RV was fifth in the nation at the point when I joined it.

In any case I joined RV instead of RGS because of two very ridiclously stupid reasons. 1st) I liked BOYS and 2nd) I thought a white tight-waist dress for a uniform would look splendid on me.

Being a frivolous little teen, all I wanted was attention, and fun (and having attention is fun). I did all sorts of nonsense, and I was a chao ah lian. I even joined some stupid secret society which closed down 1 month after I joined, called Ba Hai Tong or something.

As a result, my studies suffered ...

With my amazingly high PSLE score of 269, which I'm sure you already know of, I got into the best class in RV.

My word, the geniuses in there. Or maybe, as the middle-class society members would term them, freaks. In my class, there were people who scored 100% for every single CA and SA paper, and finally churn out a spanking 100 marks for the final score.

There were people who not only scored the best results for English, Higher Chinese, AND Maths but were also good in sports and very talented in Art. To add, she's also good-looking, everyone loves her, and she even has relatively big boobs (Yes I am talking about you Lin Liang!). What the Hell?!

The students in RV sobbed their hearts out when they got 7 points for their Os, because they might not be able to get into HCJC's/RJC's triple science class. OH why, why did they get A2 for Chinese Literature?!

It felt horrible I tell you. In Primary school, without any efforts whatsoever, I would top my class. It was nice of course, everyone praising you. But in sec school, instead of letting this stress motivate me to work harder, I adopted the wrong way of handling it - by trying to tell everyone that studies was not my priority, and therefore I sucked at it.

Not good. Evading the problem.

I remember this one instance in class when our Maths teachers, a high-pitched wrinkled affair, gave back our Maths CA results to us.

She is naturally gleeful as she got the best class to teach. Our A1s means her capability as a teacher, although I would not say it is entirely to her credit.

Most unfortunately for her, Cheng Yan Yan Wendy is also in her class.

She started out in a happy voice.

She said, "1D, I am very happy that in this Maths paper, almost everyone in
class scored As." She paused for a while to build the necessary suspense and
continued squeaking, "Only one person failed."

She frowned like Ken Lim
does, looking above her thick glasses.

"YAN YAN!" She screamed directly
at me. "Did you know that you got an F9 for this Maths paper?!"

I didn't
feel the least bit surprised but a little startled at the sudden attention of
the class on me.
"Uh yes Miss XX," I replied. As a matter of fact I did know
that.

"This is very bad results!" She rang shrilly. I knew that too.

"Do you know that your class did the best among the other classes?!
Without YOU, our average would have been an A1!"

Ahhhh ... So this is
what the fuss is about.

She continued scrutinizing me, her face dripping
with disgust of the highest level. I think she wanted to smack me on the head
with broom in the corner.

"And with YOU," she continued while the class
looked on in horror, "We GOT AN AVERAGE SCORE OF B4!"

Please imagine a collective disappointed gasp from my classmates (now lawyers and doctors, mind you) at this point of time.

"B4!" She repeated, as if saying a few million times will make
sound better. "THAT IS ONE OF THE WORST SCORES IN THE COHORT!"

Everyone looked at me. Fortunately for me, geeks are often very nice people, and my classmates were all kindred spirits. That must be the only reason why they continued encouraging me to do better until 2 years later when I couldn't get into the triple-science class. They must have been quite happy to see me go.

"Sorry," I whimpered, making a small note in my head that I should really improve my Algebra, and forgetting around 10 minutes later.

So this went on for 2 years until we split classes according to the subjects we choose.

I got into 3J, in which I got to know Xiao Feng, Ee Kean, Sheng Rong and some other really good friends.

That aside, my results still sucked. As a matter of fact I think I've got some proof:




OMG, HIDE THAT THING!!!!!!!!!



Secondary 1, click on the thumbnails:



Apparently the only subjects I had any respect for was Arts and Crafts and other miscellaneous unimportant things like Home Econs. These subjects also translated to those which we do not need to study for. Ahem, my cooking skills are very good ok! Did you see the mash potato I cooked! It was fantabulous!

Oh yeah. Both teachers said I was cheerful! A cheerful Lian!


Secondary 2!:



I don't know what happened, but my B4 for Higher Chinese suddenly plunged to a D7, and refused to get up till much later. Even better, my B4 for Maths suddenly dropped to a F9. Wow! If there were a 'deprovement' reward, I would have gotten it!

On the brighter side, I brushed up on some of the non-mugging subjects such as English Literature and Home Econs.

BUT WHO CARES IF YOU SCORED FOR HOME ECONS! Nobody! Unless u are planning to be a chef!


Secondary 3:



Ha! Got rid of that horrible History!

But General Science, after it was split into Chemistry and Physics, dropped to new lows of E8s and F9s. Sigh. I got B4 in sec 2, what happened?

This is depressing.

But hey! *brightens up* I am a lively girl with an artistic flair!

Secondary 4:



By the time Sec 4 came, the only subject I had any respect for was English and E Lit.

Ah, but during the last semester I did better! I am also a "popular person who is caring and helpful towards her classmates"! My liveliness cheers my class up! Hey wait. My cheerfulness livens the class up.




With such appalling results, it is no wonder that I chose to go to Poly instead of JC. And with the decision to go to Poly, it is no doubt that I continued to have appalling results.

I told myself, during sec 3, that I will not follow the usual normal scholar's route for several reasons:

1) I will be learning useless things such as F maths which will not gain me any money in future. These useless information will be taking up extra brain space and not coming to any use at all. In contrast, Polytechnics provide useful skills and knowledge.

2) I will do so well in Poly that I will go into University just the same.

3) I no longer need to wear flat shoes so I will not be so ashamed of my height.

4) I will be armed with both a dip and a degree when I go out to work in future, which is better than just a degree.


Most unfortunately, I think the decision to go into SP was the worst mistake I made in my life.

In Poly no one cares if you do well or not, so we were left to survive on our own. I was lazy, undriven, and not motivated. My priorities went to other unimportant stuff, such as BLOGGING (but at least good things came out of it, thank god)! My results were only as good as the average student, and I cannot go into University with a scholarship as I thought I could have.

"Useless" subjects? Unfortunately, since most intellects go through this path, they will discuss these useless subjects from time to time, i.e. History of America or something. If you are not able to discuss social issues with these people in depth, you are perceived to be the average, featherbrained, superficial joe. These 'important' people (important because contacts are so very important and these are influential people) will not be bothered with you, and you can jolly-well speak to other middle-classed subjects discussing the weather.

Because I did not go into JC, such subjects were not my concern (should I have taken GP I would have to read the newspapers everyday in the least) and I did not bother about them. I do not, I admit, have that "depth" that sets the intellects apart from the ordinary.

If I had studied hard then and went into JC, I might be taking a Law degree now. No one can say I am stupid except fellow Law students, but that's ok. The people at insipid forums are not even in the league to discuss my intellect. My starting pay will be $2,500, and I'll possibly set up a partnership with EK called Wong & Cheng partnership.

As Wong kindly informed me, my name would have sounded like this:

Cheng Yan Yan Wendy, NUS LLBS (Hons)

BUT ALAS! What was I thinking? What do I have now?

One SP Media & Communications diploma, which is no fight with NP's Mass Communications diploma, and a joke compared to NTU's Communication Studies degree.

And to add just a little oil to the fire, Singapore's media industry has just shrunk (yesterday, no less) from two big companies to one whooping monopoly. Any space for more media students to penetrate at all? I think not. Not with double staff everywhere.

TODAY Streats? What the hell is happening?!




I hate this. People used to ask me what stream I was when I was in secondary school, Express, Normal Academic, or Normal Tech?

I took pride in replying, "Special."

Because that's what I am.

Now when people ask me whether I am in Poly or Uni, I can merely say Poly - and they nod, like they totally expected me to be a Poly girl, because I do not seem like the JC type. Not that Poly is an embarrassment, but if people used it as a yardstick for my worth, then I wanna say I could have gone into Uni anytime I wanted.

But I cannot say that, because there is no proof.




Isn't it so very sad? My value as a person, only judged by a piece of paper. A very average piece of paper, may I add. An average piece of paper which I have not even bothered to collect from SP after my graduation.

I feel indignant, exasperated, and resentful. I am no mediocre 20 yr old.



On the other hand, the possibilities based on a decision are so vast that it is almost impossible to predict. For instance, if I were in Uni I would just be an average Law student, or maybe a Biz student.

Or even worse, failed my As and is still retaking it now and ending up in Arts and Social Science or Engineering.

At least now I have the most popular Singapore Blog.

I shall end this bitter blog entry with a gentle reminder to myself that I should listen to my mother's advice in future. "Du shu hao," she used to tell me. "Girl, you got the talent to study, then make use of it, don't keep playing."

To all the young kids reading this, make sure you go into JC if you can.

Meanwhile, it is time for me to prove my worth. I shall be driven and motivated from now on. Procrasination? That word will not exist in my dictionary.

By tonight, I will set up a media center for my blog, and by next month, I promise some new exciting features.

If everything goes by plan, I will be driving a SLK in three years, unless I decide on a nicer car. You wait and see. =D

Comments

shoezgal said…
Hi xiaxue, I've been a faithful follower of your blog and I would say it is very interesting indeed. Hmm...just wanna say that JC and Uni is not a bed of roses also. I guess no matter which path you follow, there is always a hidden catch. So, dun be too dejected or whatever. :)
PS: Saw you at wisma some time ago, you look cheerful, like what your teachers wrote about you...and not everyone can be cheerful
foursome said…
Xiaxue, we LURVE you and we will always support you!
*muacks*

Hope you will become as beautiful as we are!

www.powerofpigs.blogspot.com

Lurve all of ya!
wow wee, your blog link has become a must read daily of mine, i really enjoy reading it as it kinda brightens my day and enlightens me as im currently in prison, okay not prison, sports school so yeahh. more or less cut off from civilization although theres still the ever faithful newspaper i can rely on and whtever little time i squeeze in for using the comps. oh wells, please do update daily ! :D

oh ps, you make me aspire to be a good writer, sth id never think of doing in my younger days. never knew the power of english could be tht great.

http://xinful.diary-x.com
heikal said…
do you really think law students are intelligent? they are good communicators, and good critical thinkers, but surely intellect and intelligence mean more than that...
i'm not disputing that the average law student is pretty much the academically 'hi-calibre' type, but damn if i don't know completely moronic ones.

i don't know how you see it, but to me, and to some others i hope, translating talent into real-world success eg. the most popular internet-based opinion column (which is what your blog most resembles)in the country is way more impressive than obtaining any academic qualification and settling into a career that bores the hell out of you but pays reasonably well.
Bob the Builder said…
liew. dmc so jialat ah... too bad too late for me to change course... anyhow, it's not like a dip. is all u can have.. aye?

don't be too introspective.. i mean, hey! how many ppl can claim to have the most popular sg blog?

and finally, mistakes are good to make when you're young because u learn from it more... *kids more pliant and all?* sooo... i think u'll probably get ur slk...just make sure u got license to go along with it..

cheers!
Xiaxue said…
Hi Kal,

What you said is totally true, but unfortunately, not practiced.

Until you have made your mark that is. Which will be in a long time, but thats what I am trying to do.

Education is one universal yardstick which is used to judge intellect, or so it is meant to be. The average boss will have no way of telling your talents until he hires you, but he will only hire you based on your talents.

Even if you ask me right now, to make a guess, who is smarter, an ITE student or a Law student?

You can guess my answer.

Unfortunately thats how society functions.
shoezgal said…
Err...xiaxue, of course ITE and Law is quite a big difference in terms of qualifications. But I don't think there's much difference between law and poly for example. It's really not that tough to get into law. And the ability to memorize stuff til JC doesn't mean that these law students can survive in law.
Xiaxue said…
Hi the 'four girls' of powerofpigs,

I will not allow advertising on my blog, but since I post this comment, even if I delete that post of yours curious visitors will still click on that link.

So I shall leave it there. Unfortunately for the girls.

In any case, it is pretty obvious that whoever did up the website

1) Is one person and not four girls as claimed,

2) Has a good command of English and web knowledge,

3) Is using this knowledge to abuse and defame the four girls,

4) And is highly despicable and lowly.

