Friday, January 28, 2005


I am up for a Bloggie!!! Please do vote for me k? Got prize one leh! I wanna win! More blogging tonight.


Thursday, January 27, 2005

Happy Bdae AH CHEW and XIAOYU!!

I was still dreamily leading my life as usual and then it suddenly hit me that I am gonna be freaking 21 this year!

MY GOD AM I OLD OR WHAT?! No offence to older people reading this, but ...

As I was saying, this is a damned milestone in my life! I am now officially an ADULT! Nobody will graciously forgive me anymore, sprouting, "She is just a child/still young." No one. I am R21 now. I cannot slander people carelessly on my blog anymore, stating my tender age as an excuse for my ignorance. If I commit a crime now, I'd go to jail instead of the Girls' Home!

If someone rapes me it is no longer statuary rape (since a long time ago actually)! I was able to drive since 3 years ago! I can now operate complicated machinery, and apply for telephone lines! ERS!

Some people my age already have grandchildren. *sniffs*

The news that I'd turn 21 this year hit me like a tsunami a few days ago because I was caught with a tirade of 21st birthday parties to attend to.

(Left: PY gets scared by the sheer number of 21st birthdays she'd have to attend and presents she'd have to purchase, despite it being her grand day.)

My word, this will be one sad, sad year. My friends are all gonna turn 21 sooner or later, and damned if I don't buy presents or risk being an outcast by boycotting parties.

The good news: The guy friends are all either finishing NS, or the poly ones would be having Army social nights. What has either got to do with me, you ask. Ahhhhh... Not only will I have my male friends back without Army Talk *arms open for embrace*, I'd also be invited to free dinners with my lonely army mates!

Androaaron and Ben have both asked me. I think it is because I look like the sort of girl who can and will bother to 1) actually apply make up 2) wear a dress without having to purchase one. Goooood. Anymore more army guys wish to ask me? I love free dinners.

The parties that will be going on will definitely cause one more problem. This is what happened on the 24th of Jan, 2 days before Xiao Yu's birthday. Xiao Yu is my secondary school friend.

Wong da Lawyer and I, at Macdonalds:
Me, "I'm bored, lets hop over to Shengrong's place."

Wong, "Ok, call him."

*ring ring*

Me, "Yo Shengrong .. Yadda yadda."

SR, "Cannot lah, I need to sleep early. Are you going to Xiao Yu's party on the 26th?"

Me, "What party?!"

SR, "Oh no... oh no..."

Wong, in background, "Ohhh Shengrong you die."

Me, "WHAT PARTY?! She didn't invite me?! BUT WHY??"

Wong, "Hiyah, maybe she forgot."

Me, "WHAT!? U also got invited?! And she didn't invite me?!"

Wong, "You and her very close meh? Anyway, why you wanna go? Must buy present one leh. Siao."

Me, "CLOSE OK!! We, eh... We were in art class together!"

At this point of time, I was beginning to hyperventilate in shock and Sheng rong was forgotten. How, how could Xiaoyu not invite me? I thought hysterically, randomly grabbing passers-by and strangling them around the neck.

I did not cool down until Wong threatened to pour Iced Lemon Tea down my head.
"Call Xiao Feng." I said in a dangerously calm voice.

"For what? What if she is not invited then she will get sensitive," replied Wong.

"Then how? Why she never invite me?!!!!!!"

I begin to break down in tears.
"Call Xiaoyu for me and ask her why leh ... I just want to know why that's all. Don't tell her I am with you."


*ring ring*

"Hello Xiaoyu, the party the day after ... Did you invite Yan yan?"

I was grabbing the edge of my Macdonalds seat so hard it shattered into smithereens.
Wong continued, "Oh.... You did?"

I had an orgasm.

Wong turned to me.
"You speak to her yourself la!" and disgustedly passed the phone to me. (Now, Wong is acting oh-so-cool about being invited just because she IS invited. If she were left out, I'm sure she'd kick up a bigger fuss and mope around for days.)

"Xiaoyu... You didn't invite me! I am very sad!"

Xiaoyu, "What nonsense! I did! You were one of the first people I sent the message to leh!"

"I never receive!!"

Xiaoyu, "Got got... Don't be silly! You and Xiao Feng and Ek are one of the first few that I sent to lor, confirm got send."

Me, "Ok ..."

Xiaoyu, "So you coming not? Must come ah!"

Me, "Ok ..."

Xiaoyu, "Hey why you say you never received? I sent to your singtel number lor! Must be you delete my message right? Bo xim leh you! You delete my message because you don't wanna come!"

Me, "I didn't!!"

Xiaoyu, "I am very sad lor you delete my message!"

Now, this is what I call an expert. Xiaoyu not only presented a very credible argument even if she did forget to invite me, she also managed to turn the tables, using advanced reverse psychology, such that I WAS THE GUILTY ONE!

How cool is that?

I think I shall take a leaf outta Xiao Yu's book and do the exact same thing should such a scenario happen during my birthday. Hmmm... No idea what to do yet though... Party? Party.


