Monday, July 16, 2007

Top Seven Most Disgusting Bloggers (In the Singapore blogosphere)

The thing thats the most disgusting about him is: His face.

Or more specifically, his eyes? The look in his eyes? Somehow, he just looks damn perverted everytime he looks at someone in "earnesty".

Honestly! His body comes in a close second to in disgustingness to his face - it's old, flabby, sweaty, and JUST FUCKING GROSS!!

Worse of all, he loves to dress in near-nakedness, most of the time wearing his 5-seconds-of-fame-in-Singapore-Idol undies.

I'm sorry to tell you this Steven, but yellow is seriously not your colour!!!!!!!!!!! You know what's your colour though? A BLACK ARABIC SUIT COVERING YOUR EVERYTHING.

I don't know about you guys but everytime I see the curly black hairs on his inner thighs, I have an image of his penis, perhaps around 9 cm in length, limp and also covered in the grotesque hairs as well as an overhanging foreskin with smegma on it.



But honestly, it's not my fault is it?

You can almost "see" the horror between his legs too, can't you????????????????

Nothing more appealing than a sweaty old man with greying undies

I know. Gross. I couldn't find the photo of him being completely naked, but I guess that's good else I probably can't survive to finish this entry.

My little encounter with Mr Lim, sabo-ed by my director: Click if you are interested.

He kept spitting saliva out when he spoke. When I pointed this out to him, he replied, "Oh is it? (that cringable smile) No lar, raining."

I cringed so hard I turned into a lime.

Unfortunately, I was a lime without an umbrella, because Mr Lim really continued speaking. Too much.

After this entry, Mr Lim is probably gonna send me an email saying something like he wants to sue me for defamation - anything to prolong the drama, as usual with him.

When he reaches his lawyer's office to tell the lawyer about his intentions (I defamed his reputation and all), I imagine the lawyer will stare blankly at him for 2 seconds, waiting to see if Steven is joking.

When he realised this is all for real, the lawyer will laugh so hard he will roll on the floor, clutching his stomach in hilarity, all while emitting whoops of laughter.

Steven looks on at him, perplexed. Surely this behaviour is not normal for lawyers?

The lawyer then says, "WHAT... reputation????" and continues laughing.

Ugly, AND thinks the world of himself? Bad combination.

Every Monday, Shuyin and I will be vomiting while talking to each other on msn, because Maia's blog entries are THAT disgusting.

"Oh, please, stop asking me about Sly!" exclaims Maia repeatedly, because, well, OF COURSE EVERYONE'S INTERESTED IN NEWS FROM 9,000 YEARS AGO.

But guess who talks about him all the time?

Even bothering to talk a photo like him, of course

Yup, you know, because Maia is really famous for her singing and not that one-time scandal. Not. She know thats that's the only thing interesting about her, and she is smart enough to bank on it - all the time.

When I first joined Star blog, I was really surprised... Why does Maia get 300 comments on each blog entry, when her entries are so mundane?

Then I realised: More than half of the comments are left by herself, because she spends like 24 hours a day chatting with the 3 or so people who read her blog. -_-

I can't even begin to describe how loserish that is for a so-called celebrity, pandering to these loserish fans, so I'm just going to continue quoting Maia's ludicrously contradicting entries:

I quote (from her blog title):

"I know a fellow Singaporean because he... just said my name. I'm not famous, I'm just notorious."

Maia... Two words for you: HAS BEEN.

What were you, fifth in some contest 3 years ago? Who the fuck remembers you?

My favourite blog entry from Maia is this one, about style.

She said, "I don't quite bother to dress up since I'm not exactly anywhere near being ugly."

... except that every single photo she put up had her in extravagant make-up and clothes that would take hours to prepare.

If you are fucking vain, just fucking admit it instead of pretending not to care!

"Don't bother to dress up" huh? "Not anywhere near ugly?" THEN WHY DO TWO NOSE JOBS IF THAT'S NOT A PERMANENT "DRESS UP" TO COVER UP UGLINESS??