I have no idea what the four girls did to you to deserve this, but I do not think you should stoop to this level. No decent girl will want a photo of herself showing her undies accidentally to be splashed over the web. Think about how you would feel if your sister had a photo of her like this shown to the world.

The power of the media is strong, and do not abuse it. It is not meant to be this way. Ditto your command of English.

What good does it do for you to see them embarrassed in this manner? What do you gain?

I sincerely hope that you will stop this and delete the blog. If there are any unresolved disputes, go look for the girls and talk things out. If you sincerely abhor them, then work hard and earn more money - they cannot wait to lick ur ass in future. Isn't that better revenge?

I've noticed that you have used several of my terminology on your blog. If you really look up to me as a blogger, then take my advice on this matter. I would not have done this. People may laugh at the girls and say how ugly they are, but it is only temporary joy for you. When the truth is out, it only reflects on how mean-spirited you are - and no matter what wrongs they did in the past, you are the baddie coz you started this nonsense.

Additionally, what you have put up is defamatory, so be careful.

Disappointed,
Xiaxue
MeQwerty said…
ask urself this question: if u relived ur life NOT knowing any better, ALL things being equal, could it have been any different?
heckit said…
Future dreams can never last when you find yourself still living in the past. Move on girl, you've got what it takes.
heikal said…
hi xx (that looks vaguely porn-ish, but nvm)

c'est la vie and all that, yeah i know better papers ought to mean better jobs, but i have 2 points to propose:

1-qualifications make a difference only if its really extreme stuff. ie. if its terrible, its gonna be really tough, and if it's superb, firms will be lining up for ur signature. the rest of us average joes (dips, degrees, low honours) will get $1000-$2000 jobs.

2-after getting that first job, the papers fade in importance don't they? future career prospects (promotions, firm- or industry-hopping) depend much more on your job performance.

but i could be wrong (and probably am) heh

i know ure a big fan of singapore and stuff, but the narrow-minded employers here are really a big push-factor for many people to try their luck somewhere else. but who's to say they won't face the same thing elsewhere eh?

but yeah, hindsight beeing 20/20 or (6/6) it's always easy to bash urself up for past 'mistakes', but who's to know what might've happened otherwise. haven't u seen enough time-travel movies? :)

anyway take it easy, at 20 you should be looking forward more than looking back, and uh... always look on the bright side of life *whistle*
Xiaxue said…
Thanks Kal, for the encouragements.

What you have said is true, but these are the issues I am facing right now at this stage in my life - people judging me based on qualifications.

Hopefully my work performance will matter more in future!
Ricky Chua said…
Scenario: Your secondary school classmate who scored 6A1's, went to RJC scored 4A's with F-maths, got 1st class degree in uni in Communication Studies at NTU, graduates with Masters and eventually a PhD, decides to finally find work in the communications line in Singapore.

And ends up working for her old ahlian classmate, the entrepreneur and media revolutionist Wendy Cheng who has become a multi-millionaire with her own public listed company, simply by being able to capture Singaporean's smiles with her blogging. She hasn't even been to JC.

Girl thank goodness you didn't go to JC. You probably would not be providing me smiles with your blogs if you did. Go get'em!
Xiaxue said…
Rick,

BU HUI BA?! Someone with PhD will not work for me lah madness.

What u said about me sounded like one of those learning throughout the ages awards they are advertising over 93.3FM now, ha ha... the "She hasn't even been to JC" part.

ANYWAY, I don't think I can be called a "media revolutionist", but I recognise this as an effort to cheer me up - so it shall work. HAHAHAHA

ME MEDIA REVOLUTIONIST OK! XIAXUE LTD!
Bf said…
Hi girl I've been reading ur blog for some time.

Anyway I went to JC and I went on to Uni.. But it doesn't prove anything anyway, cos I did really badly in Uni and I still feel like some loser sometimes.

Anyway I do wish I went Poly instead of the boring, stifling JC. Argh.

Anyway, in this life, we dun have to prove anything to anyone. Heck, sometimes even ourselves put too much pressure on us.

Anyway, I think you are very lovable. (dun worry i am not les). Yeah, just wanna tell u to enjoy ur life even though you have made mistakes. You are definitely not alone in thinking u made bad decisions in your life. =)
monster said…
find me a lake quick. i need to drown myself coz i am just o lvl? yeah right. although i do not sit behind a desk, shake legs and collect my big fat pay check at the end of the day like some of the grads, i am still able to enjoy my life, spend money and of coz save some. but at least i am doing what i love, what i had wished for. i doubt, some of you readers(esp grads) out there might not be able to do what u desire. i dont denied that to survive in singapore, u need to have a decent certification.
ME, MYSELF & I said…
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step~
u are right, procrastinationn doesn't help matters.hope you succeed.

SUGGESTIONS-

prob: your writings in the dailies and blog seems to
be very polarised...
soln: try to hybrid the two...yes the dailies do
have certain restrictions and you can't
spew expletives freely to emote your fustrations
however try to to find a universe within these
boundary conditions. The dailies could be your
platform to work on. i find similar traits in
your style of writing as columnist-Siva Choy
and John Grisham...why not take reference from
their works and create your own singapore
sling? do take note however that originality is
v imp.
hope the above suggestions helps~
Hong Yang said…
Your entry title suggests you feel you are going through a mid-life crisis. Lucky for me, I can put these thoughts away for the moment because of NS, and decide on my destiny later. I had fairly good results for my O level, but after getting such grades as 'D', 'O' (ungraded), and 'F' for my first common test during the 3 month course at CJC, I decided to fuck it and go to a poly. Of course, if I had studied and not lazed around during that time, I would have gotten better grades. However, I psycho-ed myself into thinking that it's because I'm not designed for studying in a JC.

Quoting your post:

"I told myself, during sec 3, that I will not follow the usual normal scholar's route for several reasons"

I told myself that right after my 3 month course at CJC.

"1) I will be learning useless things such as F maths which will not gain me any money in future. These useless information will be taking up extra brain space and not coming to any use at all. In contrast, Polytechnics provide useful skills and knowledge."

Precisely!

"2) I will do so well in Poly that I will go into University just the same."

Unfortunately, like you, I used to think that everyone in poly is stupid, and they went poly because they couldn't make it to JC. Therefore, I would crush my competition (at that point cockily wondering if there would be any), emerge tops in my cohort and gain admission to a local Uni.

"Most unfortunately, I think the decision to go into SP was the worst mistake I made in my life."

No for me man. <-- self denial
Emy said…
hey xiaxue!

ive been keeping track with your blog over the past few months! really interesting and a great laugh to start off the mundane day...

being a jc student, one that totally regrets the jc route, i must say that jc might seem an interesting place that beats poly hands down.

i beg to differ though.

jc life is mundane and so academically focused. that it doesnt leave a place for people like me who also like to enjoy life and steer clear from the books as far as possible~

so, like you, jc had really been the worst decision of my life. and i truly regret it~

emily
pinkified.blogspot.com
Anonymous said…
The degree is but a means to an end, and by no means an end in itself ;)

Frankly, I think you have achieved much more than your peers and ex-teachers in hotshot RV. I mean, how many of them can lay claim to the ability to have legions of fans rooting for them in their daily struggles and triumphs? Most probably, zero.

Graduates are dime a dozen. There, however, can only be one Queen of Blogs... and that�s YOU :)!
nadnut said…
sometimes i feel tat way too...

wat if i have studied harder...

i tot having a diploma would mean tat i could go unis too... but they onlie accept a small percentage of diploma graduates... ntu and nus i meant...

oh well. made a few mistakes in my life.. well, juz have to work with it and make the best out of it.

and im sure wendy, tat ...

u'll be someone successful in life (not onlie blogging.) with or without a degree.

=)
Come again ? said…
I personally felt that this is the only entry that is very meaningful indeed..
Kean said…
If u think JC is boring, wait till NUS & NTU welcomes u with open arms. Then u truly know what is boring.
soup said…
hey..what's wrong with Fmaths really? All of your blog is entertaining other than that Fmaths part which made me felt like some total loser studying Fmaths. Anyway Fmaths is not really a useless subject and anyway even if you enter JC you need not study Fmaths anyway. Plus Fmath's is just a supplementary for your MC and it helps in your PH so why not? Sometimes ya shldn't really point out specific subjects huh? maybe u shld just say some useless subs that take up brain space.. n not realli point at one sub.. niwae FM is good ok? haha..i just wanted to make a point there..ya..

n dun feel too lousy about yourself either..i tink many people enjoy reading your blog n will give you your necessary respect so you've accomplished something! and that's a good thing cuz singaporeans dun seem to be able to accomplish anything. normal singaporeans that is.
Anonymous said…
Just have to add this.... the new Xiaxue Media Centre absolutely rocks :D!!
Ztife said…
Hi. I read your blog once in a while, but that is just to kill some borderm. Just wanna tell you thank your entry today was extremely inspiring, it greatly depicts what I am going through too; Good psle score, special stream, and slowly diving down to express and struggling.

Oh well. =)
Darren said…
xiaxue, i think you are fortunate in the sense that you are in the media line, where qualifications do not mean as much as creativity. So work hard and i'm sure you won't be short-changed, with or without a degree.

For the rest of us, i think we have to think about the value of education in a different light. It is never meant to be a mechanism to trap us inside, but it seems that many of us treat the education system as stiffling. The Poly vs JC debate can be easily solved if we all had a direction in life.

If you want a degree, go for a JC as it is the most direct and easiest route to your goal. Why bother going to poly if you eventually want to go to university?

Scared that you can't make it past JC? If you think that, you probably won't make it Uni after Poly anyway.

Having both a dip and degree is an advantage? People are only interested in your highest qualification and having a dip is unlikely to gain you points when moving up the corporate ladder. I agree that work performance counts more once you get the job, so how would having a dip and degree help?

The grass is almost always greener on the other side. JC life is mundane and useless? Well, no one is stopping you from enjoying life, not doing your homework, not studying for exams until the last minute, participating actively in ECAs. You have a choice. So why are you blaming the system for the choices you make?

Why bother wasting time studying useless subjects? Well, do you realise that as you try to understand the complex concepts in these useless subjects, you are actually improving on your ability to think on a higher level? It does not matter if you forget all the useless stuff that you had crammed into your brain. What matters is that you have now understood a difficult concept and established a smarter way of thinking along the way. That is the true value of education.

I'm not a educator nor pro-PAP. In fact i'm far from both. But think hard about your next life decision and do believe that you have the ability to chart your own success. Good luck!
Hong Yang said…
hey emily, wtf?

"being a jc student, one that totally regrets the jc route, i must say that jc might seem an interesting place that beats poly hands down.

i beg to differ though."

What gave you that thought that people think that 'jc seems like an interesting place that beats poly hands down'? So you are the only one thinking that eh? They got that drilled into you?
tubao said…
u're much better than me...
i got a 50+ average in sec 2 n i'm suffering in trip sci now =(

my mum would probably kill me if i go into a poly.
moleonmycheek said…
you said: "In Poly no one cares if you do well or not, so we were left to survive on our own. I was lazy, undriven, and not motivated. My priorities went to other unimportant stuff, such as BLOGGING (but at least good things came out of it, thank god)!"

do u really want to become a manufactured doll from some posh jc? i mean, if u had entered a jc, you will be driven and motivated by the teachers there and not your own dreams. you will become what the education system and jc teachers want you to become. jc is pretty much like secondary school with double the amount of work and expectations to fulfill. if you had trouble conforming to your secondary school environment, i think you would have gone crazy and burnt your jc (if you were in one).
poly life gave you a chance to channel your energy into molding your own personality and talent. you are so not lazy or undriven... if you were, you wouldnt have spent so much time and effort on making your blog an interesting one.

