Sunday, November 27, 2005

Men and their selfish rudeness!

June is back from Perth! Yay! :D

So anyway, before I commence on my writing the damn script (I've been procrastinating because I decided to read the book again before I embark on the task :D), I wanna complain!

That day, the whole group of us when to Mambo together. Actually, Birdy and I wanted to bring Junne (she added an N to her name in the hope of sounding a little more unique) to Mambo to reexperience Singapore, but Kelvin and the boys were going too, so we all went together.

Speaking of which, I got bounced out of members A-Fucking-Gain, for the 2nd time. I cannot take it!!!!!!

Bloody elitist BASTARDS (I'm elitist too, which is precisely why nobody should be elitist against me)!

I mean, obviously they cannot bounce me coz I'm a member, but they just refused to let Shuyin and Junne both go in, coz *roll eyes* one member can only bring one person in.

I don't see what's the muthafucking problem. Is Shuyin chio? Yes. Is Junne pretty? Yes. So? Isn't the whole POINT of members to have supposedly cool people inside, mingling with each other and making everyone's life more meaningful?

The whole theory about making a part of a club elitist is simple:

Allow in hot chicks. Hot chick get guys, and more guys want to come in. Among big group of men, pick out rich ones. Rich ones buy expensive alcohol = club earns big money. Club uses money to improve on DJs = more famous. More famous = more hot chicks. More hot chicks = more men come. Men= spend money. And so on and so forth.

Simple? I thought so too.

Who chooses the bloody bouncer ANYWAY? Eileen (Wee) and I were talking about this bouncing thing the other day, and we both came to the conclusion that most bouncers in Singapore have no idea the who's whos are.

She (Eileen) brought two friends with her some time ago, one of which is some big shot director in Hongkong and the other, a HK actor.

The bouncer doesn't know who they are, and well, he is not to be blamed, for he is Malay (and Malays don't watch HK TV I presume). He refused them entry into the VIP area (not Zouk, another club), opening his arms spread-eagle and rudely proclaiming they cannot go in.

Eileen tried to whisper to him who they are and the necessity of getting them inside, because obviously such people would prefer a little more privacy... But the bouncer refused to listen. Doesn't the words "actor", "director" and "rich" mean anything to him??!

In the end they went to another club I think, and splashed a great deal of money there. WTF.

Who's fault? The ignorant bouncer's.

The sad dilemma about such things, is that you cannot possibly open your mouth and tell the bouncer who you are. He is just supposed to know.

Back to the point. So whenever I get bounced, I will just walk inside, and get a friend inside to bring my friends in.

The bouncer will make a grimacing face, and grudgingly step aside to allow a more influential customer to bring my friends in, while I stand at their sides, trying to bore holes into his face by vicious staring.

It is awkward and embarrassing for everyone, so why not just let my friends in next time, asswipe?


*mumbles indistinctly about Ministry of Sound*

So yes.

Later on, Kelvin got a table near the dancefloor, so the 3 of us girls just sat down, swaying a little to the music.

Presently enough, this group of boys started to dance near to us. Typical boys, wearing striped/flowery shirts and that sort, and they weren't ugly (or so I can see in the dim light).

The one nearest to me was wearing a black Le Coq Sportif jacket, and he was possibly the best looker of the lot. :)

After a while, he smiled at me and asked, "You girls are not dancing! It is not because we are occupying your space, right?"

Or something to that effect lar.

I smiled and replied the truth, which was that we were "guarding the table", because Kel and Vyasa went out for some fresh air.

I cannot really remember what happened, but Mr Le Coq asked my name and told me his in return, and I guarantee that I was perfectly friendly.

He even put their group's drink on our table, and said that the empty table needed some drinks on it, and also offered Junne, Shuyin and I a bit of the alcohol. We shook our heads.

Time moved on and nothing further happened with Le Coq, and Kelvin and Vyasa seemed to have vanished into Zathura, so we girls decided to forgo the table and dance with the rest of our friends.

See, I even drew a picture for you to understand better. As you can clearly see from the picture, Shuyin is a bit siao.

So anyway, while we danced, Mr Le Coq decided to be a bastard and ....

started talking to Junne.

Yadda yadda small talk, and he asked her if she wanted to dance with him!!!! (Junne said no, orbi good). IN MY FACE OK??



*snarls at Cloudy*

WHY THE FUCK EVERYTIME ALSO LIKE THAT! He purposedly one is it??! WHY??? Why do guys always do this to me?! Why??!

MEN! (I am so angry now) Don't you all know any MANNERS at all?

When you try to get to know one girl, you bloody STICK TO THAT GIRL THAT NIGHT! I mean, obviously if you failed you should move on, perferably to somewhere the first girl cannot see you, BUT YOU DO NOT, EVER, HIT ON THE GIRL'S FRIENDS!!!


Can somebody explain to me why guys I am even the slightest bit mildly interested in always ends up liking my friends? WHY??

It is so RUDE!!!!! I cannot understand why men are so bloody self-centered all of the time.

I kept complaining to Vyasa and Martin after that, when we had supper at Spize, and the boys were sprouting out rubbish reasons like...

Maybe he thinks you are very kiasu coz you wanna guard the table, and nobody likes a kiasu girl;

Maybe he decided you are too short (because sitting down cannot see height);

(courtesy of Junne, to my fury) Maybe your dancing sucks;

Maybe he felt that he couldn't get you so he moved on (disagree: I was perfectly friendly);

Maybe he was talking to you to get to know Junne in the first place (KNNBCCB);

(Shuyin:) Maybe because he saw you dancing with Martin (oops)...


And due to his lack of respect, he gets no girls that night - not from our group anyway.