Peiying's first! Celebrated at Crystal Jade:

Peiying looks like she is saying, "Eh, every single day I turn 21 and I am so bored but all the standard procedures and common celebrations!"

Ah dong, totally oblivious to Ah Chew's -_- face, sings the world's most sang song happily, complete with enthusiastic clapping.

Chew PY with Junyi, Liping and Yvonne.

Peiying was so grouchy she blew the candles twice wrongly before even singing the accursed birthday song.

A group shot.
Wah rao.... MY FRINGE!
Cut damn fucking short lah. Damn those Kimage people.

And she blows the cake. No wait. Blows the candles on the cake.

"Yes! Finally! We get to eat the damn cake!" says Peiying.
Eekean (not so) secretly agrees.

Hmmm. Love photos of Eekean stuffing her face.
Isn't she so cute??
Meanwhile, Ghimz and Junyi (behind) tucks in with chopsticks kindly provided by Crystal Jade.

Next up! Xiaoyu's birthday party held at Chervons!

So cute! Xiaoyu collect some plastic balls and placed confetti and sweets inside!

I took the confetti out and threw them on Seokhui (RV classmate), much to her displeasure.
*throws confetti in air* Yay!

My gosh, the FOOD!! Got sting ray, butter prawns, curry and much more! Eat until damn fat.

Xiaoyu (middle) instructed us to puff our cheeks as the pic was taken.

Seok smartly disobeyed while I look like a highly unphotogenic chipmunk with herpes. Ok, maybe not herpes, but still! Damn ugly.

Seok, sitting gleefully the wrong way on a random beach bench, spreads her arms to show us just exactly how beautiful Chervons is.

Ripple and I. Love her damn shiny hair lah! *pouts*

Also got some random photos to show:

This photo is quite ugly, but check out THAT BEAUTIFUL NECKLACE!! Damn chio right? It is GOLD ok! I ordered it from an obscure shop in Clementi for $300, inclusive of chain. Notice also that the font is like the one on the main pic! Ooooh! Love it.

The pretty Eileen putting make up!

Was walking along Orchard when I saw some Burger King mascots prancing around. To my astonishment, not only were the Whooper and Fries around but also a ridiculous packet of ONION RINGS! Also notice that his eyes are not exactly aligned ... What is he so happy about anyway?

Me, Clara and Androaaron during a class gathering.

And ... lastly ...

I just love this picture. =)

Monday, January 24, 2005


Shuyin and I were walking pass Calvin Klein's boutique in Takashimaya.

Ok ... Nice shop and all ...

Mannequins on display on a faux fur thingy... Saleman rushing around with fushsia dress.

WAHAHAHHAHAHA! Shuyin is laughing at her! And look! The male mannequin has a bulging crotch! Gotta be the sexy pose that allured him, despite the headlessness. Oh wait. He is headless too.

p/s: Sent the picture to Shuyin and was chatting with her via Hello since MSN was down last night. She was v irritated by the picture because she said the mannequin was in a very kang kor (awkward) position. Looks like she is suffering a neck cramp, ay?


Sunday, January 23, 2005

The list is out!

Some time ago Eileen (Tan) told me about this imaginary list that men might have for women they have shagged. The list would consist of different types of women with different criteria - ie: Shagged twins (Both). CHECK! Shagged a virgin. CHECK! Shagged SG girl. CHECK! In da plane! CHECK! Shagged a pixie. CHECK!

This list in its totality after they have reached impotency would be THE list of their life. It doesn't matter how many degrees they have, or how big their fortunes are. God meant for men to spread their seed when they came (pun unintended) to Earth, and the list would show how accomplished they are!

And then yesterday she bombarded me again with a sexual fantasy of hers. I'd have to ask her permission before revealing it to the world. Ahem.

I want also!! Me me me! Here's my list of date-able/shaggable men! Since it sounds very slutty to say I wanna screw so many people, I shall write that I wanna only date them. Dating is defined as meeting up alone with him, whether or not he notices my existance - (ie being in lonely cinema with a solioquy of Brad Pitt showing also counted as date)

(Disclaimer below)

Please take note of the time. It is 10 freaking am. I woke up to pass something to someone, and I got this silly idea in my head and I cannot go back to sleep without blogging it out. Speaking of blogging woes, Eileen The-Alcoholic Tan was having a furious and noisy MSN debate with herself (and also a not-reading me) on whether she should drink now, or drink later. I told her, since I am not a drinker I am thankful I don't have that sort of dilemmas.

KNN she told me that she is at least better than me, everyday wake up must decide whether want to close the blog, or don't close the blog. Sarcasm? YOU BET.


1)Pilot. Speaking of air-crew, a friend of mine told me that he shagged an air stewardess ON THE PLANE ITSELF. If you also did, he said, you are welcome to join the Mile High Club, all puns on the "high" intended. Now, how is that possible? you ask. Apparently the airplane, at its very end, has a little compartment for the stuff to take a rest and work shifts if they are flying long flights.

