Friday, January 27, 2012

Napbas 2011

Finally I'm blogging about the Napbas like a century after everybody else!

Unfortunately I was a little overwhelmed during the event and didn't take many pictures.

I lied.

I took many pictures with people who wanted pictures with me, just not with my camera. :p

WHAT? It's the ONE time in 2 years where I am like a star at an event ok?! Want to be a bit happy about it cannot ah?!

So back to me saying I didn't take many pictures... Fortunately I have friends who did take a lot of pics so I can steal from their blogs!! Namely Qiuqiu wtf, who is actually a master at photoshop. She edited me so well that I didn't bother to liquify anything about myself from the pictures she edited, plus on top of good aesthetic sense she edits like 200 pictures within a few hours. Every single person in her pics are edited because she is that nice. -_- Well I can just retire now and let the young people take over. I cannot do this photoshop crap anymore, my neck and arm muscles are killing me. QIU YOU JUST WAIT THIS WILL HAPPEN TO YOU WHEN YOU OLD.

The Singaporean bloggers all took 2 coaches up to KL's Marriott hotel where the event was held and we were all invited to stay. It was quite a fun ride but the coach got lost so by the time we arrived it was time for hair and makeup already!

This pic Qiuqiu took (as you can see from the watermark I put *ahem*) as I was in her hotel room (she was bunking with Sophie) putting on false lashes.

Amazingly enough someone put this picture on tumblr... It has over 10,000 notes! o_O I told Mike he is famous now as a dude in the background.

Btw my hair was done by Number 76style, a hair salon in KL opened by Japanese. My hair styling was done by a Japanese girl named Hikkey. She's awesome!

That's all my real hair btw, no extensions.

My sequinned dress is from Topshop at like $280 or something. The back was really loose for me but my Momo did some magic sewing and made it fit like a glove. Mad love for her!! How the hell she can sew sequins, I'd never find out.

Cheesie came into the room to get ready with us and camwhore!

Love this picture ALL of us girls were camwhoring at the same time with our own cameras! This is from Qiu's. Mine turned out blur. -_-

Here's another blur picture I took. FFFFUUU Y U NO BLUR WHEN I UGLY MUST BLUR WHEN I CHIO?!

A picture with His Royal Handsomeness Feat. Bradley Cooper's hair

Hate the lashes I chose for the day!

In 2009's Napbas my makeup was really fug and my hairstyle didn't suit me, because I experimented with new things, namely that pouffy hair and solotica contacts which I wore for the first time.

This year I swore to stick to makeup and hair that I already know works, so I chose a pair of lashes that I tried on at home and liked.

They were droopy as hell on the awards day. ANGRY! Oh well.

Qiu tonging and tonging nonstop while Mike stares out of a window. He stared for a long time. It's a little creepy but I suppose it's better than if he joins in our makeup session or keeps staring at the room full of gorgeous girls (I AM TALKING ABOUT THE REST OF THEM! Not really, me included. LOL).

Cheesie: "Look! Look mommy I took a picture!" 

In the background is Sophie...

And here is Sophie's caption: "I don't know why these girls are fussing so much over their hair and makeup I don't need crap like that I'm Eurasian and naturally gorgeous even when I'm farting and kicking a kitten."

LOL When we were all dressed and ready Sophie was like still in casual clothes! She said getting ready doesn't require much time. ANGMOH HAO LIAN LAH!!

Cheesie photobombing me!

And me photobombing her!! 

This photo of me is so fugly and yet I appreciate that Cheesie even tried to liquify me to look better (see black space around border). LOLOL

And then we adjourned to the ballroom...

Where I take this one shitty blurry picture of a happy Qiu and Soph and Jess in the background before I'm mobbed by hundreds of photo requests. I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!

Think Jess took this for me! With Ming, co-founder of Nuffnang and definitely a 贵人 in my life!

Cheesie and I went to take pictures with our nomination boards! 

Not everyday you get printed on a poster, ok?

I also helped her snap shots of her with the Best Fashion Blog background but this pic of her turned out the chioest so I shall post it even though it's with my Best Lifestyle Blog nomination.

At the table!

With Aud too!

Before we could even settle in, the first award for Best Photography Blog was being given out.

I had a shock because it was sooooooooooooo GRAND.

There was intense music and spotlights and best of all, there were five panels forming the backdrop of the stage which could display different pictures!

As the nominations were read out, the panels showed the pictures of the bloggers and a deep manly voice recited their accolades.

Like this!

It was all just... MAJESTIC. With an epic soundtrack like the Oscars. And there was a red carpet and all!!