Le Coq, if you are reading this maybe you can solve the "Maybe" mystery and tell me why you would do such an evil thing.

Coz I am so chio, ok? In case you have forgotten, here's one bigass photo:

Men are so irritating!

Ok, ok, I'll go write the damn script lar!

post-note: Read why I am so paranoid/pissed about guys liking my girlfriends.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Almost one year after this

Helping Clinton choose his secondary school:

Me: "Ok, how about Fairfield? It's quite big I think... And it's a Christian school..."

*looks at my little brother*

"And you are a Christian right?"

Brother: "EEeeeeeee! Don't want."

Me: "Why don't want?! YOU SIAO AH! I thought you Christian?!"

Brother, indignant face, rolls eyes: "No..."

Siao one, so fickle.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

A perfect nose

After discovering that Thailand does rhinoplasty for a freaking $300, I've been discussing what kinda nose I should get for myself.

Wahhaha machiam casual shopping... Button? Flared? BULBOUS? whahaha

Shuyin, June and I were singing KTV that day, and SY sang some Feng Fei Fei song called "Zhang sen xiang qi lai" or something... The MTV lady, some model, had a nice ying gou bi! (hooked nose)

I was mumbling to myself, "Maybe I should get an ying gou bi ah??"

And to my surprise June and Shuyin both said, "Yeah, nice!"


Of course, I'm only talking cock about getting my nose done lar, coz I doubt I have the courage to do it. But it is still fun to talk about! Ahem, so anyway...

Just now Shuyin and I were talking on MSN and I was reminded of the MTV model, so I told Shuyin I'm gonna try to photoshop a hooked nose on myself and see what happens!


My original nose. I mean, it's already photoshopped lar, my nose is bigger than this, but it is this flat! (Also check out my bleached eyebrows, they look great!)

This is Paris Hilton, famous for her extremely hooked nose.


And thus the photoshop starts...


WAHAHAHA! Almost there

Shuyin says this photo looks like Ann Poh. Ann who? Never mind.



WAHAHHA! Really look like shit!

Stop laughing at me!

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Harry's Goblet and the Pot of Fire

I was amusing myself, moderating the comments... People are so weird! They like to say things like "You go direct the movie yourself lar, see if you can do better!" when you happen to say a movie they like, well, sucks.

And because I myself cannot direct any better, I have no rights to say a movie sucks.

Why, of course. That makes a hell lot of sense.


Happens all the time... If a fat chick dares to as much as comment that another fat chick is fat, I expect an angry mob will materialise out of nowhere and shout in perfect unison: "YOU THINK YOU VERY SKINNY MEH? SAY PEOPLE SAY YOURSELF HOR!"

And they will proceed to cobble both fat chicks to death or something, because hey, that's what an angry mob does.

(Oh btw as I am writing this I am bleaching my eyebrows and I feel quite jittery about how it will turn out)

So anyway, as I was saying, is it thus true that you can only criticise others when you yourself is any better?

Going by this theory, only past pageant winners can judge current pageants, coz only they are pretty enough to say who is pretty and who is not? Then may I ask, who is going to judge the first ever pageant?

Is a fat chick any less capable of judging whether another fat chick is fat? So, she is fat. Obscures her vision now, does it? (we are not talking about really fat until the fats droop the eyebrows down)

I thought "it takes one to know one"? Then she will be the best judge of who is fat, won't she?

Being fat automatically removes her rights to say another girl is fat?

No what... So yes, I win. I can say GOF sucks if I want to, because I was a paying consumer! Even if I didnt pay, I can still say it sucks. Hell, even if I didn't watch it, I can still say it sucks if I want to! :D It's my mouth.

But since the angry mob dictates that I direct a GOF better than Mike Newell did, I SHALL! SEE, I'M SO NICE.

And since majority of people seem to have no problems with changing Rowling's storyline COMPLETELY, I'm gonna as well. It seems like most people liked the show coz of "fantastic graphics" or "Tom Felton is hot", or "Beauxbaton girls are hot" (which btw, Beauxbaton is NOT an all-girls school, nor are the girls there all veelas, IDIOTS!). Or similar bollocks.

In that case, allow me to add and minus characters, and I know the audience will forgive me, because, erm, it is difficult to make a 700 page story into one blog entry you know?!

What a convenient excuse, and I love it!

How difficult is it to produce a classic Hollywood show everyone loves? Easy peasy, I say. And this time, I can use Jay Chou as Krum if I want to, and he shall mumble.



Daniel Radcliffe as:

Though increasingly sissy-looking, I, as mighty director, have decided to maintain Daniel as Harry because I am lazy.

However, I have warned him to wear his scar properly (by properly I mean I embossed it in photoshop) and fondle it lovingly at opportune times because I personally find it pretty sexy.

As for his eyes... My exact words to him were: "YOU MAKE IT GREEN OR I'LL FIRE YOU, FUCKER!" There, it worked. Green, aren't they?

Character: A great flyer, though moody at times. Like his Asian chicks.

(Pre Yule Ball) Hilary Duff/(Post Yule Ball) Ashley Olson as:

Many people have been asking stupid questions like, "How are you gonna make Hermione's teeth big"? Like flies! These questions are like pesky flies to me! *makes irritated hand motion*

How do I make Hermione's teeth big? If I can make Hagrid big, then teeth are not problems. But why bother messing with graphics? Since Hilary Duff had recently procured some veneers, I might as well just use her. And make her hair brown and bushy.

Character: Extremely smart witch, though quite ugly, and is from Muggle parentage. Is Harry's good friend and also a long-lost twin sister of Winky. Oops, spoiler.

David Beckham as:

Decided to have more brits in the show. Ron's a sidekick and nobody bothers about the sidekick, seriously. Since he is a nobody, he might as well be a handsome nobody. Vase you know, vase.