He managed to convince a stewardess to bring him over to the room where they had a quickie on her bed, since it was empty in the day and the all other girls were working. The bed was described as "cramped, small and double-tiered". Hmmm. Except for the mini fact that only missionary is possible, IT SOUNDS PRETTY GOOD TO ME!

Hmmm. If Howard Hughes were still alive, I'd love to meet him at his cockpit.

Alright. Should date pilot. And perferably join the Mile High Club as a result.

Army pilot counted? Okie lah, whatever.

2) Actor/singer who is famous because of looks (whether or not he admits it).

3) Mannequin model. Who has a trail of sexy stomach hair leading to the ... erm. *blushes*

4) Doctor. Perferably with a specialty.

5) Guy with a convertible car.

6) Guy whose parents or himself owns a yacht and actually can operate it! Although it would possibly be nauseating to do anything on board ...

7) Fellow Mensan (must be good-looking).

8) Cute JC guy. Oh my gosh! I want either ACJC or RJC. Ha!

9) Lawyer. A young one I guess.

10) Is from exotic country: France, Italy, Timbuktoo. Hmmm... Spanish.

11) Famous blogger. (MR BROWN IS MARRIED WITH KIDS YOU PERVES don't even try going there. I am thinking Andrew Sullivan. Married too? Alright. MADDOX!!!) Tucker Max not counted because he is a whore.

12) Is a porn star by profession and is not Japanese or Hentai character.

13) I wanted to say firemen, but there is a fire station/civil defense thingy near Shuyin's place and the firemen (I think they are firemen) there are just plain gross. Scrap it.

13) Nuclear scientist.

14) BLONDE. A real one. With blue eyes. Tucker Max still not counted.

15) Twins.

16) Is a pirate by profession.

17) Is an elf by profession. Failing which, has extremely pointy ears, is squeaky clean and smell of flowers.

18) Owns/parents own at least five country club memberships. We can club-hop and have hot sex on golf courses!

19) Is not only a model but a nude model. Underwear model counted.

20) Enemy's boyfriend.

21) Reigning beauty king/Singapore Idol/Star Search winner.

22) Current Prestige/Singapore Tattler cover man, whichever issue it may be. (Meaning when I date him he must be on that cover)

23) Come to think of it the current Giordano model too.

24) Royalty!

25) NSA personnel.

26) A ballerina! But cannot be faggoty.

27) In Team Singapore for whatever reasons. I don't really like athletes because I can never be one, but well ... they are nicely sculpted, most anyway.

28) CEOs of listed companies. Or maybe their sons.

I can't think of anymore. I shall go sleep. Shall add to the list later I think. Or delete it.

(Disclaimer: This list is a joke. Kidding. Get it?)

p/s: I know Andrew Sullivan is gay. -_-

Friday, January 21, 2005


Hello hello! *Waves in a mad friendly manner* Yes indeed, I'm here again! As some of you have smartly predicted, I would not be gone. Oh no ... Yes, too much effort has been put into this blog. And hey, the blog earns me money! The threat to close down was simply a sarcastic mock on Fiona Xie's childish one. -_-

I'm sorry if I scared some of you. Not happy? Erm sorry, but please go away and don't come back, will ya? *smiles indulgently*

Now yesterday night I fell asleep thinking a little about the comments, and this morning I woke up STILL thinking about the stupid comments. This literally means that I have thought about the comments for a whole damn night!

I woke up with a jolt (don't ask how I can wake up with a jolt since I was thinking before I woke up. Ok fine, I just wanted to use a cliche, can or not? Can't someone use a cliche nowadays, huh?!) and a ridiculous urge to scold the world in general - so that's what my blog is for isn't it?

And here I am!

It REALLY pisses me off to see how stupid some people are. Really. Sometimes, the point is there, solidly there, complete with embossing, shadowing and all, in font size 72 no less - but people still miss it.

Is my writing that bad?

Ok first off:

1) Why do you write about Fiona? She never did anything to you.

Let's go beyond the petty issue of her having bigger tits and a wispier voice then me. The issue here is not "Why?", but "Why not?".

Why do writers write? To express an opinion. "Oh," but you exclaim. "When your opinion might hurt others, you should think twice Xiaxue!"

Bullshit. Let me repeat that in a larger font: BULLSHIT. First off, as I mentioned, writing anything can hurt anyone. For example when I said "I wouldn't hurt a flea!", a flea mutant who has evolved to know how to read might think to himself, "Damn, these humans think they are so much better than we fleas!" and decide to commit suicide after that.

My fault?

I don't think so. With this logic of "not harming" others in writing, no one can be objective in their writings anymore.

Have you ever trashed a movie? Ever thought of the director's feelings if he hears you? What if .. oh no! ... he decides to close down his blog after what you said about his movie and never direct again?

Can I roll my eyes now in a completely rude manner? I think I shall. *roll eyes*

It is not about Fiona Xie never doing anything to me. It's about her doing something I disagree with. So I comment. If she didn't want anyone to comment, then don't write anything in the blogosphere! You have a right to love her literary works; and I have a right not to. Simple as that.

