Wherefore art thou cute?



Hui Fen told me the other day about her ex and how they got to know each other.

Apparently, he put a cigarette packet on each shoulder, marched up to her, and said, "I heard you like broad shoulders!"

That is just spectacularly cute!! I think it can make almost every girl laugh, and the pick-up line is almost guaranteed to work if the guy is not ugly. (Men thinking of using this, I'd just like to warn you that a lot of girls read my blog and if you copy, you are a loser.)

This got me thinking ... There are some things, that when a guy does, are almost guaranteed to make a girl go, "So cute!" Or "So sweet!" whatever, and drop down on their knees, immediately becoming slaves to the men.

I have one more example from Hui Fen, where her guy friend says "What's up, (a kind of food)" in a groggy (read: sexy) voice to her whenever she gives him a morning call, but she says this is private and would like to keep it that way.

So yes, very cute.

Like when Adrian gives his lost puppy look, which is in the previous post's pictures, little doves drop down from the sky, dolphins leap in joy, the blind see again, and girls coming from as far as North Dakota run here, telling him that they would cut their clits off for him, if that makes him happy.

He knows, and he utilises this power well. To extort massages, for example.

I ALSO WANT!!!!!!!!!!!!

What are the things can girls can do to act cute? I MUST MASTER THE SKILLS! Then I can manipulate men like putty! Wahahhaa! SCRUB MY BACK! LICK MY TOES, NO, BETWEEN THEM! Muahahahha!!

I KNOW!

Step one: Acquire doe-eyed look.



For some reason, all the "cute" girls have eyebrows that are shaped like the Chinese eight. That is, if they joined together they will form an 'up' arrow. The furrowed, oh-I-am-mellow, look is DAMN GOOD OK!

It makes the girl look very sad, so when she laughs, it will be double cute!

AN ACT!

From now on, I shall pluck my ample unibrow to have that perpetually surprised expression.



WAH! Fucking ugly! But hor, achieve the effect right? Coz got that damn sad look. I downturned my lips and eyes and brows and also added industrial sized eyebags. Weak girls must ALWAYS have eyebags because they cannot sleep well; they all have insommia thinking of the monsters under the bed and molesters under the block. Therefore, men should ALWAYS send them home and cook them nice food.

Fucking crafty girls. Sick of men not sending me home. *mumble mumble*

2) Sa(3) jiao(1) (I have no fucking idea how to say sa jiao in English. I think its something only the scheming Chinese do.)

The "cute" girls always teh teh a bit, then can get exactly what they want. When I do that, guys say I disgusting. WHY LIKE THAT! Is it my arched brows?

I must, must, master the art of sa jiao-ing! Mmmm... *holds and shakes guy's sleeve* dear dear, buy me that bag please? *Doe-eyed look*

3) Laugh at everything the guys say. Feeds their egos = cute. Also, remember to still have doe-eyed look while laughing.

Superb! From now I shall act cute! I know, right? I also hate act cute girls. BUT! I had enough! I had enough of being the girl that guys don't send home! Why some girls guys will drive them home to boon lay, but some girls (I.e MOI!) guy don't drive them, saying, JURONG SO FAR!!

NOT FAIR! Why do men only help certain girls carry bags! I also want them to help me carry! Not that I find my bags remotely heavy lah, but it is a nice gesture what! See see? I am very weak one, I got, erm, low blood count and my lipstick is too heavy for me!

Back to how girls will all hate me when I successfully master how to act cute and make all the guys love me. Hey babes... I know it is unscrupulous and under-hand, but don't blame me! Blame the other girls who started it!

How to compete with them and win? Have to act cute also lor. Why don't we all try it? It's a fair world.

MEN! Tell me what to do to act cute leh! I want to meet a bunch of guys, leave (early coz filial girls are cute) and have 3 out of 5 of the guys liking me, and them saying, "Woah, she is so cute. Did you see when she laughed she had dimples*?"

Gimme examples of cute-ness you have witnessed from girls. I wanna learn! Quick quick!

*Of course I don't have dimples, but I am thinking surgery.

Comments

lumos said…
hi, sa jiao in english is called baby-talk. :)
Justine said…
*lmao*

Sorry, I dunno what advice to give you on how to act cute. I'm one of those girls that guys push around so they can meet other girls. Sad existence, eh? *sighs*
Gloria said…
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Summerrainx said…
Could you site feed your site?