Everytime Ron speaks people will be like, "Oh fuck off, you don't know anything" because well, he does speak with a whiny voice and plus... air up there you know? *points to forehead repeatedly* But secretly, everyone wants to screw him.

Character: Harry's best friend. Poor pure-blood wizard, which, ironically, thinks Muggle football is extremely silly.

David Beckham as:

Yes, I know David Beckham is already used as Ron, but who cares? One will have red hair and the other brown, so we can easily differentiate them, thank you very much.

And Lord Voldemort is described as handsome, isn't he? As a clever director, I remember that there was one scene, Voldemort emerges from his enormous cauldron, with his new body and all.

"Robe me," he said to Wormtail.

THE DARK LORD HAS RISEN AGAIN... *cue dark music*


Character: Evil, but handsome, dark lord who wants to cleanse the Wizarding community of mud-bloods. In an ironic twist, falls in love with Hermione, the epitome of mud-bloods.

Richard Harris as:

I know he is dead, but I still like him as dumbledore, cannot meh?

Character: Wise headmaster of Hogwarts. Gentle, benign, and very old indeed!

However, I've decided to add some fizz into the show and make him gay (pokee, not poker), since he is gay in book five anyway. This explains the purple robes with stars.

Alan Rickman as:

Great job as Snape, so I'm keeping him!

Character: Potions master in Hogwarts. Hates Harry with a vengence.

Carmen Electra as:

I know she is supposed to be old and stern (hmm!) but hey, every show needs a slut, agreed?

Character: Head of Gryffindor house in Hogwarts. Likes Ron (duh, who doesn't?!).

Xiaxue as:

Why, cannot is it? I had to look damn long for a straight and black-haired photo but realised I didn't have any, so I had to photoshop this bleached blonde one black. Ha!

Character: Pretty Ravenclaw seeker, and Harry's secret love. Likes Ron/Lord Voldemort. Or Cedric diggory, depending on who she chooses to act as him later on as she writes this.

Tom Felton as:

No idea why people still find him hot considering his zits and underbite, but hey, we give and take. Blondes are cute.

Character: Arch-enemy of Harry, who attempts to trottle Harry to death with a Devil's Snare whenever possible. Possibly likes Snape, but unsure of his sexuality. In frustration, forces himself to like Neville Longbottom instead.

Tom Welling as:

WANT GREY EYES? I GIVE YOU GREY EYES! :D Handsome handsome handsome! Plus, he already has some experience in flying, being Superman and all.

Character: Handsome seeker of Hufflepuff, with brains not enough to fill an eggcup. Also realise that the phrase "not enough to fill an eggcup" seems to make us think his brain is the size of an egg, but hck! "NOT ENOUGH TO FILL AN EGGCUP" means his brains are not even HALF an egg's size! (coz eggcups are usually half-egg sized, and any more brains, it will overflow).

Adores Cho Chang and has hot steamy sex with her in the prefect's bathroom. Oh, and fellow triwizard Hogwarts champion.

Paris Hilton as:

Every show needs a slut. Oh, I've already said that? Ok, fine, aren't two sluts better than one? And plus, where can you find someone more suitable? Paris possibly does think her grandma is a veela. Of some sort.

Character: Snotty Beauxbatons champion. Ron likes her. Has an absurd adoration for micro bikinis.

Jay Chou as:

Krum is described as being sullen and moody, and Jay is perfect. I know, we have the slight problem that Jay is not Bulgarian...

Hmmm. Fine. In that case, I shall change Drumstrang to become a Taiwanese school altogether! Clever? YES! It will be called Chulalongkorn School of Wizardry and Witchcraft, because I think that name is very cute! :)

Character: Drumstrang champion, who is also a world-famous Quidditch player. Likes Hermione, and in an ironic twist, also discovers that he kinda likes Voldemort, resulting in a complicated love triangle for all. Likes to sing in his free time, and gets angry when people call him Viktor the Singer instead of Viktor the Seeker.

Miranda Richardson as:

Great likeness, but needs to talk MUCH faster and more shrewdly. Cmon, you are in the damn broom cupboard and you talk so slowly?!

Character: Terrible reporter of Wizarding newspaper Daily Prophet who twists anyone's words to get a story out. Has gold fillings in teeth. Is an animagus.

James Blunt as:

"My life is brilliant, my life is pure..." SHUT UP AND STOP MOANING, your singing is awful.

Character: A ghost who lives in the u-bend, literally killed for being a loser. Helps Harry in the hope she gets a friend, but of course Harry thinks she is really ugly, silver pimples and all. Not to mention her voice is disgusting.

Eminem as:

Eminem's voice will add a nice touch to the "eerie phoenix song".

Character: Dumbledore's pet phoenix. Smells a little when Dumbledore is a bit too busy to change the shavings.

Mary-Kate Olson as:

Winky wears a tea cozy or pillow-case, not too different from the clothes our hobo actress wears.

Character: House-elf to the Crouch family, and a representative of those oppressed by totalitarism. If this were 1984, she will be Parsons. But this is 2005, and she represents one of the many tight-arsed people reading this blog. Surprisingly enough, she is Hermione's long lost twin sister.

Some Zoo snake stars as Nagini, but since Xiaxue blogders seem to be *scoff* animal lovers, we decided to credit her too, since you know, animals have feelings and all.

Guest Starring Mrs Look as:

I don't know about you, but my ex-discipline mistress was the exact image of Dolores Umbridge when I read book five. RV student are nodding their heads in agreement, I know.