Some of you also blamed me for my readers spamming her tagboard. Is it my fault? Could I have stopped them? And as you people have said, how would I know my information about her is correct? I don't for sure - nobody can know for sure 100% - but I believe in it. If I didn't remember wrongly, I said I am withholding information which I cannot authenticate, and it is up to readers' own discretion to believe me or not.

It is not a sin for celebrities to BLOG. FOR CHRIST'S SAKE FIONA/STUPID PEOPLE STOP HAVING YOU HEAD IN YOUR ASS SINCE WHEN DID I SAY IT IS A SIN TO BLOG, NOR DO ANYTHING ELSE?! I don't even believe in sinning. I said I am fine with fucking around, didn't I? Just don't pretend not to. Duh. Fiona: "But I don't! I neber!" Me: *whistles*

Since when did I become an ambassador for truth? I never did. But I just had an opinion to share. =)

Why only Fiona? Because only she blogs.

2) Xiaxue I used to love your blogs. Now it is just sadly (just) like a tabloid, because of two mere articles you wrote which was 'anti-christ' and 'celebrity gossip'.

Now this one pisses me off so much, that I am strangling my dog right now. Oh! WHAT AM I DOING?! Sorry Cloudo. As I was saying, I am very pissed off.

To the people who said that, screw you. Since when was that article "ANTI-CHRIST"? I wrote really loudly that I am talking about the behaviour of only certain types of Christians who taint Christianity, and my personal qualms about having a family member turn into a different religion from the rest of my family. Not my fault if you didn't hear correctly.

Excuse me, but since when did Atheists get banned from expressing their opinions, or face accusations of being Anti-Christ? I am, and never was, "ANTI" Christ for Christ's sake. If pesky Christians (only the pesky ones) don't bother me, I'd be politely indifferent to the religion. Since they do, I am Anti-peskyChristians. Not Anti the whole damn religion.

And meanwhile, Dimwit, tabloids do not even write ANTI-CHRIST articles.

Second point: THE FUCKING FIONA XIE ARTICLE IS NOT ABOUT CELEBRITY GOSSIP. It is about hypocrisy. If it were any other normal girl writing that same blog I'd diss it all the same if I knew of elements of hypocrisy in it. OK maybe I wouldn't. The mere fact that propelled me to write it is that stupid fans are DUPED, and I don't like it when people are DUPED by some obvious two-facedness.

Fiona Xie has a right to act like whatever she wants to be and it is not my business? Not your business what I am writing about it then, huh?

"Just a tabloid"? Ooooooh. Never mind the little articles about my life that I wrote recently. Never mind those. Let's just focus on this article and the belated Christmas one and say her whole blog is a tabloid.

Xiaxue go back to you old writing style of Jeremy/Eddy sagas! I love reading them and not all these supposedly controversial issues because ... it scares me that you have such horrid thoughts! *chews fingernails in wide-eyed terror*

Any smarter being would have realised by now that I cannot write about who I like anymore, else he would be totally freaked out because he would read it. Isn't it OBVIOUS? I still write about my friends though. But if one day, the guy I like knows I like him, and tells me, "Hey Wendy, if you write about me on your blog I would not ever be scared that you put a picture of me with the caption 'Small penis man' at the bottom with sheer vindictiveness!", I'd be sure to inform you, don't worry.

I also remember very clearly that I do write supposedly controversial stuff in the past, but did you read it? If you happened to miss out that very early and very "anti-christ" (note for the slow: It is not really anti-christ) entry, then I suggest you go read it before hollering around that I am all demure and cutesy in my previous entries.

Coz is like that, and it is not about to change.

Now bugger off. Also, shall put back previous entry coz some people have not read it and also, if Fiona Xie is so damn weak, then she should just drop dead and stop trying to show how ke lian (piteous) she is to the world. The last I heard, she is not like that.

I spit uncivilisedly. Pui!

I'm also going to Velvet tonight. If I see drunken stars, I'd be sure to take photos and show you yeah? If you hate me, I suggest you pay a couple of tens to go inside and slap me. Careful though, I might burn your hair with a flaming lamborghini!


p/s: Now that I've blogged all that out I am not angry anymore! More demure and cutesy entries, in full edited photo glory, later.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Oh dear, oh dear ...

Oh my gosh Fiona ... Please don't close down your blog! Big bad meanie me? Did I accuse you? I'm so sorry; you must be as chaste as an angel and I was accusing you with the baseless information I had to withhold! I hereby apologize to all your angry fans who might have nothing to read from now on, and *contemplates for a short while* also for my obscenely fat limbs! Indeed, there can be no other reason for my insolence. I admit it. I am jealous of your tits and your remarkable success. I'd love to be a celebrity, because I do not appear in 8 days like you do. I am using your blog to, erm, gain publicity for myself. There, there. I'd delete that horrible blog entry ok? In fact, I think I shall slap myself with a fake accent right now, and also, as an added bonus, boycott all Joanne Peh's future shows.

