"So Xiaxue," they all go, with a mischievous glint in their eyes. "We all know you are a big blogger, but which is your favourite blog?"
A gazillion thoughts flash through my minute brain, and I can hardly breathe, for a minute brain does not usually have a gazillion thoughts inside.
A TRICK QUESTION INDEED! I know they know I love my own blog the most, and I think I am like the most fabulous blogger in the whole wide world, winning other people by leaps and... Hey! I shall digress and write fan mail to myself again! Been such a long time since I did that. =)
Hey Xiaxue, how are you? Fine thank you, and you? Good good! Hey look, I just wanted to tell you, well, I love your blog! You do, really? Thanks! Why? Well... I like it coz it is funny, but not funny in a "Why did the chewing gum cross the road? Because it was stuck to the chicken's feet!" kind of way, but funny because you can be really goddamn crazy at times!
Huh? I do? How so? Like that entry about your ex having half-transparent sperm? I LOVED IT! But he did really have half-transparent sperm. Oh dear, ok, passing that quickly. I also like the way you post up nice photos, and I love it when you give good shopping deals! My pleasure, good to share good stuff of course. And and, I love the way you continue being bitchy and real, even when people shoot you down. That's the spirit girl! *blush* well thanks, that isn't easy you know, but I always tell myself these losers don't matter anyway, it is those who love me that matters.
Well anyway, you will always be my favourite blogger! If there is one last person in the world I will wanna shag, it will be you! Oh dear, what has THAT got to do with blogging? Nothing, just that the love for the blog has... well... kinda spread to become lust for your lovely body too. Er, okie, this is becoming kinda freaky because I am sex-talking to myself so let's stop here. Ok, bye then. Bye.
(Let's pretend that chunk has never happened.)
As I was saying, these interviewers. They all want to trick me into saying I am my favourite blogger, so that when they quote me, they turn it around into: "Xiaxue says she is her favourite blogger and nobody can compare" and thus making me sound really full of myself, which I am, but it is generally not good to show that to the public.
Seriously speaking now... I read like a grand total of like 10 blogs a day. Rarely do blogs keep me interested for long.
Those that do usually have lots of pictures, are updated everyday, and have simple, clean-cut writing. Helps if it makes me laugh!
I don't like reading heavy stuff when I have to juggle checking emails, blogging, and IM-ing. It is so much easier being dumb than being intellectual, unfortunately. Whenever I feel I need a dose of smart, I go read a classic or something, but it is never done online, for there are only too many distractions.
I CAN SMELL YOU ROLLING YOUR EYES! Fine, fine, whatever. These ARE excuses. Teehee. I totally dig superficial, gossipy sites!
Behold, my favourite blogs:
Pink is the New Blog
ALL HOLLYWOOD GOSSIP RAGS IN VARYING DEGREES OF EVILNESS! I love it love it love it!
(I think some of you might have no idea what I am talking about from now on, so you people have to get familiar with the tabloids scene first. Go read! Takes like 2 hours to know almost everyone)
I know where Lindsey Lohan goes everyday, I have seen 3 different sets of photos of Fergie wetting herself on stage, and even Paris Hilton's pussy and Jude Law's penis! GASP!
A socialite's life, I think we all already know. Updated almost daily, decent pictures, though maybe not as juicy. Needs to be a bit more evil!
Trent, a gay Detroit dude and writer of Pink is the New Blog, is religious about his postings too, and I love the way he describes things. Quite funny!
I liked him a lot previously, because he really shows a magnitude of photos and I have no idea where he digs them up. But recently, he got invited by Joel Madden, Hilary Duff's boyfriend, to some concert. Duh! From then on he has been praising the duo and I DO NOT LIKE THAT! It seriously contravenes with the tabloid rule! So, if every celebrity invites you to events you are only going to say good things about them? Don't be sold out dude! Hilary looks like a horse recently and is NOT HOT!
Next up! May I present a chunk of Junk Feud?
"Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie visited a dinosaur museum the other day...The MR AND MRS SMITH co-stars and four-year-old Maddox enjoyed a tour of the Royal Tyrrell Museum near Drumheller on Saturday (20AUG05), confirms the museum's spokeswoman WENDY TAYLOR.
Taylor enthuses, "They did not ask us to close the museum or for an after-hours visit or any special treatment. They arrived around 7pm and stayed for an hour.
"The other people in the museum at the time were very respectful. The only unfortunate thing was that word leaked out and quite a crowd collected outside the main entrance, so we had to find an alternate exit for them. They are both very down-to-earth people and most appreciative."
It has been confirmed (by my imaginary source, as always) that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are actually planning on adopting a dinosaur!
That bitch really will stop at nothing to have the most diverse family EVER. She's got the Cambodian boy, the South African girl, and now an extinct species!
Apparently Maddox has been begging for a little dinosaur brother. That kid gets everything!
They’re considering a Heterodontosaurus, but they've also been talking about maybe getting Supersaurus.
They must choose whether they want the straight sounding one, or the super one, which sounds way gay.
Personally, I’d go for the Super dinosaur. It sounds fab!"
Very funny isn't it? It is so ridiculous that the couple are gonna adopt a damn dino. And check out Maddox's (Angie's son, second right) face! He looks really happy to have a dinosaur! The barney made me laugh out loud.
(Eh, LA, if you are ever reading this, tell me if you want me to host my own pics or something, but I am kinda lazy now and I thought, well, you might like the extra traffic enough to forgive me.)
And The Superficial:
Hilary Duff hangs up on Lindsay Lohan
Lindsay Lohan claims that she tried to end her feud with Hilary Duff but got hung up on when she called. She tells Australian magazine, "I called her last week, and I was like,'Do you wanna hang out?' And her sister hung up the phone on me! I don't like having enemies ... and there's the saying, keep your friends close but your enemies closer."
I don't know much about human nature, but it seems counterproductive to publicly quote Sun Tsu's On The Art of War when talking about reconciling a friendship. Ever since that samurai I befriended tried to kill me, I've always been suspicious of new friends who quote guides on warfare. Damn you, Renjiro, that's the last time I get stabbed in the kidneys.
That is some serious funny. I love it when people have hallucinations and imaginary friends.
Junk feud and The Superficial are seriously contending for the spot of "Xiaxue's favourite blog besides her own".
I choose Junk Feud! I love it because the photos are so bigass huge and they suck up more of the unlimited bandwidth I pay for anyway, and Singaporeans are kiasu. I love LA's (that's the writer) obsession with him, and her crazy, alternative view of things.
Alrighty! This wraps up your kickass links of the day! I still read Maddox and Go Fug Yourself, but Maddox updates so damn little nowadays and I keep seeing repeat photos on the other sites that are also on Fug, so it's kinda boring in that I-am-not-to-be-blamed way.
Eh! Don't go off thinking I am all shallow yes? I do read my erm, Instapundit and CNN.com and erm, DailyKos. Sometimes.
(I lied. I got those serious blog types from technorati's top 100 blogs, and I don't ever read them. Maybe if I did and I write like them, I can go further up from the 54th I am currently or something? Ha! Like real. Anyway, I am 54th in the damn world! God, I think I shall go hug myself or something. *throws confetti*)
p/s: This started off as a simple link to my favourite blogs but I ended up writing this for like 2 hours. I'm just saying this because I thought you unappreciative, ungrateful little buggers should know how much I love my own writing, which you happen to like too.