Saturday, February 24, 2007

Or loosely translated as "Ridding the public of vermin"

Some of you might remember I used to have a blog dedicated, at first at least, solely to produce hate messages against me - very uncreatively and childishly named "Xialanxue".

(Don't try to go to his site, it now contains a spam address with irritating pop-ups)

Throughout a span of a year, the blog owner (who is an anonymous coward of course) wrote many lies about me and caused me countless tears, striking especially hard to siphon fame whenever I was down or had some controversy going on.

I did not know him (nobody who knows me will presume the absurd things he says about me), and yet he sounded like he knows the inside of my head so well, assuming my motives, my intentions, and boardcasting them to the naive internet world, who dumbly enough chose to believe him.

Most annoying of all, he stood on high moral ground and preached to others how to live their lives, when he is just a nobody. He could be your regular admin clerk, or your middle-aged illiterate uncle, or even some computer geek who never left his pc world.

Is he Gandhi? Is he my father? I presume not. So he is in no position to tell me what to do.

The last straw came when he published an article saying that a real life friend of mine told him that I was... something like none of my real life friends even like me.



As if any of my real-life friends will make friends with vermin like him! Seriously, he needs to wake up and smell the real shit: WE ARE OF A DIFFERENT CLASS. My friends will never make friends with someone like YOU!

All my good friends range from knowing me 10-3 years, and you would think that people who dislike me will not stick around for so long.

Countless times, I had my looks insulted, my photos defaced, and my reputation defamed, all to just earn him a few adsense dollars.

The retard even concluded he is good enough to be impersonated! Isn't that funny? If a can of abalone claims to be some barnacles one day, that is called SPOOFING.

NOT impersonation, simply because you are not good enough, geddit? YOU ARE JUST THE ACCESSORY, WITHOUT WHICH THE POTAGONIST YOU WON'T EVEN EXIST.


I hated him so much, one day I decided I had enough, and approached lawyers.

My friend introduced me to a lawyer who agreed on taking on the case.

Somehow, XLX must have caught wind of the impending case, because he stopped writing about me.

Instead, he terrorized other bloggers, including Dawn (first posting her pre-op photos then saying how she is sweet etc unlike me *roll eyes*), Wee Shu Min (whoever she is), Tammy and various other random people.


Starhub took a long time to get back with the identity behind the ip address, and I thought, since XLX stopped blogging about me, I shall let it go.

Just two days ago, he resurfaced again, linking to some useless forum person who dug out my mistake of a Maxim photoshoot 2 years ago, and claiming I posed for it with my new plastic nose.

How grossly wrong can his information get?

(Also, seriously, the nose job insults are just sooooo lame, it's like throwing styrofoam daggers at me).

And once again, he has the guts to insinuate disgust at my looks.

Let's face it, he is probably an ugly loser and will jump at the chance to have sex with someone half my celibre.

Digressing, why are some ugly people so unabashed? HOW can you keep going on about how some other people are ugly when it only draws attention to how you look like a buttplug?

So anyway, I wrote an email to him:

Hey there,

I don't know what tricks you are up to again, but I think I should inform you that I am one step away from suing you. My lawyers actually have gathered everything needed, and I've already paid starhub $500 to get your ip address to reveal who you are.

My lawyers have all your archives saved, and as you know, it is unarguable that you have defamed me countless of times (especially with regards to you putting up the pictures of me from edmw forum some time ago). It doesn't matter that you took down your entries: Point is that they were all once there.

And I don't even know you personally - I don't deserve all the trauma you have caused me.

I did not go ahead with the law suit because you stopped blogging about me for some time, and I decided to live and let live.

All I need is $2,000 to go ahead with it (for court charges).

Should I go ahead with it? You decide. Either shut down your blog completely, or get sued.

The damages won't be little, and I'm sure I'll have the support of many other girls whom you have made it your business to defame.

Yours sincerely,

And thus he shut down his site.

Good riddence, Mr Nobody. You would have been a nobody without me, so let's have you return to that insignificant position. I'm sure the rest of the girls and I will miss your sorry ass.(*insert Borat "NOT!")

I guess that the question I'd have to ask God when I die (presuming we get to ask a question, which I think is only fair) is who he is. I'd then seduce the weather guy and make him throw a lightning bolt at xlx's face, splintering it into a million burnt pieces. Ahhh... that feels good. What do you mean what about his mother? Too bad la, as if my mother wasn't sad when he kept defaming me!