You said: "Useless" subjects? Unfortunately, since most intellects go through this path, they will discuss these useless subjects from time to time, i.e. History of America or something. If you are not able to discuss social issues with these people in depth, you are perceived to be the average, featherbrained, superficial joe."

do you think u will subject yourself to such torture as to discuss events that happened loong time ago? and besides if you are truly interested, u would have picked up history books to read by ureself.
important people will talk to you, because you make interesting conversations. you are funny and intelligent, not mention well-dressed and attractive.
you will make people go "wow" not by the conventional way of impressing them with your vast knowledge or law degree, but by amazing everyone with an incredibly interesting job or a best-seller that you've written or something really fabulous. or simply wow them with your cheerfulness...

although i'm not a personal friend of yours and i probably shouldnt say so much, but i sort of know how you feel. i'm not as intelligent as you, but my results had qualified for jc. i made a choice to enter poly with the same reasons as you. and frankly, i do feel like a loser somehow when i hang out with all my jc and uni friends. somehow i felt i was missing out in alot of important things when i chose poly.

but then i realised that i'm not super human, i cant possibly do all interesting and meaningful stuff all at one time. i made a choice to enter poly life, and so did you. if you had entered jc, somewhere down your jc life you will still start your blog entry with: "Sometimes I look back at the decisions I have made, and I really wonder if I would have been a totally different, and better, person."

it is always "what if" this and that... its human nature to never be satified with their current situation.

cheer up and thank you for making me laugh with ure blog entries... :)
[ - 雯'§ - ] said…
hmmzz wht can i say about ur post ?

Still have no concept on how to answer ur post yet but i knw in my heart i felt strongly against it.
Dun mind me, for i am one of ur blogder that read all the posts from ur archive once i start to visit ur blog.

Okie so here the after-maths of like 5 secs :

when i was in pri sch, i was in one of the top sch in sg. but due to some infamous rumours and issues that were going in then ,after my PSLE, i went to another sch (xinmin sec). It was peak yrs of my secondary school life, coz nt only i had fun, i am one of the better students within the whole secondary sch ( of course nt to be compared with RV).
But sadly, when i was to go to sec 3, i had to change school(kranji) due to moving to a new place. ( xinmin in hougang , and I live in CCK .. too far to travel and no SCH BUS ~! ).

With my results in xinmin, i was easily posted into the best class in kranji ( triple sci , which blah ).
With the change of environment, i started to rebel. I became a chao ah lian, i was rude, i sleep in class . i even ran away from home and etc.

Even went through the incident with the teacher which every1 in class score like A1-2 for their geography and yet i was the only one who failed Geography. ( the teacher even orh-be-gd to me havin such results and did it in front of the class).

It was only till the after chinese O's level papers ( abt july ) den i start to buck up. I knew nuts about every subjects that i took. And since we can our studyin on our own and can skip classes, so i did. I stayed in the sch library daily to start studyin all subjects from scratch.

Not becoz i wan to score. but becoz i wanna get out of the hellhole ( kranji ) asap. But the only sub tht i din studied for was geography, why ? becoz i knw i dun wan to go to JC and led a boring studious life .
Nt tht i dun wan to go to uni, but becoz i am nt a person who like to do theory and much more of a hands-on person. It is not that i cant memorise facts and dates( i scored b3 for my geography with the knowledge learnt on the previous day of the paper and worst thing still was tht i lost my textbook and have to learn all the physical and human geo by notes and workbook and it really did happened) . Nor i cant do maths (in fact, i scored all A's for my both my A's E's maths ), but becoz i dun find it intriguting enuff for me to go on. And most imptly, if i were to go on to poly, it is a start of independence. I hate leading life that has to stick strictly to rules and teachings by teachers, i wan to be in control. Thus i chose poly as my stepping stone.

And with my hard work within that last hlf a yr, i got quite a surprising results for my O's and proceed to the choice i made for my poly subjects. Mind you, i can go to JC if i wan to ...

Unlike you, that is the best decision of my life. Coz' if i din go to Poly, i would have not know the friends i had, nor i can be free from the suffering i had in kranji ( due to personalities clashes and most of them actually outcast me being a newcomer ).

I had fun during poly, i learnt how to be independent.
I learn a lot of social skills and aso how to be street smart. I learnt be tink more practically and see new things. By the end of the 3 yrs, and during my graduation ceremony, i was grinning widely.
I was thankful to be there for i gained a lot ( frenz and etc ) and grew up to be with i am now. And i have finally finish all my projects by myself and could proceed to the nxt step. My degree.

So what i can only belong to the middle class average joe/jane for i din study for the social issues and references on text. but at least i gain the knowledge and skills i have now. And i can aso go do my own catching up on social issues and references while being an average joe/jane. So by going JC proves no worth/value to me ..

Now i am doing my degree, with a diploma as my pre-requistre and proceeding to graduation by the nxt yr end.

So my main conclusion after this long long long speech/comment : without my diploma i will never be where i am now.

so my advice to you ( nt say u must listen or tink it more of a suggestion ) : tink abt wht you wan to do. If you really keen on gettin a degree, it doesnt matter whether is it a local one or an overseas one. Go get it, but please dont jus use money to buy it, earn it. If it is the moeny factor, do wht i did. Work and save up, money will deffo be enuff.

Cheerz up, u only 20 ... comparing to you, mi old liao.
~Vanessa~ said…
OMG, what the hell did you do to get 269 for PSLE? Oh my gosh tell me tell me tell me!!!

Email me plz: crazy_4_5566@hotmail.com
Omni said…
Your school sounds far more difficult than an American school; you should be able to do anything you want in life after that sort of training.
hornicole said…
ok.. thanks for the advice.. i think i gonna follow it.. =)
Psycho Diva said…
Hmm i guess it's better to make your mistakes early in life and learn from them than to make your mistakes later in life when there's less room and time for failures.

It's worst in uni cos you dun even have common classmates for more than one semester nobody even notices if you are not in school for the whole sem. The lecturers don't give a bloody damn.

Anyway, i think that you are who you are because of the experiences that you had, and i think you are fine the way you are, just that you probably should work harder from now on! Come on, Xiaxue, how many of your peers(be they in medicine or law) are as well-known as you are?

Don't look back at your mistakes and regret, cherish what you have now and strive on! *Big Hugs*

Boy, am i one preachy woman *grins*
xinying* said…
hellos, first time posting comments here. feel the need to say sth cuz i was frm RV too. haha. would like to ask if the maths teacher u're talkin abt is called mrs tan pt? hmm, got her in sec1 and 2 and she's just like wad u described - high pitched, thick glasses n stuff. lolx.

n erm, dont tink its gd being in a jc too lah. will be taking my As in 1mth+ n now i feel like im in hell. =( so maybe u shd advice the kids to go into a jc IF they CAN mug instead. lol. yups. nice blog aniwaes.. nvr failed to make me laugh/feel emphatised. (maybe cuz of the rv stuff =x)
Ediris said…
You know, XX, most of the time, I think it's less about other people judging you, then you letting other people judge you. If you failed to live up to your own expectations, then prove it to yourself, not other people. You are only in your early twenties.
Nich said…
hey xiaxue@wendy,
don't be upset on the fact that you chose to go Poly instead of JC because at least you did not turn up to be a brainless ah lian with bad English. i bet one day you will be a successful writer or editor. recently, i just found out that there are more ah bengs and ah lians reading law despite their bad command in English. Not sure how they are going to survive the course although i did despite my not so good grammar as well :P
wild_daisy said…
Hey XX,

I graduated from Arts and Social Science, and I'm glad to say that I'm doing better than many peers who graduated with a mass comm or marketing degree. Not6 to say that I think the above two degrees are in any way more superior than my Bachelor of Arts.

What I'm trying to say, really, is that your education is just a stepping stone to a great career. Ultimately, it really depends on how map your career. Many of my friends are seeking a second degree after working for a few years, finally discovering what they want to do in life. It seems to me you've got a great start there--you are great at doing what you like!
Handsel said…
You know what, I was the RV had-to-study-so hard who eventually got into triple-science at HCJC girl. I went to university after that and now am a sucessful graduate with absolutely no sense of future. crap.
tinz said…
"your daughter is a wonderful student. Caring towards others, helpful, sweet and she's really smart and talented.......but she's simply too lazy. If only she.." blah blah blah. that's what my teachers of the past 10 years had said to my mother during meet-the-parents nights. How nice of them.

i gotta admit. Coming from a convent school (which supposely SUPPOSE to produce good refined ladies of the future...sad to say). Entering Poly or JC was one of the most difficult choice i had to make.Parents usually want their kids to enter JC since it's the "right" path and it seems to be the best choice.

I think it still haunts me a little to have aunties and uncles asking " ni zai na li du shu ? POLY AH ? *makes a big fuss* " (trans : where are you studying at ? )

What's wrong with being a poly student ? someone please enlighten me. are we really THAT bad compared to JC students? oh wells. i'm glad i'm at poly though. It has been an eye-opener so far.
the said…
i 100% emphathize with you...but lemme just say that your options are never closed and lets be glad we're still young and the future is still malleable.just last year i thought id never have a chance to chase my dreams n resigned myself to a mediocrity.

at 23, ive just started my law degree and i cant wait for the rest of my life to play out.
fatal.touch said…
xiaxue~ mi senior..haha~ yeah i was frm THAT school too..hehe river valley rulz i shld sae... =D hmmz well, i shld sae coming to jc is realli hard...terrible life i'm leading~ heh... farnie how poly pple sometimes admire jc students, n we jc students wanna lead the life tt poly students lead..weird..hehe~ well, keep up tis blog...love it lots.. =)
viv said…
I've taught in that JC you mentioned and then observed the talents at a Poly Design show. Difference? One's about thinksmarts and the other streetsmarts. It's an apple/orange distinction so I wouldn't worry if I were you.

Look at how many are responding to your blog? that's journalistic inspiration alone, even those who disagree with you. You'll be suprised how many opportunities are around the bend so keep the faith! =]
Jason said…
intense!

love,
jason mulgrew
internet quasi-celebrity
Xiaxue said…
JASON MULGREW FROM BLOGGER???! How can you understand all the Singaporean lingo?
*aly said…
Gosh, XiaXue...

I rarely comment in here, but I had to so agree with your recent blog!!

My past was somehow like that, too. Sighs. Great PSLE scores, EM1, Special... in a JC now, but certainly not the JC of my choice...its one that I used to say that I'll kill myself if I ever landed in there. Well, I chose to stay alive, after all.I guess the paths we take up in life's really up to us. Though sometimes I wished I was a little firmer on being a good, well-managed student. Blimey~
But anyways, you are like only 3 years older than me, and at the rate your entries & inspiring thoughts flow, I think you'll certainly do really well in a long way to go! (: As for me, I am like struggling to study for my upcoming Promos. Blimey~ And my future is bleak bleak bleak. :/

Till then, all the best with your plans! (:

glitx--87.blogspot.com
sfee said…
hello!
hey, i just wanted to say that this particular entry made an impact on me.
while all your other entries are sensible sprinkled with lots of humour, this one.. was inspirational.
thanks for making me finally decide i want to go to jc!
any jc. well, almost any. haha..
:)
THANKS ALOT YAN YAN!
and, im sure with your social skills and such, you'll become a great writer. or a greater one. even with your dip, atleast you cant say "i didnt do anything with my life" :)
youre smart. whoo! smartiepants! :D

THANKYOU ONCE AGAIN! :D
Clare said…
Hi Wendy

A few years ago, I was thinking exactly like you now... I regreted going to a Poly. I went to a normal sec sch, screwed up my chances of going to JC. Ended up in Temasek Poly, graduated with a rather useless Diploma in Business (Marketing & Finance). Worked for 8mths, decided that I really need a degree to be different and stay competitive.

Off I went, to Perth. Got my degree in Marketing and the Media. Came back, worked a few years. Only to discover that having an overseas degree is not that advantageous after all. Every decent (BIG TIME MNC) employer wants a local grad. Damn! I really hated it when they start asking me why I didn't go to NUS or NTU. Mind you, I was doing very well in my area of work. Got promoted twice in less than 2 years. Earning more than most of my peers.

Frustrated, I decided to give up everything I have. I have since left my last job as a Marketing Mgr and enrolled myself in NTU to do my Masters in Mass Communications. I am currently in my first semester with NTU and I'm also lecturing part-time with ITE.

Just wanna share some personal experiences with you. I wasn't even a bright student at all. But I've come a long way. I'm only in my mid-20s and I can daresay I've achieved quite a bit.

Put your heart and soul into something you believe. I see talent in you. There are bound to be times when we feel like shit. But we all BOUNCE back, stronger and more determined.

All the best!

Clare
Jayaxe said…
This is quite a thought-provoking post.

Somehow, everybody will, at some point of their life, reflect on their actions and live to regret. I, myself made mistakes but I learnt from them and continued to live stronger.

Perhaps, one should review his/her history but not live in the misery of the past. Instead, learn from the wrong experiences, look towards a brighter future and be a better person.

