Friday, March 9, 2012

How I lost weight

Ok everyone has been pestering me about this for weeks now so here is my blog post, finally.

I started a formspring (please feel free to ask questions but I won't answer those I already answered before!!) and literally every other question is asking me how I lost weight.

Anyway let's start with a little background. I've always been kinda chubby. Not super fat or anything... Just not skinny.

I'm very short... Ok fine I've never said my height before on my blog but I'm slightly less than 150cm, ok? I actually used to be very self conscious about my height until I met Mike and he keeps telling me he loves short girls because petite girls are cuter!! So now I'm not so conscious anymore but not nearly confident enough to tell everyone my height lol.


So as I was saying... I've never been skinny, all my life. Ever since I've reached my maximum height, I've always hovered around 43kg to the heaviest at 46kg, no matter what.

In case any of you are thinking... "What the fuck man, 46kg is a perfectly ok weight!"... here's the most uncomplimentary fat photo of myself:

LOL that was before my second nose job
 and fixing my teeth, back in 2008. Inspiring, no?

I hate exercise and I fucking love food. And worse of all I love FATTY food. I love carbs and everything that's slathered in cream and I love literally eating FATS like foie gras or roast duck skin. I have like no self control at all. My only consolation is that I don't really like sweet stuff like ice cream or cakes... But still...

Anyway I've always been ok with my weight. I know if I were skinnier I'd look better, but exercise sucks and I love my food and even with the humongous amount I eat I still am not overweight, so fuck it, I'd live with being a little chubby.

In 2005, Maxim magazine asked me to be their cover model. The only problem was that I was too fat, so they asked me to lose some weight. They didn't say how much to lose specifically, so I just went about trying.

My bff Shuyin and another friend Weili were very supportive and they encouraged me to exercise with them. Not that the BFF is very overzealous about exercise or even needs it coz she is pole-thin but she likes being healthy.

So for weeks I endured exercise... Swimming, even running... And I tried to control my food intake. I also just realised I wrote a blog entry 7 years ago that's almost exactly like this one. -_-

But it was no good. Perhaps it was coz I was building muscle by exercising, but I didn't see any weight loss at all.

It was so horrible... I felt incredibly stressed as I had a limited time to lose weight and it wasn't happening. I wanted food even more after exercise. Swimming is the worst coz it makes you feel soooooooo freaking hungry afterwards.

And all my friends knew I was trying to lose weight so I felt very self conscious whenever they have dinner with me and they can see that I'm biting on a drumstick.

I feel they must be thinking "So fat already still eat??? Thought you wanna lose weight wtf" - that feeling was strong enough to make me feel upset and embarrassed, but not strong enough to make me resist the food wtf. BRAIN, Y U SO WEIRD?

I don't even know how obese people can take it. Every time they eat they must feel so horrible that people are looking at them, judging them.

Once a guy friend of mine just jokingly said that I'm fat. After weeks of suffering, I was at an emotionally fragile stage and I just started full out sobbing in public. Crazy, right?? Poor dude kept saying he is sorry lol.

And what's the worst??? Before dieting and exercising I was about 43.5kg. Weeks of hard work later... I was 41.5kg. I lost just freaking 2 kg!!


Honestly the difference wasn't even enough for people to comment that I lost weight FML.

Anyway, finally the fucking shoot was over and I COULD OVER INDULGE AGAIN!!

I felt so FREE. I could eat whatever the FUCK I wanted. I don't have to look at the bottom or back of packets of food anymore to count calories. FUCK CARDIO. SERIOUSLY FUCK YOU CARDIO.

I'd rather be a fat fuck than do cardio ever again. Max hate it.

(PS: In case you are thinking of my Adele post and how she's similar to how lazy I am, just keep in mind I never asked for people to respect me and I've never say that fat people are more attractive or insult skinny people. I know being lazy is a shameful thing.)

In 2007 I was shooting for Girls Out Loud, a TV show, with Rozz. Mediacorp decided I'm too fat and asked me to lose weight.

You'd think that being on TV would motivate anyone but not me! Because in 2005 I tried and failed to lose weight and because it was so miserable, I didn't even bother to try hard this time. I just tried to eat a little less... not that I was successful. I just remained fat and felt very self conscious everytime I ate with the crew, who knew I'm supposed to lose weight.

But a few months ago I went from 46kg (101.5 pounds) to my current weight of 38.5kg (84.9 pounds).

I never talked about this online because I didn't feel like telling you guys how I did it...

 Well here it is: I took a diet pill.

This diet pill is not available in Singapore and I didn't want to share this with anyone because diet pills are not very trustworthy or ethical and goodness knows what would happen to you guys if you followed me and took it. I don't want to be responsible for that.