Hmmm. This reminds me of this incident. I had two friends I used to play with when I was younger - like 7 or 8. These two girl friends of mine were sisters, one of them old year older than me, the other two years younger. The younger sis, let's call her YS (and conversely the older one is ES) is rather ... scheming (when she was younger that is), and I didn't really like to play with her. Rather unfortunately, she'd come in a pair with the older sis, so it was inevitable. If I wanted to play with ES, I'd have to take YS.

I remember this once, YS was angry with ES and I for neglecting her. We went on our way back to the house where both our mums were around. Elder sis entered the metal gate first, followed by YS and then me.

Upon stepping into the hall, where our mums were sitting in plain sight, YS stopped moving suddenly.

Being caught behind her, I was confused at her sudden halting since there was apparently no obstacles in front of her. I frowned a little, and jokingly said, "Oei, move leh."

I also gently nudged her on her back to symbolise the move she had to make for me to get into the house.

To my horror, and may I add, shock, she, with the trajectory power of a missile, projectiled forwards and in a few bloodcurding split moments was sprawling spread-eagled and face-down on the floor - apparently dead.

Imagine the look on my face. I didn't do anything except a gentle nudge. No, Mama! It wasn't me who killed her! I wouldn't hurt a flea!

Time stopped and everyone just stared at the scene. 2 seconds later came the good news - she wasn't dead. In fact, she was howling in pain.

I stared at her in blank disbelief.

She didn't look at me. She just continued howling. If this segment of the story were a movie, I'd expect the camera to zoom in on her face. Man that crying was darn REALISTIC! She was sobbing her heart out, complete with the screwed-up expression, blood-infused face, and tears dripping down in a continual stream. It did help that she was a very pretty young lady and the sight of her crying really tugged at heartstrings.

Oscar winners would have been put to shame.

For 3 or so seconds I was duped into worrying whether she was actually hurt by her fall. Then my brains came back from their leisurely stroll and I realised even if she did hurt herself she thoroughly deserved it for not being able to fall carefully enough since she cheorographed the whole thing.

She hiccuped a little. Her mum rushed to pick her up from the floor. The whole scene of the fall was so tragic that my heart would have went out to her if not for the position I was in.

ES gave me a look that said clearly, "I know, don't worry. She always does that."

I took comfort in that, until I saw my mum's look. She shouted, "WHY YOU GO AND PUSH YS?"

I think she might have even smacked me.

I tried desperately to explain that I didn't, but it was difficult because my mum was pulling my ear. ES tried to help me too but with no avail. It was no use; the parents couldn't see anything as the view of me was blocked by YS. YS also claimed that she was taking off her shoes when I evilly pushed her to fall.

You know what happened after this? YS stopped crying, sitting on her mum's lap like a lost kitten, and actually said she doesn't blame me. (!)

Wow! What a baddie that makes me! The magnanimous her vs the mean horrible me who pushed her and was fervertly denying it! A strategic move if I have ever seen one. I'd applaud her if I knew better then.

You know what? I think YS should be in PR. Or maybe acting? Yes indeed, she'd do well there, really.

After a few minutes of lecture on patience while waiting behind narrow gates and not using violence on friends, I was let off.

Up till today, I think my mum still thinks I am a door-pushing tyrant.

Am I going to swallow that till today?


I maintain I wrote the previous entry because I was agitated by her hypocrisy. I am not criticizing ANYTHING ELSE. She can blog, she can fuck around, she can Zouk all she wants. I don't care! I just don't think it is right to pretend to be something else, especially trying to fit into the mold of the perfect Christian.

But alas! I think only a small part of you guys managed to grasp my point. "Poor little Fiona, oh you flighty damsel in distress! Did that mean Wendy bully you again? She always does that to people, never mind honesty!", you people lament. Yet it is ok when so many other criticize me every other day; just because my blog is there for public judging. Just because someone appears strong doesn't mean she is not weak inside, she might too be vulnerable - and remember vice versa might also be true.

What a naive audience I write for. Are they only able to take the goodies and not accept the blatant honest truth? Is that what you guys want? I can't do it.

I was a journalist, and I still write for publications. I know how to do my research before writing anything. I will not sprout nonsense before making sure.

One more thing to clarify: I wasn't speaking about Mr Miyagi at all.

My heart goes out to Miss F - sorry for your piteous plight which I induced. Your literary works must go on.

I shall thus close down my blog. You can continue yours. I had enough of being misunderstood. Can't anyone write their opinions without accusations of our ulterior motives? What's with this blog-closing competition? You have great tits while mine has gross nipple hairs on it. Why not let me win this time?

Adieus you faithful readers,
and those who are happy to see me go,

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Pedigree, materialism, and maybe a delirious dream or two

Alrighty ... I have a huge jumble of thoughts going on right now in my head, and I think I shall try to get them all out.

Let's start off with a little prelude: How's the media scene like in Singapore? The most of us would possibly never get to knowing it, watching the glamourous side of it all from the sidelines.

But the media scene here is the same as everywhere else - dirty.

Who's fucking who for precisely what? X person got a role? It may not be as simple as great acting talents and a set of nice tits; maybe utilising the latter, yes.