Character: Disgusting ministry bitch who makes our protagonist's life very difficult. Not supposed to appear until book 5, Umbridge makes a surprising appearance as she confiscated Hermione's time-turner and turned it a little too much. She and Rita forges an unlikely friendship and added each other on friendster and MSN too.

Guest starring Kenny Sia as:

I was just thinking of who is the most likely to turn into a red armchair and Kenny's face swam into mind.

Character: Squat, self-centered and judgemental, Potions Master in book six Horace Slughorn is one of my favourite characters ever created in my book-reading history, because he is so distinct, and yet uniquely so.

Unlike other usual characters epitomized by goodness, evilness, looks, skills, or intellect, Horace is characterized by elitism. A character who only mingles with the powerful, Horace does not crave fame for himself, but hopes to gain bits from everyone by helping the esteemed achieve more in life.

And you better stop hating him when he doesn't allow you in the Slug Club and start hating yourself instead, because he is usually right in his judgements.

Slughorn's only supposed to appear in book six, but who cares, I'm putting him in! It's either Lockhart or him, and I prefer him. :)

The script will be out tomorrow, give or take 10 days.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

I'm sorry

But the movie sucked.


Just one reason is enough to justify it: They made Hermione go ga-ga over Krum.









Why must they dramatize all the love scenes, WHY?


Since when did Hermione go all weak-kneed when Krum spoke to her? Disgusting. Hermy's supposed to be indifferent to him, unlike the rest of the gross gushing girls.

They made her this emo, cranky, huggy bitch, which I HATED coz I hate chao shu nus and they made Hermione one of them. Oh, and she is ridiculously pretty THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE SHOW.

Remember the book, when it was discovered that it was Hermione who danced with Krum, wearing a periwinkle blue dress? (Pink in the movie, bloody hell)

I remember the moment I read that, clearly...

It was magic.

I had severe goosebumps, coz Harry said he discovered that Hermione's grin was so different now that she had shrunk her teeth, and her hair, usually in a big messy bush, was sleek and combed into a smooth bun tied at her nape... And her posture was just different, maybe it was the absence of the dozen or so books slung over her...

REMEMBER? I bet you do.

In the show?

No magical moment. CUT. Hermione looks pretty after dressing up yes, but she was not different, just made-up. And the fact that Krum liked Hermione when she looks pretty irks me, coz the beauty in Krum liking her is because he DIDN'T GO FOR LOOKS ALONE, HE LIKED HER INTELLECT.

Fuck the chao director.

The rest of the movie was loosely pieced together, and Dumbledore SUCKED, being so fierce (at one point he actually seized Harry around the neck, something characteristically UN-DUMBLEDORISH!!), Moody sucked, and basically it wasn't GOF.

A real Harry Potter fan will not like the show. Yes, I can understand that a successful movie is different from a successful book and there is time limits, but remember that it is the HP fans who will watch your shows, and you cannot just change all the fundamental things what we all like about the book!

Like making Dumbledore a fierce, shouting person instead of the kindly, patient, wise headmaster he is. Dumbledore never shouts at people, never.

Like making Voldemort, who is at least 65 (He opened the chamber of secrets at the age of 16, 50 years ago) look like a crazed young man of 40, who is not the least bit scary, albeit ugly.

I can understand if you cut out Dobby and Winky. I can understand if you include Barty Crouch junior from the start, when he is obviously not supposed to appear until the end or for only a bit in the pensieve. I can understand if you even bloody merge the two memories into one to save time.

But I cannot accept that Dumbledore becomes this raving lunatic and Hermione becomes another Cho Chang. My favourite characters defaced, and I HATE IT.

I cannot understand why simple things they cannot just keep the same as the book, like the 1st 2 movies did (stick as close as possible to the book).

Like Ludo Bagman being blonde, round and jovial, wearing his yellow-black striped robe. Is it that difficult? To make that robe for him? Instead, Ludo and Crouch wore the SAME robe.

Crouch. Why did they make him a trembling, soft-spoken, loserish person? He is supposed to be uptight, anal, and fussy about rules. Rowling described his mustache as being ruler-straight. It wasn't.

OR at the prior incantatum or however you spell it scene... THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE FLOATING IN MIDAIR YES?

Is it that difficult to do, to make them float?

Dark-red robes for Drumstrung students... WHY NOT JUST GO WITH THE BOOK? Why insist on making it bloody BROWN?

But no. Being director means must be creative is it?!

Characters who are supposed to speak fast speak slowly (Rita Skeeter).

Characters who are supposed to speak slow speak fast (Moody, Dumblydorr).

Scenes that are over fast, they drag (dragon scene, Harry brought the dragon on a Tour-de-Hogwarts; bathing scene, made a big fuss about Moaning Myrtle flirting with Harry).

Scenes that are supposed to go slow and build your tension, they make it over in a bit (waiting for other champions to come, while in lake).

There are of course redeeming features, like certain funny scenes and graphics being fantastic, but overall the movie rushed its way out, and the entire storyline was changed.

I don't like it. :(

(Me: And what is with all those stupid beauxbaton girls doing the "ahhh..." "ahhh..." and butterflies fly thing?
Christian: Oh, you are just jealous.
Me: ...)

Oh and by the way, within one day IMDB's rating dropped to 7.9, from the 8.3 it was yesterday.

(One more by the way. Seeing Harry Potter like a Chinese girl disgusts me somewhat (it is so weird!!!) coz it remains me of the Farangs in Thailand going crazy over the Thai girls just because they are Asian and supposedly "exotic". I guess my mind is a little screwed lar, everytime an Angmoh tells me he likes Asian chicks I just think it's coz of all the Asia Carrera porn that he watched. Guess Harry must have seen Shu qi porn or something on Dudley's computer)

I confess myself disappointed.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

omg omg omg I AM A VEELA!

