Let me update on what I have been doing recently!

Pulau Ubin

I don't know what got into Weili, but he decided to have sex with me. Ha! Kidding. He decided to go to Ubin to cycle. With Wanyi and I.

Undaunted by the multiple deaths reported, I decided to give Ubin a chance to redeem itself.

So we went cycling!! It was really quite good, except, as Wanyi mentioned in her blog, I fell SPLAT on to the ground around 10 minutes into the cycling.


I am very short. And so I cannot really mount a bike properly, let alone dismount it when it is moving fast. So anyway, the front wheel sort of tripped down this steep ledge on the road and the bike toppled sideways in a dangerous manner.

So long have I not touched a bike that I sort of forgot that squeezing the front brake propels the bike forward; I committed that grave mistake.

I gracelessly fell spread-eagle on to the rough floor, knees first, then palms and subsequently even my chin! Oh woe is me! Why me? Why the kerb?

Weili and Wanyi tried to mask their amusement through mock concern ("Aiyo you ok not??") BUT I SAW THROUGH THEIR EVILNESS!


Ok la to be fair to them the picture was taken BEFORE we went to Ubin.

Speaking about 'before we went to Ubin', the horrible Weili actually told me to bring my passport with me, mumbling something about Ubin being part Malaysia property. Wanyi was let into the scheme and the duo deceived me!

When we set foot into Ubin, I was promptly told by evil Weili to take out my passport and stamp it at the visitor's kiosk.

Weili even had the guts to ask me to pose with my red passport for a photo.

The Ubin-ers looked on in puzzlement. Why is this girl trying to stamp her passport here?

Man am I gullible. I will never believe you again Weili!

You want photos?

The jetty!

On the boat, leaving for Ubin!

And guess what? This is how far I went before my camera's batteries died on me.

And therefore, to make my sadly anticipating blogders slightly happier, I shall bestow upon you a photo of the ulu Ubin people!

Please look at the old uncle holding his grandchild! They are so rural I bet the kid plays with marbles and the old grandpa smokes opium! Woah! The kid is in matching pasar malam styled orange outfits!

Who am I kidding. The young man in the background speaking on his cellphone gives it away. We were still in Singapore when the picture was taken. Ubin-ers? Mobile phones are unnecessary because the island is so small that everyone is a holler away!


I crashed Wong's law lecture!

Oh the nerve, the audacity of me!

First off, to prevent any misunderstandings, I crashed a certain Property Law lecture without Wong's participation in it at all. That's right! She was just as shocked as the rest of the theatre to see me there. In fact, she told me that it is wrong and unethical to crash her law lecture because I am not a worthy law student as approved by the National University of Singapore, and each lecture costs $57.

Ah, I tan dio $57 ok!

Back to Wong.

Wong tried to uphold justice by repeatedly telling me not to enter. When I did not heed her advice, she roared and stabbed me in the thigh area with a fake Mont Blanc pen she bought from China.

I said to her, "Shit you lah, that hurts! Fuck, I am bleeding! What did you do that for dude?"

Wong: "YOU MAY NOT PASS!" (This is supposed to spoof Gandalf you twit)


Wong gave up finally, extracted her 'Mont Blanc' (snigger) from the depths of my thigh and bandaged me up very badly.

She kindly asked me if I would like some chicken chop before we enter the exciting lecture.

I hmpf-ed at her.

I then looked through the business canteen and found a mouth watering picture of "pork rib noodles". Please imagine that the picture had yellow thin noodles a la Wanton mee with oyster sauce and some veggies at the side placed nicely on an oval shaped plate. The usual place where the char siew are is replaced by yummy pork ribs.

I ordered this dish and man was I disappointed.

This is how it looks like after I decided I cannot consume more of this trash.

The mee, a supposedly dry dish, is now in hot soup! The mee, a yellow maggi kind as shown in that damn picture, is now WHITE! The uncle had the nerve to tell me, when I kindly informed him this is not what I paid for, that 'soup is good' as 'I WILL HAVE MORE SAUCE TO DRINK'!

How ridiculous is that?

I asked Wong if I can sue for deceptive advertising and she asked me to stop thinking of suing everyone. I think she just doesn't know the answer coz she is a lousy law student.

Here is a photo of Wong reading the papers and gloating at my bad choice of foot. Food. Paiseh.

You may be asking at this point of time, why the covering up of Wong's face Xiaxue?

That is because I do not want the whole law fac's guys to pester her to give them my number. I am very desirable remember? *smirks* (The actual reason is that in case some NUS lecturer decides to punish me for crashing, at least Wong will be safe - unless they click on Character Intro for Wong's real pic, which I have also changed to a chimpanzee's for the time being.)

Then you may be asking at this point of time, why a footprint, Xiaxue? Why not the usual mosaic?

Ah, because photoshop has a picture of a footprint and it is nicer than the mosaic.

Then you may yet be asking at this point of time, why that violent shade of lime green, Xiaxue?

Ah, because lime green suits footprints, you think?

I excitedly limped into the lecture hall (the bitch stabbed my thigh remember?) and retreated into a quiet corner.

Wong was greeted by a few people who will be rich in future while I pretended to not exist (a tough feat since my thigh was starting to spasm uncontrollably).

I expected the lecture to be an exchange of lively banter between motivated and articulate law students. I expected the lecturer to look like a property agent and cross examine poor students like in "to kill a mocking bird". I expected the students to debate angrily among themselves whether or not the plaintiff deserved some bona fide (throwing in random latin words I don't know). I expected sarcastic remarks embossed by well-chosen words spewing across the courtroom-styled lecture hall.