Of course, talk alone is useless and it must be proven with actions. There must be a reasonable amount of effort put in to achieve success in life.

I'm glad that some of the younger bloggers have commmented that they will work hard and I certainly wish everyone especially xiaxue, success in life.
Gum said…
Yeah! Jason Mulgrew!

Xx, you are really getting popular!
Ivan said…
Hmm... for once we actually have a rather intellectual and thought-provoking post here... (Not that the mindless brain-fluff and daily escapades aren't interesting, but for a period of time I was worrying that the general IQ of this place was starting to decline)

Well, it may sound cliched, but it really is a little too late for regrets. In a nutshell, everyone else has said what I had planned to say, but all in all, I'd recommend that you just continue to look forward, instead of thinking back on all that could have been. In any case, what makes you so sure that if you had put in more effort in your secondary school/ poly years, you would necessarily be successful?

JC and Uni life isn't a bed of roses, as all the other blogders will tell you. Here in Uni, you alone determine what kind of grades you get; the teaching staff leave it entirely up to you to determine how much effort you wish to put in. As for JC, well, let's just say that JC is just secondary school with loads more homework and intensive studying.

Success is a relative term, defined by each and every individual person. I don't know what your definition of success is, but I hope that it isn't all about academic qualifications. Sad to say, while the working world often claims to emphasise more on skill than on pieces of paper, reality still has yet to catch up.

But in any case, your talent for writing has shone through. And if you really are seeking ways to continually boost your portfolio and resume,you might consider forking out money for part-time courses (though whether MDIS/Informatics/SIM diplomas and degrees are that well-recognised is quite a debatable point).

Relax, you're only 20, and you've still got a long way to go.

P.S. Loved your reply to the author of that blog about the 4 girls. Goes to show that you DO have a conscience and are not as bitchy as you often seem to be haha...

And what's so bad about an Arts & Social Sciences degree? We get to expand our horizons more than those blurdy Science and Engineering students. (Besides, our English is better and we write better essays than them) Bah. >|

Hai~Ren
june said…
i've been reading your blog for the past few months [and i think that its great=)] and i'm not as lucky as you in terms of psle scores [185 pts] and got posted to a average school where i'm blessed with shitty grades since sec1 [f9 for maths/anything related to counting from sec1 until the n lvls...] and now in NP doing FSV. and actually, an DMC dip CAN fight with a mass comm dip, trust me.=) compared to mass comm students, DMC students [as i observed from my friend whos now in DMC, they conduct alot of avid discussions in class and do lots of interesting stuff like interviewing the LIME magazine editor while mass comm students are now learning basic photoshop and doing something simple stuff like written/graphic/speech communication. which means, no interviews to a magazine editors etc. its just that DMC is more geared towards public relations while mass comm is more for broadcast.

and the communications dip in NTU? erm..you'll be much much better off to study a communication degree overseas like melbourne. seriously.

keep on rocking!! =D

june

anagnorisis.diary-x.com
Extempore said…
hey xiaxue, u give arts ppl like me a bad name leh. we're no longer a faculty dumping ground. It's the Real Estate faculty! Write about them!
Shaocong said…
Law students can be utterly moronic/bimbotic lah. Just look at that Shaocong fella. Go on, look at him! Cannot make it.
wen said…
hey, you have a cool blog, and i love your creativeness enjoyed browsing it, you rocks and your blog rocks too..=)
the prez said…
Oh please, you're giving your schools too much credit. Yes, institutions you attend help to shape the person you become eventually, but with an attitude like yours, it's rather hard to imagine any school - even one of RGS's calibre - being able to do anything about you. Besides, I know many individuals who came from secondary schools that would normally be considered inferior to RGS or RV and yet have done better than individuals from other like premier schools in the nation. (Desecrating the good name of RGS is not on my agenda here. I happen to be filled with loyalty to my alma mater and am merely ascribing credit where it is due.)

You say that the only subjects you had respect for were English Language and English Literature, then what, pray tell, is this pseudo-English you insist on subjecting your readers to? (E.g. One's intellect is not quantifiable. If it is the noun you were aiming for, that's intellectuals.)

Polytechnics are NOT inferior to JCs. (I attended a JC so please don't try to insinuate that I'm blindly trying to stand up for my institute.) I suppose you never stopped to consider that (apart from you, perhaps) some of the best students produced, teritary-wise, are from Polys? Besides, blaming your lack of self-discipline in reading the newspapers everyday on not having taken GP at 'A' Levels is a rather shallow argument. I've been reading the newspapers since mid-Sec 2, and I most certainly wasn't taking GP then. (Nor was it forced on me in secondary school. Back then the only thing forced on me was Newsweek, and I only resented that because I preferred reading Time and The Economist.)

With your sorely inadequate skills at forming logical, convincing, and coherent arguments, I seriously doubt the likelihood of your gaining entrance into the Faculty of Law in NUS. Or in any other university worth its salt, for that matter.

Since you don't read The Straits Times (let me guess - you only read your own articles in Today?), allow me to bring the following to your attention: over 8000 students applied to NUS this year with the Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences as 1st or 2nd choice. A select 1500 was granted entry - something of notable interest, considering there were many others who, despite having respectable grades such as BBC, did not manage to get in. The next time you think of insulting this faculty, I implore you to reconsider. As it is, going by your logic, any of these lowly 1500 students will eventually hold a university degree and be better-qualified than the likes of you, of which your diploma, which (I quote your blog) has comparably "no fight" against, and thus is reduced to a "joke".

Lastly, you wrote, "If everything goes by plan, I will be driving a SLK in three years, unless I decide on a nicer car." I have 2 final points to raise from this statement you made. 1) It's "if everything goes to plan", not "goes by plan", and 2) One's wealth is not a determinant of one's calibre.

Good day.
Juris said…
Hi, just wanted to highlight a few points for the purpose of factual correctness.

It ought to be LLB, and not LLBS. Also, the conferring authority is commonly denoted at the end as opposed to the front. In this respect, your putative qualifications would be "LLB (Hons) (NUS)". There is however a growing view that the NUS Law Degree just doesn't make the cut in the international legal arena. As a consequence, the conferring authority (if NUS) is at times omitted in the business cards. Finally, it is industry practice to tag the jurisdictions one is qualified in after his or her academic qualifications. Accordingly, your business card might look something like this:-

Cheng Yan Yan Wendy
LLB (Hons) (NUS), LLM (Harvard)
Advocate & Solicitor (Singapore)
Solicitor (England & Wales)
Attorney-at-Law (New York)

In connection with the starting salary of the local legal profession, the standard (cartel) rate for a newly qualified lawyer is S$3,500. If however one begins his or her legal career at a Magic Circle firm (or its equivalent / near-equivalent), the starting pay is in the region of S$8,000 - S$12,000. All figures quoted are monthly remunerations.
Jayaxe said…
P.O.S. tell me, are you actually a 'Programmed Online Spellchecker'?

If you think you're such a smart intellectual and like to point out grammar mistakes so much, let me tell you something... Your grammar seems quite comparable to the smartest Primary 3 kid.

First, I noticed that you enjoyed the use of short forms such as "you're", "it's", "i'm" etc... In the so-called 'formal' writing of yours, this makes your 'debate' looks too casual.

As if that is not a good case for argument, your writing is simply inconsistent as you use 'it is' a few times as well.


QUOTE: "Yes, institutions you attend help to shape the person you become eventually, but with an attitude like yours, it's rather hard to imagine any school - even one of RGS's calibre - being able to do anything about you."

MISTAKE No.1: Don't you have a past? Shouldn't it be "institutions you ATTENDED"? (I know this one is arguable, but who cares)

MISTAKE No.2: Your sentence structure is simply too long. If you were to be studying in Australia (Yes, I graduated there), you'll fail report writing just because of your long-windedness.


QUOTE: �Back then the only thing forced on me was Newsweek,��

MISTAKE: Where�s your punctuation? �Back then, the only�.�!


QUOTE: "I suppose you never stopped to consider that (apart from you, perhaps) some of the best students produced, teritary-wise, are from Polys?"

This is your MOST blatant mistake of it all, Miss Spellchecker. Do you want to type "TERTIARY" or can you please kindly explain what is "TERITARY"? Territory? Sorry LOR, I�m only an engineering grad, so maybe my �england� is sub-standard too LAH.


QUOTE: "You say that the only subjects you had respect for were English Language and English Literature,.."

MISTAKE: Did Xiaxue SAY that in front of you? Even then, shouldn't it be "You SAID..."?!


Please, for heaven's sake, use Microsoft Word to spell check your intellectual preaching before you post. Then again, don't bother. Because I'm not interested to read your POWDERFUL ENGLANDISH.
Alex said…
Hi XX,

Ok, I'm not gonna comment about whether which path is a better to take since that's all over and done with. I was hoping more of suggesting how you can achieve success given your current worth. (Shees..I sound like Robert Kiyosaki)

I honestly think that you should consider publishing a book. No, listen I'm serious. Think about it, what are the factors that make a successful book:
1. Content - Think this is a given. You don't have thousands of readers without content
2. Popularity - Hey, if a model like Eileen Wee can come out with a book, so can you. You've been on papers and even TV for goodness sake
3. Readership - See point one

Really, I think you should start writing down some of the stuff into a publishable form. You said you wanted to work harder to achieve success right, well, this might be one way to go. In fact, I think it will be a very real way to go. It could be either in the form of a autobiography, eg "Xiaxue - The Singapore Blog Queen" or a humour book eg "Teenage Blogger's Diary". Most likely it will be pulp fiction but hey, it sells.

So now the steps to do it will be to start writing it down formally (or informally since it sells better). Next would be to find a publisher, I think given your contacts with the media, it wouldn't be too hard. Hey, you could even post an advert on your blog. And lastly, I'm hoping to see that novel of yours in the bookstands in a few months time.

Don't forget me when you're rich ok. :)

Alex (darkelfinsgp@yahoo.com)
peebrain said…
Jayaxe - Actually, it is perfectly acceptable for P.O.S to use short forms in his piece, since this is afterall a comments section, not a rigid arena for formalised discourse. Except for academic writing, short forms may be used for functional writing, serious writing even - it won't inject frivolity into the content. In that aspect P.O.S has as much right as any to present a diametrically opposing view.

I find it inconceivable that Xiaxue would so blatantly desecrate the polytechnic education system when she herself was the product of one. I'm not going to point out the obvious irony of that but I'd like to say, from my experiences as a undergrad, that poly students exhibit a strength of character and focus that are sorely missing in most JC-bred undergrads. Polys arm their students with invaluable practical knowlege of the real world, prepare them for flight. That is something JC-uni people in their arrogance will discover (but not without experiencing setback and disillusionment) eventually.

Lastly - in all due respect I don't think you would have survived in an environment like RGS if your arrogance (again I loathe to use the word because it isn't reflective of who you are in person, but your writing simply continues to perpetuate that nauseating impression - no offense meant) is anything to go by.

No doubt you have experienced success of some sort - never have I seen anyone crow about their blog readership nor boast about penning semi-literate articles in Today as much as you do - but do temper this excessive complacency with some modicum of modesty, hey?

You go girl.
Jayaxe said…
Hey peebrain (why such nick?? Seems like I'm scolding u??) =P

Well, it's apparent that there are people who are downright 'destructive' in their comments. By that, I mean not only sounding almighty and condemn others but also expect people to come out with a good level of English when this is only a blog.

Precisely, you also mentioned that this is "a comments section, not a rigid arena for formalised discourse". So is there a need for people to start pointing out grammatical errors?

Thus, I like to see the 'good examples' out of these people before they qualify to teach others how to write. I know some of the points I brought out are arguable but I'm pretty sure I'm right in some cases too.

But I'm also sure many will agree that comments in a blog may be critical but not up to the point where you condemn others. Don't tell me it's ok for people writing destructive things in your blog?

You can say I'm trying to defend Xx, but I wouldn't want people to critise my writing so badly too.