I am gonna watch Harry Potter tomorrow!!!!!!!!

Shuyin actually bought a Gryffindor cap to wear lor, for goodness sake! I was like, "Let's all wear black robes tomorrow..." and she went like, "but black doesn't match my hat."


Anyway I don't have black robes lar, so I was only talking cock. *grins* We're going in a bigass group of 12 people! I think. If the booking went ok.

If I can't watch it tomorrow I will be so sad. :(

I still think Jay Chou should be Viktor Krum! Really! Everytime I read the book I see his face as Viktor Krum... The sullen face, stand one side and refuse to talk look... :D HOR HOR HOR?! I KNOW YOU ALL AGREE WITH ME! Except, Jay Chou won't pronounce Hermy-own-ninny. He will pronounce it "mmmf" because he only mumbles wahahahaha...

I am very ANGRY though! Such a thick book, and it is only 150 minutes!?!? WHY? Make it 3 hours! 4! 5! Anything but 2.5! It's so short!

I expect we won't even see the prefects' bathroom (with the blonde mermaid in the portrait!), and I really want to see it. :(

And I also want to see Fleur's little sister! :D

And and and hor... I saw the poster in Cineleisure's lift... WHY THE HELL DOES THE BUBBLE HEAD CHARM LOOK LIKE A FACE MASK?! It is supposed to be like a fishbowl over the head! Bah humbug!

I think I will be quite irritated with small details tomorrow, such as Cedric's eyes not being grey, Moody being FAT and BLONDE, Malfoy no longer combing back his hair, Beauxbatons being protrayed as an all-girls school, etc etc I AM SO ANAL!

Stop it Wendy!

Check this out! IMDB gives GOB an 8.3/10!


8.3 will place it around 50 amongst the top movies of all times, though only regular voters are counted.

I am trembling with excitement!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


You know, if you aren't a popular blogger you won't come to realise how dumb, anal, and uptight the Singaporean blog-reading population is, really. Nothing really surprises me anymore, so nowadays I just find it very funny.

In fact, I think from now on I shall blog seemingly innocuous statements and have people getting angry over virtually nothing!

Me: "I use handicapped toilets." (So do like 99% of the females in Singapore)

Mob: "You are depriving handicapped people of their toilet delibrately! You are evil, selfish, ugly, vagina loose, smelly, fat, disabled mentally etc. I wish you will become disabled yourself. You bully the handicapped, how much lower can you get? Is there something you haven't attacked yet?"


See ah. I say that animals do not need to be ridiculously pampered to survive, and then people say I condone the torturing of animals. WAHAHAHA! It is really quite funny to see how much dumber these idiots can be!

Let's see the amount of things they can twist...

Me: The KL I witnessed during my holiday sucks.

Mob: You are a bad tourist who deserve to be treated badly, you are fat, ugly, vagina loose, smelly, fat etc... and Malaysia BOLEH!

Me: I love durians.

Mob: Why do you impose your views on people? Do you know that durians suck? It is very smelly, and by eating it you are inconveniencing the public. Do you also use it to hit old people and fluffy animals? I BET YOU DO! You fat, ugly, vagina loose, smelly, colour blind, etc etc.

LOL!! Quite amusing ain't it?

The one that makes me laugh the most come from the "animal-loving" bigots. Cockroaches not animals?! AREN'T THEY? I DIDN'T LEARN DURING PRIMARY SCHOOL!

Cockroaches are insects, yes?

1. Any of numerous usually small arthropod animals of the class Insecta, having an adult stage characterized by three pairs of legs and a body segmented into head, thorax, and abdomen and usually having two pairs of wings. Insects include the flies, crickets, mosquitoes, beetles, butterflies, and bees.

2. Any of various similar arthropod animals, such as spiders, centipedes, or ticks. See Regional Note at lightning bug.

Swallowing your words now, pretentious bastard? Still an "animal" lover?

Curiously enough... The word "insect" also describes you!

3. An insignificant or contemptible person.

How very apt, especially the insignificant part!

Back to our feigned "animal" lovers. SO WHAT ARE YOU NOW, A MAMMAL LOVER? Do you love, say, the smelly platypus also? Or do you only happen to "love" those silly creatures that pander to our human's instinct to guard the weak?

Isn't love all-rounded? So as long as an animal is doing something you don't like, ie rampaging your leftover dinner, and of course, being black and ugly, you don't love it anymore?



At the end of the day, "animal lovers" realise that they are exactly the same as me. They are "cute-lovers". They only love things which appeal to their senses.

I like cute animals. Of course, after getting along with the animal for a long time love occurs, as I love Cloudy because when I am down and alone he comes along, wagging his tail, always ready for a hug.

But I don't pretend to love every dog. I think bulldogs are ugly, so are turkeys, and I am politely indifferent to them.

If a turkey appeared in front of me and snuggled against my knee, I'll be like, "Oei, what you think you doing?!" and shove it aside. Sorry, but I don't find you cute.

I won't like it if they (turkey or bulldog) got tortured, but it won't make me extremely angry as it would if it happened to Cloudy; just like the way you feel when you see a stranger being crippled, compared to a kin breaking his leg.

But of course some people are more obsessed and have a larger range for their aesthetic tastes.

Like Shengrong for example. He sincerely finds fishes cute (!). So he likes his fishes.

That is fine. But don't pretend like you are oh-so-holy just because you fucking proclaim to love all animals, sodomite. Nobody will think you are a loving, caring, motherly figure just because you coo to your pet carpet of a shih tzu.

Me? Don't you start to worry about Cloudy. He likes me enough, and he better do, because our family feeds him, bathes him, cuts his nails for him, and fucking hell, I clean his shit for him everyday, picking it up with toilet paper.