And yet, what bothers me is that the adults who are at least partially in the scene knows the media's dirty secrets, but yet no one talks about it. No one admits it. Everyone is pretending to be all chaste for the sake of the deluded public and the mesmerised fans.

People do not want to taint the pristine image of the artistes they see on TV. But well, the truth is there! I mean, even if these people do not screw around, maybe they are screwing one important person then. OK, maybe some are not like that, but people do not say "in life it is not what you know but who you know" for nothing, ay?

"Well," you ask defiantly. "If people are really screwing around, then how come we don't know leh? The media will surely take photos one what."

BECAUSE our media is one chummy big family, hello? Blogs, you should thank god right now, are not part of that family. ;)

Let's take for instance our own Fann Wong. We know that some time ago she slapped her boyfriend of 11 years because he was seen with Ericia Lee (at some restaurant I think they reported. I heard it was Velvet).

Now the media is speculating that she is with, of all people, Christopher Lee. I shall roll my eyes right now. *roll eyes*

The said ex-boyfriend of 11 years happens to be very, very wealthy.

Do you think, after a taste of the high life, she'd want to be with Christopher Lee whose career is ... well ... uneventful to say the least? Maybe she wants a return to true simple love instead - but I am skeptical. I even find it a little laughable. Ha.

Let's also look at a blog that I found, courtesy of Mr Miyagi. To Mr Miyagi, I'm sorry if my words are gonna hurt a little, but well ... opinions can't always be good. In any case Mr Miyagi, if I am wrong in any part of the following, do correct me! And I love your blog!

So anyway. The blog belongs to who you think it belongs to. The blog also pissed me off. Somewhat. In the said blog, said actress, let's call her Miss F, is obviously trying to come across (I don't say whether sincere or not) as being devout, sincere, and even with a tinge of bitterness at what life has dished out to her (but of course, she is lucky because she has her fans' support) since being an actress is giving her such a hard time and it is a job that nobody would ever want.

She also writes about her connection with God. While I have nothing against people with faith, I do find it a little stretched to make a decision, decide you don't actually know why you made that choice because you shouldn't have, whine about it, regret it, and later decide to be happy because she realised it was God who made the decision for her and of course, God knows best.

Like, huh?

I don't get it, someone enlighten me? And what if she made the other choice? Was that God's will too? The thing is, we don't know, so don't put words into God's mouth. But shrugs, right? Whatever makes her happy!! (which doesn't mean I cannot say my take)

Well of course, I do not expect her to write about which CEO sent her home in what car, but the least she can do is ... I don't know. Just stop that acting please?

It is not her fault. If I were an artiste who did not know the blogosphere any better, I'd possibly be writing the exact same stuff. For what? For PR and marketing of course. For the benefit of her teensy fans.

But let me tell you about the blogosphere Miss F - the realm of internet, where information is interactive unlike other forms of media, is not a place where hypocrisy is tolerated. On TV, you rule. You are there in the set, people are not. If you act lousy, the most we can do is turn off the telly.

We cannot go inside there to scold you. *Makes a loud squeaky scolding noise to demostrate*

In the cyberworld, you are normal like the rest of us. I can even go as far as saying blogging strips you of the heightened status quo you are supposed to have. Why? Because everyone can be anyone here! Actress, so what? Have that big audience and credibility that the best blogs do? Just like Maddox says, on the internet, he is more powerful than big brands.

Blog surfers can sniff out insincerity in a jiffy. Make a "Marketing Blog", have a single discrepancy in your entries, and the next day people are attacking it on forums like packs of hungry hyenas.

Don't. If you want to write pitiful entries like those, my advice is don't. Because people can be anonymous here, nobody will give sympathy. Get out of the blogosphere; go back to your real life.

Her angry fans could be hollering in front of their PCs decorated with her wallpaper now: "Y R YOU DOIGN TIS U EViL BiTCH F**** HAB NEBER DID ANYTING 2 U AND SHE IS VERY DEPRESSED NOW OLREADI WITHOUT YOU ADDING TO HER TORUBLES!!!111"

Well - simply because I am AGAINST people who are fake. Wake up your idea little children! All the fans of the artistes! All!!!! Not only Miss F's! Stop being so vehement against the idea of your idol being less than perfect! (Idea of your idol lol)

When you have finished all your studying and homework for the week, make a trip to Zouk. That is a club btw, so you guys will not be allowed in. (If you are above 18 and still a siao fan I suggest you go hang yourself) It's ok, just wait outside Zouk and pretend to be having a school flag day. You can even bring a laptop and play Gunbound with your friends outside.

Wait for the stars to come, and then when they go out of Zouk you can see how drunk they are and whose's car they sit on when they go back. Ferrari owner happens to be her friend? No such coincidence - he likes having a celebrity in his car, she loves being driven, and she possibly (I SAY POSSIBLY) thinks she deserves no less. (No offence to Mr Miyagi's sweet ride!) What they do after riding in the car is anybody's guess.