My second favourite quote from Maia is this: "I have loads of accessories, all in leather and metal studs. Rocker chains, belts, cuffs, leash (hehe), gloves etc. Honestly they are heavy but I love that biker-rocker look (but not the emo punk crap)."

Ok, ok, I get it.

So "biker-rocker look" is hot, but "emo punk" is crap.

I'd tell you what, Maia... BOTH ARE CRAP! They are stupid style choices created by the media, and people who believe in these stupid things enough are just, well, stupid!

Isn't it ridiculous that someone who is so into a stupid social norm is calling another (similar) social norm crap?

It's like me saying I believe in golden unicorns but, oh, people who believe in mermaids are dumb.

Having nothing interesting to say about girls serving National service, Maia resorts to the oldest trick in the book:

Dressing up in some army print ribbon and calling it a day.

Boy, she does make it easy for women to respect her, doesn't she?

When I said to a friend, "Why would she put up that picture? It will just make all the girls disrespect and dislike her", my friend replied, "Don't be stupid, all the girls already disrespect and dislike her." - pretty to the point, my friend is.

Isn't it funny? Stomp forbade me to use the word "bastard", but such respectable photos are allowed for the little children supposedly reading Stomp for the star bloggers' intellectual views on social issues!

If only I knew I was allowed to post up semi-naked photos! Maybe then I won't get fired, dammit.

Last quote (She can start a quote book all by herself soon!):

Maia: Aawww... Julen, you made me cry.

Julen: Maia, you are such a softie lor.

Maia: Piang, of course I'm a softie. Rockers look tough but are emotional people you know... and I cry all the time and I have to smell my smelly pillow and carry it with me around the house.

OKIE............................ You got to forgive me for writing this small snippet about you, but as you know, "professional bloggers" are very critical on the outside, but lovely and warm on the inside. "Rockers!!!" *Rolls eyes so hard they roll to the back of my head*

The last time I heard, rockers all called themselves rockers, which is why they are rock. MUAAHAHA

Trying so very, very hard and failing

Ok, I know my internet nickname is also very act-chio, but seriously, nothing beats "Ice Angel". There is no part of her that looks icey, and definitely not angelic, unless angels looked like her, in which then angels are definitely over-rated.

What's next, Marshmellow Princess? Or Fire Fairy? MUAHAHAHA... Or or or... Baby kitty? FendiGal? Don't stop me I am having so much fun!!! Pinky Bunniiex!!


Ok, I know I am picking on a young girl here (to be honest, 17 is not that young - if I were 17 and called my Ice Angel my peers will all look down on me), but what I reallyyyyyyyy cannot stand about her is:

Her photos.

Different lighting, same ugliness

Man, that's hard to swallow.

I don't know *shakes head*, the whole no-flash-grainy-open-eyes-wide-pasty-like-fuck-purse-lips thing is not working for me.

What's harder to swallow than a ridiculously contrived and aunty photo is... People saying that the photo is hot.

Looks like someone skipped their teenhood
and jumped straight to Sheng Siong.

They need to have their eyes dug out and re-checked.

Please, you say she is hot?

This, and This is hot. NOT this:


No, I'm not about to hug you at all.

I know she didn't technically do anything wrong (except killing my eyes) and it's not her fault she looks like that, but the way she takes every picture just makes me barf.

If you set up a program that auto-scrolls all these blogs over and over again while tying me onto a chair with my eyes pried open with toothpicks, I'd eventually barf so much, I'm turn aneroxic.

Really don't need to try soooooo hard to act chio la, please. That, and you need to throw away all the blue nail polishes, pluck your brows, strip your mustache, and GET RID OF THOSE FUCKING GLASSES. And throw away all your current clothes.

Cannot take teeny-boppers and their photos

Honestly woman.

I have no problems with old ladies acting young, but...

kua kua...

You need to stop showing us your flabby arms.

Or swimming with condoms.

Or claiming that random people who take photos with you are your "fans".