Thanks.
Gloria said…
Hey RV junior...you look cute enough...no need to act cute. :-)
garcaai said…
don't worry! you look very cute too ;) nice funny entry X)
kat said…
I tell you how. Must clap hands, smile sweetly and jump and down when something makes you happy. Cling to the guy like superglue. It also helps if you tie two plaits, wear flowery tops and long, flowy, wispy skirts down to the knees. Or lower.

...But we like you the way you are :)
Jin said…
I was discussing it with my friend too, and we came to a conclusion that being 'sa jiao' is to be coquettish. Waddya think?

Tuh, act-cute girls lose their flavour after a while. Girls with attitude are more intriguing.
Fenix said…
Aiya.... Physical appeal lose its effect after a while.. Its still intangible thingy like your frankness, attitude that's most impt... haha... Cos... dun go alter your physcial outlook.... Oreadi veri nice le... ^_^
lita said…
dun act cute! act cute girls r disgusting!

+ guys should like u for the way u r right.. ;)

arh u r damn cute alrdy
Anonymous said…
Nice site, sweetie! And I don't see why you're pondering over how to attract guys' attention-- I like you just the way you are already! *wink*
Jayaxe said…
Sa jiao = coquettish. That has to be the closest word to mean 'attracting guys' attention'.
bUttsH4k3r said…
just... what the fuck?

why act cute? be some perpetual female goddess better innit? get some chest implants, grow taller (or get some tall high heels), get a perfect figure, and skimpy clothing. then no matter WHAT you do, men drop down like dead flies as you walk past.

they might evevn kiss the ground you walk upon.

and you'd still be in control.
NickTay said…
took me a while to find the comments button :P

Nice blog!!
Lexandria said…
i just dont get it either. guys rather go for girls that tehhhh than girls who got the attitude. i think girls with attitude are sexy whereas act cute girls (or rather their act cuteness is in their personality) seems so... cartoonish and AV pornish ;X.
no offense ah
Talion said…
Haha, actually i think u look better the way you are... Slightly arrogant, but at least you look competent confident of handling yourself..., Guys might just be a lil afraid of offering you help cos of the tongue lashing u know how to give out haha... Or maybe the metrosexuals feel more feminine than you :P *covers head with hands* dun kill me! :P
beijia said…
i tink tt the more masculine guys lyk act cute gir;s cuz dey gt e 'cute' factor, den wen dey sa jiao it mks dem seem abit more helpless aka damsel in distress den dey wil b able to feel n feed deir ego as dey can 'protect' dem.

erms. sry if i lyk, repeated ur pts? =X hahhas. but, hmm, it's true tt act cute girls wld lose deir flavours aft a while. tink it's beta to do a variety? =P but i tink tt u're cute enuf oredi - dun nid to act. =))
Benny Lau said…
If you are cute, you are cute.

Acting cute doesn't get you anywhere but being jeered upon.

Be yourself. People love you for who you are.
cake said…
you look like jolin when you put on the eye bags~
devilinme said…
Side track a bit...

Low cut jeans which exposes the bottom is really butt ugly (pun intended) so don't u go wearing them! Its the total opposite of cuteness.

Can't understand why some girls are so bent to show their ass hole.
JS`star said…
acting cute..hmm

giggle and gently chew on your lips while fiddling with an article of your clothing, not laugh out loud and slap your thighs.

and er, always tilt your head so that you are looking up at the guy and open your eyes wide, more innocent look.

but acting cute doesn't get you anywhere really. being your true self is still the best. =]

your mr right would come along some day
GLBOSS said…
isn't sa jiao flirt? if not then what is flirt in chinese?
rEbElli0us-bLUe said…
hmm? if i'm not wrong, sa-jiao is supposed to be whine isn't it? But anyhow, u dont have to put yourself through any surgery or things like that.. u're pretty enough, cute enough, sexy enough. U look fantastic the way u r, honest =) we all love u the way u r. Besides, guys should love u the way u r instead of the way they want u to be =) cheers..
Screwed Up said…
this has become a discussion for defination of sa jiao liao... -_-"
JOYCE said…
hey..
these actu cute people really get sick after a while

as in like you said STICKY GLUE.

anyway. sa jiao should be whiny right? hm.

good entry?
Sammi said…
haha nice post.
well im one of those girls tht they say act cute but still nice one =/ haha but i can act well =)

attidude better's in da end gal, acting cute will only get u so far. afterwards u act cute all the while then turn all goddess how? the guys so confused leh.

haha all of us lurve u just the way ur =)
HaMz said…
Try watching more of taiwanese show =_= confirm can learn alot.
Yolly said…
I had the same problem when I was in Secondary School, wondering why all the disgusting act-cute girls got all the attention from guys. They were actual fact not cute, but they just acted cute in front of guys because guys like that.