So no matter how you beg me or send me private emails or messages, I am NOT going to tell you what this pill is. 

The pill is pretty strong and has bad side effects, but I did my research carefully, monitored myself, and went ahead to risk it.

I've told my own friends and people I know IRL, so if you know a friend of my friend you can go ask him or her, but otherwise my lips are sealed. In any case it's not available in Singapore, I bought it overseas, so I don't know how you are going to get it.

All I can say is that it is an appetite suppressant and it starts with a D!! I'm not going to confirm or deny any of your guesses, ok!

The reason why I decided to try it is because I knew someone who took it and claimed she lost 9kg. Then another friend also tried it and said it works. So I took it too after buying some pills in another country.


I didn't feel like eating at all, but amazingly enough when I ate food still tastes good. I had that "want to snack" feeling completely gone, so I reduced my food intake to about 1 meal a day. Even when I'm eating and enjoying the food, it's way easier to say "Ok, I'm gonna stop here."

Of course, the pill must also be coupled with at least a little of self control. The key is to WANT to lose weight.

I cut carbs from my diet, trying to eat either vegetables or meat. I still ate my favourite cream sauces or fatty food, but no more pasta... I don't get rice at economic rice stores anymore, or just ask the hawker to give me way less rice. Try to reduce eating chips, and absolutely no sodas... Water is the way to go!!

I actually like eating veggies so I tried to always have supplies of veggies at home, like broccoli, spinach or mushrooms. They are very easy to stir fry with oyster sauce and actually tastes pretty nice!!

The hardest part is dining outside. I didn't want to be the asshole ordering a salad or nothing at all during meals with my friends, so I just give myself a break whenever I'm dining outside and order whatever I want (with less carbs if I can help it). So I eat 1 big meal a day and a small, healthier meal afterwards and hopefully no snacking!

I could tell that I was eating less, but was I losing weight?

The answer is a resounding yes. From the very freaking first day I took the pill, I lost like 0.5kg. I was amazed at how effective just eating less was. I didn't exercise at all!!

Everyday I was losing weight on the scales!

This motivated me very much and soon I dropped more weight, even though I only took the pill once every 2 days. Every other day I tried to survive without the pill and was surprised to find that I did well without it too.

I dropped to about 40kg when I filmed for Guide to Life: Knowing your other half.

Weirdly enough nobody really commented on my weight loss at that point even though I lost 6kg.

But I could tell the difference myself... My tummy was the first to go... Flat stomach! I've never seen that in years!! My collar bones started showing... My ass got flatter (not a good thing). My boobs got smaller too but it's ok because with a flatter stomach, proportion wise it's still about the same. I couldn't fit into my size 25 Levi's jeans anymore. I could now wear tight bandage dresses without looking like a dumpling.

My entire being just felt lighter too.

After I hit 40kg I decided to reduce my pill intake. I took it once every 4 days or so, but I realised that the effects are now almost permanent. This was not supposed to happen from the pill, but I guess my stomach just got used to my eating habits.

I have reduced my appetite!! I no longer crave for food so much and I eat less with every meal, getting full easier.

Now I'm 38.5kg and about 2 weeks ago I've finished my supply of the pills and totally stopped. I still try to control my diet because I enjoy being slim!! And amazingly enough I didn't gain any weight back.

And then people started realising I became skinny so everyone's commenting on it now.

Here's my latest Guide to Life video:

And two pictures Gillian took that day... 100% no photoshop:

And this one was taken just yesterday when I went with my friends to watch Wicked at MBS:

I don't know how for years and years I just tolerated looking so fat next to my naturally skinny friends wtf.

(And btw Wicked is FREAKING AWESOME TTM!!!!!! I waited YEARS for it to be available in Singapore and finally it's here!! It's only showing till April 22nd so QUICKLY BUY YOUR TICKETS!! If you like musicals you'd be freaking amazed at how awesome it is.)

So yes, that's how I lost weight!!

Obviously I don't encourage anyone to try dangerous diet pills, but if you want to, that's your prerogative of course. Just remember to do loads of research first, otherwise you could end up like Andrea De Cruz who like lost her liver wtf.

In any case, it is highly unhealthy to keep eating diet pills to maintain weight loss... And if you keep bad habits, the weight will only come back. The only permanent way is to control your diet or vigorously exercise.

And if you are worried about me being anorexic or bulimic, I'm not!!! I'm happy with my weight now and I want to work hard to maintain it!!

Ok abrupt end of blog entry coz BFF came over so I'm gonna go entertain her.