Some people have their maids do all the shit work, and when visitors come, pretend to play with the dog and proclaim how blah blah important the dog is to them.

Don't come and talk to me about love unless you had some sort of sacrifice for your dog, yeah? You only know how to enjoy the good times. When the bad comes, you pretend to be busy changing your adult diapers. FUCK OFF FROM MY FACE.

Maddox is my god. He gives me strength. In his latest entry, he bloody insulted a state!

I can imagine him getting mail from people who are teaching him to maintain a website, saying blah blah he should not be so rude, surely Idaho has some redeeming features he didn't seen yet, how can he judge Idaho like that, blah blah.

But does Maddox care? Does he waver? NO. Because he knows that he is allowed to have an opinion, and he can voice it if he wants to. If you don't like his opinions, you can gently hiss, "DAMN, I DISAGREE!" to your screen and then continue laughing at the post.

If people believe his opinions, and Idaho's tourism falls as a result, TOO BAD FOR IDAHO. When it had the chance, it didn't convince Maddox to like it, like this movie did. Is it Maddox's fault idiots take his word? Nope.

So yes.

If you are in my room now, you can see me sucking in my breath and garnering up my courage.

Wendy, you are allowed to have an opinion, and fuck those who don't agree with you.

You can stop pretending to be PR now and say it now.

I will.


There. I said it. What's with all that pretending, wringing hands, and saying stupid things like "no lar I don't really not like the country, I just encountered some bad stuff there..." wishy washy bullshit? Don't like it, just admit it lar!

Sorry if you are from KL and all that, but I really don't like your city. Screw that, I don't have to apologize nor account for my opinions, just like I don't have to explain to you why I didn't eat that piece of parsley.

And as for people who go "tsk tsk" and ask me to just continue writing photologs and not write opinion pieces, why not shut up and only read the photologs? My blog is my blog; if I want to continue ranting against idiots, I go ahead and do it.

Maddox has shaved off a large number of his readers: Vegans, goths, mimes, old people, etc. Now he shaved off the largest number yet: An entire state of citizens!

Me, I possibly shaved off some thousands too, consisting of pretentious animal lovers, evangelists, people who persist on not using the handicapped toilet even in a queue, etc etc I cannot remember off-hand.

My loss? You don't know how happy I am that such people no longer read my site. :)

p/s: I am deleting all comments because I like making you feel unhappy.

Monday, November 14, 2005

The Land of Smiles (II)

(Super long entry)


Ok, I cannot take it ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!! Aren't those bunnies SUPER CUTE???? I think the only sleeping one the right is the cutest thing I HAVE EVER SEEN, and I really don't know why I didn't buy a bunny, because the netherland dwarfs are sold for...

40 freaking Singapore cents at the CHATUCHAK MARKET!!!

That's right! I don't even mind buying a few to put in the hotel room and cuddling them to sleep for 3 nights, and letting them go free when I go back to Singapore man.

Aiyoh they are so cute I just want to put my nose at their bellies and snuggle them... :D

So anyway, the bunny picture is not supposed to be in front, but I just thought it is super cute. Ahem.

Chatuchak Market!

We went there again the second day, because we didn't really see much the last time. After a long period of searching (the place is THAT big), we found the animals at section 16!

The Thai animal vendors at Chatuchak has taught me one thing: Animals do not need to be pampered like how stupid Singaporeans pamper them.

It irks me when I see people mollycoddling their pets, getting angry at you if you dare to as much as scold/insult the pet, which is ridiculous coz obviously the pet doesn't understand what you are saying. Yes loud voices might startle them, but they aren't hurt, just are just having a biological reaction.

As Kelvin will explain in exasperation, it is ludicrous to throw a human being in jail for torturing animals because animals are not capable for self-conscious thoughts. They do not possess the ability to be self-aware, and therefore are not bestowed with the knowledge of their very existance.

It is fairly certain that they cannot feel jealousy, they cannot understand claustrophobia, nor will they get the magnitude of depression a normal human being might get, being in jail.

(I was speaking to him on MSN so I shall just put in the entire conversation, lazy)

Kelvin - illuminati - lucifer: morning star, bringer of light says:
to punish a human being, with a system devised by our very superiority

Kelvin - illuminati - lucifer: morning star, bringer of light says:
for the abuse of an 'inferior' species

Kelvin - illuminati - lucifer: morning star, bringer of light says:
is an irony

Kelvin - illuminati - lucifer: morning star, bringer of light says:
we r aware of humiliation, and pride, and isolations

The weather is siao says:
lol i shall put that in and sound like i am very cheam

Kelvin - illuminati - lucifer: morning star, bringer of light says:
tt is the purpose of bein jailed

Kelvin - illuminati - lucifer: morning star, bringer of light says:
but pls do clarify tt i love animals

Kelvin - illuminati - lucifer: morning star, bringer of light says:
and i tink ppl who abuse them r sick

Kelvin - illuminati - lucifer: morning star, bringer of light says:
and should seek help

Kelvin - illuminati - lucifer: morning star, bringer of light says:
i just dont tink tt jailin them is appropriate

Well before I digressed, I was saying that animals do not need to be pampered. I do not proclaim to be a frantic animal lover (only like them if they are cute; animal lovers, do you love cockroaches? Don't gimme bullshit, if you are an "animal lover" then you love all animals, else you are just a CUTE-LOVER), and nor do I have anything against people who are infatuated with animals...

Oh wait I do.

I hate it when people treat animals better than they treat humans! Of course, some high-moral soul will now say that animals are better coz won't backstab you, they will never betray your love, etc etc, let's not eat them.

