Ask me

Go on. Please do. Ask me what are the things that piss me off the most. I'd answer you in the most patient manner I can.

Alright, here goes!

I get very pissed off when people accuse me. I also get my blood boiling whenever I encounter cab snatchers, especially when I have waited a good old 25 minutes in hot weather for the cab and along comes some fuckers who cruise off happily in it when I am already running late.

I also dislike being called fat, having my fringe cut too short... Well I can go off into a long ramble along this line, including chefs who put lots of parsley into my pasta and refuse to change it, but hey, let's not even go near those dangerous waters.

Of course, having my cab snatched and being accused (of being fat among other things) would be in the top ten disagreeable things I can think of. I'd rather, for instance, be sneezed on by a llama than have my cab snatched. (As a sidenote, this really happened back when I was in primary school. The llama sneezed on me when I was feeding it some grass. Little bits of saliva-coated green pieces covered me and it smelt thrice as bad as it looks)

Interestingly enough, yesterday two of the abdominable things happened at once, and both done by the same person.

Read this.

Alright, so you have heard Miss, erm, *vabbit's account on what has happened. Let me tell you my version, so you can better entwine yourself in the internet world's gossip.

Since she wanted me to "whine" about the incident on my blog so badly, I think I would give her the attention, shall I not?

Now, today, at around 730pm, when the weather was still sweltering hot and rather sunny, I was waiting for a cab so that I could have dinner with a friend of mine.

I waited for a good 25 minutes. You may ask at this point of time, is it the same spot where I was waiting for a cab in the incredimorons post? Yes indeed, it is the same spot.

So there I waited, my patience slowly becoming impatience. The cabs were all occupied and I was running really late. I also took out my palmtop and begin to read Harry Potter for a bit (book five, reading for the 6th time).

Being immersed in the book, I didn't look up for a minute, but when I did, I saw a young couple unabashedly get into a cab right in front of me.

Maybe I should explain the logistics a little clearer. THEY WERE AROUND 3 METRES IN FRONT OF ME, exactly where the green blob is on the picture I once drew. To say that they didn't see me before they snatched the cab is simply impossible unless they are both blind, in which case they aren't.

(Concerned readers may ask at this point of time: Why do I not just stand where the cab snatchers always do instead of my usual spot? My answer is that not only is it more logical to stand at my usual spot since there is a bus stop space for the cabs to stop at, it also comes along with a tree's shadow which is very welcome in sunny singapore)

This was simply the last straw. I had my cab snatched one time too many, and I AM NOT ABOUT TO DO NOTHING THIS TIME ROUND. Driven by a mad impulse, I strolled up to the road in front of the cab, and stood before it.

Now, the cab, clearly thinking I was about to just flag it down, did not stop.

I stepped out to the middle of the road and just stood there.

It honked pretty loudly, braking just in time to not ram me down. Pretty reckless behaviour yes.

I then proceeded to open the cab's door to give the two thieves a piece of my mind (regarding what I think of cab snatchers, dishonesty and integrity) when the cab, no doubt thinking I am a robber of some sort despite my beautiful curls, drove off.

I think the two thieves experienced the single most exciting cab ride they ever had, slammed the door (which I managed to open) shut, and proceeded to abuse me during the rest of their journey.

Now, clearly, being the winner in this situation (getting the cab; not getting a piece of my mind; slamming the door in my face) is not enough for them. They, ok, she, must also proceed to tell lies about me on that forum.

I don't want to taint my blog with words of random 16 yr olds with N level troubles and a "lao gong", but I have to quote her hilarious proses:

According to her,

"Went to my bf's hse juz now.. den when i was going hm.. mi n my bf was in a cab.. xiaxue rushed into the front.. n RUDELY open the door n give us tt stupid face.. AS IF we offended her.. -.- such a rude person.. zzz..."

Later on, she goes on to say:

"so idiot can? we were in the cab first.. if i've notice her in the first place.. i wouldnt snatch her cab.. PLUS. there's a cab behind our cab.. EMPTY cab somemore.. zzz... STUPID WOMAN"

Excuse me *vabbit, eh, can I please don't use the asterisk? Ok, excuse me, Vabbit, Did you say that if you noticed me you wouldn't have snatched my cab? Clearly you did. Ok, so this is established: YOU DO KNOW THAT YOU STOLE MY CAB.

Did I know that, even if I believed for a moment which I don't because you were 3 metres in front of me, that your stealing wasn't delibrate?

And since I didn't know it isn't delibrate (which it is, actually), HOW CAN YOU NOT OFFEND ME? I have all rights to be offended.

And therefore, am I wrong to show you what you called a "stupid" face? (the correct adjective here is angry, or in Hokkien, damn du lan)

What a dumbass.

Clearly, she knew she was in the wrong because she stole a cab. But she refuses to admit it and commits the one other thing I hate: Hitting on people's looks. Saying I am fat, and while at that, criticise my dress. According to her, it makes me look like a prostitute.