And when I grew older, I realised why. It wasn't me. It was the guys I hung out with. I went to a Chinese school with ah-bengs and naturally they liked the act-sweet type. Now that I am older and know a wider spectrum of guys, I do not face this problem.

So the solution? Get rid of the ah-bengs from your life. They will only reinforce these wrong notions that only sweet girls get the guys. Adri (the blogger), for one, is not sweet and has no problems with guys. Why? Because they are not ah-bengs.

It's not you; it's them, I swear.
angelaa (: said…
no! don't act cute! girls that act cute never last!
Sasquatch said…
one word - pigtails!!!!! Personally I go for stroppy, self-opinionated bitches......so stay as you are! (you should still think about the pigtails though!)
Romantician said…
Say "kawaiiiii!!!" at every other thing. :P
Askar said…
what's your goal? MEN or BOYS? cuteness only gets the latter. anyway, i think you tend too put too much make-up.
Romantician said…
and btw... gals sent me back rather than me send them...

who ever that got the wheels or the least alcohol in the body (definitely not me)
Lionel said…
Lol funny entry

I got no advise but best thing is to be yourself.
Unknown said…
hey, i despise gals who made their guys carry their smally teeny weeny handbags, no backbone at all lor... y? r they are weak creatures who can't even leave a 1gram leave, yes tgey are. tat's why made them carry their bags. hmpf! i b4 (bi shi) them!
Unknown said…
btw,forgot to add something, dimples are actually existence of bad muscles... just like a badly baked cake collapse in the centre, want for wat? mu hahaha, this is true okie!
elisha said…
hi wendy, i may not agree with some of your opinions but reading your blog almost always makes my day.. especially the bad ones. thanks alot gurl and stay real. :) look up to u for leading yr life so unabashedly true, enojoying it like everyone should.
Nickie said…
hahaha.. dis is what i call the wide-eyed pouty syndrome.. damn i hate those act cutes... tsk

Gal power's better lah... like one of the above said, the cute acts will get the boys.. boys who r afraid of independant women.. If ya got da attitude, u'll get the men. da REAL men ;)
LuKe said…
sa3 jiao1 is "acting like a child" based on the Hansvision translator. Sounds kinda weird.
pekcek said…
acting cute is a total and utter turn-off. used to be turned off by fann wong in her damn 'teh' voice and her head is better than the rest of her anatomy, but then again, big head != act cute (i digress).

sun ho is ultimate insult to singaporeans IMHO. so old alreadi still act like 18 yrs old! *faint dramatically* i utterly denounce her every song and actions, turn off the radio whenever i hear her voice...

nvr act cute!!! juz be yourself and natural =)

cheers!
Anonymous said…
WAa!! so true. Sun Ho ACBC. ACBC=Act Cute Buay Cute. Don't act cute if you are not already naturally so. It's not good and you'll only get immature men or boys lusting after you. I' sure you don't want that, no?

luv
thisatisfied said…
Hai ya...my friend & I were like trying desperately to learn how to act cute the last time too, because we couldn't get ANY guys!! We didn't manage to succeed anyway.

Come to think of it, acting cute will feel kind of weird once you get older. It will look si beh like cannot make it one lor. Damn disgusting leh.
Anonymous said…
Oh, I forgot to type the advice ^^;;
If you want to act cute, the ultimate thing to do is to refer to yourself using your name (last syllable of your name, nickname, etc)..
e.g: Real name--Melanie..then calls self, "Ahh, NINI wants to buy that!"