Everyone knows writing stuff about me gets interest.

So people use it as a cheap shot to publicity for themselves.

Writing BAD stuff about me to get a reaction? An even cheaper shot.


Ok, so you dislike something I did that was high-profile and heatedly discussed in the front page of newspapers.

Who gives a shit? Honestly, most bloggers claim they dislike me ANYWAY, so it's really NOTHING NEW.

Digressing, to all the bloggers who criticise me and etc rubbish I did that didn't please you - Did you think that by saying that I did something wrong, it ups your morality? Oh, it is so easy isn't it? I just say I hate child-molesters like Michael Jackson, and automatically it makes me seem like a good, kind person who loves kids. But who KNOWS? I might molest animals behind all that facade!!

So fuck off with all the criticism - it doesn't make you look any better. No matter what you blog about me, you are still going to be the mediocre blogger you are - well, once the heated reaction about a xiaxue-related post dies down. :)

End of digression.

Since, I quote from LZB's blog,

"For those who think I 'used' her to boost my readership, I think you are wrong. If I really want to do that, I should have left her a comment in her blog! So her readers can link me from there! Instead, I'm bringing my readers to her blog cos a lot of my readers don't know who I'm talking about"

... you think that by writing about me you have given me "publicity", here's your gift in return. :)

How do you like it? My 30,000 readers flocking to your site? Oh, you said you were very popular? How about NOW?!


People who haven't seen my site before but have seen yours must have been your ancient friends using their grandson's computer, and who the fuck sells things to ancient people?

You think I'd wanna advertise adult diapers on my blog?

Tsk. I shall have some respect for the elderly and stop commenting on people who came on the same boat as Sang Nila Utama.

p/s: I just realised something. Real age is nothing on the internet, because it could well be a monkey updating the old lady's blog. Since that's the case, we should count a blogger's age by how long he or she has been blogging.

This means I am a OLD OLD 4-year OLD blogger, and she is practically a n00b.

N00bs have NO RIGHTS to criticize old bloggers, they don't know shit.

(The old lady is turning to her grandson and yelling, "DIDI! What is n-zero-zero-b?")

Old people are smelly

Maddox is the most awesome "web-master" (he says he hates blogs and is not a blogger) ever, but recently he has been updating once every 300 years or so. It's making me get a nervous breakdown everytime I open his site and see nothing new.

- I open the site

- I close my eyes, praying for an update

- I gently open my eyes, scared

- There is no update

- I check again to make sure - and there is indeed no update

- I spasm and foam at the mouth, eventually fainting on the floor

- I wake up and wonder where I am. When I recall what happened, I worry for Maddox's safety

- Life resumes after 3 hours


(Maddox is not from Singapore but I had to put one more person in else top 6 just sounds stupid.)

It's almost always worth the wait

Since many people have requested for me to include myself in this blog entry, I thought I would.

Afterall, how many people can be more disgusting than me?

I'd write about myself in a weird third-person perspective MIMICKING THE ABSURD WAY PEOPLE USUALLY TALK ABOUT ME. (this means that I'm being sarcastic and I don't actually think I'm disgusting, for stupid people who didn't understand. Sigh... This blog could be so much more succinct.)

WHO THE HELL IS THIS XIAXUE PERSON? I just visited her blog today for the first time, and I am shocked!

She is so rude and uses so much vulgarities! I can't believe such a person can actually have her own TV show!

Her show is so stupid, it's just about her doing stupid things, and Rozz is cool! Xiaxue, stupid!

Xiaxue is so FAKE. She had a nose job! So what if she openly admits to doing it? Still fake!

She is so hao lian of her stupid angmoh boyfriend. SPG! She never ever had any boyfriends of any other races, right? I can't be bothered to read her archives, but I am sure I am right and shall go on to accusing her. My accessment of her must be highly accurate.

Ewwww, Xiaxue, stop showing us your fake, act chio photoshopped pictures! You know that in real life you are just short and ugly!