And when the first winner was announced, his giant headshot and screenshots of his blog flashed on the panels, larger than life, announcing "WINNER" in big letters.

All I could think of when I saw it was "WOW. THAT WAS AWESOME. I WANT THAT."

Too soon they were announcing for the Best Fashion Blog... I was trembling too coz I was so nervous for Cheesie!!


So happy for her!!

Even though Cheesie is not the high-end avant garde fashiony sort like most fashion bloggers are, she is definitely the most hardworking vain person ever and she takes pictures of her clothes like EVERYDAY so she totally deserves this! God know she influenced a lot of the styles I like now, like Liz Lisa etc and taught everyone all sorts of Cheat One tricks like how to tie a hair bow in 1 min. :D

Too soon it was the announcement of the Best Lifestyle Blog, which I was nominated for. I was nerve wrecked even though everyone around me was so confident I would win. In my heart I thought - this is the easy one. If I don't win this there is no way in hell I'd win Influential.

The announcer was talking. I was rehearsing a speech inside for when I go up the stage. Then TA DAH!!


The winner is Jenni Epperson, from Philippines.

I sat in stunned silence.

My face was on one of the 5 panels as a finalist and it got ERASED to form the words "WINNER" next to Jenni's face and screenshots of her blog.

But that was not what I saw when I looked at the stage. What I saw was this:

And then all around the table my friends were giving me pitying "Aw, are you ok?" looks. It was so embarrassing.

I just faked a smile and soldiered on. Ok I'm kidding. I don't think I bothered to fake a smile, I just was emo and grumpy after that, spending my night thinking unsavoury thoughts about Jenni and hating her.

What? I'm sorry I've never been that sort of person who can be happy for other people when it's at my expense ok?!

And of course Jenni had to be the nicest person ever (pic taken after the awards, she's in the suit) and I felt so guilty. Actually all of the Filipino bloggers are super friendly and nice!!

So anyway as I was saying, I was being emo after that. Everyone kept telling me that I was bound to win for Influential, which wasn't announced yet.

It just made me sadder. They just didn't get it. One of the finalists, the one from Thailand, had 600,000 facebook fans!! I only had 60,000! If I can't win for Lifestyle where the finalists had a few thousand visitors a day to their site daily, how can I POSSIBLY win for Influential!?

Then Cheesie's mom called her and she said "Ma... I won..." with a voice choked with emotion and it made me wanna cry, partly out of being touched for Cheesie and partly because I thought of my own mom, anxiously waiting at home for the results. She already asked me TWICE if I won, and now I have to tell her I lost both awards.

And then I tweeted that I lost Lifestyle...

I expected gloaters but no, all I got were really sweet blog readers who told me they think I'm the best no matter what, they'd always vote for me, and whether I win or not doesn't matter because to them, I already won.


Before I knew it they were announcing the dreaded Most Influential Blog and I didn't even fucking prepare a speech but the most unimaginable thing happened:



I was just... WTF man... Couldn't believe it!!

(Also thanks to Aud whom I can see is sincerely happy for me lol)

And when I came down back to my seat... I thought of how awesome my blog readers are...

People always say I have hordes of sheep supporting me, but they are not, each of them are warm-blooded individuals with minds of their own... who believed in me and thought I deserved to win. They all made an effort for me; took time out of their day for me. And I'm so horrible (see unsavoury thoughts towards Jenni), I totally don't deserve this trophy at all...

And there my friends were, congratulating me, hugging me, being happy for me. My husband was beaming at me with pride. My life is so fucking smashing awesome and yet I was whining over losing a trophy and didn't see it.

Next thing I knew I was full out sobbing.

Which made Cheesie and Qiuqiu cry as well lol

Mike kept taking my crying pictures...

Now Cheesie can be happy about her award without considering my feelings! LOL

And before I even had the chance to compose myself, I heard the other co-founder of Nuffnang, Tim, on stage talking about Region's Best Blog and how carefully Nuffnang selected the winner based on points and votes.

I honestly wasn't even paying attention to him because for some reason I thought someone at Nuffnang told me that this award cannot be given to the same person twice and so I thought I was ineligible to win!

Just like everyone else in the ballroom I was excited to see who the winner would be this year.

AND WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS..............?


Here I am, giving my speech on stage while actually crying. I think I gave quite a nice speech but alas nobody recorded it -_-

As you can tell Tim was very bemused by the tears and kept asking me why I was crying. I can't even explain!! I was just so overwhelmed with overlapping emotions!!

Happiness, gratitude, surprise, anxiety, guilt from feeling unworthy etc. It's too much!!

I'm the Region's Best Blog among Singapore, Malaysia, Philippines, Thailand, China, Hongkong and Australia! HOW?!