Are devout Christians supposed to behave in this manner, I wonder?

Let me make something very clear here: I may seem like I have something against fucking around with rich people, but I actually don't. I accept that people do it, and I will not comment on my take of the matter. As Shianux once told me, children will make a big fuss and get angry over issues they do not agree with. Adults take it in their strides and accept it as part and parcel of life. So, alright. I have established that I do not have anything against fucking around. In case anyone catches me in a nice Porsche while departing drunkenly out from Zouk, do remember that I am not the one who is acting all demure on my blog - which is my issue (ie hypocrisy).

Let's get on with arguing with Miss F's imaginary fans here. They are also hypothetically saying that she is depressed (or so portrayed on blog) so I, nor anyone, should bully her.

My old blogders would know I have no time for depressed people. They can all either go suck my cock, or pull themselves together and stop whining. Why should we only bully happy people and be kind and sympathetic towards depressed people? I say, she has a booming (well, ok, not exactly but I see her endorsement deals are doing well) career, has millions of fans and suitors, and I think you common lemmings have NO RIGHTS AT ALL TO PITY HER! None whatsoever! She is living a more fortunate life than (most of) you, hello? (Even if she herself doesn't think so we have to admit that a five-figure endorsement fee from Citigems and daily fan mail is not something anyone can get. If she is unsatisfied, it is her own problem. Maybe she ought to look at people with cancer/body odour/herpes/singed eyebrows/ok enough).

Of course, the age-old argument is right there on the blog, farting in your face: She didn't expect the blog to be public, it was merely for her well-meaning fans, and she wasn't writing for the an audience. And ... *drumroll* The classic!: If you want to judge, go away and don't come back.

I know I've always used the same argument before I got "famous", but notice I do not say that now - simply because that argument is now invalid for me. (Note for the slow: It is invalid because I am now somewhat famous) And for her, it was flawed from the start.

You are an actress, and with Singapore's limited pool of actresses you think people will not clamber to read the blog? Don't delude yourself; you are obviously writing for an audience. Unfortunately, you cannot split the audience into two and only take those with good comments for you, my dear. Uh uh! *Wags index finger side-to-side in an irritating manner*

Expect people not to judge? Don't kid me please - with that chosen profession your whole life's performance is a toy for people's judgement. In exchange for the attention, money, and fawning you get. If you don't want to be judged, then don't join the star awards. In the same way, if you don't want to be judged in this cyber realm, then don't even come in.

A little advice for Miss F: God destined me to write this entry for you my love! I am your savior! Well, go to Velvet a little less, don't always be late for work, and stop using hallucinated advice from a divine being as an excuse for ridiculous behaviour. Oh, and blog truthfully too - if not telling the whole truth then at least not lying. Very stretched indeed coming from an unemployed person of course, but ... hey! I am not unemployed! I am getting a fair bit of money from just writing rubbish! Got read my this month's Maxim column not? GO BUY NOWWWWWW! (Coincidentally I think it has her inside)

You get what I am talking about? You don't? Well, I don't blame you. I can only say I know certain information about certain artistes from several reliable sources, and I cannot spew it all out because it is not only mean but also defamation (since onus lies on me and I ain't no detective). Without these information, nothing about this blog entry makes sense.

Let's move abruptly to another topic.

Do you like chendol? I kinda like it. It has red beans and I like the green stuff inside. When I was young I used to think they were worms!

I shall continue this blog entry tomorrow, the pedigree and materialism part, because it is ridiculously late now and I shall sleep.

A warm toasty hug!

P/s: No personal attacks allowed in the comments! Except those against me! Miss F's fans - please start scolding me because I love to see young teens full of angst! Go on, insult my stumpy legs, intellect, sluttiness and split ends! "Hey," I will thus whine. "Go away leh ... I not 'writting' to impress and if you want to judge, don't come back. It's my blog not yours."

Heh heh heh!! I feel a little like Harry Potter in that scene in Order of the Phoenix where he gave the interview the the Quibbler and Umbridge banned the school from reading it and Malfoy cannot say anything about the interview to Potter because it would mean he read it and thus broke a school rule. Heh heh heh! (Similarity is that the fans cannot spam me because it would mean they disagree with Ms F's statement)

Alright. I can almost feel the "sian" look radiating from everyone. No one else here a Harry Potter fan? No? Ok fine.


Come to think of it maybe I should disallow comments. Should I? People are gonna say I am mean ... But I am just stating my opinions mah ... Fuck lah, leave it there for a bit.

Monday, January 17, 2005

Erupting with happiness!!




La lalalalalalallaalala never been happier lalallalala

Aren't you just sick of seeing my face? I'm sorry, but hey! Here's more!

Ok, here's official proof I am in love with myself. No wonder no guys love me; they are all jealous of me - as in the me that I love, not the me who loves me.

While waiting for Eileen Wee to get ready, I was bored at home and started to snap shots of myself (the one on top included). And then I was internet-less the night before, and I spent a few hours editing them.

I love the results! Look somewhat retro.

Have a look! They are logged in my Multiply page's album, here.