I wonder if after I die I will be able to keep my new nose, or go back to the old one? It will be so sad to suddenly have a big nose again.

(What do you mean how do I know he is a guy? I just know! Girls don't blog like that.)

Wednesday, February 21, 2007


I am rich!!!!!! Although $325 may not be a lot compared to what some ah sia kias (rich people's sons) are getting, but it's still a pretty good sum of effortless cash!

Daddy gave me the most money ($200), followed by a mysterious parent (I think it's Kelvin's) who gave the second most: $28.

Angpows are sooooo shiok! It's the best thing about being Chinese, followed closely by xiao long baos (and various other cuisines such as the salted egg yolk prawns) and the beautiful language of Mandarin.

This year I kept getting invited to prestigious houses to bai nian! Qing asked me to go to her sister's place (I actually yelped in excitement in the middle of mahjong) although I am forbidden to tell you guys who she is (if you guess it correctly in the comments I will delete it!).

And then Ming asked me to go to this guy's place... HIS HOUSE GOT FLAMINGOS AND PEACOCKS WALKING AROUND CAN!!!!!!

And it's supposedly super super big too!!

Too bad the stupid Junne dua me in the end, so I had no one to go with me and missed the opportunity. See la, she made you guys miss an interesting blog entry! Never mind, still got next year!

Some of you might be hmpf-ing at me and asking, "What makes you think you will even live till next year? Your obesity will kill you soon!"

First of all, I am trying my best to diet in the midst of ba kwa and unlimited snacks lying around, ok! Stop saying I am fat!

Secondly, I am determinded to stay alive till next year at least, because I NEED to read the last Harry Potter book before I die!

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

Doesn't it sound extremely forbidding and exciting? YES IT DOES!

I'm going to go into Harry Potter frenzy again!! JK Rowling announced that the book will be published on 21st July, and that, my blogders, will be the day I... no, one day after that (gimme some time to read the book), will be the day you can kill me.

I mean, of course I still won't be very happy about being killed, but hey, at least I won't be pondering in hell what happened to Harry...

Bill and Fleur are gonna get married! And Victor Krum is coming back into the scene! How will Ron react? Is Dumbledore really dead? How did Rowling get so funny?

She is so totally my favourite writer. I know you guys thought I sounded really stupid in that GoL ep with SPG but I am NOT kidding when I said that the Harry Potter series (as a whole) is my favourite book in the world.

Why would people choose a cheam and dull book to be their favourite? The Harry Potter series is intriguing and funny and a breeze to read. Perfect! I am not ashamed of my choice and I will not be conformed into saying any other book is my favourite!


A few pictures. It's like a Mike Galore, I shot so much pictures of him!

Me and Him at the new Marche. Or V'iage or whatever it is called now, still the same damn thing.

Unshaven and drinking!

Rozz asked me to go the Biotherm launch, they gave us $500 worth of Biotherm vouchers!!! *boggle-eyed*

I had SUCH a good time choosing all my products.

Thought I'd put up the uncensored version of this photo.

Mike's olive green eye

I took this while he was lying in bed beside me. It's so bloody unfair! Look at how pretty real coloured eyes are! It's so intriguing; the sea-green blends into the brown and forms a flower-like pattern.

GRRRRR. Why can't ALL the races have coloured eyes?

Hmmm cute

Last day of being blonde

I somehow look like a tranny in that picture. Why?

Anyway, black hair.

It's so funny! I never really thought about what race I look like, and I just always presumed I look Chinese even with light-coloured hair.

But only after I dyed my hair (and cut my stupid fringe to go with it) did I realise how much more oriental I looked!

After Mike and I *ahem-ed* that day, I caught our reflection in the mirror and exclaimed with a loud gasp, "Oh my god! We just had inter-racial sex! That's like so weird!!"

He frowned at me and said placidly that has been happening for some time now, but well, before this I always had the same-ish hair colour as him so it really never occured to me how fundamentally different we are!

(Isn't it funny? People think it's crude when you talk about having sex, but everyone with children, or pregnant ladies, are doing exactly the same thing except it's not out loud. They all have sex too!)

Black hair

Went to Weili's farewell party at his club...

Weili has the same pose in so many pictures! Hahaha...

You can't see it, but the hair colour is really dark blue! The dye stains the back of shirts, towels, as well as pillow cases a dull purplish tone. Not good!

The dye and cut courtesy of Kimage, of course.