Double winner!! 

Surprisingly enough after I won the awards (and an Olympus camera PLUS and iPhone 4S from Celcom!!) I remembered that out of the jumble of thoughts I had, the one that kept hitting me was being worried everyone's gonna fucking hate me like mad because I won 3 awards in 2009 and swept away another 2 in 2011.

This came true shortly with the Aussie parenting bloggers. But as people all told me... Fuck them! I'm the one with the awards. ;)

A HUGE HUGE THANK YOU to Nuffnang for making my life so smashing.

I know I've said this so many times but where would we bloggers without you guys? I'd possibly be doing some admin job or would be in a miserable studio somewhere photoshopping people's wedding pictures for them.

And yet here I am, earning a living doing exactly what I love to do.

Thank you for bringing respect to bloggers, thank you for building the community where I made so many awesome friends, thank you for the last 4 years of love and care, and lastly, thank you for giving us bloggers NAPBAS, one special night just for us to feel important and special.

And of course, loads and loads of hugs and kisses for every one of you who voted for me.


Just look at the damn crying picture ok? That's me appreciating it loads!!!!!

You guys are the best and I'm planning a way to repay you all. I'd let you know when it comes to fruition!

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

A cavernous vagina

I've always liked Tina Fey and when I knew she wrote a book called Bossypants I immediately wanted to buy it, only to go to Borders (I actually made the effort to walk there from Ion) to find it bankrupt and non-existent. To add insult to injury there is a very sad-looking and by far the most derelict John Little I've ever seen in its place. Are you kidding me? At least put a F21 there or something to compensate me for my long, yes I'm spoiled, and unfruitful walk.

(To be fair to this John Little I later realised that it sells really cheap items which explains its lack of looks, which is fine by my books. Which I didn't have because Borders is bankrupt. Ba dum tss! Punny!)

I contemplated turning around to Kino to buy it but was too lazy and asked Mike to download it for me instead. But after downloading it I didn't bother to put it into my phone and thus didn't bother reading it.

Ok I'm getting to my point. I saw it at the airport two days ago and bought it for USD$15.99, which is a great price to pay for something that entertained me throughout my 18 hour plane ride when I was not sleeping.

Tina Fey is awesome! And I love reading new books because it always inspires me to write long rambling blog posts which are awesome to read later on in life when I forgot the jokes I made.

(To the people who are asking me to email them the ebook that Mike downloaded for me I say BUZZ OFF AND BREAK YOUR OWN LAW I ALREADY DELETED IT SO THERE IS NO EVIDENCE ALSO I BOUGHT THE REAL THING SO IT DOESN'T COUNT.)

The funniest paragraph that is in the book is this:

(Tina Fey recounting how the boys she likes never likes her back, in which this particular one is always asking her out for late night dates but never telling anyone about her. This time round he brought her to climb a mountain called Old Rag.)

He had brought his friend Gretchen up here (Old Rag) for lunch. He really liked her, he confided in me. Liked her so much that he didn't quite know what to do about it. After they have gotten all the way to the top and had the picnic lunch he'd prepared, he offered her a piece of Trident chewing gum, and Gretchen - he had to stop and smile at the adorableness of this - Gretchen had asked him to tear the piece of Trident in half because it was too big for her. "Can you believe that?" he marvelled. A girl so feminine and perfect that half a piece of Trident was the most she could handle.

I tried to process what this meant for my evening.

"So, you and I will not be dry humping, then?"


As I crawled into my bottom bunk I thought of how I climbed Old Rag. I thought about Gretchen, the girl who could only accomodate half a piece of gum.

"I hope you marry her," I imagined saying to HRW (the dude), "and I hope she turns out to have a cavernous vagina."

The last sentence made me laugh out loud like a maniac on the plane because Tina Fey (from now on referred to as Tina as she is clearly my soulmate) had just summed up my love life in a paragraph.

I was telling this to BFF about how I hate these frail vulnerable girls that all the boys are so eager to protect, leaving the funny, sarcastic ones like Tina and I to be friendzoned - which is even worse for the girls than for guys because we provide benefits in hopes we can get out. And not to mention that girls are way more emotional so we start thinking WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME I'm smarter, I'm funny, I like star wars and I don't even think I'm uglier. I'd never find love should I be a lesbian but I do like penises oh dear god WHYYYYY

And just like that all my life I wished that these girls have cavernous vaginas. I didn't use the exact words of course, I usually vary between "dua cheebye", "smelly cheebye" and "hairy orh cheebye" which is way less refined than what Tina wrote but essentially the same thing.