The rather conservative dress in question is on the left as you can see. A tank top plus an above-the-knee skirt combine to form the dressing of ... a prostitute? No... You don't say... It can't be true can it? Oh M)phosis! Why did you guys design something so vulgar?!

She also goes on to exclaim, "OMG.. gimme $10 bucks.. i also dun let my bf fk her =x".

*deep breaths*

Let's for a moment, forget the fact that she just claimed that if someone were to give her 10 bucks, she'd allow her boyfriend to fuck any girl except those of my standards.

Maybe, just maybe, there is some serious sentence structure mistake there. I am assuming that she is trying to say that even if someone pays her bf, he would not want to fuck me.

The boyfriend in question looks like this:

Besides being .. I don't think there is a bad enough adjective, remember he is also a cab snatcher. Wait, is that a pink pin on his hair?

That is not the point. My point is that although vabbit claims he (aiyo, he has a name la. It is Tian xiang) wouldn't fuck me even if someone pays him $10 bucks (I am pretty sure he would do it actually, provided he has reached puberty and is able to get an erection), I would also like to say that I would never touch his dangly genitals with a 10 foot pole, thank you very much.

On the cab he proudly snatched for the 199,736th time Now some of you, the less evil ones anyway, are possibly thinking I am mean to post the cab snatchers pictures up here on my blog.

Here is my argument: Firstly, this Vabbit girl has *almost* requested outright for me to write about her. So I did. And secondly, there she is, criticising my looks just because I do have my photos online. I can do the same, can't I? I wouldn't swoop to her level and call her fat, coz she really isn't (and neither am I). I would post her photo though. She posted her photos online, and therefore I can post them - if she doesn't want people to see it, why place it on the cyberworld?

Let me first congratulate myself on my detective work.

Now, only with her online profile on the forum, I managed to, after 4 hours and some help from a friend, dig up almost everything about her I never needed to know.

I read all 500 of her recent posts. Mind you, all 500 posts are written in teensy language (ie: =/ =X nth dun LMAO etc) and I read through all of them.

I found that her name is Jovanna Li (aka Vabbit, laziebumm, bummy), she plays the flute in Pasir Ris Sec's military band, has been with Tian Xiang since 1.11.2004, has a maximum of 5 pimples on her face at any one point in her life, stays at ponggol, and scored 9 for her N levels, among other things (like the facts that she lies blatantly and is a cab snatcher).

She also thinks she looks like Cecilia Cheung, which I ... beg to differ in what I hope is a gentle manner.

I almost decided not to share her blogsite, but upon managing to google it I discovered that she put in a javascript password for it. I, naturally, did not have access to that password because I forgot to ask her for it this evening when she snatched my cab, so I clicked cancel.

Upon that divine click, her blog led me to cock.com and asked me to go fuck myself or something. That, is the third rudest thing that happened in my life, directly after the llama sneezing and blatant cab-snatching.

Excuse me, but it is definitely not my fault that I don't have your password!

Because she was rude, and also because a javascript password prompt is the stupidest thing ever invented, I suggest you people visit http://d0lliesweet.blogspot.com in mozilla, after going to tools, options, web features, and unchecking "enable javascript".

I love her blog. Every entry is a happy entry.

To her credit she does look pretty in certain angles, which invariably involves her tilting her head downwards and opening her eyes wide to look into the camera in dark lighting, taken with a lousy camera phone which doesn't capture details.

Ok. There. I'm done.

Jovanna, how's this for advice? NEVER, EVER, SNATCH A CAB AGAIN.

Also, I do not forgive easily. I accept that you are angry and you can verbally abuse me. I, however, do not accept that you spin lies about me online when in fact you KNOW that you snatched my cab and made me sound like I am at fault.

Clarify that, and I will delete this post.

Don't, and I swear I will I be vindictive enough to set up a friendster account with many of your pics (which I have saved) and put your phone number there, which you were stupid enough to write on a forum post(8134****).

"Are you threatening me?!" you ask in indignance.

Yes I am, and I am glad you grasped the concept fast enough.

Have a nice day.

(What! What I do? I merely told you guys what happened [which she also did], and her blog address which contains her photos anyway [which she also did]. As far as I know, I am not going anything wrong at all. SHE ACCUSED ME. So what if she is 17? 17 then can anyhow defame people is it? I don't care. I gave her a choice. No comments though. You people will preach.)

Post note: Ho ho ho! Miss Juvenile Delinquent now claims that she didn't see me. That is, simply put, impossible. I will show you why tonight, complete with pictures. AND IT WASN'T DARK YET. In any case, I've a lamp post shining directly above my head. One more thing: My Newpaper article is postponed because SYLVESTER SIM decided to choose yesterday of all days not to wed. Can somebody who know him please shake him by the shoulders in a violent fashion? Oh yeah and I decided to allow comments.

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