By the way, although you disagree with some points, at least you put in across nicely. This makes people less annoyed and less likely to counter what you said. Yeah?
frostie_fairie said…
hey POS.. stop correcting ppl in such a sacarstic(os itis sarcastic, POS PLEASE correct me) *rolls eyes* stop making such awful comments can? it's her blog n for u to make such crappy comments n stupid SPELLING CHECKS *rolls eyes again* is just stupid. maybe u've got nth to do.. *ponders*

get a life and hey, one suggestion u Piece Of Shit(courtesy frm jayaxe =p ) maybe u shld go n erm, produce a dictionary or smthg if u're SOOOOO good at english =)

tc`
phishy_ said…
hey. =)
everyone thinks that the grass is greener on the other side. unfortunately, in this case, it's not true. i've been regretting my decision to enter jc ever since i stepped in. believe me, i don't think you would have survived the stress and hypocrisy and arrogance of the students there. or perhaps you would have been one of those stuck up bigots who look down on the other 70% of the nation? poly students are by no means disadvantaged when looking out for a job. in fact, nowadays, grades do not matter as much as the interview itself. your character, integrity and creativity are ultimately more valuable than the piece of laminated paper from MOE.
being smart is a god-given gift that should be used to help others and not as an excuse to practise discriminating behaviour on others whom u deem as less intelligent.


by the way, the RV uniform looks terrible. =)
aphrodite said…
Hi self proclaimed P.O.S

Just go away ok?

I'm trying to be nice, I could have asked you to f%^# off.
Juris said…
POS is the popular acronym for "Piece of Shit". I suspect POS herself is aware of this. Again, I am posting this as a matter of information. No offence (nor ammunition for third party offence) is intended.
Jayaxe said…
Wow. Looks like i'm not alone.

Anyway, nice one frostie! Gimme a five! Yeah!!!
Aiyo....this is looking like a forum page I once knew....

Everyone's entitled to their own opinions lah...XX is no exception and POS as well.

After reading some of her stuff...I can safely say XX can take care of herself....and frankly those that try to defend her, sound very much like a groupie or fan club.
zhi yang said…
I doubt you'll read this comment (with mine being the 67th comment).

I visit your site time to time to get a good laugh. However, after reading this post. I'm beginning to believe what you write is 'real'. Most people will not proudly declare their poor academic results.

You know those smarties, score A1 all the time, then get a A2 or B3 then say something like "die liaoz la.." or just cry like shiit. They're ok, but after some paper, when asked how they felt they will fare, they also say something like "die liaoz la, so tough, sure fail like shiit", then the results come out. They're in the top 10. So much for their attempts to be humble.

And your writing's so darn good, intelligent and funny. I can't believe your sec schools results are that sucky. If you were just to type them out, I definitely wouldnt believe you. However, seeing the pics you've uploaded.

I'm 16 this year, which means O levels this year. My prelims just ended last friday. Besides my amaths & emaths, i'm positive i'm gonna flunk every single one of them = no jc for me the first 3 months.

Reading your entry had made me want to reevaluate my current status - slacker, wait-and-see attitude.

Thanks a lot. Take care.
frostie_fairie said…
hey hey~

hmmmmmm i'm gonna be sitting for my O levels in abt a mth's time, in november! i've yet to decide whether or not to go to a JC or poly.. cant decide..

about JC: wad happens if u fail the 1st A levels in JC? retain rite? den if u fail the 2nd time leh? are u expelled or smthg? or can u take the exam until u finally pass?

about poly: isit true ppl wif diplomas get employed more cos they have more hands-on kinda skills? when i tell ppl i wanna go poly, they wrinkle up their faces n screw up their noses n say i go poly is 'useless'.. i noe its not but but but, exactly how do i deal with this kinda remarks!? how well must one score in order to get to the Uni frm poly? last qns, is a diploma recognised internationally? like e.g O levels are but N levels aren't..

(@_@) *confused*
mugster said…
Hey Wendy,

I know there are like a million comments to this blog entry, and here's my 2 cents worth. I think you would have enjoyed urself at RGS, and RGS would have definitely welcomed ur talent and uniqueness. There are indeed muggers in RGS, but the school allows u to develop as a person. The teachers don't pressure u to study, nor do they put u into classes according to your grades. There were also no compulsory remedials for anything in my day. So basically it is hard to get into RGS, and I know a lot of ppl hate RGS, but I think there is less pressure to study from the teachers than other schools.

But I think u would succeed no matter which path u take, and if u think u have made mistakes in life, it's definitely not too late if u discover these mistakes at 19. Some of us still don't know if we're in the right course, and where our life is going to lead to.
angela said…
slogging my life away in a top jc, i am inclined to disagree. yet, tis sad that all society seems to judge people by nowadays are pieces of paper. ick.
zzzzz said…
Angela: Well... it just so happen that the pieces of paper are your university degrees and your results which proves one's acadamic level. What's so "ick" about it??

And err oh yeah XiaXue, look forward don't look back... you mold your future not your past.
maomao said…
Heyhey!
Been tuning in to your blog for some time and what you say sometimes provides healthy mental stimulation. Other times, they're entertaining and a good read :)
Anyway, this post abt school and all compels me make a comment (for the first time leh!!)..

Without denying the fact that a degree is damn important in this lousy system that (over)merits academic achievements, it's really not everything. With your attitude, I'm pretty sure you will go far.

My pri-sec story is pretty much like yours. Grew up thinking I was smart and would be able to excel or at least do what everyone else does. When the first signs of defeat came in sec2, I refused to be squashed flat and tried ways and (underhand) means to get to a trip sci class in sec 3. Ended up going to a JC trip sci course with a stroke of luck, and thinking I could ride my way to a degree with that luck. Fucking wrong man.

Just this July, I dropped out of NUS not only without a degree, but having a $40,000 debt slapped on me by my scholarship board. *Anyone I know reading this - Yea it's me!!!*

What's the fucking point. If I had admitted from the start that perhaps I was not meant to follow the "conventional" path everyone else around me was taking - and took the bold step in pursuing what I wanted (poly dip or art school). Everything would have been different. Bloody hell waste 3 years suffering in uni and end up worse off than ever.

The point is, uni isnt everything. Not everyone in there is that clever. Though it helps, it won't GUARANTEE u a bright future either. Poly definitely gave u important takings in life too!! Look on the good side.. Hehee..

Just 3 months into working, I've met people (some very very young!!) who mayn't have been quite "there" in studies, but have attitutes and ambitions that impress me infinitely more than those scoring many 100%s consecutively. What they have is something that an apparently smart (defined in our social terms) person can't match. On the other ends, there are masters students that are damn fucked up and doing no justice at all to the piece of paper they've spent so long trying to achieve.

I'm sure u know where ur strengths lie... And use it well :) No point wasting time and effort looking back, coz it's the future that is in ur control now.

Take care!!
Kai said…
geez.. wendy. i guess most ppl has made some wrong decisions somewhere along life. those who claimed they didn't are probably some smart-ass freaks or george w. bush. so u're not too bad...

i have a fren who got 9 pts for her 'O's, she's damn smart but went to poly anyway. but then u might not even be blogging if u made it to JC, ya know. u may be too busy fending off lecherous advances from sexually-repressed guys in jc n uni. u might not have graced a major newspaper or appeared on national tv (i'd have put myself up for adoption to do that). and spare a thought for ur fans! some of us lived to read it, it's that great! - it helps in destressing poor JC students and they'll likely get an A in GP now. it teaches lecherous wolves who'd know better to enquire for sex or 'hookers' on the net. it taught me to embrace my national identity with both hands n feet. *i'm so patriotic now* (maybe exaggerated but u get the meaning...)
yea n most importantly it proves that YOU have a talent, WE like reading ur witty n funny stuff.

there's no time for regrets in life n yours ain't screwed. not by bloody paper qualifications alone! the ones screwed are those who judged others on the prestige n sophistication of them.

you are unique in your own way, everyone is. at least u do have the most popular blog in s'pore. so cheer up!

*...and dun worry abt the clk. i'll buy one for u as soon as i struck toto n then we'll cruise down orchard road like some PHD brats wouldn't. =D
Kai said…
geez.. wendy. i guess most ppl has made some wrong decisions somewhere along life. those who claimed they didn't are probably some smart-ass freaks or george w. bush. so u're not too bad...

i have a fren who got 9 pts for her 'O's, she's damn smart but went to poly anyway. but then u might not even be blogging if u made it to JC, ya know. u may be too busy fending off lecherous advances from sexually-repressed guys in jc n uni. u might not have graced a major newspaper or appeared on national tv (i'd have put myself up for adoption to do that). and spare a thought for ur fans! some of us 'lived' to read it, it's that great! - it helps in destressing poor JC students and they'll likely get an A in GP now. it teaches lecherous wolves who'd know better to enquire for sex or 'hookers' on the net. it taught me to embrace my national identity with both hands n feet. *i'm so patriotic now* (maybe exaggerated but u get the meaning...)
yea n most importantly it proves that YOU have a talent, WE like reading ur witty n funny stuff.

there's no time for regrets in life n yours ain't screwed. not by bloody paper qualifications alone! the ones screwed are those who judged others on the prestige n sophistication of them.

you are unique in your own way, everyone is. at least u do have the most popular blog in s'pore. so cheer up!

*...and dun worry abt the clk. i'll buy one for u as soon as i struck toto n then we'll cruise down orchard road like some PHD brats wouldn't. =D
Xiaxue said…
Ex: Sure not ... Say say only ... Ha ha ha ... When you get toto you go get Fiona Xie liao lah, why would you want me sia? ;)
joyinthelord said…
hey hey.. what matters most is not what has passed, but where you intend to go from here. I really believe that circumstances can be risen above if we only have the determination. let me share with you the stories of one of my classmates - she came from a family with an absent father, and has had to help support her mother and three younger sisters since young. she failed her PSLE and repeated it, only to get into normal stream in secondary school and then to a polytechnic. in poly, she did well enough to be admitted to uni and qualified for honours. she is currently doing her masters degree and intends to continue on to get her PhD. her life would have been different had she given up at any point along the way, but she firmly believed in what she wanted and refused to be discouraged. yes, it took her longer to get here than some others, but what matters is that she has risen abover her circumstances. i have other friends who have risen from ITE to Poly and hope to enter uni someday.. etc etc etc..
frankly, it kind of makes me think you are rather 'privileged' that your 'starting point' on the ladder of life is somewhat higher than many others; you will have a much shorter way to go than them. yet they have never given up, and neither should you. jia you! =)
joyinthelord said…
by the way, for the record, i am currently a JC teacher. =P
the Queen said…
wahh so many comments ah.

i think that both poly and JC have their benefits and horrible shits lah. its just whether or not you want to make the best out of where you are,be it JC or Poly.

what's so bad about poly? even poly grads make it to NUS's LAW degree prog leh! and also our diploma can get us to skip the first year if what we took in poly was relevant to the 1st year uni subjects. so its like going to JC and going Uni coz it takes the same amt of time?

what's so stressful about JC? i see tons of slackers from JC hanging out in shopping malls and coming to my stupid school to take advantage of the relatively low prices and good food what.(doesn't take a genius to figure out which sch i'm from)

in the end, when things like economic crisis comes...retrenching,financial failure,suicides,whatever affect both JC and poly grads lah. sometimes its not even because of 'i dun come from a gd sch and i got a sucky job bcoz of that so i got fired and i wanna kill myself' that people feel depressed. it may be other things like 'my girlfriend left me for someone who's taller' that can lead to people feeling like they've been stepped on.

my sister once worked in the IMH for awhile.met tons of people. this guy who was like so smart,had degree and everything,but now has a mentality of a 5 year old after his gf dumped him? shit happens lah deh. so what if now you think coming from poly may be crappier den coming from a JC? in the end right, its just a mattr of whether shit happens to you lah. as long as you work hard and prove yourself,you can be as successful as any rich ass in the world.
Ah xue said…
Dear Xiaxue
your blog really tugged at my heartstrings.
Everything sounded so familiar. In fact, I got into a depression in my growing up years - all over 'a piece of paper qualifications.' That moment where my Form teacher looked and shaked her head with disgust over my O level results had haunted me for years throughout my Poly (Incidentally, we were in the same Poly but different course though) With tears, I baded farewell to most of my classmates, who went NJC, SAJC, ACJC and JJC. Meanwhile,continue writing... continue to express your thoughts and desires freely. This is your gifting. Though I don't really agree with everything you had written in some other posted articles on your blog, I must say, I enjoy your quirky style of writing. I enjoy that 'real and transparent' soul within Wendy, who is in touch with her feelings, thoughts, cries of her heart and desires. Along the way, I was also a pretty screwed up person but I'm glad I was lost but found by HIM and a new lease of life begins.... with real peace and joy. When the day ends and darkness envelopes our rooms, what we truly want is love, peace and joy. Use your writing to help people because it is a double-edged tool. Be blessed, Wendy. You are wonderfully and beautifully created.