Sudden irrelevant photo: My beautiful nails!

I am so talented! I stuck on my residue crystals on the nails and they look SOOO splendid.

Mike Mike Mike:

In case you are wondering about the straw, we were trying to take a photo and see what the straw will look like. We found out it mostly would be an uninteresting blur.

Ha! I found his perfect angle while he was using the comp, so I made him take a dozen photos in that pose!

Wong is siao! She asked us all to go to iFuture at the Science Center, which, in my humble opinion, is quite boring.

All they had as a redeeming factor is this neat optical illusion!

Isn't it cool?? With some mirrors they made it look like someone with a sense of humour chopped Wong's and Mike's heads to put on fruit platters.

Mike's "dead" face is totally unconvincing. Wong's much better as an actress.

That's all for today! I got a lot of pictures of my KL trip, as well as CNY day 1 and 2.


p/s: Are the colours of the pictures nice? Did something special with them. :) And also, yes, these are the photos AFTER the nose job. There's no need to scrutinize, coz I STILL edit my face, ha! Don't blame me! I'm just a perfectionist like that!

p/p/s: Mike is NOT younger than me. He is 26 this year!!

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Happy CNY


My muscles are aching ALL OVER!!!!!

Momo and I went to Ikea and bought $350 worth of furnishing stuff (all paid by me -_- except for the paint which Momo kindly sponsored), including two new cupboards and a cute flower nightlight!

Momo took my loft bed over to her room ("easier to vaccuum") and left me with a super-single mattress to sleep on the floor till she buys a new bed for me :D

Many years ago when we just moved in here, I told my mom I wanted my room pink, so she bought pink paint for me... But I really don't like that shade (like strawberry ice-cream shade... I know! I am so difficult), so today! I finally did something about it and painted a wall a deep shade of pink!

I think I'll either put mirrors half over it or paint a mural.

Meanwhile, Mike seems to have secured a job here (all fingers crossed), and it is my one true wish that he turns into a rich angmoh! Then I'll be one of those girls dating rich angmohs - which, I can only imagine, rules!!!!


It will possibly rule till some maid walking along Orchard road tries to seduce my rich angmoh by feeding him some nasi kangkang.

Nasi kangkang, a single most disgusting person informed me some time ago, is, erm... cursed rice.

When fed to a man, he will be smitten by you and will do anything for you!

Erm, apparently, the way to make nasi kangkang (or so I heard, do correct me if I am wrong) is to cook a bowl of steaming rice and...


And thus the water drips back into the rice, and all that's left now is to feed it to the man of your choice, and he is yours!!!!!


So gross!

The byebye won't burn meh, I thought steam is 100 degrees leh! Orh bi good if she burns I guess, serves her right for resorting to trickery like this!

Ha! I am imagining some chick trying to do this and burning her genitals. She'll be hopping around feeling damn pissed off with herself! Not only did she not succeed in making a bowl of nasi kangkang, even if the boy likes her out of his own will she can't have sex with him coz she is burnt! MUAHAHA

Obviously, some of you may be frowning now, thinking, "Why would Mike accept a bowl of rice from some strange female?"

That, my dear friend, is good and logical thinking, but angmohs are super greedy and will eat anything! I'm just saying.

I got shitloads of photos but no time to edit them yet.

And for those of you who wanted Rozz's blog add, here it is! She's a pretty good blogger I must say. :)

Pictures maybe tomorrow or the day after.

Happy Chinese New Year everyone and many many angpows!!!!!

p/s: Mike left for home yesterday and I am really sad coz I wanted to dress him up in a traditional navy blue mandarin collar satin shirt. I thought he would look so good in it! When I told him this, he shook his head and said he is not my doll. Bah! He is not a fun and oriental-loving angmoh.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Happy V day

Just got back from a holiday in Malaysia with Gillian, Rozz, Ashley, and their respective boyfriends/husband.

Sorry for the lack in updates lar! I brought my laptop there and wanted to blog, but as it turns out there is no free wifi in M'sia. Sorry!

We had SUCH great food in Penang! I officially call it the best restaurant in the world, coz they served the best lala, crab (cheese crab!) and prawns I've ever eaten, with the prawns being the most fab of all.

It was shelled (leaving just the head and the tail bits) and deep-fried and breaded with what appears to be a mixture of golden-brown batter and salted egg yolk!!


I've been feeling very tormented lately coz I really want a tattoo and my mom and Mike both don't like the idea.