Yeah right kiddo, he only loves you coz he knows you will give him food. Why not test his love by sending him to your neighbour, who gives him tastier food from now on, and see if he returns? If he does, it is possibly coz your neighbour doesn't masturbate him and you do (out of love, you proclaim). Conditioned responses, all conditioned responses.

And number 2, a tasty jellyfish dish is also incapable of backstabbing you, that kind benign plate of delicacy! So why not you treat the jellyfish dish better than you treat your mom? How about a rusty doorknob? Also will never sleep with your best friend!

Humans are so weird.

As our society progresses and we don't have to bother about our own survival, we start to bother ourselves with other people's survival, like they want it in the first place. Like whales. Or or foie gras.

In the past, which raving caveman will give a flying fornication about saving a wild boar because "it can feel pain too, and it is near extinct"? Fuck it man, he will tear off the boar's skin and wear it for warmth, eat the meat to fill his stomach, and use a bone as a hair accessory.

Of course, now that we have alternatives (cotton, airpork, and hair dye), it is considered disgusting, cruel, and selfish to even scold an dog. WTF?!

Anyway, once again, before I digressed, I was saying that the Thais have made me realise that there is NO NEED WHATSOEVER TO PAMPER ANIMALS.

It is obvious the animals were kept in bad conditions, very bad conditions. The snakes were in mineral water bottles, the squirrels swung around via a string tied to their necks, and the puppies pushed around and allowed to lick every tourists' filthy hand.

The mere sight of the place will kill your average, superficial animal lover. Even Maddox might cringe a little. Or maybe not.

And yes, it is cruel, and I didn't like it too.

But curiously enough, you will realise something.

The animals propogate.

And we all know that animals only give birth in captive breeding when they are comfortable in their environment.

We have all forgotten that animals have survial instincts too, and they don't need us to wipe their anus for them after they shit.

Well that's that, let's go back to Chatuchak!

Chicks! I didn't see coloured ones though. :) So cute, chirping all over.

OMG the baby hedgehogs are the cutest! Besides that bunny.

It is around fist-sized.


Hedgehogs are very shy creatures. Do you know they spasm with loud noises? We realised that when we cough they shake rhythmically! I guess it's a defence machanism so that when they hear an intruder they shake and if you are near you get poked.

You can hold them in your hands, but only if you are an experienced durian seller. I did, coz the Thai guy says you can, and I got pricked (got blood somemore ok!)... Poor me!

When you pick them up, the roll very tightly into a ball! So cute! You cannot even see any part of their soft underbelly nor faces. After some time, they uncurl, and peek into the world, their little noses sniffing around. SO CUTTTTTE!!!

I don't know how mama-hedgehogs give birth though? Either the baby hedgehogs have very soft spikes or she has a very strong byebye.

Oh hedgehogs selling for around 1000 baht ($48 sing), which our tour guide later informed us is expensive.


There were so many cute puppies! Super duper cute man! And guess what? They are sold for like S$160 each!!

You'll save around S$840 if you bought a jack russell here and manage to smuggle it back. Or more, since $160 is way before haggling.

Can you spot the fake bunny?

These rabbits were just left on a shelf, and weirdly enough, they do not jump off!

Sorry, I cannot help putting this pic again, they are really super adorable...




Uber cute but quite dumb to keep them as pets coz they move way too fast.

Last but not least...


I really wanted to buy it back, but they didn't have the miniature kind I wanted, nor do I know how to smuggle it, dammit.

I should have taken a lot more photos, but most of the Thais didn't allow it, so these were mostly taken secretly.

There were many other animals, such as baby ALLIGATORS (!), snakes, scorpians, and I'm sure if you asked for an elephant or a tiger cub somebody will be selling it.

I couldn't take photos of the more "manly" animals, coz photography was very strictly prohibited in that shop.

After Chatuchak we went to watch the infamous Thai Girls show. ($20 per person)

Possibly the only photo ever smuggled out of the place is this. I am so sorry that I am not a good enough blogger, coz most of the time the girls were not wearing anything and I didn't manage to get a shot of that.

Nonetheless, here's a photo that can aid your imagination as I explain. Of course, you shall not forget I risked life and limb (they are pretty lawless in Thailand) to get this damn photo taken. I got caught twice, both times by the dancing girls, who wagged their fingers at me.

SO ANYWAY, the show. There were a few misconceptions I had before I entered the place.

The first was that it is a SEX show. But it is not, it is a freak show. I'm not being rude, it is true! When you go in you will realise that the girls do not set out to arouse but to shock.

The second misconception was that seeing a girl bottomless is a lot more outragous that seeing a girl topless, which is more common. But surprisingly, even when the girls take off their bottoms, I didn't find it... very exposed.

You cannot really see their genitals (clever angles of stage) and all you can really see if a turf of pubes and that's it.

It was quite boring actually, despite it sounding so amazing.

This is what happens: A girl will come up to the stage and dance. She dances for some time, to drag the show on for the 45 minutes it is supposed to last.

Dance dance dance, SIAN! The music is crappy techno, and the girls are old and not pretty!!

Even watching ah kuas are better, coz at least ah kuas are vivacious and made for the stage.

These girls are bored of their routines, and unenthusiastic about their dancing.

We skip to the amazing parts... Where the girls have already took out their bikini bottoms and tied them around their thighs.


Stunt 1) The Amazing Coke manufacturer.

(Please take note that the guests were all served coke.)

Girl brings a coke bottle, filled with plain water. She sits down on the stage and stuffs the bottle head into her vagina.

Voila, bottle emptied! She dances for a short while, audience applause.

Girl sticks empty coke into the vagina again.

Liquid fills up coke bottle, and it is COKE COLOURED.