P/S Perhaps one day, we may have a chance to cross our paths and meet over one session of coffee and tea.
mae said…
all that talk abt reminding people about themselves. first read your blog after clicking on your friendster (the real one) after surfing in RV n saw your kissing pic. m from XNPS too [my psle score juz 1 less then u heh] then Rv, n screwed up by not gg to the 2 most popular jcs for rv students.

actually i'd say, u don't need all this encouragements, do u? cos im sure deep down, you know you can make it. Already, you have broke n out of that elitist path and made good! How many of us are self-made celebrities? End of the day, i guess u wouldn't have been happier if you went down the charted route and remained just another anonymous singaporean like most of us are.

;)
So Angeline said…
Halo pretty gal!
:) I have been following your blog for quite some time and I really appreciate the many laughs U have brought me.

I was pretty surprised when U sounded depressed in the last blog entry. As I read on, Honey, I totally empathize with U. Just like many readers who had left comments.

No offences to the schools named here...
I was from Si Ling Primary, a neighbourhood school, where I was a of the few others labelled as "smarty-pants".
I entered St Nicks with 261. Inevitably, I went into the top class. That's where the nightmare started.

In Sec 1, I was the only one who failed Maths;
in Sec 2 (got kicked outta the best class by then) I was last in class.
It was traumatic to undergo such an indentity change. From "smarty-pants" to the "Loser". At least, that's how I saw myself. In the very least, U are beautiful. The poor results worsened my inferiority complex. I saw myself as the fat, ugly and stewpig loser. Thank God, I had a strong network of support, just like U and Ur Sec. sch friends.

Determined to prove my worth, I worked hard for the remaining 2 years and got into NJC with 11 points. However, 4 years in St Nicks had totally wrecked my confidence and I no longer dared to think I could compete with all the smarty pants and hardworking nerds in NJ. Morover, I'd family problems then. To reduce my stress level, I switched to a neighbourhood JC, Yishun JC. I lost my social support, which was spread out among the top 5 JCs.

YJC admin treated us like kids and we never had many opportunities to explore our potential. Being in Arts stream, this stifled my creativity and my grades suffered. Trying to get along with people from different school cultures were not easy too. Their lingo and mentality were almost impossible to understand.

Predictably, my A levels results was bad and here I am in NUS Arts, as U predicted *grins*
But it was there where I learnt to look at Life from different perspectives and truly appreciate my existence.

Life is filled with obstacles; there is no escaping. Why not face it confidently and look beautiful overcoming it? Instead of lamenting how ill-fated I was, I learnt to view every obstacle as a form of nourishment for me to nurture into a more mature person. Even if U make a mistake, learn from it, and try to make the best out of the situation.

There are so many "what ifs" in Life. "What if I had entered another sec sch", "What if I had gone into another institution"... But U only have one Destiny. Judging by your ending, I'm really glad that U have found Ur goal :)

Life is not all about paper qualifications. People without them had gone on to become successful. (like Ur SP senior senior Mr Creative! :D) In my opinion, succes is not only measured in monetary terms. Succes is also measured by your integrity as a human, your contributions to Society and the amount of laughter U bring to people.

Based on the last criteria, U are successful in Life. Rock on, baby. Hope 2 see U wheezing by in Ur SLK in 3 years' time. God Bless :)
So Angeline said…
Halo pretty gal!
:) I have been following your blog for quite some time and I really appreciate the many laughs U have brought me.

I was pretty surprised when U sounded depressed in the last blog entry. As I read on, Honey, I totally empathize with U. Just like many readers who had left comments.

No offences to the schools named here...
I was from Si Ling Primary, a neighbourhood school, where I was a of the few others labelled as "smarty-pants".
I entered St Nicks with 261. Inevitably, I went into the top class. That's where the nightmare started.

In Sec 1, I was the only one who failed Maths;
in Sec 2 (got kicked outta the best class by then) I was last in class.
It was traumatic to undergo such an indentity change. From "smarty-pants" to the "Loser". At least, that's how I saw myself. In the very least, U are beautiful. The poor results worsened my inferiority complex. I saw myself as the fat, ugly and stewpig loser. Thank God, I had a strong network of support, just like U and Ur Sec. sch friends.

Determined to prove my worth, I worked hard for the remaining 2 years and got into NJC with 11 points. However, 4 years in St Nicks had totally wrecked my confidence and I no longer dared to think I could compete with all the smarty pants and hardworking nerds in NJ. Morover, I'd family problems then. To reduce my stress level, I switched to a neighbourhood JC, Yishun JC. I lost my social support, which was spread out among the top 5 JCs.

YJC admin treated us like kids and we never had many opportunities to explore our potential. Being in Arts stream, this stifled my creativity and my grades suffered. Trying to get along with people from different school cultures were not easy too. Their lingo and mentality were almost impossible to understand.

Predictably, my A levels results was bad and here I am in NUS Arts, as U predicted *grins*
But it was there where I learnt to look at Life from different perspectives and truly appreciate my existence.

Life is filled with obstacles; there is no escaping. Why not face it confidently and look beautiful overcoming it? Instead of lamenting how ill-fated I was, I learnt to view every obstacle as a form of nourishment for me to nurture into a more mature person. Even if U make a mistake, learn from it, and try to make the best out of the situation.

There are so many "what ifs" in Life. "What if I had entered another sec sch", "What if I had gone into another institution"... But U only have one Destiny. Judging by your ending, I'm really glad that U have found Ur goal :)

Life is not all about paper qualifications. People without them had gone on to become successful. (like Ur SP senior senior Mr Creative! :D) In my opinion, succes is not only measured in monetary terms. Succes is also measured by your integrity as a human, your contributions to Society and the amount of laughter U bring to people.

Based on the last criteria, U are successful in Life. Rock on, baby. Hope 2 see U wheezing by in Ur SLK in 3 years' time. God Bless :)
Tom said…
Hey, i've been reading your blog on and off. And this article made me think through and i decided to leave a comment or two.

It's really sad how this society works; albeit meritocracy distinguishes the elites from the norm, but there lies a push-factor for the norm who are able to excel in work.

A book is always judged by its cover. Nothing beats that.

You have the papers, you have the brains, you have the job.

Sigh too, i'm in Singapore Polytechnic too and i have no idea should i be ashamed or proud after reading your article.

Having my ITP in TUAS made me realise something; did i study all my fucking life to work in Tuas? Nahhh.. That's bad.

So i guess there are times when shit really happens, and you can't do nuts about it.

You're an intelligent girl, and i seriously do think that you'll do fine in the media and communications industry.

Good luck.
cherry said…
wheeeeeeeeeeeeee. don't be all disappointed because of the "if i had" stuff. you're not sad about where you're standing now. besides, we shldn't be living in the past, yes? (:
deedee said…
When i was in RV it was 5th on National Level too. But NO I did not know anyone who can score 100% for most or all papers. Ha... perhaps different generation. In fact I was just glad I got my overll average B3 grade when I was in secondary 1, although like you I was so proud of my straight As results in primary school... Time flies. *sigh* I hope I did better too, then perhaps I'd be a holding a wonderful job right now.

Do you know that nowadays RV kids got their own RV-logo socks and are allowed to wear white track shoes instead of those old kinda white canvas shoes we spent our weekends scrubbing?? Sorry, can't help it but feel really old now. And yes, I am a senior for you.
User said…
lolol! thanks for brightening up my day with ur stupidity hahahahah lolololol.
deborah said…
Yeah, it's such a sad thing that our level of achievements in life has been dominated and determined by a single, white, paper.

In Malaysia too, no less.

We Mass Commers rawk! =)
yummyray said…
hi xiaxue,
aft reading this entry, i'm left w mixed emotions. i felt relieved for myself as i scrapped through my As with unflattering grades of B C C & got a place in NTU Engine. however, ur entry also acted out as a voice for many poly students who could have taken the jc route. i felt a tinge of sadness for these people as our society is not 1 that embraces failures. i know what it is like when one's looked down upon in a condescending manner. what's even saddening for you is that u started out as a student w remarkable psle grade. i scored 254 for PSLE & gt into a sap sch like you. an entry to a local uni is deemed as a basic requisite for every1 from a sap sch. i wld reckon most of dem succeed, & some earned prestigious scholarships to go along w deir long pedigree of academics achievements. but such pressure from a young age wont do some much good. in other words, expectations has already befallen on us upon e day we received our psle results. for those who r slow to adapt, a glitch, minor or major would pricks the bubble of confidence they have, for eg. me. our education system seldom has room for late bloomers. such is e unfairness when it comes to finding jobs. ultimately we cant expect our society to fit into us, but we hafta fit into the society. this means the conventional route to uni will always be a gauge on the capability of individuals, unless we haf a few more Mr Creatives.nonetheless, u shld nv be discouraged as i believe that if success is a measure of I.Q, then it'll be a matter of time b4 its ur turn to be a success. cheers wendy!
peccavi said…
Dear Xiaxue,

as a RV senior of yours, I would just say that you are not "alone" (there were a few with results like yours)... well our teachers might have condemned you for being the black sheep but you are SPECIAL, like you said! My RV friends and I (blogders of yours) all say that we wish we had classmates like you!

Well, Lin Liang is our good friend's sister you know... hee...

There are many people who fared better than you, but end up doing mundane jobs etc. At least you love what you do!

You have the spark in you. Take it as a consolation ;)
Kai said…
Fiona Xie? why would i? i saw her filming at plaza singapura before and she actually smiled at me! i nearly vomitted my lunch. jeez... i dun like her man. she'd have given me diabetes with all that saccharine sweetness. and i don't think she's half as witty or interesting as you. she'd probably blog stuff like, "tOdAy I wEnT sHoPpInG aNd i wAS, LiKe, VeRy HaPpY." duh.
Ee said…
haha reading this blog makes pple like me want to die ... N'Level -> O'Level -> Seletar Institute (drop out but got B4 in chinese D7 in English)-> Diploma in Business Mgt from MDIS -> Part time Degree Programme MDIS (drop out no time) -> now Diploma in Accountancy LCCI ...

I think study for me is more like a hobby ... like the process but hate the exam ... Results meant nothing to me but still when i get good result i will still be happy but i dun fret when i fail (fail lor)...

Anyway seriously abt 7 years back, my friend decide to get married at the age of 20 years old. Everyone was like huh so young. But now she is a mother of 2 and I think among all my friends (successful or unsuccessful) she is the happiest, contented and most satisfied with her life. Opps! She only have O'level =)

I have a friend who is a Audit Manager (she is only 27) in one of those big accounting firm, comes from filthy rich family. Drive to sch since she 18. But i always think her life is a mess and to me she is "pathetic"

Hey it easier to be "normal" than "special" ...

you didnt screw up ur life, you just took a different path. Remember this is ur chosen path, be proud of it. There is NO WHAT IF?
jan said…
Just wanted to say that I think the most important thing you should do is to sit down and think about what you really want. Not something like "i want to make my 1st million by 25". But something definite. It doesn't matter how "unrealistic" it might sound right now, what you need is a DEFINITE goal.

Say, you want to go to law school. Say, maybe you can't quite enter a law school now, even overseas. What about a degree in something else first? Get an arts/anything degree (here or overseas) first, DO WELL, apply for graduate entry law school (probably overseas) with those results. Say, that costs too much. Work first. save up for it. Say, that just takes too long.

well, when you REALLY want something, time becomes irrelevant doesn't it?

What matters is that you will eventually achieve your goal. And that means you won't have to live the rest of your life with regrets. If it STILL seems too long and not worth it, maybe you don't actually want it as much as you thought.

Alternatively, you can sail along without a definite goal and think "anything goes" (in other words, wait for opportunities that will make you a millionaire to fall onto your lap). Sure there are lots of people who have struck it rich, made it big, that way. but that happens to about 1 in 98796435232345324532452345 people.