I'd go ahead and do it, but Momo threatens to throw me out of the house, and I am scared that Mike gets repulsed by me or something.


And I REALLY DETEST the feeling that I am stopped from doing something I want to do by someone else's judgement.

It's making me sooo pissed off I wanna box something. Or rapidly mince a tiny animal.

Why can't people just be happy for me for such a simple thing? It's my own body leh, and it seems very weird to me that if I were to scratch myself tomorrow skiing or something, and leave a permanent scar, nobody is gonna keep telling me, "Oh, you will regret skiing now, won't you?" coz they just know it's done and whatever they say just won't change anything.

I also hate the people who keep saying that I will regret doing it.

You know what?

will regret doing it.
I won't.

I am not you, so don't judge me based on your own thinking - we are different.

These are the exact same sort of people who keep telling me that eating a bit of parsley (coriander, whatever) won't kill me.

FUCK OFF! Just coz you don't mind parsley doesn't mean I necessarily feel the same way about it, ok?

How badly do I dislike parsley? Well, if I eat it, I will puke.

If I were forced to choose to eat the 100g of my own shit (not Cloudy's, Cloudy's shit is DAMN smelly) or 100g of parsley, I'd have to tell you that that's a tough choice I have to make.

(Unless, of course, my shit contains parsley, but that's a different thing altogether)


HATE people who impose their views on other people.

My mom keeps telling me to look at the old people around who are lasering off their tatts in regret.

Weird, because if I don't do it when I am young and thus decided not to do it for the rest of my life, won't I regret too? Simply because I missed my chance to do something I really wanted?

Either way, it seems, I lose; but at least if I do it it will be my choice I regret, instead of bearing a grudge against someone else's choice.

I hate this bitch, she has a tattoo.

When I stop being so grumpy I'd blog some more, with pictures.

Today is me and Mike's 11th month anniversary, and as it turns out, also Valentine's Day!

We planned to watch Heroes the whole day, but we finished 10 of the 11 episodes we had yesterday. -_-

Great show!

I think I'd go cook a sumptuous Singaporean dinner for him. And by sumptuous, I really mean average. Coz I can't cook very well, I think.

But how difficult is it to follow a recipe, right?

Eh, right?

Oh btw, we also filmed a bit more of Girls Out Loud on our road trip!

Nope, I don't think we are gonna have a season two (you can write in to if you want to pester Mediacorp to do season 2), but these clips we filmed might be going on Youtube. :)

I'll keep you guys posted!

p/s: It rules to be attached on V day for once! Past 4 years sucked.

Tuesday, February 6, 2007

Busy making babies

Ha! Just kidding!

Anyway, I don't know why, but I've got nothing interesting to blog about lately!

I've just been lazing around with Mike watching Dvds - Lost season 3, Prison Break I and II, and My Name is Earl (which is fucking hilarious I tell you) and basically pigging out.

Teban Garden's ****** food place sucks! They tried to sell the poor angmoh 2 small pieces of tandoori chicken for $10!!!

Bloody hell! Singaporean hawker vendors really shouldn't cheat foreigners this way! Someone told me that in Newton, some bloody Chinese hawkers sold some angmohs a bowl of shark's fin soup for $300...!

$300, can you imagine? Those angmohs also stupid lar, should ask the price before ordering something that sounds like it could be very expensive lor.

Crazyass bastards are so scheming!! Hawker people are horrible.

I told Mike to repeat after me for future such scenarios:

"I will not pay XX dollars for your laksa/dvd player/bananas. I will now take a photo of your store and you, and report this atrocity to CASE. I will also write a letter to Straits Times forum. Good day."

That is, of course, in the case of him not being surrounded by, for example, a multitude of Sim Lim ah bengs.

So yeah, Mike paid $6 for the chicken in the end, and they went all threatening, saying that he is accusing them of overcharging him. GRRRRRRRRR! Poor Mike!

Anyway, here are some overdue photos of pictures our producer Joan Leong took during filming.

I'm really sad that Girls Out Loud is over! The whole experience was really fun, I enjoyed the company of Rozz and all our crew very much, and I felt like I was doing something productive for once.

Now I'm back to doing nothing mostly. Which also rules, don't get me wrong. It's fabulous to be a bummer. I need to find more bummer friends - people who play MJ, poker, and are game for suppers :D

So yeah, back to GoL. One of Rozz and my favourite past-time is to tease our poor sound-guy by speaking... erm... rude words into our microphones in a whisper. I really miss traumatizing him!


