Friday, March 3, 2006

The Chengs love crab

This is so funny.

That day, Momo was in a good mood and she asked my didi (Yes, Clinton Cheng is my brother, not my cousin) and I whether we wanted to eat crabs.

When she came back from the market she kept laughing, and waving the bag of crabs around.

She said that she is very happy coz she tan dio one crab.

It so happened that the store she went to to buy the crab was beside the road, and when she finished buying her 3 big crabs, she and didi saw one crab on the road.

Yes, one crab, just lying there, for goodness knows what reason.

The loser crab was frantically attempting to flip himself over but couldn't.


So right, my mom told my brother to faster go and pick up the crab!

I have no idea how the crab managed to escape the store, but yet flipped itself over. It must be fucking stupid, whahahaha! Let's laugh at it. LOSER CRAB!

My brother didn't want to pick up the crab coz he thought it's very dirty to eat things from the ground, but Momo put her foot down and insisted we take the free crab anyway, coz it is so alive and moving, and if we didn't pick him up someone would too!

("If I had only one crab then I can't do anything to the crab but I have 3 what, why can't I pick it up?" and etc excuses for being a opportunistic kiasu auntie)

(Anyway I am still laughing at the crab... I always laugh at creatures who can't flip themselves over coz I think it's damn stupid of them... Like tortoises and starfish. SO LOSER!)

Momo is really very happy that she got us all a free crab, and claims that this incident alone, amongst other unhappy events that happened to her, shows that "her luck is coming back". Aunties.


So anyway, she did what any typical auntie would do:

Take out the weighing scale to see how much money she picked up. Look at how happy Momo is.

SIX BUCKS! We are all very happy. :D


HAHAHA! Loser crab.

I don't know where Momo learnt such things like chopping crabs but I think I would be a very poor wife indeed coz I am really unwilling to touch dead meat, let alone kill live animals.

The process is SO GROSS.

First Momo took up a pair of scissors, and nonchalantly clipped the crab's lower legs away while talking to me. It's like so sian lor, if you are the crab.

Can you imagine that someone is hovering a pair of deadly kitchen scissors above your head, talking about cooking you in chilli or other superficial conversation topics, and then in between breaks in the conversation process to snip off your legs like it's nothing?

Damn sick.

The crab was still moving around like the lower legs are nothing much. One crab, in the process of escaping, also lost a leg. HAHAHA! I mean, legs to crabs seem like nothing.

They go like, "OK, I'm escaping! Hey, where's leg four? Ah, fuck it." and continue whatever they are doing.

After cutting legs can cut off strings coz even if they escaped they can't run nowhere! :D

Momo proceeds to use a chopper and some stone thingy to chop the middle part of the crab up.

And once again, the crab is still moving around after being chopped right in the torso. Aw.

After that, while still chatting animatedly to me, Momo, in one swift movement, pulls the sides of the crab out such that only the top shell is left.

SO FUCKING GROSS. There's like black liquid, and plenty of crab guts left in the shell.

As you can see, Momo is playing with the crab guts in the photo. As I was taking the picture, she actually commented, "You know hor girl, some people eat these you know?".

While the guts were still PULSATING, she pulled at a random orangey thing and wondered aloud, "I think these might be eggs... Maybe we can eat them."

I puked and I think she took that to mean no.

Speaking of the pulsating. I actually took a video of it, coz I didn't believe that an organism can be pulled apart to such a stage, and yet still be alive.

It seems to inconcievable to me.

Yet, there's this brain-like grey thing in the crab, that clearly pulsated for the longest time. It still has life running through it. In fact, it pulsated for so long that I even lost interest in looking at it and proceeded to file my nails.


Momo said those were not brains but the heart of the crab. I knew it. Crabs weren't that smart to have brains around a 50 cent coin size. (I know you idiots are gonna pick on the fact that bigger brains do not mean smarter, but just get a life and let it go dude, let it go.)

Tadah! Lovely crab meat.

Momo also cooked dou miao and steamed eggs, so we had a fab dinner! :D

There are supposed to be more photos, but Kelvin lent me two cams, and the one which took these photos was real lousy, so the rest of the photos with the cooked crabs turned out blur.

(Thanks Kelvin! All girls go kiss him when you see him k!)

I'm now using his Canon Ixus though, coz I lost my Sony L1 on the cruise. :(

I think I left it on the damn Tuktuk in Phuket.

Sigh, that lucky Thai tuktuk driver.

So yes, this marks the end of this boh liao blog entry, and can I please get a sponsor for a camera? PLEASE???

You PR people reading this?? OEI!