Man am I disappointed.

Non of the above happened.

All the law students did was to type in their pretty iMacs and "toshies" (as Wong reminded me they called Toshiba laptops) long word documents about what the lecturer says. Some of them even had MSN chats going on as early as 9am (possibly with coursemates, I reminded myself. Maybe even coursemates who didn't attend the lecture. Maybe the absent coursemate is at home while the present coursemate turns on the audio conversation. This way the absent coursemate can be "attending the lecture". This can even be completed with a webcam if the absent coursemate wants to see the lecturer! Am I brilliant? Oh yes I am!).

Digressing, the girl in front of me had her MSN chat's words in dark purple. I don't understand why so many people choose that colour for their MSN font! Why purple of the many colours? Don't you think that a lot of people use that colour? Come to think of it, you use that colour too, don't you?

I downloaded Messenger Shell, and add-on.

See what it can do?

Buahahahaha! This is how big the picture can be! SCARY RIGHT! I love it! I shall impose my big photos on everyone!

Shit I digressed!

Back to the lecturer.

Wong's lecturer actually used the words "whilst", "i.e", and "insofar" IN SPEECH! Can YOU BELIEVE IT?? I have never thought anyone would speak like they write!

WHILST! I.E! INSOFAR! I shall try to speak these words more often as it makes me sound intellectual, yes?

Eh! I didn't sleep in the lecture! I learnt something: A legal interest is good against the whole world. Wow! Li hai ba? You must be so impressed by me now. Otherwise, I don't think I caught anything else, sadly speaking.

Speaking of intellect ...

I've decided to test my IQ by paying Mensa $50 despite my being unemployed! If I manage to get in (I have an RV classmate who was a member and if he can get in I think I stand a chance), I will ...

1) Haolian my mensa card every time by pretending to let it drop out of my wallet. Oops!

2) Have people call me Mensan Wendy (in a reverent tone no less) not unlike how we are forced to call doctors Doctor Cheng or priests Father Poh etc. You can call me Mn. Wendy for short.

3)Include a zerox of the cert in my resume so my net worth as an individual is higher.

4) Use the card to smack dumb people across the face when they speak to me, to let them know that they are unworthy of my attention.

If I don't get in (a very likely case as only people with 148 and above get in), I will either pretend I didn't go take the test or delete this small portion. =)

Wow! So intimidating right? I SHALL GO IN!

And what do I see?

Law books!

More law books!



I was startled to receive a mail from someone who was 12 (!) and taking her PSLE and therefore, I conclude that my readers range from 12 to 50 (my mum's friend who told my mum my blog has too many f-words and hence caused an unhappy family dispute must be around that menopausing age).

The range of blogders from 12 to 18 (or 20 for guys) must be curious. How does NUS look like?

Oh, it is very hot in there.


But look, even the dustbins appear superior!

School notice boards!

Whats that circled in lime green?

Aiyoh why got Dalai Lama? Wong likes the Dalai Lama, see how happy she is?


More miscellaneous things:

Bought a new phone, Samsung's E700A, second-hand from Yahoo Auctions, at $420. Now I can shoot what I love, love, love, love, love!

Samsung very ridiculous one leh. Why are the numbers so GODDAMN big?!! I bet even the blind girl in The Village can view the numbers clearly. So kua zhang.

KTV with Weili, Wanyi and Eekean. Try as I might, I cannot look like the shu nu in the MTV. Why? Is it the Rolex? Shu nus do not wear Rolexs do they?

Or maybe the ugly blonde hair with the black roots (dyeing on Monday, quit bitching)? I can change that!

Tadah! I am a shu nu!

Oh yes I am a shu nu! Oops! Hair!

Silver can or not. Like Jap anime! Gatsby Gatsby aijsdjahdahf ma sho! Gatsby gatsby!


Woah! Who is this ah lian RV girl?

Xiaxue lor. Cannot make it sia. Looks like those "before" of the slimming ads.

"My name is Wendy, and before Xando came in my life, I was teased by all my friends. Even my boyfriend said I look like a fat ass and he really doesn't want to fuck me. But look! Now with Xando, I lost 54 kg in 2 days and I feel beautiful! I can now eat what I like and still have a svelte figure. My friends no longer call me "fei mei"! Xando, my saviour."

Why am I doing this instead of sleeping??!??!?!?!

Author's note: Yes, I know it is not the Dalai Lama but the Syed Baba or something. Quit emailing me! It is not not my fault that he is so similar to the Dalai Lama. Ok ok, the Dalai Lama usually wears a pointy hat, but how would I know that it is not an afro under the hat? Anyway, if you ask me, the Baba should not market himself in this manner! DIFFERIATION OF PRODUCTS! Did his publicist ever study marketing or not! HE SHOULD NOT LOOK LIKE THE LAMA~!

Since you cannot blame me (and I don't blame myself) for the mistake, I am not bothering to change it. He does look like the lama. He should be wearing different coloured clothes if he doesnt want people to make that mistake. Even Lindsey Lohan made her tits bigger to look different from Hillary Duff. (Seriously, I always thought this fellow was the Dalai Lama.)

Popular posts from this blog

Raeesah Khan, GE 2020, and being labeled a Racist

The Big Gushcloud Exposé

I Photoshop A Hater