Stunt 2) Happy Birthday To You

Girl comes on to stage with another girl holding a fake birthday cake with real candles, and 2 really big balloons.

Performing girl sits down, and inserts a blowpipe into her vagina. She inserts a dart into the pipe. Meanwhile the other girl lightly hits the balloon so that it is floating around 2 metres in the air.

Performing girl takes aim, and blows. The darts fly, and hit the balloon with a spectacular burst. After second balloon, she proceeds to extinguish all the candles with her superior genital air.

Stunt 3) Would you like that bottle opened for you sir?

Girl shakes coke bottle violently. She puts bottlecap near vagina, and before anyone knows what is happening, has managed to open the bottle.

Stunt 4) The Gigantic pussy storage

Two stunts were almost the same, which is to pull an amazing amount of string out of their vagina. It is truly freaky, the strings are as long as, I don't know, 10 metres?

One string consists of bells, and the other, of UV-sensitive flowers. The girls just dance and loop the strings around the four poles while pulling and pulling endlessly.

Curious thing is how the strings do not get entangled while being stored!

Stunt 5) The addict

Girl walks up on stage, and lights up 2 ciggies.

She inserts them into herself, and puffs, while moving around to show the audience. By the end of 4 puffs or so, the cigarettes are finished, and she didn't burn herself.

As a bonus she blows a tune on a trumpet.

Stunt 6) You cannot harm me.

Girl comes on to the stage dancing around, with no apparent internal injuries, and holding a piece of scrap paper.

She puts a chain of something out of her vagina.

Audience squints for a bit before they realise what it is...


And they all gasp. I screamed a little.

She pulls and pulls, not slowly mind you, and the blades come tumbling out, until it is as long as the chain of flowers and bells.

When she is done, she takes up random pieces of blades and slices (easily) the scrap piece of paper for us to see.

She smiles nonchalantly and takes her chain of blades down the stage, as if normal people insert such dangerous objects into their most sensitive areas everyday.

Stunt 7) The Lesbian Act

Two girls go on the stage, and they take out everything, including their tops which is usually kept on. They pretend to fuck.

Stunt 8) The Kamasutra

A man and a lady go on the stage. They are in their 30s, and not very good looking. They have a bit of foreplay, then have sex. It is more educational than anything else, with 2 strokes in each position and changing many positions without once taking out the penis. It is a lot more boring than it sounds. And the guy is ugly.

So that's that for the Thai Girls show! We eat.

We got cheated! That damn fish costs 700 baht, which is the price for a KG of fish, and we are sure it wasn't 1 kg. Damn! But for once, it feels good not to eat spicy food.

We move on to Khao San Night Market, where I met Jorraine, who was also in Bangkok with her friends!

It was a fabulous place!! Khao San specialises in selling body modification related things, which means lots of piercing rings, accessories, hair salons, clothes, manicures, etc. :) At quite reasonable prices! Massage S$10 for an hour. :)

We saw a very popular hair salon, which did braiding and dreadlocks.

You choose your hair colour, and they braid it for you!

Look at this girl!

She had shoulder length hair and she paid 800 baht (S$30 plus). Now it's waist length! Cool yes? You can keep the extension for around 2 and a 1/2 months, according to the Thais.

Click here to see how fast they do the braiding!!!!!

Amazing Thailand.

I chose pink of course. :D

I did only 10 strands of hair and it costs me S$10, as compared to MBK's ridiculous quote of 1,000 baht ($48) for the same ten strands. Crazyass MBK idiots. And they refuse to lower the prices you know!

The boys like the shop (and their new tees)

Kelvin is pretty! He looks like a samsui woman lol



MY NEW IDOL!!! Russell's SO COOL NOW! We told him he cannot smile that goofy smile anymore so he is now trying to act seh. -_- NICE RIGHT THE DREADLOCKS?! :D

We proceed to PATPONG, where all the sleaze is. :P

I don't see where the topless girls are...

Walking along Patpong, Thailand red-light district, is very exciting. As you go, you get a glimpse of the girls dancing inside, and some girls, some trannies, will be standing outside, pulling you in.

Oh, the lights and the glitter!

Some not so subtle.

Patpong does not only have sex shops, but also a night market, though it closes rather early and prices are farang (farang means all foreigners I believe) catered.

Being the great blogger I am, I urged the boys to get into one of the bars, and I managed to take ONE PHOTO:

There you go! Not topless though.

The sad thing is, on these bars the girls actually lose out to the trannies, who tend to look better. These Thai ladyboys are so hot, you just forgot that they were once men, seriously.

The prettiest of them flashed at us, and I nudged Tim excitedly to look. The girl saw me nudging and laughed at me... :( Xiaxue=mountain tortoise.

I also realised that amazingly the transsexuals have CAMEL TOES! Really damn amazing.

Guess how much it costs? 100 baht for a beer, if you don't bring any of the girls home. S$4 for looking at maybe 50 girls dancing for you, and a beer to boot? Deals like these you can only get in Thailand. :)

Patunum market was flooded (as is everywhere else actually), but the accessories there are so cheap. :)

Suan-Lum Night bazaar, great for furniture shopping and more upmarket things! (As you can see I am getting tired of this very long blog entry)

And we go back to Singapore.

Me with braids, Russ with dreadlocks, Kelvin with dyed and cut hair and Tim looks quite the same though he cut his hair coz he can't do anything outrageous; he is in the army. Poor thing!

We are not a couple btw, Tim and I. Couples do not go out with mutual friends all the time, do they? :)

Flying Finnair, the official airline for Santa Claus!

We love you!

Ok I'm out, super late now! I wrote this entry from 3.30pm till now, 7.21 pm! If it is not work I don't know what it is.