Don't you think so?
Anonymous said…
hahaha ur blog reminds me of the time i used to alwayz sa jiao with my male friends. yes i have the eyebags, droopy mouth and dimples. ;)

but now i don't sa jiao anymore. in fact i cannot stand girls who do it. i would rather be a strong minded independent woman anytime!

you should be proud of who you are too. sa jiao is for shu nu. and don't forget u hate shu nu, right?
Anonymous said…
guys like girls who tehhhh cos they feel intimidated by girls with attitude.

these sort of guys are have big egos and low self-esteem. very unhealthy. hahahaha... well, they can hv their shu nu. i prefer stronger guys who are sure of themselves. hehehehe
Bai|eys said…
its all in the dimples man!!! veri kawaii u khow??? but guys have it cannot make it. so how about i transfer both my dimples to u then i can look more manly! = P

love your blog by e way
kwan_jess said…
some girls are just not meant to be in the cute category
know what i mean?
Adel said…
I have dimples (one on left cheek, 2 on right cheek)but I dread the day old age makes my face succumb to the forces of gravity and I end up looking like a bulldog, which is usually what happens to people with dimples. SO you're immensely lucky not to have them!
Anyway, I think it's usually the weak guys (inadequate in some way and needy for someone to stroke their egos all the time)who fall helplessly for the weak girls you're talking about, so heck care them lah. Unless you like dominating them, of course...XP
aaaapril said…
yes yes. act cute girls are attractive for centuries. that covering their mouth when laughing, that wink of the eye, that giggling.. it all helps!!!

but hey, they lose flavour very soon too. but sometimes acting cute is quite fun, you get attention!! lol.
Unknown said…
I think the best way is to be yourself. People should like you for who you are. I'm sure there is someone out there who'd love to hold the door for you, touch your hair, cuddle you and generally just look at you and smile.

You just hang in there. Ciaos!

Wonger.
heyzel said…
Hei... DuN nEed AcT CuTe la.. I dUn liKe GiRls wHo aCt CuTe Too.. *goosebumps* hahaha, anyway, girls who have a bit of attitude n sweet smile is more den enough to guys!! dun let guys change u!! hehe....
`chunmeielle said…
heya! nice blog! congrats on being on CNA! I saw u!..

Anyhow.. dun bother bout act cute girls.. seriouslly pretty girls are cute, ugly girls are also cute.. wad e diff? I think being who u really are is the most impt.. leave out of ur era girl! its the independent women now!? if the guy truly cares, he loves u for who u are.. lolll
coxhlie said…
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
coxhlie said…
Guys who like act-cute girls are just plain shallow. And surely you wouldnt want to degrade yourself by acting cute to be with a shallow guy, do you? People tend to misjudge things, they trust their deceitful eyes instead.
UltraVinz said…
How can you write about cute gals & not include examples like Mihiro, Sora Aoi, Rena Tanaka etc...?

Gals! No offence, but I really think that you need a certain level of intelligence to know how & when to act cute (there are actually such classes in Japan) & Vivian Hsu's key to her success is juz dat (as reported in an interview)!...sg gals are juz too plain straight & square...then again...we guys may not be any better ourselves...

We must learn from others what we lack!
Squido said…
Watch anime. The girls in most animes are damsels in distress or have very good figure de.
Moon said…
Your edited pic have this "chee-chum" look... but pretty cute :)
i dont understand....when we say tt guys like actcute gurls they all say no lar...gurls wif attitude more sexy and wat actcute is disgusting....dont overdo actcute blah blah blah....but in the end, ugly super actcute bitches get all the fun...wat the hell....think we juz keep teh-tokking(tok in babyish as if we dun have enuff teeth and got a D7 for english), oscillating(swaying abt) while we talk lar, luff at every lame joke they make and pretend to be saddened by everything on earth...den they feel so shiok...
Hidalgo said…
english like shit only. sa jiao is called WHINING.
russia bear said…
i don't believe you. you're pulling people's legs as usual. you probably just want to add to your existing queue of boys/men (which is probably longer than the star wars episode 3 cinema queue)
MANDA said…
i hate girls like that too, so scheming. i'll kill one when i see them on the streets ! HAHA irritating, sheesh
peazbrainz said…
i oso want to learn to tnehhhhhhh. if u find out the secret ingredient, pls post..!!!
shoeper girl said…
isn't sa jiao 'whine' in english?
shelbybisou said…
aiii. trust me-lah if guys go for cute, i already married-lah. they don't. they go for hotties. or sluts. or nothings. bloody weirdo-lah boys. anyone got the answer to reeling in men, bloody tell-lah. let me have some social life also pls. wah independent chick ah? definite no-no. why you think i make conversations with myself?

Popular posts from this blog

Raeesah Khan, GE 2020, and being labeled a Racist

The Big Gushcloud Exposé

I Photoshop A Hater