Also, do add me as a contact! Don't think there is a cap for it right? My main Multiply site is here, check it out! And I think you guys have not seen the "celebrity" photos too. The relationship, if you add me, ought to be "Online buddy" ok?

Can leave comments here or there, up to you. =)


Friday, January 14, 2005

It all started with a tempura

One day, I was out with Eileen (Tan) and eating Japanese food.

To be more specific, tempuras! Oh my gosh is it called tempurae in plural?

So anyway, I was waggling the tempura around a bit and I asked Eileen, "Eileen, do you think my (former) main picture looks damn fucking cock-eyed? Coz everyone else says so."

I suddenly realised I have always had double-vision and wondered why.

Eileen took a look at me, and sniggered. To my disgust, she actually begun to drink her soup while still sniggering.

Now of course, Eileen is a very good friend of mine and I really value her opinion on whether my main pic looks "damn fucking cock-eyed".

But instead of answering immediately, she tantalized me by, after sipping her soup, looking serenely out of the window.

In fact, she looked so transquil that one might have thought the scene outside was that of the inside of a snowglobe with little white flakes floating gently down a sweet little cottage. With a chimney.

I ignored her and pretended to read the menu. I also tried my best to make it look as if the menu is the cheam-est book on relativity.

Damn I look smart!

This behaviour of Eileen's continued for precisely 15 minutes. I could stand it no longer and whacked her on the head with my tempura, now half-eaten.

I would also like to digress and say that I've written this entry before because it was accidentally deleted, and therefore I keep writing repeated phrases and having a strange guilt that I am plagiarizing (myself). -_-

Eileen jumped into the air, and after rebraiding her hair because it flew around in a rage, began to pace fretfully around the table in quick, thoughtful steps. I imagine if Cloudy were here with us Cloudy would have bit her on her calves to curb such unsociable behaviour.

I rapped Eileen smartly on the head again.

Finally, she spoke.

"I was thinking deeply for 13 minutes, and I decided that it is not cock-eyed."

"DON'T PATRONISE ME!!!" I bellowed, spitting bits of chawamushi on her.

"Ok ok," said the fearful Eileen, cowering. "It is a bit cock-eyed."

"Alright! I'd change it tonight," I replied.

There was an awkward silence in which Eileen started to hum. In case you wanted to know, the song is "Da di hui chun".

"So ..." I said. "You said you were thinking for 13 minutes. What about the other two minutes?"

"Huh?" said a scared-looking Eileen, her eyes looking strictly down at her noodles.

I repeated my question, this time without the "So ..."

"Eh, I was, eh, thinking whether jellyfish were hermaphrodites," she stammered.


I don't know about you, but I hardly think anyone would spend 2 whole minutes staring out of a window dreamily ... may I illustrate to you the look again?

As I was saying, dreamily, thinking whether jellyfish were hermaphrodites.

As a matter of fact, I think she was fantasizing about Fei Yu-ching, whom she recently admitted she thinks "looks very attractive for a man his age".

Never mind that disgusting Eileen.

I went home and went about the task of settling the my blog's main photo!!

So I puffed up my cushions, twirled my pretty locks on my fingers, and set the camera's self-timer!!


After a series of unsuccessful photoshoots, I've decided to enlist the help of my Mum.

Oh yeah the blur photo seems to have a halo on my head, ay?

And it's time to choose!!!

And VOILA!!!!!!!

Do notice that the blue black on my knee is no longer there and also that Syphillis (my stuffed toy) is peeking out from behind! =)



Hong Kong photos!!

Mong Kok, where the famous "Nu Ren Jie" (Woman Street) is!

A menu. Duh.

Inside their MTR, which says the destinations in three proud langauges.

Typical Hongkong street.

Old man selling sausages.
Damn those lightbulbs are bright.

Look, the waiters write their names with calligraphy! How cool is that?

Lan Kwai Fong is the Singapore equivalent of Mohammad Sultan! Except smaller.

Hong Kong wishes you a happy 2005! Yay!

Me with a fake LV bag and looking ashamed because I was the only one wearing gloves.
It was cold ok!

And off to Shen Zhen!! Nothing much there, except fake branded galore! Madness I tell you. They have so much imitation there, the sellers do not only sell you their products with a photo album of their goods! Oh no! You know what they do? They show you the REAL LV catalogue, and urge you to take your pick from there.

If I had any real bargaining skills at all, my purchases would be around half the price stated here. And mind you, AAA grade!

I stuck diamantes on my phone with tweezers and superglue!

Lookie what I bought for Cloudy!!

Cloudy is a bumblebee!! =)

Oh yeah and one more thing.

Eileen accidentally fell down and lost her front tooth!!! Very poor thing!

Yikes!!! Don't laugh at her ok! She's getting it fixed already. I will kinda miss that cute smile. Ha ha!!

p/s: I've got to go out already, so more blogging later on! Might be going to Zouk tonight. =)

Meanwhile, to the million or so people who told me to switch to Mozilla, here's my verdict:

If you ask me, I'd say all browsers hate me.