Bff then replied that she thinks I don't like these girls and I don't want to be like them and yet men love them so I hate them.

I told her that's not true because 1) I actually don't give a shit about this girls if they were just being themselves, in fact, what's not to like about a mild tempered sweet girl who is probably really nice? 2) I actually WANT to be like them but I don't know how and simply can't without laughing out loud and then puking. 3) I hate them for the one reason that men like them over me and I don't think these girls deserve it.

To expound a little more about what I mean by "these girls". If you are Chinese or have read my super old blog entries when I was single and bitter (before 2006 when I met Mike) you'd be familar with the words 淑女. I used those words all the time. Boring. not-so-smart women who probably "only wear a bit of concealer" and are just... vanilla.

In my naive youth I didn't realise that their biggest attraction was not anything else but their vulnerability. I should understand, I have raging maternal instincts afterall. People want to protect the weak and those who cannot chew a whole trident.

These girls make me feel like if all men drop dead right now due to a deadly testicular virus and woman are forced to pleasure each other then I'd be the one wearing a strap-on and hunting wild boar and restoring democracy. Which is really not their fault but just, URGH.

Let me make something clear. Afterall, I have female friends who are frail as well. Take Audrey for example, who recently got engaged and her ring size is a ridiculous size ONE, the smallest her ringmaker has ever seen in his whole career. I'm sure she didn't mean any harm or to boast when she blogged about that - it was just trivia to her and she's not a show-off, but suddenly my own finger, a bulging size 3.75, is a fucking fat salami in comparison. Why can't I have dainty fingers? I'm an Amazonian woman!

And when I went with Cheesie and Aud to Hongkong, the girls were talking about shoes and since Audrey and I are about the same height I made the mistake of presuming Aud will have the same shoe size as me (5), which is already considered small. But to my horror BOTH Cheesie and Aud have shoe sizes of THREE. -_-

They have the tiniest baby feet and Cheesie has the skinniest chicken legs I've ever seen in a girl. I know because I made the mistake of standing next to her on the Napbas stage where my calves were twice her size and photographed by numerous cameras, mocking me in photos that keep turning up.

When she does foot reflexology with me I think the masseuse is surely going to break her bones. And to make things worse, when they discussed their weight... SUB FORTY KG. 

30+ kg of preciousness and perfect feminine vulnerability. They don't even diet or exercise, God just made them this way for men to go crazy over. I've never felt manlier, so manly I checked for a handlebar moustache. When it wasn't there, I roared my displeasure and put my fist through a wall.

And yet I still love them because despite their apparent attractiveness to the male species, they do not let this, this... vulnerability-thingy become all that defines them. 

Aud is Aud because she is funny and always laughing with googly eyes and Cheesie is Cheesie because of her crazy vanity, weak puns and secret bitchiness that she reveals to very few people. They don't flaunt it in front of everyone (especially to men) like some disgusting girls with no females friends do. They are awesome. And as long as they don't ask MY man to bite a trident in half for them, I am ok. (Which they don't)

Ok I swear this rambly entry has a sort-of conclusion. The conclusion is that all my life, sorta like Tina, I thought I'd never find a man who will love me but I did, and so did she.

Amazingly enough Mike managed to get past the hard shelled outside and get to the gooey stuff inside. Close friends who see me with him will tell you they are super disgusted because with him I talk in the most disgusting cutesy voice and whimper when I open a jar, hoping he will notice and do it. Not because I can't, but because it makes me feel LOVED... I've never acted like this in front of other exes, I suppose he must be something special.

There, I could be all vulnerable and cuddly - I just needed the right person to unlock it. 

Are you vulgar and too independent for your own good too? Curse all the rest of the girls with cavernous vaginas and may you find the man who makes you the disgusting act-cute person you always hated. :)

And meanwhile, don't do it to all the men you see because the rest of the girls notice and they don't appreciate feeling like an unattractive troll standing next to you. 

Same goes for the girls who say statements like "I love doing blowjobs, I always swallow because sperm tastes good" or "I only wear thongs, I just don't get why some girls don't want to feel sexy" or "Dammit my nipples are too big, they always need to be moisturized" in front of everyone, especially other people's boyfriends. The girls will all hate you forever, and you deserve it. I hope you have a cavernous, dua, smelly and hairy orh cheebye and no bridemaids at your shitty wedding because you have no friends.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

2012 is awesome so far

In another 2 days' time my holiday in USA will be over and I'd be on a freaking 20 hour plane ride back to Singapore! I've been having fun here and I did so much shopping!!