But of course I didn't mean you have to set going to university as your goal. It just seems like that is a big regret right now. Don't let it stay as a regret. You CAN do something about it. It's not going to be easy, but it IS possible.

Happy to know that you are going to be driven and motivated from now on. You are a very intelligent girl and you know that once you put your mind to something, REALLY decide THAT is what you want, you will be able to achieve it. And now you need to know what THAT is. So that your drive can push you towards it. Without that goal, where is that motivation and determination supposed to bring you to?

Good luck!~ And this really is a great blog!
How to Order said…
While you reminisce your havoc days at RV, please don't forget who also gave the teachers a run for their money....my sister!

Seems you've forgotten us!
Jeff! Lim said…
"To all the young kids reading this, make sure you go into JC if you can"???

come on, man! nothing detrimental has ever happened to me by me going to the poly. In fact, i very much like (and am proud of) the path that i took to get to where i am now. I would have it no other way.

You shouldnt stamp "standard solutions" on to everybody. Just like u yourself are unique as well. I very much prefer your "They laugh at me because I am different, but I laugh at them because they are all the same."
enenmon said…
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Germaine said…
hello there. thought that really made sense & ian has no backbone at all. whichever but is really going to a jc much better than poly?

germaine
http://www.livejournal.com/users/xxgreen/
puksux said…
The air here reeks of bigotry. Does everyone here have something against so-called studious muggers in Jcs and Unis? The prevalent proclivity is to opine how suffocatingly boring and vapid the lives of JC students are - perhaps your image of a typical JC mugger is one who buries his head in pages and pages of Polarisation on the homeward bus and drifts off to sleep similarly in Time magazine in tireless preparation for his GP paper. Dare anyone assert, and prove accordingly, that one would feel happier if one deviates from the typical "scholar's route"? One may find oneself weltering in miscellaneous pleasures - anything remote from studies would probably qualify.

Is studying such a drudgery? Why is the slightest disposition towards mugging, studying and honest hard work such a repulsive and despised mindset? Why do people like to disparage and curse high academic achievers, and hope for such high-flyers to fall from grace and end up working for then-underachieving peers from secondary school? Is it the gratification of schadenfreude? So that you can snigger as you witness their pitifulness? Or perhaps its human nature, that competitive nature that warrants you to inwardly and secretly hope for others to fail because you're unable to match their achievement and diligence? I rest my questioning. Currently I'm anal retentive.

I admire Xiaxue for her ostensible candor in spilling her deepest pent-up emotions and regrets with such unbridled candidness. Especially since it's on the arguably most popular and widely read Singapore blog. How brave is that? What I detest are some of the comments that followed, but I shan't enumerate.

By definition from some of the comments I've seen:

"a good career = pays well but bores to hell"
"being a maverick of the education system = you rock!"

The thing here is one might detest studying because it's a duty, and thus makes it seem more of a painful chore. Everything seems brighter when you do something out of free will, rather than having the meritocratic academic bureaucracy breathing down your neck all the time. But just as it is one's right to enjoy a non-studious life, so is it another's right to be proud of what he or she is. You should not judge a person with a jaundiced eye that thinks that devoted academic achievers are losers that are obsessed with success. a PhD does not come cheap - it occasions years of endless toiling and sometimes brain-draining cognition, nor is it free of charge. Why else would one then embark on such a purportedly "useless" endeavour and waste their youth and half one's working life but for the love of the academics? Some people are just like that, and you can't say that they do it for the paper qualifications, for the chance to condescend, to look down on lesser peers. Just because they are more illustrious does not confer you the right to accuse them of these whimsical crimes. Maybe you just don't like the fact that they're more successful, and you think when they look at you, that look is always a patronising one. Not true. MNore often than not, it's just your self-induced inferiority complex at work.
I don't blog said…
Don't waste time regreting, Wendy. You made it this far despite the supposed bad turns. I had a similar past, similar PSLE, top class in a SAP school, screwed up results in Sec 1 and decided like you, studying isn't my priority. The only subjects I did well consistently in was English & Lit (IMO subjects that don't need studying either!) :D

If you think what you had was bad, think how it feels like when a teacher tells you to get out of the class or he won't teach the entire class ;)

I made it to a good JC by sheer divine intervention, ending up at the front of my class with actual Os results instead of being at the back where I usually am. I think it is still a mystery how the reversal occurred. Maybe they mixed up the results :)

Now, you probably think that must be wonderful, given the comment you made about SP. But personally, that was the worst mistake in my life, as far as the usual things are concerned. Like you, I was undriven, lazy and unmotivated by/with studies. Did going to a JC make it better? Sorry to say this, girl, but if we're unmotivated, going to JC or Poly wouldn't change a thing if motivation isn't provided, we'll both be bumming around in JC/Poly and doing things like blogging (writing fiction in my case, internet wasn't invented in our neck of woods then)

But I wouldn't regret now and change my mind about it if I had a second chance, not because of the "prestige" or whatever, but because of some people in my life that I wouldn't had met otherwise. Would you care to lose some of these nice friends you have now just to go to JC?

So the point is, it doesn't matter where you go, JC or Poly. Things might not have turned out the way you think they might had, maybe worse. You are where you are already, you have talents, you have people who support you, define your dreams and run with it.

I'm going after my own dreams, my friends know my life isn't that conventional despite the superficial sec->jc->uni kind of advancement. I'm treating a university as a pointless piece of toilet paper (yeah! I only got it because OTHER people like my parents want me to get it and I feel an sense of obligation towards them).

I've stumbled in chasing my dream, some people including my own family thinks what I'm doing is hopeless and I'm a failure (in fact going by Singapore's usual rules I probably am). Some think I should go find a 8 to 5 job. But I'm sticking by my dreams.

If things goes as planned, or according to plan (POS, I don't know where you get 'go to plan' from), maybe 3 years down the road, we can park our respective expensive cars at some posh cafe while Miss Wendy CEO of Xiaxue Media Pte Ltd helps me plan out a a media blitz or something for my then successful company eh? ;)

Start running, don't let other people's eyes stop you, don't look back, not too much anyway. :)
R2D2 said…
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
R2D2 said…
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
R2D2 said…
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
R2D2 said…
Whoa....scared me for a while. Thank goodness I took the liberty to remove my post.
jeslyn said…
Hi xiaxue.
I just started reading your blog few weeks ago. I was reading some anonymous blog which provided your blog link, saying that some entries were funny.

Visiting your blog has been like a daily activity for me.

This entry woke me up, making me totally realise the shit i'm in.
With all the low grades i'm getting, i doubt and even my sisters doubt tt i can go into a JC, or even a Poly.

I'm just confused now, whether Poly or Jc would be right for me
If Poly is like you say , does not care how well u do, den i really dunno wad to do already..

Is Jc really a better place? i dunno.. Maybe you can give mi some advices?

Oh ya! I'm really jealoused of u as you know how to make your pictures so nicee! well i mean. u are pretty too, with a cute and very stylo personality. Now i'm also learning how to edit pictures..

So. wish me luck. and wish u luck too!
Sorry for the horrible english.. :P

~Baoting
cheekysalsera said…
It's at least 6 months since this entry was posted.

But still. I shall comment anyway.

-

Plan how to make the most out of life, rather than what to achieve in life. The latter does not necessarily lead to the former, and vice versa.

Opportunities will come your way... Some will be dependent on your qualifications, some will not... Some will come a few times, but most will only arrive once.

Decide whether or not you will take them up. But more importantly, consider all aspects, and whatever the decision made, make sure you don't regret it.

Life is so complicated. You can never fully predict the extent of your choices.

For example, the choice to set up this blog.

If you'd made a different choice somewhere along the path you'd already come... Would you be here today? Who can say for sure that you would? [likewise for if you wouldn't.]

In the end, it matters not where you have come from or where is your destination in life. What matters is how you get there.

See how far you've come, and especially with your blog. Would you have wanted things to be otherwise?

There are many possibilities for "otherwise", both good and bad. All with equal chance of having happened. And all these "otherwise"s would mean your own character, personality and experience would be different, too.

Ultimately, we'll all go through life according to some plan, during which there will be points where you feel that you were meant to be here all along, and you will feel thankful for it.

Any time you feel the same way as when you typed this entry, ask yourself... You sure you'd want something different from who you are and where you are now?

I think your readership would screech and wail and cry in disbelief if you said "yes" *chuckles*

But my point is... Life's unpredictable (to us), we're really very small beings who can never see the effect of our own actions, choices and decisions. It's only when we reach one of those special points in life that we realise how wonderful it was that things turned out and lead us there, even if the journey was painful.

On such days with sentiments such as these, just remember that choosing another path wouldn't have put you in a better situation. It just means you haven't reached that special point where you can look back and see that everything in your life made sense.

cheers...
=cheekysalsera=
cheekysalsera said…
It's at least 6 months since this entry was posted.

But still. I shall comment anyway.

-

Plan how to make the most out of life, rather than what to achieve in life. The latter does not necessarily lead to the former, and vice versa.

Opportunities will come your way... Some will be dependent on your qualifications, some will not... Some will come a few times, but most will only arrive once.

Decide whether or not you will take them up. But more importantly, consider all aspects, and whatever the decision made, make sure you don't regret it.

Life is so complicated. You can never fully predict the extent of your choices.

For example, the choice to set up this blog.

If you'd made a different choice somewhere along the path you'd already come... Would you be here today? Who can say for sure that you would? [likewise for if you wouldn't.]

In the end, it matters not where you have come from or where is your destination in life. What matters is how you get there.

See how far you've come, and especially with your blog. Would you have wanted things to be otherwise?

There are many possibilities for "otherwise", both good and bad. All with equal chance of having happened. And all these "otherwise"s would mean your own character, personality and experience would be different, too.

Ultimately, we'll all go through life according to some plan, during which there will be points where you feel that you were meant to be here all along, and you will feel thankful for it.

Any time you feel the same way as when you typed this entry, ask yourself... You sure you'd want something different from who you are and where you are now?

I think your readership would screech and wail and cry in disbelief if you said "yes" *chuckles*

But my point is... Life's unpredictable (to us), we're really very small beings who can never see the effect of our own actions, choices and decisions. It's only when we reach one of those special points in life that we realise how wonderful it was that things turned out and lead us there, even if the journey was painful.

On such days with sentiments such as these, just remember that choosing another path wouldn't have put you in a better situation. It just means you haven't reached that special point where you can look back and see that everything in your life made sense.

cheers...
=cheekysalsera=
cheekysalsera said…
It's at least 6 months since this entry was posted.

But still. I shall comment anyway.

-

Plan how to make the most out of life, rather than what to achieve in life. The latter does not necessarily lead to the former, and vice versa.

Opportunities will come your way... Some will be dependent on your qualifications, some will not... Some will come a few times, but most will only arrive once.

Decide whether or not you will take them up. But more importantly, consider all aspects, and whatever the decision made, make sure you don't regret it.

Life is so complicated. You can never fully predict the extent of your choices.

For example, the choice to set up this blog.

If you'd made a different choice somewhere along the path you'd already come... Would you be here today? Who can say for sure that you would? [likewise for if you wouldn't.]

In the end, it matters not where you have come from or where is your destination in life. What matters is how you get there.

See how far you've come, and especially with your blog. Would you have wanted things to be otherwise?

There are many possibilities for "otherwise", both good and bad. All with equal chance of having happened. And all these "otherwise"s would mean your own character, personality and experience would be different, too.

Ultimately, we'll all go through life according to some plan, during which there will be points where you feel that you were meant to be here all along, and you will feel thankful for it.

Any time you feel the same way as when you typed this entry, ask yourself... You sure you'd want something different from who you are and where you are now?

I think your readership would screech and wail and cry in disbelief if you said "yes" *chuckles*

But my point is... Life's unpredictable (to us), we're really very small beings who can never see the effect of our own actions, choices and decisions. It's only when we reach one of those special points in life that we realise how wonderful it was that things turned out and lead us there, even if the journey was painful.

On such days with sentiments such as these, just remember that choosing another path wouldn't have put you in a better situation. It just means you haven't reached that special point where you can look back and see that everything in your life made sense.

cheers...
=cheekysalsera=
cheekysalsera said…
It's at least 6 months since this entry was posted.

But still. I shall comment anyway.

-

Plan how to make the most out of life, rather than what to achieve in life. The latter does not necessarily lead to the former, and vice versa.

