Friday, January 20, 2006

That one question

I was just thinking of this question the other day...

Although I don't believe any religion, I imagine that when I die, I will go up to this place, and it is kinda like immigration customs.

(The reason why it is up and not down is because the place is full of light in my imagination... So yes.)

Now a superior being, I shall, for convenience's sake, call him God, will be there, judging everyone about the life they lead before they are banished to hell, or promoted to heaven.

One by one people queue up for their turn, and God will be sitting there with this clipboard and a grouchy looking assistant beside him taking notes.

There you see? Just like that...!

You know, credible newspapers and all have said I'm racist (I was next Hitler, they imploded!), so in order to refute that once and for all, I have drawn God with an ambiguous brown-toned skin.

It is said that in time to come, every race will fuck every race, so we will all end up this colour.

You may once again argue that I am still racist because I drew the assistant as a black stickman, but take note that the inside of the head is the background colour... Meaning the assistant is, erm, actually transparent.

Some eagle-eyed critics might also argue that since God is wearing white, I am also racist. My explanation is that God's robes (or dress, depending on whether you think he is a woman or man) are made out of the seven colours of light combined ... aka white. Damn, what a cool answer I just gave.

But I digress.

So yes, the assistant and God is not the main point here. The main issue is the damn LCD screen.

Now, I believe that God has this damn good LCD screen, which is even better than Bang & Olufsen's. The one I saw in Hyatt's suite could swivel to wherever it detected movement from (presuming you are the one moving), and stop right there, facing you!

Which is great, but God's is even better.

Now this LCD screen is kinda like a pensieve (Harry Potter lingo), because while we humans have only learnt how to capture sound and sight, the LCD screen boardcasts those two, as well as taste, touch, and smell!

Now I believe that with this LCD screen, God, with that pink clipboard also double acting as a remote control, will play back to you all the times in your life you have sinned.

Now it may seem like a lot of bytes and thus holding up the queue, but remember he is God, so he is omnipotent and can serve many dead people at one time.

So with a little bit of fast forward, God will play back all the times you have cheated, lied, ate animals, masturbated, said God's name in vain, said God's name in vain WHILE masturbating etc etc.

It will be terribly embarrassing although you kinda think you won't see the assistant again, and God... well he already knows everything so what's there to be paiseh about in front of him?

Oh the good thing is, with the LCD screen you can also feel with all five senses what you felt while sinning. Muahahha all those big Os.

So yeah...

And then I kinda believe, that after God showed me all that I've sinned, he will then boom at me and tell me,

"Wendy, to err is human. This is how you have fared in life.

Now I will choose to put you in heaven or hell. As you know, I'm omnipotent and omniscient.

You can ask me one question, and I will answer you via my mighty LCD screen. What is it you want to know?"

Now I presume that this single question cannot be begging God to put you in heaven (or hell, if you are into that sort), but you can ask anything else.

It won't affect whether you go to Hell or Heaven.

It won't change anything. (Ie you can't ask God, "Can you give us world peace?" God will just say no and your question will be wasted)

We also presume that the people you meet in Heaven or Hell will also have gone through this too, so the wiser choice will be to not ask philosophical, non-personal questions coz it is likely someone else did already and you can just ask the general public in whatever section you go to.

Like, Did the chicken or the egg come first? Someone is bound to have already asked that.

Questions you can ask...

For example,

"That time my wallet got stolen in school. Who was the bastard who did it?"


"I saw my best friend's shoes outside my girlfriend's house, but they claimed to be repairing the computer. Did they betray me?"


"Were the votes rigged in Singapore Idol?"

etc etc questions... A thing that you have always wanted to know but never had the chance to.

I've always settled on my one question, but as new affairs pop up I keep changing my questions... I am scared I die soon and have no question to ask, and God will forfeit my chance coz I think too long. :(

Maybe I will ask him to show me my funeral or something.

Oh, how morbid.

What would YOUR one question to God be?