Just a note: This blog post is entirely about shopping so I'm not sure if the straight men will find anything of value here (not that they usually do but this is less than usual). If you just want to read on to then comment "Geez what a shallow bimbo, I'd never date a girl like that." and proceed to have sex with your hand I also won't object, anything that makes you feel better about yourself I guess. Hey, I'm happy! You should be happy too. :D

So yes! I bought loads of clothes at Abercrombie's outlet mall for teens/kids. Their size 12/14 (or M/L) fits me well (I'm not trying to say I'm skinny, the sizes are really quite big) and all the clothes were either $9.90 or $15.90 with an additional 30% off storewide. I went mad. I bought 4 pairs of floral shorts for my girlfriends lol.

Also spent a shitload at F21 where the sales clothes are, on top of being discounted, also buy one get one free wtf. Unfortunately the sales clothes were not that nice but I still got some good buys. :D

But the cherry on top of my awesome year so far is shopping done not in USA but in JAPAN!!

I went to check out Liz Lisa's website (don't want to link, the items all sold out as it is) and almost died because they had such cute stuff!! Then I remembered that Cheesie and Audrey are in Osaka now so I asked them to buy some stuff for me if they could find them in stores.

But while they were en route there I was super fearful that the things I wanted would be sold out since a lot of them were already sold out on the website. Then I saw a little ad on the Liz Lisa page itself... A company called does shipping for Japanese websites! You buy the products, send them to a Japanese address which is Tenso's warehouse, and after paying Tenso they will forward it to you!

Being a kiasu Singaporean I obviously decided to try to buy the items online instead of troubling Cheesie and Audrey (and running the risk of even the web items being sold out).

After many hours of hair pulling trying to translate all the Japanese words and registering on Tenso and Liz Lisa I finally bought all these:

(By bought I mean I paid for it but I haven't received anything. *Crosses fingers they arrive to me safely*)
Champouf phone case!! I LOVE CHAMPOUF!!! Liz Lisa's sleeping lamb mascot is just too cute for words! I think this is about $50 sgd. :X

It actually comes with a matching iPhone sticker but it's sold out:

Actually there is a case I like even more than the Champouf one but it's sold out too. !@#$%^&

Sigh! I hope they restock it! :( Also the matching sticker is sold out:

Oh well... Also I bought...

This is a Champouf phone strap!!

I already have like a zillion Champoufs (ok, four, not a zillion) at home, bought from Sapporo and from but who can resist a mini, baby pink one to hang on the phone? Not me! I have two bag straps in white and dusty pink, a giant Champouf plushie, and a small one that is a measuring tape. I'm sure you have seen them in other blog entries/videos.

And behold the pièce de résistance:

It's a freaking floral keyboard!!!!! 

I mean it sucks that it is a stupid SOFT keyboard but still!!!! *sputters* Ok I know not many people share my love for floral prints but floral electronics are virtually impossible to find!!

Ok this stupid keyboard set me back $120 but I don't buy branded bags or expensive shoes and I don't have a single Chanel anything so I deserve this! I will use it for WORK and to earn me more money!

Suddenly had a fear that the keys are different from the English ones but I see QWERTY right there, I should be fine. RIGHT? RIGHT? This is not gonna make me type gibberish Japanese words is it? No it won't.*deep breath and stop hyperventilating*

So anyway I was happy enough as it is but then Cheesie and Aud tweeted me today and said they also bought me stuff from Liz Lisa!! Not the same items I've already got, I promptly emailed them I already bought the items and anyway the phone cases are all sold out in stores -_- WHAT DID I TELL YOU?

They bought me a fukuburukukubaru. Ok I have no fucking idea how to spell this hold on. "Fukubukuro". It's directly translated as happy bag or something and basically the Japanese put some items (clothes, accessories etc) into a pretty bag and sell the entire bag with its contents for a cheap price! I was so jealous when Cheesie blogged about getting this pink ribbon luggage fukubukuro some time ago and NOW I CAN HAS ONE:

Pics taken from Cheesie's instagram. They bought me the floral one!! Can't wait to see the girls in KL soon + find out what's inside my fukubukuro!! WHY ARE THEY SO AWESOME?!

Anyway as if this wasn't enough to send me into foaming-from-the-mouth spasms of ecstasy they also bought me this:

Another Champouf!! It's for putting your cards/passes and can also put small items in it and hang it on bags!! SO CUTE!!! *kisses the monitor screen*

Sigh... The joy shopping can bring you. :D

Er that's it. That's the end of my horribly superficial blog entry. Here let me try to make it less superficial. DONATE TO THE POOR! SAVE THE WHALES!! STOP DISCRIMINATION! FIGHT MALARIA! There, that should do it.