So what if it's your blog and you can put up whatever you want and I can just not read it? You know you are now a professional blogger so you should listen to your readers right?

What is this thing about her saying that bangalas molest women during Christmas and NYE on Orchard road? RACIST! Never mind that there are reports all concurring on this... This is not a social issue, this is racism!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOMEBODY MUST REPORT HER TO THE WHATEVER GOVT BOARD!

Hope all her advertisers cancel on her. I'm going right now to complain to Stomp and whatever company else she works for.

I'm not being spiteful and malicious just because I am even fatter and uglier than Xiaxue! NO! It's not true I'm jealous of her having an easy life! It's because I want JUSTICE!

Oh, Stomp already fired her? Good! That whore. I don't have evidence that she fucks around, but I'm sure she is a whore due to her PAINTED MAKE-UP FACE.

And she looks like a tranny. And she is short. Fat. Ugly. Untalented. UNDESERVING OF WHATEVER SHE HAS GOT AND I DON'T!

I am not jealous.

Fat and short, but always interesting


Sisters Nicole and Celeste made ST headline recently, something about having 16,000 friends, if by "friends" they mean "lecherous desperate losers wanting online attention because they can't get any in real life".

Both of them are attention whores, obviously (not that there's anything wrong with that, mind you), and it is pretty apparent their aim in life is to get famous and they are doing everything to get it...

... but there's something just really gross about seeing a skinny little girl trying so hard to be sexy and putting up a raunchy dancing video of herself dry humping on youtube...

... Right...

Pardon me, I forgot I was writing this entry because I was so enthralled by the patch of hair that covers up approximately 66% of her face. That's a beautiful patch of hair.. so artistically arranged...

*Snaps out of it*

I tried to read a little of Celeste's blog, but HONESTLY WOMAN!

What's with the half-fucked grammar and the TINY PICTURES?? Who's going to click on every picture? I know, NOT ANTS! Coz to them, the photos are humongous!

Not that there is anything new to see, all the photos are of patch-hair-face and her boyfriend, who is OTHERWISE NAME-DROPPED TO DEATH: XU BIN, handsome by-product of Campus Superstar --- And snagging him must be the proudest thing Celeste has ever done.

How can we tell?

Nasi Kangkang...
I don't know why that word just popped into my head...

Because every other blog entry mentions him: By his full name.

Isn't it funny?

"I miss my Xu bin..." --- That's as weird as Wentworth Miller's girlfriend blogging, "I miss my Wentworth Miller." OR "Wonder if Wentworth Miller is going to call me soon?"


*roll eyes*

(I don't care if his name only has 2 parts, it is still apparent she is just name-dropping)

The other thing we know is that he doesn't seem to call her often.

Maybe he is sick of being dragged to be shown off on her blog via numerous photographing sessions everytime he is with her.

Celeste: "Hey Xu bin, come take a picture with me!"

Xu Bin: "But why? I just want to relax and watch... OH ALRIGHT, JUST PUT THAT KNIFE DOWN... Relax, I'd take the photo, I'd be your toyboy, just... just... alright your hour is up Celeste, you owe me $35.99."

I know... It's mean to judge people based on looks and maybe this Xu Bin person 1) really loves her 2) is totally disgusting, happy to camwhore and attention-seeking as well, but hey...

Now now... I know you guys are thinking I am jealous, but honestly dude, little boys are not my type. (I prefer green-eyed angmohs)

I don't deny I am feeling sort of, you know... that Celeste is very undeserving, simply because she is showing him off so badly, and it's like, you know, you just want to punch her in the face and pay a whore to seduce her guy away, failing which, just punch her in the face.

AND STOP WITH ALL THE "HE IS MINE AND ONLY MINE" shit Celeste... After you are done with him, I don't think anyone wants him anymore.

Nothing more gross than a crazily possessive unpretty girl
acting like she deserves a handsome boyfriend.

***** END *****

p/s: The blobs on the disgusting meter is supposed to be pools of vomit.