Friday, January 7, 2011

I don't like sex scenes

Ok I'm gonna do a patronising blog post because although I'm super sleepy, I refuse to sleep yet! I must fight my jet lag!

So erm I shall blog about how I don't like sex scenes in movies or tv shows.

And "sex scene" includes the prelude to sex ie passionate kissing and the hasty removal of clothes etc.

I used to like them. Sex scenes I mean... When I was a kid my mom or grandma would hastily cover my eyes whenever the actors on Channel 8 dramas would kiss or do naughty stuff.

So whenever I was free to watch them sucking each others' mouths while grandma's back's turned to the dishes, it was a little treat for me... Oh... so that's how she got pregnant. Coz he kissed her and they fell into the bed together!

And then when I was 19 or so I thought hey! I could try sneaking into the R rated movies! It'd be sooooooo cool! Wow! Naked people on the big screen!! So exciting!

And somewhere in between 19 to 26 it changed to "meh..." and now it's "Geez not another fucking sex scene. Why must ALL movies have at least one?"

No really... Why? Do people really enjoy watching kisses? I sure as hell don't, especially when it's some exciting plot ie we are about to find out who the murderer is and the two leads decide to get it on.

I just want the plot to go on and the mystery to be solved; conflict to be resolved. OK?

And as far as I'm concerned all kisses look the same to me!! Even the famed kiss in The Notebook, one of my favourite shows, I couldn't care less about. So it's in the rain and it symbolizes a sealing of their love. That's interesting only for 2 seconds, after that it's too long.

Bleah. Actually, it's not that bad in a picture.

And there are only 3 situations in which you can watch a sex scene in a show:

1) Watching a sex scene alone.

This has the consequence of either making you horny or bored. I don't like being bored. And if I feel horny, I feel like a loser pervert watching porn alone wtf.

2) Watching a sex scene with your partner.

If you are watching a sex scene with a date then great, perhaps it'd lead to sex for the first time between you two. Congratulations.

But if you are in a stable relationship, all you feel is that the show is giving your partner an unrealistic expection of how crazy awesome sex should be and how yours, in contrast, sucks.

Am I supposed to be smiling like that while giving a blowjob? Should I be wearing slutty bras, suspenders and heels to bed more often? How come he doesn't lick my toes? Yeah if I did the doggie style like that my belly hangs out like a pig's - how come hers can stay flat? Should I agree to a threesome? They seem to be enjoying it. OMG do all the other girls anal rim?

No thanks.

3) Watching a sex scene with anyone else.

I fucking HATE it when a sex scene pops up on shows especially when I'm watching it with family (on tv not in the cinema)!!!! Can you say AWKWARD??

What should I do?? Continue watching and be judged as a pervert? But mom's next to me... Pretend to use the phone? Jump up and to go the toilet? Comment on the girl's nipples and make a joke? What?

I suppose it's tolerable if you watch a sex scene with close friends who are all laughing at the actors' bodily imperfections but still! Interrupting the plot with unnecessary drivel!

I therefore conclude that sex scenes suck! I especially hate shows like True Blood or Tudors where it's like ALL about the sex. Geez! If I wanted to see people having sex I'd go watch porn instead!

Do you enjoy the kissing/sex scenes in movies?

p/s: HAHAHA Are there some of you who are reading this post with family and feeling awkward too? LOL FYL!!