OOOOOOH! Did I tell you guys I dyed my hair blue-black? I guess to most people it's not a big deal, but I've never had black hair since 1999 when I got out of secondary school!!!!!!!!

That's 8 years, holy moly!

For the past 3 years maybe, I've been hovering between blonde, light brown, and ashy green, and taking the plunge to go black is a big one ok, coz you can't go back to blonde again after that. Well your hair will all frizz out anyway.

Everyone tells me the black hair is nicer but I feel bloody common. Hate it!!!

Imma go blonde again in maybe 3 months. Can't take it.

Farewell, my lovely blonde hair.... Farewell:

Youth ep

Rozz and I at Wild wild wet...

My exotic dancing "instructor"! She is super nice and patient k! Can't say the same for her friend over there tho.

I photoshopped my armpit to look terribly clean and alluring.

With Darni, the super amazing beatboxer!

Glam kids.

They do appear really snotty but I like the bitchiness, being nice is super overrated. Mean is the new black, man.

Ever the cool Rozzie

Yea, check out my... rainbow.

Work ep

Rozz doing her signature "alamak" pose as she fails to carass the lips like she wants to shag it real bad.

Wooo, I could totally see her nipples.

Cleaning sheep's shit in the zoo. Grrrrr Blardy smelly!

You can't see it, but it is blazing inside that jumpsuit.

I was standing on a kerb so that I look like Rozz's height muahaha

How can people wear wool? The sheep's wool is really reallllly filthy, has like flies and shit trapped in it.

Our career counsellor. That about sums up our opinion of her.

The scary Subaru people.

Supernatural ep

I think we were talking about ghosts

Eh, cleansing house spirits


This guy is my favourite nutcase in the show! When I first met him he smells really funny (like medicated oil), and he took out this sheet of yellow paper from his bag and put it on the floor.

It's like a huge talisman with lots of graphics, and he said he got it from Thailand or something, and the paper is for using some supernatural way to improve sex!

On it were many amatuerly drawn graphics of people fornicating, and one particular one had a girl getting screwed by a horse! I am sooooo traumatized!

Well, you have to go see the clips to see how crazy Babyboss is.

Rozz, with a witch, a bomoh, a sorceror, and a skeptic.

Us in front of Old Changi Hospital. Nope, I didn't really see any ghosts there...

Dating ep

EWWWWWW.... Steven Lim and his sockless habits! He is damn gross la, but you have to give it to him: He IS funny.

At one point, he begged our director Gillian to allow him to crawl on the floor and he did, only to stop at my feet and making grotesque baby noises, except the baby is a baby alien from hell.

When I asked him, horrified, what he was doing, he explained that he *was* a kitten (all with a straight face mind you) and asked me if I think he is cute.

Good gracious me, I almost died on the spot.

Me giving Rozz a laser stare.

While I was being tormented on my "date", she was sitting at the corner sipping clam chowder and laughing her head off at my misfortune.

Getting coached on dating etiquette.

Goodbye you flat flat nose you. Goodbye.

Rozz's date Chelestier! Ha!

He has a timely zit on his forehead; maybe he meant it for comic relief.

Rozz with her panel of male friends to spill male secrets

Us again

Tyron, my poly-era crush!

Ha! Mike, I only love you baby! Don't get jealous

Exotic dancing...

Even with the ears I am not taller than Rozz... -_-

Internet ep

With Dr Adrian Cheok, who is quite the pro at virtual reality

Rozz killing me at counterstrike

Damn kua zhang these gamers, got costume somemore...

I don't know why you people have a problem with my gums. Look, they are healthy and pink and ulcurless! Also, I like photos with my gums showing, it means I am happy and I am not merely taking a photo to act chio, ok.

Ewww Mia.

And lastly, Miss Izzy!

She dragged her angmoh bf with her on shoot... Kinda skinny, looks old, but seems to care a lot about her.

That's about it for now!

I'd go bug Joan for the Nose Job pictures, coz I know you guys all want to see how beautiful the inside of my nose looks like, haha...

Season finale Ep 8: Clip 1 Clip 2 Clip 3

p/s: Did an interview with 100.3FM and I wasn't rude enough for them! Hahaha! Guess I have to zest it up and starting scolding everyone who is fat, ugly, or just, well, normal... from now on. =)

p/p/s: All the episodes are on youtube! :)