Opportunities will come your way... Some will be dependent on your qualifications, some will not... Some will come a few times, but most will only arrive once.

Decide whether or not you will take them up. But more importantly, consider all aspects, and whatever the decision made, make sure you don't regret it.

Life is so complicated. You can never fully predict the extent of your choices.

For example, the choice to set up this blog.

If you'd made a different choice somewhere along the path you'd already come... Would you be here today? Who can say for sure that you would? [likewise for if you wouldn't.]

In the end, it matters not where you have come from or where is your destination in life. What matters is how you get there.

See how far you've come, and especially with your blog. Would you have wanted things to be otherwise?

There are many possibilities for "otherwise", both good and bad. All with equal chance of having happened. And all these "otherwise"s would mean your own character, personality and experience would be different, too.

Ultimately, we'll all go through life according to some plan, during which there will be points where you feel that you were meant to be here all along, and you will feel thankful for it.

Any time you feel the same way as when you typed this entry, ask yourself... You sure you'd want something different from who you are and where you are now?

I think your readership would screech and wail and cry in disbelief if you said "yes" *chuckles*

But my point is... Life's unpredictable (to us), we're really very small beings who can never see the effect of our own actions, choices and decisions. It's only when we reach one of those special points in life that we realise how wonderful it was that things turned out and lead us there, even if the journey was painful.

On such days with sentiments such as these, just remember that choosing another path wouldn't have put you in a better situation. It just means you haven't reached that special point where you can look back and see that everything in your life made sense.

cheers...
=cheekysalsera=
cheekysalsera said…
It's at least 6 months since this entry was posted.

But still. I shall comment anyway.

-

Plan how to make the most out of life, rather than what to achieve in life. The latter does not necessarily lead to the former, and vice versa.

Opportunities will come your way... Some will be dependent on your qualifications, some will not... Some will come a few times, but most will only arrive once.

Decide whether or not you will take them up. But more importantly, consider all aspects, and whatever the decision made, make sure you don't regret it.

Life is so complicated. You can never fully predict the extent of your choices.

For example, the choice to set up this blog.

If you'd made a different choice somewhere along the path you'd already come... Would you be here today? Who can say for sure that you would? [likewise for if you wouldn't.]

In the end, it matters not where you have come from or where is your destination in life. What matters is how you get there.

See how far you've come, and especially with your blog. Would you have wanted things to be otherwise?

There are many possibilities for "otherwise", both good and bad. All with equal chance of having happened. And all these "otherwise"s would mean your own character, personality and experience would be different, too.

Ultimately, we'll all go through life according to some plan, during which there will be points where you feel that you were meant to be here all along, and you will feel thankful for it.

Any time you feel the same way as when you typed this entry, ask yourself... You sure you'd want something different from who you are and where you are now?

I think your readership would screech and wail and cry in disbelief if you said "yes" *chuckles*

But my point is... Life's unpredictable (to us), we're really very small beings who can never see the effect of our own actions, choices and decisions. It's only when we reach one of those special points in life that we realise how wonderful it was that things turned out and lead us there, even if the journey was painful.

On such days with sentiments such as these, just remember that choosing another path wouldn't have put you in a better situation. It just means you haven't reached that special point where you can look back and see that everything in your life made sense.

cheers...
=cheekysalsera=
fangyang said…
hi i'm a jc student 3 years your junior(from rv too!) spending my life muggling in a jc now... well i wasn't a smart ass in pri sch and got into a normal class in sec 1... but somehow the sch placed me in the best trip sci class in sec 3. i was one of the laziest with the worst results, however there are more lazy people than i am and they could manage 9 A1s for their Os! In the end i decided to get away from the rv elite crowd(esp from my class) who continued to manifest themselves in HC, RJ and NJ(poor kids by comparison) and dug a hole for myself in VJ Arts(luckily i managed 9 pts). Well i i guess words of encouragements are quite redundant at this point and your entry actually gave me some comfort in that i did choose the right though conventional path. However, i'm very sure that you will live your life to maximum fulfillment! and do not lose your real and bitchy:P outlook in life!
Katherine said…
hello wendy!
I was browsing around and hit upon your site thru' friend's link. Well, first time reading your blog but this particular blog brought upon a special feeling.

I am a rv hater too but probably due to the rv snobbish gals I met before. You are much more 'true' in a sense that you show your true feeling.Definately my score aren't as good as your and I used to think I'm a failer. Failed 4 subjects out of 8, getting F9 was so usual of me. yup I suffered the same kind of humilation and from my classmates too! That feeling sux big time and tat when I decided to go poly also.

Poly for mi didnt have much improvement coz ppl in my class are elites too.. :( i was under stress and they are moving on in life to uni. Ahh I cant get a scholarship and the feeling you have actually describe exactly with your words. I was kinda of struck at this pt of my life wondering whether JC would have a different ending for me for its my wish to enter uni (yup they rejected my application). Thus I too encourage ppl who wish to go on to uni not to choose poly path coz spore govt will not make life as easy as the news reported.

Definately poly will be an advantage in techniques. Yup I totally luv poly life n no regrets too (hope you also) becoz of the true friends i make in the past 3 years. Suddenly this blog give mi so much feeling and ya gal tat the power you have thru your writing! Juz jiayou on it. you already make a name for yourself.

Finally I juz wan to add a quote here: "Everything happens for a reason and the result of it will benefit you". yup i believe in tat and thru your blog I think you have the same feeling too! For you will not have this blog if u choose the other path or i would not have left a comment today. yup i wish you luck in your career n hope u will keep blogging to reflect upon what happened in life with your straightfoward style of writing. cheers
Ani said…
Hi xiaxue,

Reading your school reports really brought back some great memories of secondary school. I was from a convent school, and the comments for me from the teachers were very similar to yours.

Like you, I hated History :), and I achieved more or less the same results as you did in Sec 1. Fortunately my other subjects picked up from Sec 2 onwards, and I did graduate with good results. I went on to JC and Uni. Well, that is nothing to be proud of. I am just another plain, ordinary office worker (they call me a software engineer) now :P

One thing that really puzzles me: Why were your overall results marked as "Failed", and yet you managed to get promoted to the next level each year? Could that be a typo by the clerk?

BTW, I think your English is worlds and worlds better than my colleagues, who were Poly or Uni-graduates. Keep it up. For myself, I am witnessing an acute drop in my fluency of English as I work among people who speak Mandarin.
Woonbert said…
wahaha i am from RV too! 16 this year~ nice blog! Actually i think yur results are not bad, yur average was always above 60, which was quite stable. Wah i am taking O levels this year, pressure's on me.
uraraa said…
erhm.. i graduated fr uni doing an arts degree n i can say that it's just as hard to find a job with a useless degree. i find it useless cos arts degree is too general n full of BS, n u need to have at least masters!!.. i spent my last yr in uni sloggin n writing abt things i didnt really like n now it doesnt help my career path either..
at least dip in media & law is sthg more specific n more practical than general arts stuff. with my degree, u can only go into govt ministries(if u pass the tests!), teaching or go do Masters.. think i wasted my time in uni. i wish i could do sthg more specific like in a diploma. yeah just want to say that poly's not that bad. almost everyone goes there. jc's way too stressful anyways...
fabz said…
You should have taken art in sec3 since it was your forte. I took o level art in rv and was under the caring guidiance of ms ong theng choo. never regretted that...rvian's rock!

-Fabian, rv's class of 2002
ranma said…
i knew a girl from your school once, when i took music as my 11th subject. it was also her 10th or 11th subject. i think she got straight As and got into RJC, although not as straight as the girl in my school who got 11 A1s (not me, i was not allowed to take the 11th subject due to lousy CA results).

one year later, when i just passed my promos by 1 mark to get into 2nd year in JC, i heard this girl dropped out of school. for no reason. maybe, she found that there are more important things in life.... like you did =) but she is no way outgoing like you are.... i dunno what she did later on, but she definitely left a deep impression on me.

thing is.... after you get out of school.... nothing about grades matter. it's always how you talk and market yourself... (i believe u r very good at it oredi....) so, who cares abt elite schools and grades, unless you wanna become a doctor or do some other boring job like research? of coz i've seen some young lady doctors who are pretty and are wearing nice big diamonds.... they do enjoy life i guess.... but imagine having to look and be serious all day coz it's the medical profession u're in and cant afford to make mistakes!! anyway i digress.... just to say that i think it's no big deal that ur results deteriorated =)
eileen said…
hi, i have no idea how long yr post has been n i found that u have really good views that shared the same as mine. for this post about yr studies, i have also the same path as u do, but im jus a average student. yr blog has really some interesting features that makes me want to read more. however those pple who doesnt like it are purely jealous of u. takecare. btw my name is yan too.
JeNn said…
yea, you should've worked harder..don't worry, i'm sure that if you work hard enough you can still succeed in life..after all, you aren't stupid!
Anonymous said…
Hey, an ITE student may have chains of hairdressing shops scattered all around Singapore at the age of 30, shaking legs at his office and waiting to get money at the end of the day (or maybe go travelling or whatever since you have the money) but a Law student may end up slogging his guts out till he is 95. So, the conclusion is, a piece of paper doesn't really prove much anyway (I SAY DIDN"T REALLY PROVE MUCH, some people still judge you on that piece of paper, though).
shoeper girl said…
"Or even worse, failed my As and is still retaking it now and ending up in Arts and Social Science or Engineering."

this is outrageous. I would have a ton of things to say to this but I don't have the energy...

you just don't seem to include the possibility that there are people more brilliant than you are. don't you ever stop for a second and think that the most brilliant thing about you is your huge pink blog? to say that requires more brains than a degree in literature is ABSURD...

*indignant*
Doris said…
Xiaxui -

Darling, you are going places. Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise.
Jana said…
Hi Xiaxue!

I just started bg an avid reader(a tad too late, i know) of ur blog & chanced upon this entry, together with that 'Ian bastard' entry in ur 'classics'. So here's what i think:

I beleive that getting into universities and having a law degree or the likes does NOT make that person a one darn big intellect. But it does somehow show a lot on the persons character.

Society has put so much emphasis on education that by 7 (when we first enter proper school) we are all brainwashed into believing grades are good and only go Uni, no less.
Well, no doubt some are smart and somehow without studying they manage to go all the way, but what i notice is that those who manage to excel in education (& by excel i mean A's all the way) and get into elite courses shows a lot on character - that they are diciplined, hardworking and driven (frm a young age following thru the system. I mean how many would maintain all the way?).

Those who do not do so well in exams (esp in secondary sch)mostly are those who like to 'play, play'. Im sure u are one of them too coz frm ur entry it seems like u adopt the carefree & 'wana enjoy' attitude during those days.

So my point is, lets not shower praises on those pp in elite courses because they are entirely smart, but because they do have that listed characters as mentioned. Its not easy to be following thru that path all the way frm young. goodness, dun they ever get tired?! So surely that itself is commendable ryt? Therefore, that, i believe should be the reason why society should 'worship' pp in the higher education rungs and not to deem them smart and successful just because. Like i said, its more of character.

And thats y i guez there exist some pp who seem to appear like they have it all: brain, brawns & talents. And trust me, these pp...they are definitely not born smart. THey work to be smart. Anyone can infact can do that (with the exception of those innately stupid fellas perhaps suffering frm permanent brain damage or brain retardard beings).Im sure if you would have been more disciplined, focussed & driven u'll definitely be like one of those elites and then by choice, you could end up being a lawyer or be in mass comm in poly. The irony is that it is also by choice that u decide to slack and not get so good grades and thus writing this entry.

So Xiaxue, cheer up & fret not.
If u were to study so hard in sec and get those coveted A's and go be a lawyer, you wouldnt have time to do up ur blog with comic strips and photoshop-edited pics. And yes, i would have known u as the best criminal lawyer defending that kallang murder case, perhaps, rather than a brutal, laser-mouth, indifferet, yet quirky and funny blogger. ;p
Oriental Eyes said…
Hey xia xue, its been 3 years and i dun think you own any car now right?

But anyways, everybody go thru this lazyness once in a while. (=

Just like reading your old posts.

heh
Anonymous said…
Still can't believe you are from my school until I heard my seniors saying that Mrs Look talked about you :OOO
And it's cool to know year ones were already split into classes according to their PSLE grades :O that's harsh...

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